It’s Not All Men, But It’s Always a Man
Trying Not to Care
The host discusses the Cornell 7 assault case, where seven men brutally attacked a woman known as Jane Doe and faced minimal consequences, sparking
Key takeaways
- Jane Doe filed a 101-page lawsuit against Cornell University after seven men assaulted her and faced only expulsions or essay assignments.
- A Snapchat group chat named "active chai-fi members" contained messages like "free pussy upstairs," yet zero of the ~60 members reported it.
Main topics
- Cornell 7 assault case & legal aftermath
- "Not all men" debate & male accountability
Notable quotes
"If you do not sit at the top with the men who protect women and confront men who hurt women, you're unsafe."
Conclusion
The episode serves as both a personal reckoning and a call to action, urging listeners
Transcript preview
Speaker 2 (0:00) For many of us, going further isn't a choice. It's a feeling we can't ignore because ambition has a way of outgrowing where it began. Speaker 2 (0:11) Turning dreams into direction. Speaker 2 (0:17) Every journey brings us closer to the life we imagine. Speaker 2 (0:23) So, where will your journey take you? Etihad. Beyond borders. Speaker 1 (0:29) Hello, welcome to or welcome back to Trying to Care. If you're new here, my name is Ashley and I upload every single Monday. Today's episode is definitely going to be a heavier one and I do want to give you a trigger warning before listening to this episode. I just didn't feel comfortable recording anything other than this episode and having this conversation because this has consumed all of me this past week as I'm sure it has for so many other women. If you don't know what I'm referring to, I am talking about Cornell University, the Cornell 7, where seven men brutally essayed, I say essayed because I don't know what I can and can't say without being censored, brutally attacked this woman. for seven hours. She wants to stay anonymous, so we're referring to her as Jane Doe. The reason that this is resurfacing now and why it's gaining traction and why you're hearing about it now, even though it happened in 2024, is because Jane Doe went to Cornell University's police department and reported being attacked by these men, and no charges were filed against any of them. Two of them were expelled, and the rest had to write essays. essays. So now, September 2026, Jane Doe has filed a 101-page lawsuit alleging that these men did what they did and the university took no action, did not protect her. She had to leave the school and drop her education while these men walked free and continue living life like nothing happened. And on top of that, Chi Phi, the fraternity, had a Snapchat group chat called active chai-fi members where these seven men who were actively assaulting Jane Doe were talking about it in the group chat. These men were saying things like free pussy upstairs in this group chat and you know how many of those men in that group chat, I think 57 close to 60, reported it? Zero. Zero of them stood up for what was right even though they clearly saw something was wrong. Something was happening. And you know, maybe not all 57 men participated in this assault. And maybe some of these men, I'll give them the benefit of doubt, even though they shouldn't have that, were asleep or they weren't looking at their messages when this was happening. Correct me if I'm wrong, because I haven't been on Snapchat in a very long time. If someone sent something, you could still see it the next day. It's still in the group chat. So you're telling me these guys woke up the next morning, saw what was happening and still didn't say anything. I know that there will be some people who see the title of today's episode and will immediately feel outraged by it and want to be defensive because they love their boyfriend or they have a really good guy best friend or they love their dad. I want to make it clear that I'm not claiming that every man out there is dangerous. It is about the reality that women do not know which men are safe and which men are not safe until it is too late. And if that statement alone outrages you, if you feel personally attacked, I want to ask you to direct your anger at men who harm women. Not me, not Jane Doe, and not women who are fearful of men. Every time something like this happens, women are expected to have the perfect safety plan. Don't walk home alone. Watch your drink. Make sure you have something on you to protect yourself. And then something does happen to women and no one wants to believe that it occurred. They want to say, oh, that didn't happen. There's no way you're lying. Something happens to us and people want to blame us and say, well, you didn't protect yourself enough. You shouldn't have done that. You shouldn't have done this. You know, people are saying, well, Jane Doe shouldn't have gone to the frat house. She shouldn't have taken drugs. We are always blamed for the actions of a man. So today I want to talk about why we say all men, even though obviously it's not all men, why we as women feel so unsafe. the contradiction that women have to face where we're being told to protect ourselves, but then something happens to us and people want to act like there's no way that someone would take advantage of us or hurt us. Although I am angry and this has been a difficult week for me, as I'm sure so many of you. I still want to have a productive conversation. I want this episode to be a reminder that there is power in talking about these things openly and not being accused of lying or fearing that people aren't going to believe you. There is power in believing women, in listening to other women, and in refusing to let fear and silence isolate us. I want this conversation to be a reminder that if you have ever been in a similar situation or you have ever just felt unsafe or uncomfortable around a man, you are not alone. And although we might not have control over every person or over every situation, we do have control over whether we speak up or not and whether we support one another and whether we demand more and better. for us women. Women should be able to just exist freely and not fear going to the grocery store or going for a walk or going out to eat. We should be able to live the same exact lives and have the same care and consideration and just basic human decency that men have so freely. So that is what we're going to talk about today. I hope that you enjoy this episode. I hope that it helps you in some way. So let's get into it. This episode is sponsored by Fabletics. I've been wearing Fabletics for over a year now, so when I heard that new VIPs could get 70 to 80 % off their first order, I was like, okay, this is a good deal. Their pieces are so soft, they're so comfortable, they're so flattering, and they hold up very well even after you wear them a lot or you wash them. Every season, I like to switch up the pieces I order from Fabletics. During the fall and winter, I love their Sherpa jackets and sweatpants. I live in loungewear, so I'm constantly reaching for pieces to hang around the house in to do some work. and record the podcast and obviously for working out. My favorite workout pieces are from Fabletics because when I'm working out, I want something that I'm not constantly adjusting or thinking about. I just want it to be comfortable and for it to work. And with Fabletics, you're getting that higher quality active wear without having to spend a ton. So if you've been thinking of trying Fabletics, getting 70 to 80 % off your first order as a new VIP is a pretty great way to do it. And you can skip or cancel at any time. So there's a lot of flexibility there too. Shop now at fabletics.com slash TNTC to get 70 to 80 % off. Speaker 1 (7:34) Like I was just saying, there are people who are going to look at the Chai-Fi group chat and say, You know, the rest of the members who didn't actively participate in assaulting Jane Doe shouldn't be held responsible because they didn't do it. Like they were just in the group chat. What do you expect them to do? I expect them to speak up and confront their friends when they see their friends doing something horrific. And also, I just don't believe that. something as horrific and disturbing wasn't talked about outside of the group chat. The way those guys were talking about Jane Doe in the group chat was as if they won a prize. They were proud of what they were doing. One of the guys said, free pussy and alum PU. Scott Norris responded, free? Matthew Ingalls responded, I fucking love chai phai. You don't think these guys were boasting about what they did the day after to all of their guy