Episode 576: Boundaries are a Blessing

The Whinypaluza Podcast

In Episode 576 of The Whinypaluza Podcast, host Rebecca Green explores the transformative power of boundaries in relationships, framing them as a

Key takeaways

• Boundaries are not selfish—they are essential for healthy relationships and emotional well-being.
• Communicating what isn't working is an act of love, not negativity.

Main topics

• The emotional impact of parenting transitions (e.g., children returning to school)
• Consumer culture and seasonal anticipation (fall products in August)

Notable quotes

"Boundaries are a blessing. You're not being nice by not setting them—you're actually harming the relationship."

"I don't care how late you have to work, but tell me. That's what I need."

Conclusion

Rebecca Green concludes that boundaries are not barriers but bridges—essential tools for

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) No need for whiners, why need for boozers? Speaker 1 (0:04) Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza Podcast with Rebecca Green. Welcome Speaker 3 (0:10) to the Whiny Palooza Podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of three, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have three fur babies at home, too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week. for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family. Speaker 2 (1:18) laughing when we go live. That's a good thing. Speaker 3 (1:21) Okay well hello everyone. Speaker 2 (1:22) Happy Monty Palooza Wednesday. Speaker 3 (1:25) Oh it is Wednesday that's why we're live. I don't even I love that I don't even know what day it is. I'm so confused and I'm going to be very honest before we jump into this topic. Do you know that I'm sad? Speaker 2 (1:41) No, what are you? You Speaker 3 (1:43) didn't know that I was sad? Speaker 2 (1:44) Have Speaker 3 (1:45) you noticed that I have been sad at all? Speaker 2 (1:48) I know one topic that you're sad about. Speaker 3 (1:51) Yes. Speaker 2 (1:53) Is there others that I missed? Speaker 3 (1:55) Are we on the same page about why I'm sad? Speaker 2 (1:59) That pile of stuff over there. Speaker 3 (2:00) So, I am looking... There are actually two... We're going to talk about happy things. We're not going to talk about sad things this whole night. I'm going to tell you two things that I'm sad about. I'm watching all the posts of everyone bringing their freshmen to college. All the freshmen are moving in this week. And I'm like, ugh. It's that time. And I should be excited. Part of my brain is excited, okay? We're going to bring Max back to school soon. He's going to have a phenomenal sophomore year. Yep. I'm excited for him. I actually thought through today when I was having a lot of feelings. And I was like, you don't want him to stay home. You want him to go do sophomore year. Speaker 1 (2:44) Yes. You Speaker 3 (2:44) don't really want him to stay here. You do not. I want him to go do his next year of school. But it's still sad, and my heart, my head is happy, my heart is sad. Speaker 2 (2:54) Understood. So Speaker 3 (2:55) my heart needs to catch up with my head. Did I say that right? Yes, Speaker 2 (2:59) you Speaker 3 (2:59) did. Speaker 2 (2:59) And Speaker 3 (3:00) the other thing is, all the stores have all the fall stuff. Speaker 2 (3:04) Yeah, I saw that when I went to, when you had me go to Wegmans the other day, and they had the things out front that smelled delicious, and I was like, wait a second, it's August, it's not October. Speaker 3 (3:12) What the heck. Why is everyone always rushing Speaker 2 (3:17) to the next season? Yes, Speaker 3 (3:19) and I feel like I haven't caught up with the trend of You have to be ahead to get the things so like for example Wegmans has these beautiful pumpkins out front. I haven't even looked at how much they are and Speaker 2 (3:33) they're like Speaker 3 (3:36) What is the material like porcelain or something? Speaker 2 (3:38) Okay, they're fake. Speaker 3 (3:39) They're fake pumpkins and their statues and they're all out front and usually by the time that I am in the pumpkin move like Speaker 2 (3:48) October by Speaker 3 (3:48) the time I'm ready to like buy pumpkins They're all sold out, but that's the trend with everything like whether it's fall or winter or like summer bathing suits You have to jump like as soon as stuff comes out if you want it Go buy it. It's Speaker 2 (4:05) crazy. Speaker 3 (4:05) You're just making the Speaker 2 (4:06) problem worse. Speaker 3 (4:07) Who, me? By Speaker 2 (4:08) participating. By getting sucked in. Speaker 3 (4:10) I think we should Speaker 2 (4:11) protest. No, Speaker 3 (4:12) because by the time that I want to buy stuff, it's gone. So I have to do it now. The sooner Speaker 2 (4:17) they put it out and the sooner other people buy it and then they put it out even sooner and it's a vicious cycle. Speaker 3 (4:21) And I'm going to go buy these pumpkins at Wegmans and put them out front and my neighbors are going to be like, What are you doing? It's still summer. Speaker 2 (4:29) Don't put pine. Buy them, stick them in a basement. I'm going to. Speaker 3 (4:32) Put them out Speaker 2 (4:32) in October. Speaker 3 (4:33) I'm going to buy them and put them in the garage. Speaker 2 (4:34) Okay. That's fine. Speaker 3 (4:36) Moving Speaker 2 (4:36) to the happy topic. Speaker 3 (4:37) We're going to move on to good stuff. So we love your topic requests. We do get topic requests from people. And we got a topic request for boundaries. And if you do go to winycluse.com, not only will you find the full blog that I wrote, you can also search boundaries. And there are other... Speaker 2 (4:57) There is a Rebecca search engine. Speaker 3 (4:58) There is a search engine for the 12 years of blogs that are there for you to consume whatever topic you want. So we're going to talk about boundaries are a blessing. And I don't know if you think that boundaries are a blessing, but I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts are on boundaries. Did you like the title that I came up with? I Speaker 2 (5:17) did. Do Speaker 3 (5:18) you think that boundaries are a blessing? Speaker 2 (5:20) I think they are a much needed blessing. Speaker 3 (5:23) So I was... I need more of them. I was, yeah. Yes. You and I are going to talk about... Yes. We're going to talk about that. Yes. So you'll understand why I'm so enthusiastic about talking about this with Seth. But... I Speaker 2 (5:37) sense some boundaries coming up. And Speaker 3 (5:39) I'm going to say to you that I think that sometimes people think that they're being nice not setting the boundary. But you're not being nice. And I want to talk about us setting boundaries and I want to talk about when boundaries are set to us. Speaker 2 (5:55) Yes. Right? Speaker 3 (5:56) Did I say that right? Speaker 2 (5:56) Yes. Speaker 3 (5:57) So we think that we're being nice because we're not setting the boundary, but that's not working on a relationship. So if you're in a relationship with someone and you care about the person, then you caring is being able to be honest and communicate what you need in the relationship. And in the relationship, okay, so a boundary just came up recently. And I think this is a good example of a boundary. I said to Seth, I totally understand your schedule is different every day, but you're driving me crazy. And I would just like a heads up. So he has been so, and I said, I never know when you're coming home. So he has been wonderful. See, I, I told him something wasn't working. I set the boundary. I said, I said, I would like to know. I don't care. Of course I care when he comes home, but I don't care how late you have to work to a point, but tell me. Speaker 2 (6:52) So I have been texting her on Monday and giving her my anticipated schedule for the week of what time I'm coming home every night of the week. And then like today when I had to change it and I had a client college issue and I said, honey, I need another half hour. She was like, no problem. Speaker 3 (7:07) Well, and I want you to know that I totally respect the fact that sometimes your meetings are going to take longer. Or that something's going to come up. And sometimes you've had like a college kid who needed to meet with you like right away. Like I totally respect that. I just want to know. So like dinner's just going to be waiting. He's going to. And tonight we waited for him to eat because I knew when he was coming home. But like I would love us to eat as a family. Yes, that was Speaker 2 (7:34) very nice. Everyone was home and we all had dinner together. Speaker 3 (7:36) Everyone was home and we all waited for him. And it was perfect. I'm just saying that that was something that wasn't working for me, so I communicated. You did an excellent Speaker 2 (7:45) job, and I respected it and understood it and immediately did it. Speaker 3 (7:48) Thank you. You're Speaker 2 (7:49) welcome. Speaker 3 (7:50) So when we care about someone, whether it's a coworker, a friend, a family member, it is nice when you tell them that something isn't working for you. I think that we think it's okay to just let people do whatever they want, but that's not... really a true relationship. It's a give and take. It's a what do you need? What do I need? And we really need to know what it is that you actually need before we can set the boundary. So like, do you feel smothered? Do you feel like your friend isn't giving you enough attention? And I'm just using a friend as an example. Speaker 2 (8:27) Or your Speaker 3 (8:28) husband. Do you feel like your husband isn't giving you enough attention? Or do you feel like maybe he's not giving you enough space? Like, what do you, figure out what you actually need so that you can communicate it. Some of the stuff that came up when I was looking, researching boundaries is how someone treats you. How Speaker 2 (8:48) you allow them to treat you. So Speaker 3 (8:49) that's a boundary. So, like, I will say to my child, you can't talk to me like that. Speaker 2 (8:55) Yep. Tony Robbins has a great line about this that I like. He says,