The end of etiquette
Today, Explained
This episode explores the perceived erosion of social etiquette and the 'social contract' in modern society. Through interviews with experts
Key takeaways
- Kirstie Sedgman argues that the social contract is fundamental to human civilization as it allows us to trust strangers.
- The post-COVID era has seen a measurable increase in perceived rudeness among Americans.
Main topics
- The Social Contract
- Public Transportation Etiquette
Notable quotes
Etiquette is not a rigid code of manners. It is simply how persons' lives touch one another.
Conclusion
Etiquette serves as a vital tool for navigating shared spaces and main
Transcript preview
Speaker 6 (0:00) Hey, everybody. Cassidy Hubberth here. This week on And Mom, we spoke with Grammy Award winning musician Corinne Bailey Ray about taking her kids on tour, becoming a widow at 29, and how she felt about having a home birth. Check out the latest episode of And Mom wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 3 (0:20) Megan Rapinoe here. This week on Why Are You Like This, I am talking with comedian Amber Ruffin. We dig into all the twists and the turns of her journey from losing the White House Correspondents Dinner and missing out on SNL to becoming a writer for Seth Meyers and getting her own Peacock TV show. Plus, I'm giving you a behind-the-curtain look on Rebecca Hunt's documentary About Me. Check out the latest episode of Why Are You Like This wherever you get podcasts and on YouTube. Speaker 6 (0:52) The etiquette has been lost that you're not an island alone. I don't understand. Like, I just wouldn't do that. I think it's so annoying. Just talk. Let's be Speaker 8 (1:02) civilized. Speaker 8 (1:08) Okay, this morning, I was trying to get to work and racing for the train. I'm about to swipe my card so that I can step through when this woman blatantly pushes ahead of me in line. We end up both getting to the train just in time. But I'm like, are you really so much more important than the rest of us that the rules don't apply to you? When we're children, we learn how to stand in line. That you wait for your turn at the water fountain. You wait for your turn to grab a pencil. You wait for your turn to tap your card so that you can get on the metro. She did not wait her turn. Speaker 8 (1:52) I'm not the only person who's irritated by this kind of thing. Almost a half of Americans say that they've noticed people have gotten ruder in the wake of the COVID pandemic. It's like people don't know how to act anymore. This week, I'm writing for Basic Manners. I'm Speaker 4 (2:09) curious, where did the days go Speaker 6 (2:11) where people Speaker 4 (2:12) were kind? Speaker 2 (2:12) No excuse me, Speaker 6 (2:13) no Speaker 2 (2:14) pardon me, no, hey man, can I get by you? Speaker 6 (2:18) How do you walk past somebody and don't even acknowledge them? Everybody's got no manners. Speaker 8 (2:25) I'm John Glenn Hill. This is Explain It To Me from Vox. And today, we're going to learn some manners. Speaker 2 (2:41) Manners, of course, are a really good thing because they encourage us to think about others and to behave in ways that are not antisocial and potentially even dangerous. Speaker 8 (2:52) Kirstie Sedgman is a professor at the University of Bristol, and she wrote the book on being unreasonable, breaking the rules and making things better. For Speaker 2 (3:00) me, it boils down to, was it a rule that was built for a particular time that is now obsolete? Who was it built to benefit in the first place? And how can we have these conversations so that we figure out what we want, what we all want social life and public space to be like in a way that benefits everybody and doesn't accidentally exclude? Speaker 2 (3:27) It's not inherently elitist at all to ask people to adhere to what we call the social contract, which is that system of rules and norms that encourage pro-social behavior and discourage deviance. And in fact, when I started researching on being unreasonable, I found out that the social contract is the only reason that we were able to form societies and civilizations at all. And it's really... common to say that the reason that we're able to form these societies is because we developed the ability to use tools but actually just as fundamental was the ability to develop these contracts that would encourage us to trust strangers rather than to see them as a threat. Speaker 8 (4:16) Oh, I think that's so interesting because this idea of a social contract, you know, this responsibility we have for others, putting your trust in others, being dependable for others. How is that holding up these days? Are we still abiding by our social contract? Speaker 2 (4:34) That's what troubles me. So as far back as the ancient Greeks, people like Plato were complaining about. People who used to be respectful and quiet and care about their elders, or at least able, he said, to be controlled with a stick if they became deviant, had suddenly found their tongues and were talking back to the people in power in a way that he felt to be completely disrespectful. Speaker 6 (5:04) Sound-mindedness is doing everything in an orderly manner and quietly in walking on the streets. in conversation, and doing everything else in a similar fashion. Speaker 2 (5:15) So to some extent, we've been thinking that the social contract is on the verge of collapsing for over 2,000 years now. But it is uncontrovertible. that we are now in an age where we are being encouraged and indeed deliberately incentivized to think in individualistic rather than in communitarian ways. So to ask ourselves not what is best for us as a society, but what is best for me as an individual. Speaker 8 (5:46) One of the places where I see people thinking like individuals is on public transportation. Why are people acting out there? Speaker 2 (5:56) I think one of the problems is that we're being increasingly crammed into tightly contained spaces. But what we have been seeing increasingly is people breaking rules. And when you see other people... Not moderating their behavior for the good of everybody, but instead doing the things that are right for them that they want to do. It can start to seem a bit like a mugs game. Why should I play by the rules if nobody else is going to do that for me? Speaker 8 (6:28) Yeah, and I feel like you see that a lot on airplanes. I saw a lady walk down the aisle Speaker 6 (6:34) on the airplane barefoot. Go use the restroom barefoot. Speaker 6 (6:41) That's insane. We've got to do better. We Speaker 3 (6:43) should get rid of the reclining button on airplane seats. Speaker 6 (6:46) 100 % agree. That's amazing. Either give us more room or take the button away. Are Speaker 8 (6:51) there any rules we Speaker 2 (6:52) can agree on there? There's a really easy answer, I think, to that question of should we or should we not recline our seats on an airplane? Speaker 2 (7:02) So I call it the reasonable tango because on the one hand, you have one person going, of course it's reasonable to recline seats. They are made to recline. How else are you meant to go to good night's sleep? And on the other hand, you say, but what about people with long legs who will be made physically uncomfortable? And we go round and round like that. Should we or should we not? But for me, it's not so much about yes or no, but how. If we want to recline our seat, how might we go about it? So I try to make a point of turning to the person behind me and saying, do you mind if I recline my seat now? And if they say no, then I'm in a bit of an uncomfortable position because if the person behind me has already reclined their seat, then I've got a much narrower gap. But so far, not a single person that I've ever asked has said no. But what you can do... is just prepare people, get them to move their legs out of the way, and particularly if they've got a drink resting on it, making sure that you don't just wallop that over their legs and give them