High-effort friends, third places & will THIS ruin our toddler's sleep habits?!

Two Parents & A Podcast

The hosts reflect on their recent experience speaking at the 'Dear Media by Day' event, sharing the excitement of presenting to a large audi

Key takeaways

• The hosts utilize a 'family framework' consisting of six buckets: family, career, relationship, community, spirituality, and health.
• They prioritize life energy by ranking these buckets on a scale of 1 to 10 to identify where intervention is needed.

Main topics

• Dear Media by Day event recap
• The Family Framework prioritization system

Notable quotes

Your message is only as loud as it can be heard.

Conclusion

The episode offers a practical, systematic approach to maintaining bal

Transcript preview

Speaker 3 (0:00) The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Speaker 4 (0:02) Welcome back to another episode of Two Parents and a Podcast. Happy Monday! Party people in the house. Seemed like there was some good football this weekend. Speaker 4 (0:15) Seemed like it's not a good day to be an OU fan, maybe? Speaker 1 (0:19) Yeah. OU got smacked by Georgia. There's a lot of good football on Saturday. And, yeah, a lot of NFL on Sunday. Speaker 4 (0:30) So we had a really fun weekend. We had Dear Media by day on Saturday. And, you guys, I got to say, it was just... Everything I expected and more. It was so fun. It was so fun and so fulfilling because it's nerve-wracking to go. So they asked us, you know, do you two, will you guys do this panel around having it all-ish? We were like, we'd love to do a panel. Yes. Speaker 1 (0:56) I think it would be helpful to clarify what Dear Media by date is. I Speaker 4 (1:00) think it would be. Speaker 4 (1:03) So Speaker 1 (1:04) they rented out this big event space, indoor outdoor. And I think there's probably 350 people there. Yeah. And so one of the, one of the rooms had a bunch of really cool brand activations. Favorite Speaker 4 (1:19) daughter. Favorite Speaker 1 (1:20) daughter, Bumble. Speaker 4 (1:25) Archie's. Yeah, Archie's. Yeah, that was a big one. Speaker 1 (1:27) Archie's and other. Speaker 4 (1:28) Yes. All these were very present sponsors. Speaker 1 (1:32) And then they had four panels. Speaker 4 (1:35) Yep. Speaker 1 (1:36) And it was also fun because we had. friends on we did one of them and we had friends on two of the other three yep Speaker 4 (1:46) um Speaker 1 (1:47) but Speaker 4 (1:49) okay so they they basically dear media by day it's this whole day of you come you sit the audience you get to there was a picture podcast section and you can go shop the brand activations like there was a there was past appetizers there was a bar it was really it was a really really really well done event The first panel was, it was Allison Ellsworth of Poppy, who we've had on here before, Sarah Foster, and Ty Henley, who started Outdoor Voices. Haney. Haney, who started Outdoor Voices. Second one was the finance panel, which Hannah Chody was on. The third one was us. And then the fourth one was Lauren and Michael Bostic with Whitney Wolfherd from Bumble. And, okay. So I think we have to discuss a couple of things. Number one, Harrison and I didn't have a moderator, so we didn't have somebody asking us questions. We were talking through what they wanted us to discuss, which is having it all ish. It was Speaker 1 (2:43) very much a presentation. It Speaker 4 (2:44) was really fun. That's why it was so challenging. It's not like we're just sitting up there and someone's asking us questions. We're going to have to provide value to these people that bought tickets all while answering the questions ourselves too. Like we were the flow of the conversation and the answers. It Speaker 1 (3:01) was a presentation. Speaker 4 (3:02) But Speaker 1 (3:02) it Speaker 4 (3:02) wasn't a presentation because it was fun to listen to. We had so much fun. It Speaker 1 (3:07) was a fun presentation. Speaker 4 (3:08) Sure. The audience was amazing. Yep. They were so engaged. Speaker 4 (3:14) And yeah, I just think we spoke for 30 minutes and I just think we really enjoyed it. And so what we did when they came to us and they were like, okay, the topic is having it all ish, balancing your family life with your career. We sat down and we're like, okay, what do we want to talk about? And one thing that Harrison and I do every day, but at least once a week out loud to each other. And we've talked about it on the podcast before, but it's been a while since we talked about it because it's such a normal part of our daily routine is we have these six buckets that we call our family framework. Speaker 4 (3:48) and H told me about them on our first date, but basically it's the things we prioritize, and we go through and we rank them on a scale of one to 10. So for example, well, let's go through the buckets. We've done this before. Let's do it again. So it's family, which is like our family, also our extended families. Career. So for H, that's the naked market. Speaker 1 (4:06) Your day-to-day impact. What Speaker 4 (4:08) are Speaker 1 (4:08) you doing on a day-to-day basis to fulfill yourself? Speaker 4 (4:12) Relationships with him and I. Speaker 1 (4:13) I love life. Speaker 4 (4:15) Health. Speaker 1 (4:16) Yeah, both physical and mental. Because you can't have one without the other. Speaker 4 (4:19) Yeah, I think the emphasis on that one is mental. Spirituality, which for some people is religion. But I always joke and say, my friend Jennifer Welch always says that her religion is politics. So that bucket to me is kind of like your favorite hobby. But for us, I mean, I put that as a spirituality, religion bucket. And then which one have I forgotten? Speaker 1 (4:40) Family, community. Speaker 4 (4:42) Oh, community, your village. Your Speaker 1 (4:43) village, Speaker 4 (4:44) your people, your friends. Okay. So we take all those and we're constantly ranking it. So the example I gave was my mental health a couple of weeks ago. Harrison was like, okay, how are you feeling? I was like, my mental health bucket is a six out of 10. Speaker 1 (4:58) You kind of, you spoke to it, you alluded to it on the pod for sure. Speaker 4 (5:01) Yeah. I was like, I'm feeling overwhelmed. This is when I was weaning off of breastfeeding too. So he's like, okay, well, what can you, what's not fulfilling? You know, what can you afford to give up? So I thought about it and I was like, breastfeeding is taking a mental and physical toll on me and I'm starting to resent it. So I'll get rid of that. And I stopped writing my sub stack because whenever I was postpartum with Rocky, we added three episodes on here on the pod a week. And I started writing my sub stack and I was like, it's too much. I'm too overwhelmed trying to like have a newborn do all this. So I stopped writing the sub stack and I stopped breastfeeding. We checked back in last week and Harrison said, how are you feeling? How's the one to 10? I was like, we're back up to an eight or a nine. So that's an example of when one of the buckets is low, you prioritize it. Speaker 3 (5:41) And Speaker 4 (5:41) that's what we discussed. And I think it really landed because the other thing I talked about was. Speaker 4 (5:48) Harrison asked me, you know, how. So we talked about our relationship bucket and we define our roles before having Tate and Rocky, because when you have a kid, it's going to strain your relationship, of course. So what we did was we sat down and we defined roles and responsibilities like if I'm breastfeeding, he's doing morning and night duty. Also, Harrison likes quality time. So we go on copy dates together. But I like words of affirmation. Right. Harrison says to me, okay, that all sounds good in theory, but what if... Speaker 1 (6:20) Yeah, how does this all work in reality? You can say you're going to do stuff as a couple, but then life comes at you and people get tired and new responsibilities come up. And so what happens when one person in the relationship isn't feeling like their partner's holding up their end of the bargain? How do you bring that up? Speaker 4 (6:36) This is the secret sauce, I think, of the family framework, which is in our past relationships, what we probably would have done is if our relationship bucket was at a 5 out of 10, right? we would have said, okay, number one, we would have built up a bunch of resentment and just like spewed it out one bad day. Or number two, we would have tried to communicate it, but it would have been ineffective. And I always say your message is only as loud as it can be heard. And so now what we're able to say is, hey, my relationship bucket isn't full. And the reason it's not full is because I feel like, yeah, I'm vacuuming and you're taking out the trash, but I feel disconnected from you. Like I want to flirt with you. We need to go on dates. And so then Harrison, Harrison doesn't feel attacked whenever I say that, right? We've already named that we care about these things. So he just is like, okay, relationship bucket, let's prioritize it. Then we'll check back in two weeks later and we'll see how are we feeling about it. So it's a really, really, really effective way to communicate inside your relationship, especially when you've got kids, I think. Speaker 1 (7:38) Yeah. I think to build a bit off what you just said, and part of the beauty of this is I think most people would agree that they value these six things. Speaker 4 (7:49) Totally. Speaker 1 (7:49) Right. But where it does get novel is by defining them, by committing to them, by bringing them to the family system, and by consistently talking about them and monitoring them, it... allows you to really stay on top of the things that matter in your life. And the one thing to double tap on, I'm not sure how clear we made it, but a very important piece of this, of the family framework, is ranking each bucket and how you feel on each bucket consistently. Because that way, if you're, you know... you consistently add a nine out of 10 or an eight out of 10 or 10 out of 10 in the mental and physical health category, but it dips to a five, you can catch it and you have something to previously compare it to and then get it back on track. Speaker 4 (8:53) So family, love life, relationship, community, your village, your career, spirituality, and mental, physical health. How do you decide where you're going to put your effort towards? Because you just touched on this. If one of the buckets is low. Speaker 1 (9:08) Yeah, that's exactly where it is. And you identify what's low and that's where you spend time. Like if you're 9 out of 10 or 10 out of 10 in an area, there's not nearly as much benefit to taking like your mental and physical health from a 9 out of 10 to a 10 out of 10 as there is like improving your community bucket from a 3 out of 10 to. 2 and 8 out of 10. Now, yeah, so we talked about like how this all came to be, more examples of it getting implemented, the process of tracking. Well, hold Speaker 4 (9:40) on. I want to stop on one thing you just said. Speaker 1 (9:42) Because Speaker 4 (9:42) I think what – so what he's saying is if you have a bucket that's a 3, like if you're in really good shape but you don't have a lot of friends right now or your friends feel like you're never there for them, that's really important because it's easier if you're in really good shape to just keep going to the gym. Yeah. But instead, what Harrison's saying is, if you value friendship and community in your village. If Speaker 1 (10:03) you value balance. If you Speaker 4 (10:04) value this and it's out of three, well, it will behoove you to raise that to a 10. So focus your time there. Don't focus more time on the gym. Speaker 1 (10:13) Yeah. And we're kind of like patching how we're talking about this together right now. We're going to do a full episode on it. Speaker 3 (10:18) You know what we need to talk about, which you guys didn't talk about, is how these things... Speaker 3 (10:24) can overlap and like how you can Take Speaker 4 (10:28) your friends to the gym. Take your Speaker 3 (10:29) friends to the gym like habit stacking the Speaker 4 (10:32) buckets beautiful Speaker 1 (10:35) Very good call. Very good call. Very good call. This Speaker 4 (10:38) episode is brought to you by Honest. With a five-month-old and a two-year-old at home, our days are basically one nonstop stream of tiny decisions from what goes on their skin to what we grab for bath time, snuggles, spills, and every mess in between. And right now, we're being extra careful in our household about anything that touches our kids' skin over and over throughout the day. And that's exactly why Honest makes baby essentials for life's most delicate skin. Every product is... to their highest standard, the honest standard, which means they're intentional about each ingredient they include. and each one they leave out. Plus, their products are hypoallergenic and dermatologist tested. You've heard us talk about how Harrison and I check the label on literally everything, and the Honest brand is one where we don't have to double check. Not having to stand in the aisle scanning every ingredient on the list is a game changer, because as parents, we just don't have time or headspace, to be honest, for that on every shopping trip. From their clean, conscious wipes to their two-in-one shampoo and body wash, every product is made with the delicate details that matter. most in mind. Honest, the mother of all standards. Shop Honest on Amazon, Walmart, and Target. So speaking of habit stacking, it reminds me of Lauren Bostick, who I think that that's like one of my friends who asked me, like, oh my gosh. Anything Speaker 1 (11:54) else to say on the family framework? Speaker 3 (11:57) No, but let's say that we'll do something more in depth. Speaker 1 (12:00) Yeah. Speaker 3 (12:01) I'd Speaker 4 (12:02) like to run similar to what we talked about. Our podcast audience. Yeah. Speaker 1 (12:06) A deep dive into it. I would love to. Which Speaker 4 (12:09) we just did a semi-deep. The last thing I'll say on it. Do the Speaker 1 (12:11) high-level overview. Is I'm really quick Speaker 4 (12:13) to feel overwhelmed. And this has really helped me because sometimes I'll be like, everything is overwhelming me. And Harrison will be like, I bet it's not everything. Let's talk through it. How are you feeling about your friends and your village? And I'll say, I feel good. How are you feeling about mental, physical health? Good. How are you feeling about your career? So overwhelmed. And he's like, then everything's not overwhelming you. Actually, you've got some buckets that are really, really good. But yeah, you should make some changes in the career bucket. And then we do the same thing with him when it's like, I feel over. But he's a systems thinker. Harrison is able to think about things in a systematic format where I'm not. It's all jumbled for me. So these buckets really help. Okay, so yes. I think that one thing that's interesting to talk about is like when we met the Bostics because we met them before this and they were like, I always wonder how people are going to be in person. Right. And one thing I loved, I loved about Lauren was like she came in the room and she was talking to everybody, just asking them about them. They were very down to earth. They're very professional. Like Dear Media has been, it's been a great, this was a really good first step kicking off with them. Like we got to meet a lot of people that were on the social, that do ad sales, some in Austin, some New York, some LA. And Dear Media is just a very well-oiled machine and the Bostics were very, very nice. Speaker 1 (13:32) Yeah, very well-resourced. Speaker 4 (13:34) Yeah. Speaker 1 (13:35) like they have a lot of people and a lot of talented people and the event was a very good reflection of that yeah Speaker 4 (13:43) yeah very but it's a good um it was a good jumping off point for us like we announced on monday and then on saturday we had this event and that was like that timing was perfect yeah you Speaker 3 (13:53) know what's crazy is like there's so many people that i've been interfacing with over email or over zoom and like then we just got to meet like We wouldn't have gotten to meet all of them so quickly if we didn't have this. But I just feel like we're... Speaker 3 (14:08) with the extra resources that we're getting from them. It's like, we're just interfacing with so many more people on a daily or weekly basis. And, and I'm like, whoa, Speaker 4 (14:17) that's what Lauren said. She's like, okay, how's it been? And I was like, you guys are very high touch. Yeah. Speaker 3 (14:21) We feel Speaker 4 (14:22) very taken care of. Speaker 3 (14:24) Yeah. And Speaker 4 (14:24) it's fun that they're in Austin. I do. I, they, they, everyone was like, come to the office. And I was like, wait, we'll come. Speaker 1 (14:29) Yeah. It's a big transition from like the four of us just like sitting in this room and, you know, consistently recording and, and, um getting things out to now be like whoa like there's real um real brain power and resources to help they Speaker 4 (14:48) help grow Speaker 1 (14:48) in the pod but Speaker 4 (14:49) i i remember like i remember finding lauren long time ago and she's built a she's really built a real network i mean that's pretty cool to see yeah for Speaker 1 (14:59) sure so um i want i want to kind of