Sonia Hebdon: When Hope Wins: Parenting Autism, Trauma, Mental Illness, and Finding the Light Again

Tony Mantor: Why Not Me ?

Tony Mantor interviews Sonia Hebden about raising a daughter with autism and Dissociative Identity Disorder while navigating severe family crises, including suicidal ideation, self-harm, psychosis, and years of sleep

Key takeaways

• Sonia Hebden describes her family as an 'Addams family' because of unusual incidents involving her daughter's alters, including one alter named Genevieve who would appear at odd hours and another named Jenny who once tried to free chickens from a semi-trailer.
• She urges parents of girls on the spectrum to consult gynecologists about hormonal mental health issues after puberty, noting that specialists in Brisbane recommended an implant to stabilize hormones before her daughter's condition worsened.

Main topics

• Parenting a child with autism and Dissociative Identity Disorder
• Suicidal ideation, self-harm, psychosis, and crisis management

Notable quotes

It means a very unique family where the most bizarre things happen at the most unexpected times.

Conclusion

The episode offers practical, emotionally grounded guidance for parents facing autism,

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) What if everything you thought you knew about autism and mental health wasn't the full story? Today's conversation might change the way you see it. Welcome to Why Not Me? Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide. Where real conversations and lived experiences inspire understanding and hope. I'm Tony Mantor. This is where understanding begins. If this kind of conversation matters to you, then follow the show. So you don't miss what comes next. Speaker 2 (0:30) What does it take to keep going when your family Speaker 1 (0:32) is facing autism, severe mental health challenges, trauma, and unimaginable obstacles? Today, we're joined by author, speaker, and homeschooling mom, Sonia Hebden, whose extraordinary journey inspired her book, The Crazy Mother's Guide to Parenting Exceptional Children. Today, Sonia shares powerful lessons about hope, resilience, faith, parenting through crisis, and why no family should ever have to face these challenges alone. This is an honest, emotional, and deeply encouraging conversation you won't want to miss. Thanks for joining us today. Speaker 2 (1:10) Thanks for having me on. It's awesome. Speaker 1 (1:13) Oh, it's my pleasure. You describe yourself as the Christian Adams family. Can you tell me what that means to you? Speaker 2 (1:20) Oh. It means a very unique family where the most bizarre things happen at the most unexpected times. And our lives has been something that should be in a film, but it's real. Speaker 1 (1:36) Very Speaker 2 (1:37) unusual stories, parenting stories where I will sit after the incident and think, was this real? Can Speaker 1 (1:44) you give me an example of that? Speaker 2 (1:45) I can give you an example. My daughter, she has... autism, but she also has multiple personalities. She has an alter who's just like Rick Mayle from Drop Dead Fred and the young ones. Do you know Rick Mayle? Speaker 1 (2:00) Yeah. Okay. Speaker 2 (2:00) Yeah. So that Rick character, the real out there, and that is Genevieve. When she comes forward, she's, everybody, I'm out. Where are you? It could be four o'clock in the morning. And Speaker 1 (2:13) I will hear that scream echoing down. the hallway and Speaker 2 (2:17) then I'll hear, she'll put the Teletubbies on and then I hear time for Teletubbies, time for Teletubbies. It's like, oh, she's out. I'd open the door and there'd be a line of fruit. She got my entire fruit bowl and put an entire line like a trail for me to find her. Speaker 1 (2:33) Wow. That's interesting. Can you expand on that? Speaker 2 (2:36) So Jenny is my daughter's main altar now. Speaker 1 (2:40) Okay. Speaker 2 (2:42) Years ago, we had some medical appointments in Brisbane and we were coming back and we wanted to pick up some takeaway. And there was Speaker 1 (2:49) this great hamburger place on the highway just before we Speaker 2 (2:52) got into town. So my husband went in to order dinner and I was there with my two kids. I noticed my daughter started twitching. And when she twitches, I know Jenny's coming out. Speaker 1 (3:03) Okay. Speaker 2 (3:04) parked behind us was a huge semi that was going to the chicken factory. It had hundreds and hundreds of chickens in cages that were going to be processed. Speaker 1 (3:16) So Speaker 2 (3:16) she turns around. Hi, Smelly. She calls everyone Smelly. Hi, Smelly. I'm out. Hang on. What are the chickens doing in the cages? And she wanted to get out of the car and free the chickens. Speaker 1 (3:31) Okay. So what happened next? Speaker 2 (3:33) So I had Speaker 1 (3:34) to Speaker 2 (3:34) quickly hit the child safety lock. And my son's trying to restrain her. I'm just, you know, hubby, hurry up. So he finally comes back with the takeaway and I unlock it so I could get in and lock it again. You know, if she had gotten out, there would have been hundreds of chickens on the highway and it would have been a real game of Crossy Rock. Speaker 1 (3:53) Yeah, that could have been a disaster. Speaker 2 (3:56) That's just an example of the unusual things that became norm for us. That's why I've always considered us to be an Addams family because she's like Wednesday, Wednesday Addams, just like that. Speaker 1 (4:09) I believe it's about five years ago that you nearly lost your daughter. Speaker 2 (4:13) Yeah, I did. Speaker 1 (4:15) Can you give us a little bit of information about that journey that went along with that situation that you had to go through? Speaker 2 (4:24) When a child hits puberty, especially a girl, they have a lot of hormonal issues, especially if they're on the spectrum, and that can actually cause severe mental health issues. And a lot of parents don't know that. So before our daughter hit puberty, we were recommended to see some specialists, some gynecologists in Brisbane at a children's hospital that focused on mental health and hormones for girls. So we had a meeting and they told us, they said, look, we're going to tell you that a majority of girls, once they hit 13, the hormones and they're on the spectrum, they actually have severe mental health issues because of the hormones. You need to treat it with a birth control, the insert implant. that stabilizes the hormones. You know, she was only 12 and they said, wait a couple of years and come back. Speaker 1 (5:15) That's a lot to digest. What was your thoughts on it? Speaker 2 (5:18) I felt, you know, I'm thinking, is this extreme or, you know? So she hit puberty and we just watched her and we saw her mental health steadily decline. And I wish I would have gotten her straight back to the gynecologist and explored that route to stabilize. hormones. Speaker 1 (5:39) And Speaker 2 (5:40) I was diagnosed with PMDD, which is a severe form of PMS that incorporates suicidal depression every month. Speaker 1 (5:50) I Speaker 2 (5:51) had battled this for years and ever since I was 20. So I had mental health diagnosis of PTSD, severe depression, clinical depression. But it wasn't until I was 40 that it was finally diagnosed that it was actually a hormonal imbalance the whole time, not a mental health issue. Speaker 1 (6:12) Finding that out, what happened next? Speaker 2 (6:14) Once it was treated, I've been stabilized in that area for like 13 years now. Speaker 1 (6:20) Okay. So Speaker 2 (6:21) I want parents, especially of girls who see mental health declining once they hit puberty, please go and see a gynecologist and explore this. area. Speaker 1 (6:31) Right. Speaker 2 (6:32) Because a lot of them have it. You know, that's one thing I wish I acted on instead of being, oh, I can't have a child on the pill. You know, she's so young. Yeah. I should have done it. Speaker 1 (6:42) Now, during those years, you were basically on a suicide watch. Yeah. What kept you going when you felt completely exhausted? Speaker 2 (6:51) My faith. I have been a Christian now for 15, 20 years. Speaker 1 (6:56) Okay. When Speaker 2 (6:57) I was at my lowest, I would just pray. And My husband, I'm very lucky that I have a supportive husband. We've been married now for 28 years. Speaker 1 (7:07) Nice. Speaker 2 (7:08) He was the optimist. So he'd be like, we'll get through this. God will get us through this. You just have to take it day by day. Speaker 1 (7:16) Okay. I Speaker 2 (7:17) would go in the shower absolutely exhausted. I would cry and just get it all out. I would sit on the shower floor hysterical and then I'd get out and then I'd be back in fighter mode. My husband actually gave up his career. He worked in records management and also a trained editor working for a government, the government. education system, Speaker 1 (7:37) edited Speaker 2 (7:38) the online programs, gave up his career to become a full-time carer with me because we've got two kids so that I could sleep in the afternoon. Speaker 1 (7:46) Wow, that's great. Speaker 2 (7:47) We'd take shifts, but I'm lucky. A