S03 E06 - Me Ward

The Ricky Gervais Show

In this series finale, the trio discusses actor Warwick Davis's admiration for Karl Pilkington and explores various philosophical questions

Key takeaways

• Actor Warwick Davis is identified as a new celebrity fan of Karl Pilkington.
• Karl discusses his recent medical procedure involving kidney stones and blood clots.

Main topics

• Warwick Davis
• Philosophy and Determinism

Notable quotes

You look different with a hat on.

Conclusion

A chaotic and humorous conclusion to the third series, blending person

Transcript preview

Speaker 3 (0:11) Hello and welcome to the last in this series of six of the Ricky Gervais Show with me, Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant. Hello. And Carl Pilkington. Hi. Speaker 2 (0:20) Carl, as you're aware, you've obviously got many celebrity fans. David Bowie is a fan. People involved with creating The Simpsons. And you've also got a new fan, Warwick Davis, who is the short actor that many people will see in films like Return of the Jedi. He also is in Harry Potter. He's three foot six and Ricky and I worked with him recently on Extras. And far from asking us about the many celebrity names that we've worked with, the only person he was interested in talking about, of course, Mr K Pilkington. Speaker 3 (0:46) He wanted to meet you, Carl. Speaker 1 (0:48) Yeah. Well, is he all right to get on with? Speaker 3 (0:53) Well, wouldn't he be? Speaker 1 (0:54) Erm... Just because sometimes when people aren't normal... Sorry? No, I just mean when someone... Like, I've met a few little people in my time. The one that I met a little fellow once, and he was all right. He got drunk really quick. But he was all right, but it took me by surprise. Only because, like I've said about when I met Steve for the first time, it's only that same thing. And then if I lived with the little fellow, I'm sure we'd get on a storm. Speaker 2 (1:24) There's a TV Speaker 3 (1:24) show waiting to happen. What do you mean when you met Steve for the first time? Speaker 1 (1:30) No, we've done it, you know, when he walked in, it's just a bit of, oh, he's different. But then I see Steve every week and, you know, the same way I say I like watching Elephant Man, from the first time I watched it to the last, totally different. When he walks in the first time, it's like, oh, God, look at that. It's a mess, isn't it? When I watch it again, it's kind of like, oh, here he is, here's John. So it doesn't, things wear off. That's like the world, isn't it? Things don't amaze you as much as you see things and you use things often. And it's the same with the little fella you're talking about. First time I see him, I'd be a little bit like, oh, what do you say? You know, what shouldn't I say? Whereas once you get to know him, I'm sure he'd be a lovely little fella. Speaker 3 (2:14) I don't know where to start, Steve. Speaker 2 (2:17) Well, Warwick, I think, suspected as much. He's offered you an interesting fact, actually. You're wearing headphones now. Apparently you wear those headphones for just one hour and it will multiply the amount of bacteria in your ear by over 700 times. Speaker 1 (2:34) But why is he worrying about that? I mean... Speaker 2 (2:42) Well, he's not worried about it. He thinks it's of interest to you because you're wearing headphones. It's Speaker 3 (2:46) part Speaker 2 (2:46) of your profession. You wear headphones, yeah. Warwick asks, really, what are your thoughts on short people, particularly in entertainment, because, of course, they've, throughout the ages, made an appearance, particularly in fiction. Tom Thumb, of course. The Oompa Loompas. Speaker 1 (3:01) What do I Speaker 2 (3:02) think of them? He's just wondering, I suppose, what your take is. Speaker 1 (3:06) They're all right. I mean, when I was on Jory Duty... When you go in in the morning, you have to go into a big waiting room. Speaker 1 (3:17) and every day I'd sort of see one pop in, and he'd be sort of struggling getting on the chair. And it sort of, it was kind of something to watch. It was different. That's what's good with things in life, if you look at stuff and you go, oh, look at that. And seeing him struggle on the chair, he was happy. He wasn't struggling in a way that he felt uncomfortable. He'd obviously climbed a lot of chairs in his time, and this was just another one. Speaker 1 (3:44) Watching him, it just makes you think. You go, you know, I should appreciate that I don't have that problem every time I have to sit down and what have you. But I don't think it's that bad. If I had to pick being really tall or really small, I'd go for the really small one because, you know, the world's a more interesting place for him, isn't it? Everything's... Do you know what I mean? We go to New York and go, wow, look at this, and they go, oh, Speaker 2 (4:08) dear. Do Speaker 1 (4:10) you know what I mean? Everything's a lot bigger. everything's more amazing, food portions, everything's a bonus. So out of the two, I'd be small, and maybe that's what I'd chat to Warwick about for a bit, just to get to know him. Speaker 2 (4:23) Brilliant. It's a shame in a way that he's not been able to pop in. I'd like to hear that conversation. Speaker 1 (4:27) But I've got, you know, speaking of like weird stuff and that, I've got a new... Well, Speaker 2 (4:33) we Speaker 1 (4:33) weren't, but go on. I've got a new book. Do you know I had that Freaks book, the top 50 Freaks? Got a new one sent to me. Speaker 2 (4:40) Really? Speaker 1 (4:41) Yeah, and do you know, like, everything normally has a name. So, like, if it's the two-headed fella, you know, they're all nicknames like that, aren't they? They've got two nicknames, I imagine. But this new book I've got, right, on the cover of this one, it's got, like, a woman with three breasts, right? And she's called the three-breasted woman, as you'd expect. And there's a... What else was in there? There's a fella, the one-faced... Why is she Speaker 3 (5:08) posing nude, though? That's what I want to know. Speaker 1 (5:11) Showing off. It's not the worst disability, is it? Speaker 3 (5:16) Well, just as you got three, it didn't mean you had to get them out for the lads, did it? Tart. Speaker 1 (5:23) Well, she looked happy. And there was a fellow with, like, one face but two bodies. One face but two bodies? One face, two bodies. What do you mean, one face, two bodies? Surely Speaker 2 (5:35) one head, two bodies. Speaker 1 (5:36) Head as well, but it was mainly the face. That was weird, because he looked fed up. What are you talking about? How can you have a face without a head? What Speaker 3 (5:44) do you mean? How did it join to the neck? Speaker 1 (5:47) It did have a head, but the fact is, it was weird that it had one face to me. What Speaker 3 (5:52) do Speaker 1 (5:52) you mean? If you've got one head, you'd have one face? Yeah, I know, but it was just... It was the fact that he had one face and two bodies that I didn't think... But why do you keep saying one face and Speaker 3 (6:02) two bodies as opposed to one head and two bodies? We're all the man with one face. Speaker 1 (6:06) Yeah, but now I've got one body. Speaker 3 (6:08) Yeah, well, surely he's the man with two bodies, then. Speaker 2 (6:10) Again, the description. Roll up, roll up, see the man with one face. Yeah, Speaker 3 (6:14) I know, yeah! Speaker 1 (6:15) He's just got, like, a face and then one neck. and it splits off into two bodies. It's really weird. Honestly, it's weird. It was ages ago. Speaker 3 (6:23) Well, no. Speaker 1 (6:25) No, it Speaker 3 (6:25) doesn't happen. Speaker 1 (6:26) So it's full of stuff like that, right? And what I'm saying is, that fella, you know, the one-faced man, the three-breasted woman... He Speaker 3 (6:32) wouldn't be known as the one-faced man, is what I'm saying. That Speaker 1 (6:35) isn't Speaker 3 (6:36) the peculiar thing about him. Well, Speaker 1 (6:38) they all had names like that. But there was one thing in it that didn't even have a nickname. It was so weird. Speaker 1 (6:48) What do you mean? It just said unidentified. What does it look like? Sort of testicles for eyes. Speaker 1 (7:01) That's, that's, that's, it just reminded me when you were talking about strange... What Speaker 2 (7:04) do you mean Speaker 3 (7:04) testicles fried? And what is it, did he have a normal body? Speaker 1 (7:07) I didn't even look at that. Oh, for f... So, that's what I'm saying though, he attracted to the oddness of the thing. And that's what I was saying about Warren when he walks in. Warwick. You know, it'll be odd for a minute. And then, I'm sure... It'll Speaker 3 (7:22) be. Speaker 1 (7:22) It'll Speaker 2 (7:22) be. It'll get used to you. Speaker 1 (7:26) You know, like I've said, I'm surprised that things like that don't happen more, because especially after being in hospital and seeing how the body works and that... You have no idea how the body works. No, honestly, I've got my head round it a bit. Right, you have no Speaker 3 (7:38) idea. You've learnt nothing. You've learnt nothing since the age of seven. Speaker 1 (7:42) I've got my head round it a bit more, and the way that there's loads of people in the world, and yet you don't see people with, like, dangly eyes more often. It amazes me. I love the fact! But he's amazed Speaker 3 (7:54) by not seeing freaks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's incredible. He's walking down the street going, everyone's Speaker 2 (8:00) got one head. That's weird. Suzanne, see any dangly eyes today? No, me neither. It's weird, isn't it? What's going on in the world? Warwick's not been the only correspondent. We've had a number of people. I remember years ago we used to encourage people to send in questions and those questions have been drifting in ever since, really. Just things that people want to throw at you, see how your mind works. Karl, do you mind answering a few? Speaker 1 (8:21) I Speaker 2 (8:21) suppose you might loosely term these philosophical questions, or at least questions that might help you think, ponder on some of the bigger ideas. This is your forte, Carl, philosophy, isn't it? Question one. Carl, are all men born equal? Speaker 1 (8:35) Well, we've talked about Warren. Speaker 2 (8:37) Warwick. Speaker 1 (8:38) Say you've liked the pillow man, right, the fellow with no arms and legs. If everyone was like that, he wouldn't be, that wouldn't be a disability. He'd be equal to everyone else, wouldn't he? Speaker 3 (8:49) When someone fights for equality, it doesn't mean they want to be treated literally the same. For example, it's usually about a prejudice, isn't it? Or a lack of opportunity. Speaker 1 (9:00) Yeah. Speaker 3 (9:01) If you were... Just to think of equal opportunities in terms of a job. Yeah. If you needed someone for a lookout on a lighthouse and a blind person went along, they... Speaker 3 (9:21) couldn't do the job. Whereas if it was listening for stuff and you didn't give it to the blind person because you were worried about, hmm, there are no blind people, that would be imposing a prejudice because he could hear as well as you. So if he was the