Robert J. Bernstein: Unlocking the Untapped Potential of Autism Through Understanding, Not Labels

Tony Mantor: Why Not Me ?

In this episode of 'Why Not Me?', Tony Mantor interviews Robert J. Bernstein, a seasoned educational and behavior therapist with over 35 years of

Key takeaways

• Autism is not a monolithic condition; each person's experience is unique and should be approached individually.
• The concept of 'Uniquely Normal' suggests that every autistic individual has moments of clarity and normalcy that can be nurtured into consistent functioning.

Main topics

• Autism as an individualized experience
• Cognitive-based therapeutic approaches

Notable quotes

"If you met one person with autism, you met one person." – Stephen Shaw

Conclusion

Robert J. Bernstein's message underscores a transformative shift in how autism is understood and

Transcript preview

Speaker 5 (0:00) I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 8 (0:34) Hey, this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 4 (1:02) On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 1 (1:37) If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 3 (2:07) What if everything you thought you knew about autism and mental health wasn't the full story. Today's conversation might change the way you see it. Welcome to Why Not Me? Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide, where real conversations and lived experiences inspire understanding and hope. I'm Tony Mantor. This is where understanding begins. If this kind of conversation matters to you, then follow the show so you don't miss what comes next. Joining us today... is Robert J. Bernstein, a nationally recognized educational and behavior therapist who has spent more than 35 years working with children on the autism spectrum and helping families discover practical, real-world strategies for growth and connection. His work is built around the belief that every child possesses untapped potential and that meaningful progress begins by recognizing and nurturing the strengths that already exist. Today, we'll talk about autism, his groundbreaking approach, the inspiration behind his books, and why empowering families may be one of the most effective tools we have in helping autistic children thrive. Thanks for joining us. Speaker 2 (3:22) Well, I'm excited. I'm glad to have met you. I didn't know it was that you had this background, this passion for autism. It's my life's work. Speaker 3 (3:31) Let's start at the beginning. Can you tell us a little about your journey? What first led you into working with autistic children? Speaker 2 (3:38) Well, a couple of things. I have a brother on the autism spectrum. I have a son on the autism spectrum. And then educationally, I feel like I want to be totally, you know, open and honest and transparent, is that I really felt that I could really understand the minds of people in general in a certain way. Speaker 3 (4:01) Right. Speaker 2 (4:02) So when you say mental health, I'm thinking of well-being. Sure. I'm with a client now in his 20s, and it's like he just has to learn to be and be happy and be at peace with himself. Speaker 3 (4:14) Right. It Speaker 2 (4:14) doesn't have much to do with autism, but in a way it does because his thinking drives him crazy. Sure. I had this connection to people, and I wanted to be in a classroom setting as an educator helping kids. And the system caters to special ed having fewer kids. I didn't care. I just wanted the number not to be 30, but to be 8 or 9 or 10. Speaker 3 (4:38) Right. And Speaker 2 (4:39) the field that people didn't know about, at least back then when I was doing it, really was autism. Speaker 3 (4:47) Mental Speaker 2 (4:47) retardation we had at that time, intellectually disabled, we had an idea of what to do. Speaker 3 (4:53) Right. Speaker 2 (4:53) Autism has been, it still is kind of a mystery. Speaker 3 (4:56) Yes. Speaker 2 (4:57) Like, what is going on? You know, we have levels that really don't tell you much. So I got into the field. I have a kid on the spectrum who I was the provider for his entire life because I didn't trust the system to help him. Sure. And then these people on the spectrum are fascinating. Like my friend, Stephen Shaw, his saying is, if you met one person with autism, you met one person. He's the one who said it. And it is. It's like you got me at a good time because I just spoke to a group of parents on how to help their kids. You know, this is the talk. And it's like every person is just, it is inventing the wheel every time. And it's really exciting. People's minds are, go ahead. Speaker 3 (5:43) You've been fortunate to have your work featured by outlets like Dateline, NBC, The New York Times, which has brought your message to a much broader audience. What do you think it is about your story and your perspective on autism that resonated so strongly with them? And despite all the progress that's been made, what do you believe people still don't fully understand about autism and the families that live with it every day? Speaker 2 (6:09) The easy answer is that success. I've really had success with, I don't know if you know Bernard Meltzer? Speaker 3 (6:16) Yes, I've heard that name. Speaker 2 (6:19) He had a talk show and I was on his talk show. Fears of the pocketbook and the fears of the heart. I mean, I got going back 40. It's ridiculous. I was on his show. He says, what's your, you know, what's your success rate? And I had to really kind of figure it out. You know, it's high. I mean, I've been successful in teaching people to help others. Speaker 3 (6:42) Right. Speaker 2 (6:43) That's one thing that got people's attention. But I think it's really my approach is a cognitive one. I want to understand the why somebody acts the way they do. Speaker 3 (6:54) Okay. You wrote a book. It's entitled Uniquely Normal. Speaker 2 (6:58) Yeah. Speaker 3 (6:59) That's a great title, by the way. What does uniquely normal mean to you personally? How has that definition changed over time? Speaker 2 (7:08) Wow. Okay. Is this a visual? Should I show what we're talking about? Speaker 3 (7:13) No, no, it's just audio only. You can show me, but people won't see it. But Speaker 2 (7:19) I love the subtitle, Tapping the Reservoir of Normalcy Speaker 3 (7:25) to Speaker 2 (7:25) Treat Autism. Speaker 3 (7:27) And Speaker 2 (7:27) that says maybe more than just the title Uniquely Normal, that even kids who are severely autistic, and almost every parent will agree with me, that there are moments. when this kid is like so clear, clearly thinking, or he says something that's, where did that come from? Speaker 3 (7:46) Right. And Speaker 2 (7:46) I feel there's a reservoir of normalcy there that we could tap into. And this comes up in my practice, I don't know, maybe once a month I'm telling somebody, you see what I'm talking about? You know, that's the level. Speaker 3 (8:03) Yeah. Speaker 2 (8:04) that I want that level to be 80 % instead of the 10%. I want that to be the norm. I don't want that to be just remarkable. I want that to be who he is. Okay. Speaker 3 (8:15) Now that Uniquely Normal has been out for a while, you've had the opportunity to speak across the country and connect with so many families. What conversations keep coming up? What themes or questions do you hear over and over again from parents, educators? And have those conversations changed the way you think about autism or reinforced the message you set out to share in your book? It's a good question. I Speaker 2 (8:40) think my idea of early language development, because of what's happening now, for the most part, is the opposite of my philosophy of education. What happens now, this might be an exaggeration, but I may not, Speaker 3 (8:53) that Speaker 2 (8:54) lots of speech therapists, you know, they're assigned to get the kid to talk. Speaker 3 (8:58) Right. Speaker 2 (9:00) most common early words of kids and they, whatever, there's a whole list, dog or house. And they show this kid a picture of a dog and say dog. And I'm saying language should come from within. Speaker 3 (9:11) So Speaker 2 (9:12) in this book, I tell you exactly, I mean, it's like stories, 40, 27 stories of what I, exactly what I do with each person. I tell you exactly what I do to get this kid to talk. It's getting language from within themselves because that's how we learn to speak. Speaker 3 (9:29) Right. So Speaker 2 (9:29) if I asked you your first word, your first word is besides mom and dad, mommy and daddy, whatever. Your first word is probably not going to be chair. Speaker 3 (9:37) Right. Or Speaker 2 (9:37) door. Sure. Your first word is often going