318. Quick Thinks: Network Smarter and Make Better Connections

Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

In this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, behavioral researcher Vanessa Van Edwards shares practical communication techniques for building stronger connections at networking

Key takeaways

• Nonverbal cues like open palms and eye contact signal safety and warmth before words are spoken.
• Positioning matters: avoid the 'start zone' (near entry points, food, or bathrooms) where people are distracted; instead, stand near exits to intercept people who are ready for conversation.

Main topics

• Nonverbal communication
• Networking strategies

Notable quotes

We are now competing in conversation with someone's feed.

Conclusion

Effective communication isn't just about what you say—it's about how you show up. By mastering subtle

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) Hi, Matt here. I wanted to remind you that for each episode, we provide English language learning support, where we share useful information to help you develop your English skills. Check out these English language learning and other resources, along with our newsletter and deep dive videos at fastersmarter.io under resources. Now Speaker 1 (0:19) a word from our sponsors. Their support covers Speaker 2 (0:22) the cost of production, allowing us to bring you this episode free of charge. Speaker 2 (0:27) Strawberry.me makes coaching accessible, affordable, and global, connecting you with a coach who's the right fit for you. I've had the privilege of working with some truly great coaches, and I've also spent many years coaching others. And I can tell you firsthand, coaching makes a real difference. The challenge is that coaching has often felt out of reach for a lot of people. It can be expensive, difficult to access, or something people assume is only for senior executives. That's why I really appreciate what Strawberry.me is doing. Growth shouldn't depend on whether you happen to have access to the right mentor or organization. Everyone deserves support in becoming more effective, more thoughtful, and more confident in how they show up. Visit Strawberry.me slash smart and take 50 % off your first session. Make sure you let them know Matt sent you. That's strawberry.me slash smart. And now back to our conversation. Speaker 2 (1:26) Your body can strengthen your message just as much as your words can. My name's Matt Abrahams, and I teach strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business. Welcome to this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast. My conversation with Vanessa Van Edwards was packed with practical advice for becoming a more confident and engaging communicator. She shared so many useful tips that we couldn't fit them all into one episode. So here come more practical, tactical techniques to help you and your body language reinforce your message. Speaker 2 (2:01) We remember things better when we see congruent gestures with what's said, and that can be really helpful. You have some advice and guidance that's very specific about positioning of hands, palm open, palm down. Can you share a little bit? Now, some of our folks are listening, so we're going to have to describe this. Let's Speaker 1 (2:21) go back to our biology. Why do body language cues translate? How does it work across cultures? How does it work across gender? If we think about... We're about to meet a stranger caveman, like back in our caveman days, right? And we're about to meet a stranger caveman and they're approaching us. And our brain is very quickly trying to decide friend or foe. I ask people, where do you look in a first impression? People always say eye contact or smile. Well, actually, the first place we want to look is someone's hands because you want to see what is their intention. Are they waving hello with a nice open palm? Do they have nothing to hide? There's a reason why we like that open palm is because it literally signals to our brain, ah, this person is safe. They are not hiding anything from us. And their intention is positive. So one of my favorite gestures, ways to hold your hand is open palm, having your palms visible as possible, especially in a first impression. The moment you hop on a call, the moment you walk into a room, whenever I'm working with speakers, the moment you hop on stage, the best gift you can give to your audience is a hello. Happy to be here morning. Or even non-verbally having a hand wave before you even take the mic or take the stage. That is signaling to someone, I am literally open to you. My intention is to build rapport with you, is to literally reach out. And whether or not you're in a handshaking culture or not, we like to feel like we could be palm to palm, right? We like to feel like that. So open palm is one of my favorite gestures, positioning. Speaker 2 (3:44) I'd like to talk about networking. In your book, Captivate, you dissect the anatomy of a networking event. Can you talk us through a few best practices to maximize our effectiveness in networking? And I'd love advice on how to show up, what to say, where to stand, just all the specifics. So Speaker 1 (4:01) as a recovering awkward person, networking events cause me great terror. So as a researcher... What I did was I'm just going to study networking events until I've mastered them. And luckily, we were able to discover some very interesting patterns. So the biggest question I had was, in a networking event, what do I do? Like, where do I go? And I noticed anecdotally myself that when I was having different conversations, they had a different feeling based on where I was in the room. So we did a big speed networking experiment. It was actually across three different events in three different rooms, studying foot patterns. where people went, and then also the quality of