Paul Walter Hauser w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - Ft. Alex Moffat - We MIght Be Drunk Podcast

We Might Be Drunk

Sam Morril returns from his European comedy tour, sharing anecdotes about performing in cities like Copenhagen, Helsinki, and Zagreb. The ho

Key takeaways

• Sam Morril recounted his experiences performing in Europe, noting the different cultural reactions to jokes in cities like Copenhagen and Helsinki.
• The group discussed the Museum of Broken Relationships in Zagreb, specifically a donated picnic blanket from a failed relationship.

Main topics

• European Comedy Tour
• Museum of Broken Relationships

Notable quotes

The L word, at my age, it's big. It's like the N word.

Conclusion

An anecdotal and high-energy exploration of the intersection between l

Transcript preview

Speaker 6 (0:05) Hey, we might be drunk. We're back, baby. Sam's home from Europe. Back from the war. Speaker 4 (0:10) It's good to see your face, man. Yeah. The hair's coming in. It's getting there. You got a Speaker 6 (0:14) little Speaker 4 (0:14) Richard Spencer going on. I Speaker 6 (0:16) know. I hate the in the army now over here. The short sides. I'm gray on the side, so it looks even whiter. But you're back. Speaker 4 (0:23) I'm back, baby. You look like no more big hat. Speaker 6 (0:25) No, that hat, I got creamed online. I mean, I read every comment. They were hilarious. Forrest Gump bought Speaker 4 (0:31) the building. Speaker 6 (0:31) But good on Speaker 4 (0:31) you for embracing it. Speaker 6 (0:32) Oh, yeah. I liked every one of them. It was fun. I mean, that's what you expect. Speaker 4 (0:37) Yeah. These Speaker 6 (0:38) comics who try to hide it. I think you got to lean in. Speaker 4 (0:40) Lean in. I know who they are. I'm not going to name any names. But all the New York... No, Soder does a bit about it. Soder, the New York comics own it. Speaker 6 (0:49) Mateo, Soder, Hamilton, myself. Yeah. Speaker 4 (0:52) Yeah, man. No, Europe was cool, man. I'm glad as hell to be back, though. The second you hit that tarmac, you're just like, oh. Speaker 6 (0:58) I know, I know. I Speaker 4 (0:59) did, like, maybe one city too many. Right. Once I landed in Copenhagen, I was like, I might have done too much. I Speaker 6 (1:05) feel like that's everything with overseas. You're like, this is amazing. Look at these buildings. Look at the food. Oh, my God. And then there's always that, like, I got to get back. Speaker 4 (1:12) I go hard, too. Every city I land in, I'm just like, do I do a gig in Copenhagen? I do a pedo joke. I'm making fun of the joke. I forgot the joke, but it's like I make fun of people who have sex with 15 year olds and it bombs. And I was like, what the hell was that? I get off stage. I go, that's the age of consent here. And I was like, what? Well, that's a joke in itself. And then I was like, what? And they go, they're trying to get it lowered. I'm like, they? Who's they? Speaker 6 (1:36) Wow. Book me a flight to Kona. Speaker 4 (1:40) I guess it's the same. I said, is that the same in like Stockholm? And they're like, yeah. I was like, this is crazy. Speaker 6 (1:46) Wow, because you always hear Europe. They're more advanced. They're more sophisticated. But boy, 15. How about that? Not Speaker 4 (1:51) good. Speaker 6 (1:52) Wow, that means Epstein's Island to them is normal. Well, I'm sure there Speaker 4 (1:56) must have been some younger ones too. Yeah. 15. You should have relocated. Tough winters, though, in that part of the world. Yeah, yeah. It's not as sexy as an island. Speaker 6 (2:05) That's true. That's why you got to shack up with a gal. A young lady. Get some warmth. Speaker 4 (2:10) Helsinki, it's like in the winters, they get like three hours of daylight. I know. And by the way, amazing city, Helsinki. Speaker 6 (2:17) Oh, beautiful. I'd never been there, dude. So cool. You kind of Speaker 4 (2:20) undersold it for me a little. Okay. But they, oh my God, I guess saunas are from Helsinki. And they gave me a whiskey that's like made in sauna. So it smells like a Speaker 6 (2:31) man's Speaker 4 (2:32) balls. Yeah. It's pretty cool. Did Speaker 6 (2:35) you get, I felt like the crowd, is that, wait. Helsinki? Where am I thinking of? Finland. Finland, yeah. I thought the crowd was tough in Helsinki. I actually had a good Speaker 4 (2:42) crowd. Other places I had a while to get going. But Helsinki, they were pretty drunk. They were rowdy. Oh, nice. They wanted it dark. Speaker 6 (2:50) Oh, interesting. I Speaker 4 (2:51) was like, all right. Did you get the fish soup? The fish soup? That's Speaker 6 (2:54) their thing, fish soup. I had soup. I don't know if I had fish soup. Oh, it's really good. I had a lot Speaker 4 (3:00) of Speaker 6 (3:00) herring. That's their thing over there, the herring. Yeah, they love fish. Did you go to Stockholm? I did. That's a great town. The women, oh my gosh. Oh, man. It's all just tall Speaker 4 (3:10) blondes. It's crazy. Yeah, I had a good-ass time in Stockholm. Athens, great. Budapest. You feel the heaviness of Budapest, though. Have you done Budapest? Never been. I guess I was... not aware of how bad they've had it. I don't Speaker 6 (3:25) know Speaker 4 (3:25) anything about bootlatch. Well, they went from Hitler to Stalin. I guess that's Speaker 5 (3:28) a Speaker 4 (3:28) lot of that part of the world. But they feel like they've been hit. Right. And it still feels that way. Whereas you go to Zagreb, and they've been through some, in Croatia, they've been through the Civil War and everything. But it feels like they're just like, ah! Speaker 6 (3:43) Yeah, yeah. That's Drazen Speaker 4 (3:44) Petrovic, the Croatian player. Speaker 6 (3:47) Oh, wow. Have you Speaker 4 (3:48) ever seen him? Yeah, he's naked. They don't wear clothes when they play over there. It's weird. Speaker 6 (3:53) Thank God. Clothes cost Speaker 4 (3:54) extra. But they made a great documentary, Once Brothers, on ESPN, 30 for 30s, and it's about the Yugoslavian Civil War and how the team almost beat the Dream Team. They were that good because they had Drazen Petrovic, Dino Raja, Vladi Divac, and Tony Kukoc. Damn. So they were stacked, but then the war happened. They're split up. Drazen and Vladi never speak again because of the war. So they're split up. They both make the NBA. They never speak again. Drazen dies in a car crash. His girlfriend's driving. She survives. The person in the backseat survives. He's in the front seat sleeping. He dies. Speaker 6 (4:29) Oh, imagine going to war and then dying in a car crash. I know. That's crazy. Speaker 4 (4:34) But... Wow, Speaker 6 (4:35) wait, so... You never let your wife drive, by the way. Speaker 4 (4:37) Never. That's the lesson we got from this. Good point. If you do, Speaker 6 (4:40) don't sleep. Speaker 4 (4:41) Don't... Speaker 6 (4:41) That's crazy. Horrible. Wow. Well, Zagreb. I've never even heard of it. It sounds like a Star Trek villain. Dude. Zagreb. It's awesome. Really? They were asking for Speaker 4 (4:51) you. They want you to come. Pull Speaker 6 (4:52) up some Zagreb posts. I had a thousand people there. Wow. In fucking Zagreb. The Speaker 4 (4:55) Balkans. Speaker 6 (4:56) Wasn't that the one where you're like, I'm hurting in Zagreb? Or was that Budapest where you were like? Budapest. It turned around. Okay. Look how pretty. This is unbelievable. Speaker 4 (5:04) Isn't it cool? I'm Speaker 6 (5:05) going to Zagreb. Wow. They got trolleys. Speaker 4 (5:09) Yeah. No, beautiful place, man. Holy moly. I just brought a friend. Yeah, just like, you know, hit the town. We booked some of these cities when we were single. Speaker 6 (5:20) Oh, he's got a lady too now? Yeah. Speaker 4 (5:23) Oh, damn. I Speaker 6 (5:24) was like, Speaker 4 (5:24) God, we wanted to hit like Stockholm. We were like, let's add Stockholm and Copenhagen. Then we got there, we're like. Guess I'll jack off before the show. Speaker 6 (5:31) Jack off with Speaker 4 (5:32) the window open. Speaker 6 (5:34) Look at her. 15, who cares? Speaker 4 (5:36) Oh, yeah, that's on the third man thing, so that's pretty cool. Speaker 3 (5:38) Wow, Speaker 6 (5:39) look at Speaker 4 (5:39) that. Speaker 6 (5:40) Yeah, Speaker 4 (5:40) 1897, Speaker 6 (5:41) dude. Damn. The Coney Island roller coaster is pretty old as well. Not 1897. No, I think it's 1901 or Speaker 4 (5:49) something. Speaker 6 (5:49) Yeah, that's Speaker 4 (5:49) the Speaker 6 (5:49) famous Speaker 4 (5:49) scene. Yeah, where else? Any other pics I sent you, Seleucus? Oh, that's the third man tunnel dude from the famous scene when he's running away. It smells so fucking bad down there. It's the sewer. Oh, okay. So it smells so fucking bad that apparently Orson Welles wouldn't shoot. And he was just like, he was like, let's just build a stage and shoot the rest in like London or something. So he shot like some, most of it there, but then he was like, I can't take this smell. There it is. Pretty cool, man. Wow. Oh, uh, God. Speaker 4 (6:21) Oh, dude. So in Zagreb, they have a museum of broken relationships. Oh. Speaker 6 (6:27) So they're Speaker 4 (6:28) like, you got to go to the museum. It's literally people donate shit that they, like a breakup or a love thing that went south. Yeah, so picnic basket. Yeah, what does it say? My lover was enthusiastic about having sex in the open outside, so I got us a gorgeous cliche of a picnic blanket. Speaker 4 (6:46) Sorry, it's a little small. Gingham Speaker 6 (6:47) wool with faux leather straps. The whole works. Unfortunately, we broke up before we got a chance to use it. The population density in Belgium is very high. It's difficult to find a quiet spot, and the weather does not help either. Speaker 4 (6:58) Yeah, so it's stuff like that. Some of them are funny, some of them are sad, and there's the blanket. And that's the whole museum. It's just, oh, I had a breakup. And you realize, like, wow, a lot of relationships end because of, like, you know, distance. Some of them are just, like, the person died. Damn. Speaker 6 (7:12) Exactly. I'm like, I'm never coming back, baby. Speaker 4 (7:16) Yeah, that's a mirror. That's another one someone donated. Yeah, there's a Speaker 6 (7:19) freestanding Speaker 5 (7:20) mirror for hours. My wife is standing in front of this mirror getting herself ready every day in the morning and in the evening. It was okay for me, even if at times I found it a little obsessive. Speaker 4 (7:29) Phone calls in front of the mirror. Wow, okay. Yeah, now I think she cheated on him or something, and then now he's got the mirror. Wow. But I was like, this is Speaker 6 (7:39) kind of fascinating to read. Yeah, I don't know. And then there's the Mütter Museum in Philly where it's dead people. And it's like a guy with a hole in his head. It has a hammer, you know. And then there's a guy with like a bullet through his head. And he's like, my wife found me, whatever. It's fun. Yeah. Great. Great. If you're talking museums. Speaker 4 (7:57) That's when I was in Warsaw. They have like little tourist spots. I don't know who's buying these. They're trying to play to Jews. But they're like, here's some Hebrew stereotype. Yeah. And they were like, yeah, I'm not. No one's buying that. I thought that was Salmon Veeder. He's complaining about the meals. Yeah, I went to the camps. Madonna, fuck. Oh, you did? Heavy stuff. Oh, my God. Hard to crack a joke there. It was. Oh, geez. I'm so privileged in New York. I saw that. I was like, what is this, Arturos? Look at that. Speaker 6 (8:31) Let's go love it, baby. Speaker 4 (8:33) But I did make jokes. We had tour guys, and they have a sense of humor about it. You have to. You have to. That's Speaker 6 (8:38) a Speaker 4 (8:38) part of, you know. It's coping. You have to. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, heavy shit to do that and then go to the show. But, yeah, did two nights in Warsaw. Fucking worth it. Awesome. Yeah, Speaker 6 (8:49) Louie Speaker 4 (8:49) had that great Speaker 6 (8:50) joke about, is it? Dachau? Drachau? Speaker 4 (8:52) Dachau. Speaker 6 (8:53) Dachau. He's like, I went to Dachau, and they have a Twitter account. He's like, why do they have a Twitter? There's some, like, 18-year-old girl, like, in charge of it. I don't know. It's hilarious. That's how I feel about when you see, like, hospitals promoting. Speaker 4 (9:05) Yes. You're like, we'll find Speaker 6 (9:06) you. Yes. Or Speaker 4 (9:07) they're like, we're open Christmas. You're like, yeah, we know. Yeah. Speaker 6 (9:10) You have to be. Nathan McIntosh has that funny bit about Oreos tweeted, hey, we support the trans movement or whatever. And he's like, Speaker 7 (9:17) you're a cookie. Be a cookie. And he's got Speaker 4 (9:20) the high voice. I had a bit about that with fucking Skittles where it said Black Trans Lives Matter. And I'm like, yeah, how does it taste the rainbow? Right. Speaker 6 (9:28) Oh, yeah. You don't have to overdo it. You're already there. Yeah. Speaker 4 (9:31) But. Melt Speaker 6 (9:32) in your mouth. That's evidence. Yeah, no, Speaker 4 (9:35) it's fucking killer, man. Killer trip. But yeah, I'm, you know. Good to be back, though. Speaker 6 (9:40) What'd you do, two weeks? Three weeks? Two weeks and like two nights, probably. Speaker 4 (9:44) Wow, yeah. I felt like you were gone for a while. It flies by, though. I mean, you're working. You're in constant movement. You land, you just want to do shit. I just want to do stuff during the day. I only get like one or two nights in each city, so you want to make it count. Speaker 6 (9:56) It's hard on you, though, because you want to see the city, but then you've got to work on your set, but then you want to get drunk after. And then you got a flight in the morning to go to the next city. So it's a lot of moving parts with these European dates. Speaker 4 (10:07) Yeah, but also just walking around, you get bits. That's true. Speaker 6 (10:10) If you're just Speaker 4 (10:10) in motion, I'm like, let me just look. It's like the one time I look at my steps when I travel. Let me make sure I get like 15,000 steps in at least so I at least know I'm seeing the city and doing shit. And Speaker 6 (10:20) the beauty of traveling is you get a coffee here, you get a coffee in Zagreb. It's a thing, you know? It's Speaker 7 (10:27) like Speaker 6 (10:27) an event. I'm getting a salad in Speaker 7 (10:28) Stockholm. I'm getting a Speaker 6 (10:29) meatball or whatever. It's like you get to see an old restaurant or go down a new street. It's very exciting. You Speaker 5 (10:36) came up with new bits? Speaker 4 (10:37) On the road? Because Speaker 5 (10:38) we do a thing on this show called... Speaker 4 (10:40) I've heard, yeah, I've heard. You Speaker 6 (10:41) haven't been gone that long. Speaker 4 (10:42) I got some new bits, but they're either working or they're not, or they'd be for the city, you know? Speaker 6 (10:48) Right, right. Do you have any Speaker 4 (10:49) new stuff you're working on? I Speaker 6 (10:50) got some new stuff. Everything I got is like... B minus. I just can't get it over that hump of getting it great. It's all good. I'll run one if you want to run one. Sure. Speaker 4 (10:58) I'm down to run. I got one. So I had one where the girl I'm seeing, I'm tucking her son into bed, and he said... God, Speaker 6 (11:06) that's all you're tucking. Speaker 4 (11:07) Sorry. He scared me there. And he said, good night, Sam. I said, good night. And then he goes, I love you. And I said, I love you, too. And I said, it should have been a nice moment, but I haven't said it to his mom yet. Speaker 6 (11:20) That's great. Speaker 4 (11:21) And she's right there. So that became a thing. So I had a couple angles. One line hit where I said, the L word, at my age, it's big. It's like the N word. I've only said it a few times. And every Speaker 6 (11:30) time, it's ended really badly for me. So that Speaker 4 (11:33) hit. And then I had a thing about like. there's a few, she's like, well, you say it, a few angles. One is, she's like, you say it to your guy friends. I'm like, yeah, but I see a lot of them like four times a year. Speaker 6 (11:44) Right. It's easy to Speaker 4 (11:45) love someone who's never around. Yeah. You're here all the time. Right. You know, also, I've never had it end badly with a guy. I've never, I've never had a falling out with a guy where he's like, you fucking said you loved me. Speaker 6 (11:55) Yeah. Speaker 4 (11:56) Then he keys my car. And then, and then I had a thing I want to angle about like, that's Speaker 6 (12:00) heavy. I could say that. I was like, geez. Really? Yeah. I mean, it's good. It's a funny bit. I'm just, if I was there, I would have crumbled. Speaker 4 (12:07) Eh, got to make jokes, I guess. No, Speaker 6 (12:10) no, it's a good joke. But then the Speaker 4 (12:11) idea that I think like the, I love you for the man is like the vagina for the woman. You try to hold onto it as long as possible. Speaker 6 (12:18) Ah, right. I don't Speaker 4 (12:20) know Speaker 6 (12:20) how to Speaker 4 (12:20) end this part, but it's like, it's like, it's like, ah, like once I get rid of this, I got nothing. Yeah. That was my thing. Oh, Speaker 6 (12:28) that's Speaker 4 (12:28) funny. You know, I don't know where to end it, but I don't know. There Speaker 6 (12:31) could be something, too, where she says, like, in a month, she's like, I love you, and you're like, I'm already in love with someone else. You know, talking about the kid. Like, I've already got an I love you with him. I can't have two I love yous going. Speaker 4 (12:41) It's easier when it's not sexual. It Speaker 6 (12:44) is. Non Speaker 4 (12:45) -sexual love is easier. That's true. Speaker 6 (12:47) You talking about the girl or the kid? Both. All right, all right. Get me to Copenhagen. How old's this kid? Yeah, that's great. That's great. Is this anything? Okay. Speaker 6 (13:03) So my kid, he's about two now. He's almost pushing two. And he loves, he has a toy baby and a toy stroller. And it's pissing me off. Because he's, I love the kid, but it's the hardest thing I've ever done. And he's making a mockery of it. He's like, I'm a dad too. I'm like, that's stolen valor. That kid doesn't shit. It doesn't piss. It doesn't cry. You know, you're playing with G.I. Joe's. I'm a nom. You know, like I'm Speaker 4 (13:24) going through Speaker 6 (13:25) it. Speaker 4 (13:25) I would put stolen valor at the end. Oh, okay. I'm doing this, I'm doing that. I'm in Nam. That's Stolen Valor. I Speaker 6 (13:33) like it at the end. Maybe, yeah. Stolen Valor's the big hit. Yeah, totally. Okay, so yeah, I'm still playing with it. But the idea of having a baby as a toy is like, why would you want a burden? The kid, it's hard. It hinders you. Speaker 4 (13:49) It's a weird doll, too, because you're not using that when he's going to be a parent. He's not like, what did I do when I was two with a baby? It's like, you just have a baby. It's also a weird thing. Get him a fucking Ninja Turtle or something. I Speaker 6 (14:02) know. Speaker 4 (14:02) That's what I said. Who got him the baby? He didn't buy it. Speaker 6 (14:04) I think it was a hand-me-down. Somebody gave it to him, and he's loving it. He's like, a baby. I got the baby. I'm a dad now. And all this shit. I'm like, hey, I'm a dad. Fuck you. You got a blow-up doll. I've got Lindsey Clancy. This is a different thing. But, yeah, so I'm playing with it, and then I say something like that. I'm like, I would never want to. If I had a baby doll as a kid, I'd be like, Mom, I didn't ask for this. And she was like, neither did I. So that hits, but it feels like it needs more. Speaker 4 (14:33) Yeah, it's interesting that he's doing what you're doing. The Speaker 6 (14:36) hardest thing in my life he's doing is a toy. That'd be like a roofer. It's Speaker 4 (14:40) the Speaker 6 (14:40) next time he gets a microphone. Speaker 4 (14:42) Oh, Speaker 6 (14:42) yeah, yeah. That's true. Speaker 4 (14:44) Other things that you do that are hard. Right, right. He's just sitting in an airline seat. I'm trying to think of other shit. Oh, yeah, yeah. What else could he do? He's Speaker 6 (14:53) in the Speaker 4 (14:53) back Speaker 6 (14:53) of Speaker 4 (14:53) a plane. Speaker 6 (14:54) He's going to the Toledo Funny Bone. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe. It's doing okay. It's doing okay. Yeah, it needs Speaker 4 (15:04) another thing. It needs another thing. It's like... Speaker 4 (15:11) Also, Speaker 6 (15:11) he didn't have to get laid, by the way. Thank God. I had to meet somebody, get married, the whole thing. It just feels like a cheat code. You Speaker 4 (15:21) didn't do any of the Speaker 6 (15:21) work. You didn't do any of the work, and you're still not doing any of the work. But you get to have a baby. Speaker 4 (15:26) I like that it annoys you. It annoys me. I like that you're making a mockery. Yes. But then you didn't do that. But then you realize, I didn't do that much either. I just came in as mom. Speaker 6 (15:35) That's a good point. She did all the work. Yeah. Yeah. I made the mistake the other day. I was like, man, with these hair plugs, I totally get the C-section. And she was like, fuck you. Speaker 4 (15:47) Yeah. All Speaker 6 (15:48) right, I'll play with it. I'll play with it. There's something there. There's Speaker 4 (15:51) something there, for sure. What, uh... You got another one? I mean, I got a bunch, but they're not like anywhere near ready. Speaker 6 (16:00) Same, same. That's the Speaker 4 (16:01) point. Yeah, mine Speaker 6 (16:03) is not ready Speaker 4 (16:03) either. Okay, I had one about the guy who flew to Bangkok to get genital enhancement surgery. Oh, yeah, Speaker 6 (16:11) black Speaker 4 (16:11) guy, Speaker 6 (16:12) right? That was shocking. He Speaker 4 (16:13) went with his wife, and I was like, yeah, apparently she didn't try to talk him out of it. Oh, true. He's like, do I need this? And she was like, yes. Speaker 6 (16:23) Which is Speaker 4 (16:23) fucking brutal. And then also the angle of like, clearly he didn't have kids. You can't do that procedure when you have a kid. You can't be like, having a little girl be like, daddy, please. And he's like, sorry, I just, I really want a bigger penis. I'm rolling the dice. And then the angle of like. Well, she's single now, so maybe, like, hopefully the next guy she picks has a big dick so this doesn't happen again. Oh, Speaker 6 (16:46) yeah. She's going Speaker 4 (16:47) to take his pants off, and she's like, thank God. Right. This is going to save us an international flight. Speaker 6 (16:53) Also, Sam, when you pull up a dick enlarger, I'm like, I'd go for the before. But that is a thick hog on the right there. For soft? Yeah, yeah. It's a weird shape. It is a little football-y there. Speaker 6 (17:14) Isn't it annoying that the dick is the only thing on your body you can't... Like, you can build your biceps. You can get your shoulders bigger, your abs, your thighs. You can't... We work out the dick every day when you jerk off, and it won't get bigger. But if I worked out my legs every day, they'd be huge. And Speaker 4 (17:29) they would make your dick look smaller. Speaker 6 (17:30) And they Speaker 7 (17:31) would make my dick look smaller. Speaker 6 (17:32) You can't win. Speaker 4 (17:33) What do you got? What else? All Speaker 6 (17:34) right, all right, all right. Speaker 4 (17:35) Let's do one more, yeah. Speaker 6 (17:36) You want one about porn, or you want one about ice? Speaker 4 (17:41) Porn. Speaker 6 (17:41) Okay. So I'm doing this whole thing about, and tell me if it's too close to your old bit, but I think the punchline is very different. But I'm doing this whole thing about how everybody's addicted to porn now, all these young dudes. And the problem is porn is in your pocket. When I was younger, porn was like a group thing. You know, we did it in the woods and we'd sit in a circle and pass it around. Like, you know,