Chef Anthony Santos: What I Survived Didn't Define Me

Walk-In Talk Podcast - Carl Fiadini

Chef Anthony Santos shares his harrowing journey from surviving severe childhood abuse to becoming a successful private chef and entrepreneu

Key takeaways

• Survival through abuse can lead to profound personal transformation when paired with a sense of purpose.

Main topics

• Childhood abuse and its long-term psychological effects
• The role of food as comfort and healing

Notable quotes

"What I survived didn't define me."

"I just knew it wasn't right. And I knew I had to do something even if I was going to get really hurt in the process."

Conclusion

Chef Anthony Santos' story is a powerful testament to the human capacity for resilience. Despite

Transcript preview

Speaker 3 (0:00) Some people discover their purpose through opportunity. Chef Anthony Santos discovered his through survival. Anthony grew up in an abusive home where violence was part of everyday life. He watched his mother and younger siblings get hurt, stepped in to protect them, and often became the target himself. At one point, the abuse escalated so severely that his stepfather attacked him with a machete. Anthony was still a kid. Eventually, at 15 years old, he left home. One night, with nowhere safe to go, he slept outside in the rain. But somewhere inside of all that darkness, food gave him something different. Anthony remembers watching his uncle cook for his mother and seeing her smile. Something he rarely saw at home. That moment changed him. He realized food can bring comfort. It could create joy. It could make somebody feel safe, even if only for a moment. So he walked through the rain to apply for a job at a Chinese restaurant. And they hired him. That kitchen became the beginning of everything that followed. Today, Anthony Santos is a successful private chef, entrepreneur, mentor, and culinary competitor. But the story isn't about success. It's about what happens when a child survives something no child should have to survive, and somehow refuses to let it become the end of his story. Anthony has never told this publicly before. So let's start where the story really begins. Anthony, when you look back at that kid growing up inside that house, what was he actually surviving? Speaker 2 (1:21) He was surviving... abuse daily, verbal, physically. He was surviving issues with himself, just figuring out his own identity and trying to figure out his way in that lifestyle. Speaker 2 (1:38) trying to figure out what he wanted to do next. And that was going on for a few years? Nine years. Nine years from when I was five till I was 14. Speaker 3 (1:50) At what age did you get the courage to start fighting back? Speaker 2 (1:55) So a lot of the abuse came because I did fight back a lot. Speaker 3 (1:58) I was always like a Speaker 2 (1:59) bad boy, you know, and when I saw it happening, I always challenged authority because I didn't think it was right. that's what got me into a lot of problems and that's what got me into a lot of the abuse was because I did fight back I would stick up for my brother sister my mother and that's what caused me a lot of the issues that happened but I would say probably like eight nine is when I started saying now enough and I started challenging him and that's what that's what really bothered him a lot was at a young age I was challenging you know a grown man at that age your Speaker 3 (2:35) physical frame You're not a giant. You're a kid. And somehow or another at that age, you still think, I mean, you know what? I can do something. I can help. That is such a most difficult. um, situation to be in for child and for you to jump in physically. Speaker 3 (2:56) to me is a major, I mean, it's a big deal. What was your driver? Speaker 2 (3:02) Great question. I just knew it wasn't right. And I knew I had to do something even if I was going to get really hurt in the process. It's really funny that I'm a professional chef now because the first things that he would hit me with were kitchen utensils. But they would bend when he would do it. Yeah, he would laugh. And then he would grab another thing and hit me and it would break. But it was like the wooden spoons, the spatulas. It's just hilarious because I never thought I would be, you know, I would never, I didn't, I didn't know I was going to be a professional chef. My mother always tried for me to be a lawyer doctor to get me out of that situation, you know, but I chose my own route. But yeah, it was, it was kitchen utensils that he would, he striked me with first when I was really young. As the oldest of the family and as, you know, my mother was a single mother raising me, I never had a real father in my life. I presumed myself that I was like the man of the home. So when I saw another man come in and then treat my mother disrespectfully, it wasn't that hard to like step up because I just had a feeling in my soul that it wasn't right. So Speaker 3 (4:07) today while we were cooking, you, you shared, um, a little bit more of a story and, and it's actually, it's something that was on the news and, and, and everything. The machete. That's insane. Speaker 2 (4:21) It was. It was. He was weirdly fascinated with like machetes, Chinese daggers, Chinese swords. He was very fascinated with weapons. So he's from Trinidad. So third world country. He brought us there. And when I went there, that's another thing that like made me never question anything because I went to see his family and I saw how they lived over there. You know, concrete houses, dogs running around normally, like all over the streets. But they normalize abusing their children. And they all do it. When I was there at his family's house, I heard kids screaming. And it was just like they were in the room getting hit. And it's okay to discipline your children. Trust me. I think everyone should be disciplined if they deserve to. But there's levels to it, you know? And when we went over there, it just looked normal. And that was another thing, you know, and it was just like, that's how he was raised. As an adult, I'm 35, you know, I've already forgiven the person, but maybe that's how he was raised. So he thought it was okay. So he just like did it to us. But no, it's not an okay in America. And it's not okay, I think, for anyone. But yeah, it was crazy. But what happened was he was like hitting my mother and I was sick of it. And I came home from football practice and I was just tired of it. Just years and years of just going to sleep, hearing them argue through the wall, screaming, hitting. It was just very frustrating to them. They were living their life. But to me, I'm a kid in the front room. I was in the front room of the house. If I can hear hitting and screaming from their master bedroom in the back of the house, obviously it was a big thing. And obviously my brother and sister heard it too. How they have treated this trauma is way differently than I have, you know, and I'm the oldest. So I've had to like stick up for them, et cetera. So what. What happened was when I came home from school, he put his hands on my mother again for the millionth time. And I spoke to my uncle on the phone. This is back when house phones were a thing. We didn't have cell phones and house phones would ring. It's so funny because now we're in 2026. I haven't heard a house phone ring in so long. But I was talking to my uncle on the house phone. My uncle was like, hey, man, you know, when I come to Florida, we're going to take care of that. You know, quote unquote. So I was like, he's like, can you handle that? I said, yeah, for sure. He was listening the whole time on the other headset in his room. Obviously he got mad. He came, he came, I heard him slam a door. And then I heard him take the sword off the wall, the machete, and he kicked my door down. And then he swung the machete at my leg. I have a scar on my left knee because the tip of the blade touched it because I moved my leg as fast as I could, but it was not fast enough. Even when the tip hit it. And if I would have not moved my leg even that fast, I would have no leg because he sliced the whole bed off and the springs came up and jumped up in the air and it was bad. And then after he did that. I guess the neighbors heard noise and I don't know if my mother called the cops, but someone called the cops and the cops came and then they stayed for a very long time. And then obviously news publication came as well, DCF and everybody. And it was a, it was a whole thing. It was absolutely nuts. And you know, he was charged with aggravated child abuse with a deadly weapon. I don't want to pretend that Speaker 3 (8:05) I can. match the understanding of what your experience was in my head. That had to change you. Obviously, you're about 15 at the time, and something like this is going to scar you. You're going to get baggage from this. Speaker 3 (8:23) You're 35 now. Speaker 3 (8:26) What is it that you remember? What did you pull from this experience that you're taking with you today? Speaker 2 (8:33) in how you live your life. Speaker 2 (8:36) So when I was younger, I had to do a lot of therapy. After that whole situation, I will publicly say I did try to off myself. I put a knife in my neck. That was crazy, but I just was like, I felt trapped. They were trying to send me to this school in Texas, and he was trying to send me away because he knew that I was the one fighting him. And obviously you want to take whoever challenges you and get them out the picture. So they were trying to send me away to this school for bad kids in Texas. And I was like, oh, hell no. I'll just go in the kitchen and just do it myself. My grandfather did it. I was like, okay, I'll just do it myself too. So I tried it. Didn't work out. My neighbor was a cop. He arrested me and I got back corrected. And then after that, I went through like anger management and I passed, obviously. I'll be honest with you. What it did to me was just give me this burning fire inside of me to just always want to prove myself because to him, I was just never enough. He put me down so many times, you know, there's so many dark things I could share here. But, you know, the one thing he told me is like, you're just going to be like your grandfather, you know, and that bothered me. And it's like, if you have any respect for your wife and for me, you would never say something like that. And he's just a dark person. You know, every time he would strike me, he would smile and laugh like it wasn't enough. I would be bleeding, you know, with every strike and he would just keep going. And he would just look me dead in my eyes while he did it. He was sick. He was sick person, man. Speaker 3 (10:09) Walk & Talk Media is proudly supported by Rack Porcelain USA, creating durable, beautifully designed tableware for chefs and hospitality professionals. Learn more at rackporcelain.com. Speaker 2 (10:21) You know, and he tells my brother and sister now that he's not that same guy, but it doesn't matter. You don't ever change like that. You're just, you're sick for life. Maybe now you regret it and now you're just this wholesome person, but congrats. You gave me PTSD for the rest of my life. You know, I've done therapy. I've paid a lot of money. I've done a lot of very extensive therapy. You know, I'll tell you one thing. My career, I've done so well, so well, and God bless. You know, and I've never had an issue with career. I've never had an issue making money. But I've had an issue with my personal relationships. You know, it's so hard for me to keep a relationship. And it's definitely due to like my triggers and PTSD, you know. Sometimes I'll date women and like they'll yell and stuff at me or like they'll trigger me and it goes right back to that stuff. It's just really hard to like keep a relationship. And I've left a lot of girls in my life because I just didn't think that they were good enough because that boy that slept outside, you know, would he be okay with me dating this person? Is this, is this what he would be proud of? And if the answer was no, I'm out, you know, and I, I've tried to live my life. trying to Speaker 2 (11:39) Save that 15 year old boy. And a couple of years ago, a therapist said, Anthony, enough's enough. He's saved. You don't have to save him anymore. And that was a big turning point for me. I was like, you know what? You're right. I don't need to. He's good. Speaker 2 (11:55) I started like releasing that. just trying to like prove myself and trying to be in like what's called fight or flight mode. When you're in fight or flight mode for 15 plus years, it does something to you, you know? And I just stopped doing that and I just took a deep breath. I was like, okay, cool. All right. We don't have to do this anymore. Like you're not, you're not that guy anymore. And then now, you know, with cooking, I express myself in such a loving way because it was what I never received. when I was younger. Speaker 2 (12:31) done a lot of therapy and I've done a lot of work on myself and it's definitely hard. I definitely have triggers. You know, I