An Unlikely Affair: Taking My Power Back

Untraditionally Lala

Lala and Amber dive into the unglamorous realities of single motherhood, exploring how parenting has reshaped their identities, emotional boundaries, and dating lives. They

Key takeaways

• Lala emphasizes teaching kids emotional regulation during calm moments rather than during meltdowns, noting that children's frontal cortexes aren't developed enough for lessons in the heat of anger.
• Amber shares her strict boundary of never introducing romantic partners to her children until a relationship is deeply established, prioritizing mental stability over dating convenience.

Main topics

• Single motherhood identity and guilt
• Parenting strategies and emotional intelligence

Notable quotes

"The person who gives you the fucking headache is the one you give in to."

Conclusion

The episode offers a grounded, humorous reflection on the emotional la

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) This is an iHeart Podcast. Speaker 1 (0:02) Guaranteed human. Lisa, Speaker 3 (0:05) tell them about our new show. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Iwano. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa DiGiulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions. And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes, good taste is my business. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you Speaker 5 (0:32) get your podcasts. Speaker 5 (0:35) I'm Melissa Jeltsin, host of the What Happened to Her podcast. We're kicking off the season with the Sandra Birchmore story, a case the police wrote off as a suicide in a snowstorm. Her family never bought it, and the man they suspected wore a badge. You Speaker 7 (0:51) never know who that devil is because he's wearing a disguise. Sometimes it's a police uniform. Speaker 5 (0:56) And you can get access to all episodes 100 % ad-free with an iHeart True Crime Plus subscription exclusively on Apple Podcasts, available only to iHeart True Crime Plus subscribers. So don't wait. Head to Apple Podcasts, search for iHeart True Crime Plus, and subscribe today. Speaker 2 (1:14) I'm Mimi Brown, and every day on Front Page Podcasts, I help you make sense of the stories shaping our world. Each day, I break down the biggest headlines. Canada's trade fight with the U.S. just escalated again and Americans could fill it in their wallets. And when a story deserves a deeper conversation, I'll sit down with experts, newsmakers and thought leaders to help you better understand the issue behind the headlines. Listen to Front Page from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 7 (1:45) What up, y'all? This your main man Memphis Bleak right here. host of that Rock Solid podcast. And each week, we bring in new exclusive looks inside music, everything happening inside the culture. Some of the best conversations with the biggest names in the game. You Speaker 1 (1:59) had a little bit more pressure to be good. And they didn't care if you was a girl. Like, you wasn't getting no points. If you not trash, you better be not just good, you better be great. Speaker 7 (2:09) Listen to Rock Solid on Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you stream podcasts. Speaker 1 (2:19) The WNBA playoffs are here, and Good Game with Sarah Spain is the only daily podcast that'll keep you up to date on all the action. We'll make sure you're the smartest fan at the bar by bringing you interviews with some of the best minds in basketball, including your favorite coaches and players. No one cares what we did last year. If anything, that's a bigger target on our back. Want to know what's really going on in the WNBA? We got you. Listen to Good Game with Sarah Spain on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 8 (2:49) Hi, Amber. Hi, Lola. Welcome to an unlikely affair. Speaker 4 (2:57) Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of An Unlikely Affair. Good morning, Lala. Speaker 6 (3:01) Good morning, Amber. Speaker 4 (3:04) I love it. I called you Lala instead of La. I usually call you La, but I decided to give you your full name. Speaker 8 (3:11) My full name. Your full name, which is not Speaker 4 (3:14) just... The name's so nice, Speaker 8 (3:17) you got to say it twice. The amount of times I've been called Lola over the weekend is not okay. Speaker 4 (3:24) Oh, that's Speaker 8 (3:24) actually not, that's offensive. Because then I continue, la la la la la la. Because that's who I am. I'm a jingle maker in my head. Every time someone says anything that's a song, I'm like, fuck, now it's in my head. I can't get rid of it. I don't know that song, Speaker 4 (3:40) Lola. Did I just make it up? Speaker 8 (3:42) I don't think I made it up. Speaker 4 (3:44) Maybe not. No, probably not. I'm really excited about this episode because... I think there's a lot of people out there who have teenagers or little toddlers and they're in the thick of it. And I don't think women, fine, and men too, but mostly women, they don't get enough credit for our own emotional journey that we go through while we're parenting. Speaker 8 (4:08) Not at all. And I want to talk about Speaker 4 (4:10) it. I Speaker 8 (4:11) want to talk about it too. And I love this topic. Speaker 4 (4:13) If it's not men, it's children. Speaker 8 (4:16) I'd rather deal with the children to be honest. Speaker 4 (4:19) Yeah, Speaker 6 (4:19) I agree. 100 % because the way my five-year-old communicates is on such a different level than most of the men that I date. I'm like, she's so emotionally intelligent. Here's what I'm struggling with the most right now with Ocean. Speaker 4 (4:35) Talk to me. Speaker 6 (4:36) It's a blessing and a curse. So she will verbally waterboard you until she gets what she wants. Okay. Speaker 6 (4:47) And that's similar to our ex. Like we wonder how. It's learned. It's learned behavior. Speaker 4 (4:53) I Speaker 6 (4:53) don't know if it's learned or if she just came this way. And I don't really want to quiet it because if she continues this in the real world when she's older, she's going to get the job done. And she's going to have everything that she's ever wanted because people will just say yes. The person who gives you the fucking headache is the one you give in to. I was having a conversation. with someone the other day who is in the industry and he said more times than not law i give people who give me a migraine everything they want and the person who falls in line they're always put on the back burner because they're chill they they don't they don't harass me they're always happy so i i think there are times where you need to tap in and be the and i Speaker 4 (5:40) was like i you know what that's a great lesson That is so good because especially for the stuff that you and I are trying to do outside this podcast, we have to keep reminding. We have to just keep going. Like we know what our pot of gold is at the end of the rainbow. Like we know our North Star, right? Yeah. Nothing is going to stand in the way of what you and I want to create. And we know people will love it. We just. It's just timing. It's just getting the right yes. It's going through the nose to get to the yes. And you know what? I think that's a beautiful trait that she has. Riley is the same frigging way. And it's like, this kid teaches me more patience. So Riley's teaching me patience. London is teaching me not to try to fix her problems and just listen. Speaker 6 (6:31) Wow. Speaker 4 (6:32) And that's really hard to do because I just want to like dive in, scramble it, fix it, put it back together, put a bow on it and then like move on from the day. And I'm like, no, that's like doing her a disservice. I need to get curious. I need to acknowledge her feelings first because she is my kid that has a lot of really big feelings without opening my freaking mouth. And so I have to remind myself, Amber, shut your mouth. Just listen. Repeat back what she said so she knows in her brain, like, okay, my mom knows in this moment that, like, I'm really angry because fill in the blank. And then sometimes I say, hmm, I wonder what you're going to do about that. And like sometimes the look on her face is like, wait, what? Like, what do you mean? That's so rude to say. But it allows her to problem solve, which she needs to learn to do. Where Riley, God bless my little Scorpio that she is. I love her. But she is adamant about going to college in Miami, doing this for a job. She wants to. Like when she sets her mind on something and it reminds me a lot of myself when I was little and I wanted to to be an actor. No one was going to stop me. And my parents were probably like banging their head against the wall going, what the heck does this chick want to do going into Hollywood? But no one could stop me. Speaker 6 (7:58) Yeah. I'd go to any length. Yeah. And that's, I think the biggest challenge, and I know most moms will relate to this, is how you look at your child and how they came into the world. Because there's so many qualities that children have, right? It's blank canvas, looking at the world and being so just excited, but black and white with how they feel. How do you incubate? all of these qualities, but also refine them. If that makes sense, Speaker 4 (8:34) you know, I think you have to do it when they're not seeing red, right? So when ocean is waterboarding you or Sosa, it's like, that's not the time to teach the lesson because I think from a neurological standpoint, they're not, they're not there. They're like, so in their amygdala that they can't even use and their frontal cortex is not even developed. So you have to do it in these quiet moments. Like When when the seas are calm not when it's like in insanity and that's hard because it's you're teaching them You're like, okay now is a good time because usually when kids are being good. You're like, oh god. Thank God I could rest it's like Maybe that's a time to teach and you could also do it not by words There's so many fun games when I was going through a hard time with London when she was around like seven or eight and we were helping her identify her emotions, there's this game, and I don't know it off the top of my head, and I'll have to find it so we could link it for people, where it was kind of like the movie where it was all these different emotions. What is that movie called? The Disney movie? Inside Out. I've watched it 400 times Speaker 8 (9:42) this weekend. Speaker 4 (9:44) It's so good. It's such a great reminder. It's the best. I love it. Speaker 6 (9:50) I mean. Speaker 6 (9:53) And I love the one they came out with, the second one where it's about like puberty and stuff like that. I will say, I look at my kids. And just obviously there's still children and we all look at our kids and we're very proud. But I will say the one aspect of my life that I feel confident that I'm really doing a pretty damn good job is parenting my kids thus far. I know how God works. He's going to, you know, throw me something because I probably in saying this need to be humbled, right? He'll throw me something that I can't quite conquer and I'm gonna have to learn a lesson but Speaker 6 (10:36) I look at them and I'm like, I feel pretty proud of the job that I'm doing by myself. Speaker 6 (10:45) Because no one teaches you like how to be a mom, right? You can... There's all of these parenting books that people recommend and it's like, well, that's great, but it's not one size fits all, right? Like every child is different. Every parenting style doesn't work for, you know, each kid. When I found out I was having SOSA and I was like, oh, a girl like I can do this. I like I know how this rodeo goes and she's a completely different child. I know she's only almost two. but she's already got like her little quirks about her like she loses her mind when oh my gosh you're gonna die amber she's in the bath the other day and she's losing her goddamn mind over what pointing at the water and then squealing and i'm like what is it and she's waiting and i see a hair Speaker 8 (11:42) that's floating in the water. She sees it, freaks the fuck out. And I'm like, Speaker 6 (11:49) my child, Sosa, is like me. Like when I see a hair in the water, I drain, clean out. She gets spaghetti on her hands and she's like, mama, mama, repeater mode, mama, mama, until you get her a wet cloth to wipe herself down, right? I Speaker 4 (12:06) swear to God, I was just going to say. Do you think your children are a reflection of either who you were or what you need to work on? I Speaker 8 (12:14) think Sosa is my clone. Speaker 4 (12:17) And Speaker 8 (12:17) we're the same sign, right? Not through and through, but like Virgo. And Ocean teaches me to fucking just Speaker 6 (12:24) let go. She's such an old old soul Speaker 6 (12:30) But also it's hard to explain. An old soul, but she teaches me life is not that stressful. We wing it. You know? She just has such like a fun personality, free spirit. She's a Pisces. My most favorite sign of the entire Zodiac. I didn't know that. It's my favorite. Every Pisces I have met, I'm just in awe of them. I adore them. They're kind. They're sweet. They're free spirits. They're emotional. I just find them to be fabulous. Do you know Speaker 4 (13:08) what her moon is? Speaker 8 (13:10) I do. She has a full book in one of my friends. I don't know it off the top of Speaker 6 (13:15) my head, Speaker 8 (13:15) but I'll have to, do you Speaker 6 (13:17) know your kids full? We should Speaker 4 (13:20) do that Amber. Yeah, no, no, we, we definitely should because. Speaker 4 (13:25) London is such an Aquarius and Riley is such a Scorpio, but I really want to know, I want to know the rising and I want to know their moon. So let me tell you something. And I've said this before so many times on the podcast and privately, you are such an inspiration and you are doing such a fantastic job. I am in awe of how well you handle your life. You have. so much going on. You are such a badass. And I, sometimes when I'm like in self pity or like, oh my God, I can't do this. Like I'm melting. My life is unmanageable and blah, blah. And I'm like, fucking what would Lala do? Like she would just grab life by the balls and say, let's go, let's do this. Like I, I feel so honored. to have this relationship with you and know you and watch you from the time you were pregnant with Sosa up until now, you're fucking crushing it. You're crushing it. Thank Speaker 8 (14:25) you. I, you know, I feel the same way about you. I think that there's, I know Kanye West is an unpopular person to be quoting, but before he lost his mind, he, he has a song and in it, he says, single mothers know