513 - Ed Sheeran, Sydney Sweeney, & Kash Patel’s Pet Fetish

The Tim Dillon Show

Tim Dillon dissects a series of cultural and political controversies, including Ed Sheeran's tour backlash over perceived silence on Gaza, K

Key takeaways

• Ed Sheeran's silence on Gaza led to mass cancellations, but Tim argues his lack of engagement is more honest than performative activism.
• Kash Patel is portrayed as a delusional yet trusted figure whose actions are celebrated despite absurdity and contradictions.

Main topics

• Ed Sheeran's tour controversy and political silence
• Kash Patel's public image and perceived incompetence

Notable quotes

"I don't care. Just go. I don't care." – on Ed Sheeran's potential statement about Gaza.

"He's the guy. He's our nation's top cop." – mocking Kash Patel's perceived authority.

Conclusion

Tim Dillon concludes that cultural and political narratives are driven

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show, brought to you by Ed Sheeran's new tour. Ed Sheeran is on tour, and we are happy here at the Tim Dillon Show to advertise that tour, the Ed Sheeran tour. He will be coming to arenas in your area, bringing his unique blend of nostalgic singer-songwriter rock and roll, an apolitical event for the entire family. If you don't want to hear about politics or war, go listen to Ed Sheeran play his great songs like Shape of You and Castle on the Hill. The Tim Dillon Show is proud to be sponsored by Ed Sheeran and his show. Ed Sheeran. Bad week for him. I talk about it a little bit on the Patreon, but very, very, very sad. Speaker 5 (1:05) Macklemore, Macklemore, Macklemore, Macklemore. Speaker 1 (1:09) Macklemore? Whatever. Macklemore said, free Palestine, just to bring you up to speed. Robert Kraft, billionaire, owns MetLife, was like, hey, you can't do this. A bunch of my buddies own stadiums and arenas. You're not going to perform in any of them if you don't drop this guy from the tour. And then he's dropped from the tour. And then Ed Sheeran puts out a big statement. And all of the openers are leaving. Billie Eilish's husband, Phineas, is leaving. All of these people. I think some of Ed Sheeran's band is out. I'm in. I will go and open the tour with stand-up comedy. I'll do anything anybody wants. I'll go, hey, Ed, put me in. And so Speaker 5 (1:57) I don't know what's going to happen to this tour. I don't know. Yeah, Ed Sheeran's own band and all his support acts pull out of the U.S. tour. Wow. This guy is fucked. Speaker 5 (2:14) I don't know what he's going to do now. I hope he doesn't go out of the window like that One Direction guy. Remember that? I'm not making a joke. I'm concerned about his mental health. That guy went out of the window. Here's what I'm saying. People, I mean, you know, these things take on a life of their own. And Ed Sheeran's like, this is a guy who, you know, probably. Speaker 5 (2:42) You know, just here's the thing with Ed Sheeran. He doesn't, he's not really, Speaker 1 (2:48) he doesn't really care that the Palestinians have been genocided. He doesn't, that's not, and he should kind of say that. Speaker 5 (2:57) And just kind of go, I don't really care that much. Like, I know it's bad, Speaker 1 (3:02) but I don't, it's not like top of mind for me. You know, like if he just came out, would that be understandable if he said that? He goes, I got a lot of things to worry about. You know, it's not easy to do an arena show. You got to make sure people get, they feel like they've got their money's worth. And I got it, you know, we got to make sure the set list is tight. And you know, everybody's, I haven't done this in a while at this level. And I know that the Palestinians are walking around here without arms or legs, but I just, it's not my main thing. Like that's not, that's not top of mind. I can't, that's not the, that's not what I'm doing here. I got to play these songs and, you know, I get it. Sure, it's bad, but what do you want me to do? You know, I don't, I don't care that much that Speaker 5 (3:47) this is happening, but here's the deal. Everybody, you know, myself included, what's gone on in Gaza is Speaker 1 (3:57) atrocious. It's a violation of every human right. Every human rights organization in the world has basically said this is genocide. They've destroyed 93 % of the homes in Gaza. The kids are not going to, I mean, people are still dying. There are still attacks. And it's one of those, is this the one? Speaker 5 (4:23) I don't know. I don't want to keep playing him. But anyway, you know, I think Ed Sheeran should just kind of come out and go, listen, I Speaker 1 (4:29) don't care. Because he did this whole wordy statement where it's like, blah, blah, blah, you know. I don't care. Just go. I don't care. Speaker 5 (4:42) And you'll lose some people. You'll lose people. But, you know, it is. Speaker 1 (4:50) And then also get ahead of it and go, I also don't care about Lebanon. And then he goes, and if they eventually go into Turkey, I don't care about that. I don't care about those girls in Iran. Do them all. Get them all out of the way. Get them all out of the way so that nobody can, and just go, hey, if you want to come back and ask me about Lebanon in a week, I'm going to tell you right now, Speaker 5 (5:12) don't care. Don't care. Those girls who were in Iran in a school. By the way, weren't girls not allowed to go to school in Iran, I heard? Wasn't that the thing? That they weren't supposed to be allowed to go to a school in Iran? That's our whole thing, by the way, about the Middle East. The women aren't allowed to go to school. They were in a school and we killed them. That seems interesting. They're not allowed to go to school in Iran. Okay, Speaker 1 (5:40) I'm sure Iran's not like a great place to live, but think about that. Like our whole rationale for these things is we're going around Speaker 5 (5:47) the world to liberate women and liberate gay people and liberate whatever. And the girls that are in a school, we incinerated them. We killed these girls that are supposedly not allowed to go to school, whatever. I'm not saying Iran's like... of feminist utopia. I'm just saying it is ironic that the girls we killed were in an actual school. Seems odd. Kash Patel, we haven't spoken about him in a while because we just allow him to do Speaker 1 (6:17) his work. That's the way I feel about people. We have a respectful distance to allow Kash Patel to do his work. It's important work running Speaker 5 (6:27) the FBI. Kash Patel is the guy. He's the top cop. He's our nation's top cop. So if something goes wrong, Kash Patel is there to find out. who the bad guys are. And also, while he's not doing that, he's rooting out corruption in the FBI and reforming it and cleaning it up. This is what we've been told. Now, Cash Patel Speaker 1 (6:55) is, you know, he's disappeared from our radar a little bit because when I lay my head on my pillow every night, Speaker 5 (7:02) I am incredibly heartened that Cash Patel is doing the work. He's, because I don't want to know about everything the FBI is doing. We can't. It's classified. But here's the deal. We all say you go to bed, you feel safe, you feel secure because someone like Cash Patel, who is, I believe, a podcaster. is running the FBI and doing, he's bringing justice for the Epstein victims. He's finding out all the ins and outs of the Kirk thing. He's making sure that we know everything we need to know about Thomas Matthew Crooks, who tried to shoot the president of the United States, right? Doesn't everyone feel satisfied that we know all of those things? I do. There's not one thing I want to learn about any of that, by the way. I feel satisfied. There's not one thing I want to learn about Crooks, Kirk. Or you have seen things. I feel very satisfied with the explanations given on all of those things. Thank you to Kash Patel for that. Friend of the show. Legend, icon, the guy. Speaker 5 (8:02) So I don't question a lot of what he does because I just think he's got good intentions. I like his girlfriend. I like her whole thing. I like her Israeli country music she's doing. And I feel like it makes sense. I like when he was doing that Baka Bazi dance in that hotel room that he was doing in Vegas when he was doing that weird kind of Baka Bazi where Afghanis dress nine-year-old boys like women and make them paint their faces like clowns and make them dance. You know, I think that was a nice dance that he was doing. So I don't question this man because I have trust. And this is what has been severed in America. I liked it. He was here celebrating with the hockey team and he's pouring beer everywhere. This is exciting for everyone. The head of the FBI. Now, you got to remember, this was... This was weeks before they told us that we were all at risk of like domestic terror plots that were being hatched by Iran. They were trying to kill the president. They were trying to kill everybody. And so as that was going on, Kash Patel, because he's so good at his job, he was able to travel to the Olympics and Speaker 1 (9:15) get drunk with the hockey team, the U.S. hockey team, and celebrate their victory. And you know why? Because, and this is, he delegates. That's what someone does who's at the top. They delegate. They don't need to be there themselves. They delegate. Good executives delegate. Speaker 5 (9:32) They're not micromanaging everything. They invest in good people. So while Iran is running around trying to kill the president of the United States and launch terror attacks on the country, Kash Patel has put the right people in place to deal with that while he is drunk in a locker room with a hockey team. So, Kesha Patel, I'm not questioning what he's saying now, which is that people that have sex with animals should work for the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I don't question that. Do you think you know better than the director of the feds? Do you think you know more? Do you think you know better than him? If he comes out and says people that have sex with animals should work for our government, I agree with him because, by the way, it's very easy to have sex with an animal. Sometimes it's by mistake. Speaker 5 (10:27) Sometimes you're horny and there's an animal around. Sometimes it's a goof with your friends. You want to have sex with an animal. And you want to, you know, send a, hey, here's something fun in the group text. Here's me fucking my dog. I'm fucking my dog in the group text. Isn't that fun? I'm having sex with my animal. Hey, I'm going to eat my cat's pussy and send it to everybody. I bet they'll get a laugh while they're waiting on the line at your salad. It's very easy to have sex with animals. So FBI director Kash Patel, friend of the show, love him, love him, by the way, send this to him, and I know people do. So he's removing bestiality as an automatic disqualifier for FBI job applicants. Speaker 1 (11:12) The FBI previously automatically disqualified people who acknowledged engaging in crimes, including prostitution or bestiality, which is sexual activity between a human and an animal, in case you didn't know. Now applicants won't automatically be disqualified for those acts. By the way, it is hilarious that the FBI is disqualifying people for prostitution. It's like all the FBI does is these honeypots and these weird things and they're involved in everything. Everybody focuses on the CIA and that's understandable, but the feds are all over that shit too. By the way, they're working Speaker 5 (11:50) at covering up a lot of these scandals, including Epstein. Speaker 5 (11:55) Patel said in testimony to the Senate Judiciary Committee Tuesday that the new rules were put in place because we did not want to punish victims of bestiality, victims who were trafficked. We don't want to punish people who were forced to have sex with animals and then want to work for the FBI. We believe they didn't enjoy it because that'll be a question. Did you enjoy it? Speaker 5 (12:24) If you had sex with an animal and didn't enjoy it, you are welcome at the Federal Bureau of Investigation. If you had sex with an animal and look back on it and say that was kind of weird, then you can work for the feds. You just can't talk about you. If you came, I don't know if we can have you, but if you didn't come, if you had sex with an animal and pulled out or didn't come and didn't enjoy it and don't love it and look back on it with some form of regret. Maybe you don't regret the whole thing. Maybe you describe it as a learning experience. Hey, it was a learning experience. I had sex with an animal. I learned something about it. You know, the fur is more of a thing than you would think. You know, I didn't really think the fur was a big deal, but you know, the fur is a big thing. I thought, yeah, you'd use it to kind of pull the animal closer. But you know, they are animals at the end of the day. They have claws and fangs and sharp teeth. So they don't want you to rape them. They don't want you to have sex with them. And I didn't realize that. When I was having sex with an animal, and as long as you give a good explanation, because that's who I want working at the FBI. Victims of sex trafficking who've been forced to have sex with animals. They seem to be clear-headed people. But here's what Cash Patel is saying. We got to blackmail these people somehow. We're lifting this because we need to blackmail these people somehow. If you are on tape having sex with a dog, we're pretty confident we can control you running your mouth about Thomas Matthew Crooks. That's what this is. That's what it is. If we have you on tape having sex with a dog, we're going to show you that tape. When you say, you know, this Crooks thing seems a little odd and I'd actually like to, um... Look into this more. We're going to go, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff. And you're going to know that we have a tape of you having sex with a dog. In order to work for the government, we want you having, we want you on sex, having, we want you on tape, having sex with a child or a dog or a pet. That's how you get into the government. That's what Kansman tells you. Just say, honestly, here's how we staff the FBI. Who's had sex with a child? Who's had sex with a pet? Speaker 5 (14:42) Because we need some leverage. Who's a drug addict? Who's financial life's out of control? Who's embezzling money? Who do we got leverage on? Why would you even get into bestiality, Republican John Kennedy asked Patel? Can we play Patel's answer? Because again, I want to, and by the way, I'm not trying to do some type of thing here, but I'd like to hear it from the horse's mouth. I want to hear it from the horse's mouth. The big, strong horse's mouth. There was a porn star who got fucked by a horse and died, by the way. And it's sad that he died because if not, he could have been working Speaker 1 (15:27) for the FBI. Cash Patel. Speaker 8 (15:31) He's no longer protecting those who've been charged with bestiality. He's protecting those who are victims. Just turned it upside down. No, you did. No, Speaker 6 (15:39) you did, sir. Speaker 8 (15:39) You actually did, because you lied. No, I can just tell you, what I'm reading to you is you dropped automatic disqualification for applicants who have been engaged in bestiality. Not victims of bestiality, applicants who have engaged. Do you disagree with that? Applicants who've engaged in bestiality means they were victims of bestiality. No, it doesn't. Because they were forced to do so. And at this FBI, we are not going to criminalize and prevent victims from serving the United States of America in the premier month. And Speaker 5 (16:07) by the way, stop it for a minute. Whether you're engaged in bestiality or a victim of it really depends on the animal and the animal's reaction. And that's what Kash Patel should have said with his beady little eyes. He should have looked at that senator and said, Sir, with all due respect, the line between engaging in bestiality and being a victim of bestiality all depends on the animal and the animal's reaction to said sexual conduct. Was the animal having fun? These are questions we Speaker 8 (16:40) have to ask ourselves. Continue. Event victims from serving the United States of America and the premier law enforcement agency in the world. They did that before I eliminated the bureaucracy that prevented these great Americans from serving or at least being considered from serving. And I'm going to continue to do that. That's right. Speaker 1 (16:57) Great Americans who are having sex with animals. I eliminated the bureaucracy that prevented great Americans who've had sex with their pets. Senator Kennedy. Yeah. Speaker 6 (17:13) Okay, let's watch this guy. Senator Kennedy's very funny, by the way. He's a very funny guy. All right, let's listen to this. Speaker 8 (17:18) Why would you even get into bestiality? We are not into bestiality, but a lot of these individuals are. I Speaker 6 (17:27) know Speaker 8 (17:27) you're not. Speaker 6 (17:27) A lot of people we Speaker 8 (17:28) contract are. Speaker 6 (17:29) But I'm Speaker 8 (17:29) trying to explain it. You changed Speaker 6 (17:31) the qualifications and mentioned bestiality. Everyone has kinks. Speaker 6 (17:36) Yeah, everyone has kinks, sir. Speaker 1 (17:37) I mean, Senator Kennedy, let's be real here. We're not going to kink shame people that