Progress Requires Discipline

The Ramsey Show

Jade Warshaw and Dr. John Delony address a caller struggling with structural issues in her mobile home, weighing whether to repair it or bui

Key takeaways

• Avoiding emotional decisions about property can prevent long-term financial harm.
• Selling a deteriorating asset like a mobile home for scrap value preserves capital.

Main topics

• Debt management
• Real estate decisions

Notable quotes

You're not going to build equity in something that's going down in value.

Choose freedom. Don't choose yet another chain and another anchor.

Conclusion

The caller is encouraged to sell her mobile home, eliminate debt by re

Transcript preview

Speaker 5 (0:04) Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Normal Speaker 8 (0:13) is broke and common sense is weird. So we're here to help you transform your life from the Ramsey Network in the Fairwinds Credit Union studio. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm Jade Borshaw. Next to me, Dr. John Deloney. We're going to be chopping it up for the next couple hours, taking calls about your life Speaker 1 (0:27) and money. If you want to get involved, the number is 888-825-5225. Brittany from New York is on the line. Hey, Brittany. How can John and I help out today? Speaker 8 (0:36) We're Speaker 1 (0:37) doing good. Speaker 2 (0:38) Awesome. So I just have a quick question. I have about $20,000 saved. I have $34,000 in debt. I had a couple contractors come into my home that I own outright and say that it's not structurally sound. And I'm wondering if I should use the $20,000 for a down payment for a mortgage or if I should use equity on my loan and pay. the debt off for the $20,000. Speaker 8 (1:08) Tell me what your goals were. Were you in the market for a house before you found out about your foundation? I Speaker 1 (1:15) was not. Speaker 8 (1:15) Okay. So the structural damage is so bad that you're thinking there's no way to ever fix this. And even if they do, I won't feel good about it. Speaker 2 (1:26) Yeah, that's pretty much it. But also it would take almost as much money to fix it as it would to... Speaker 2 (1:33) finance. So what I'm going to look at is putting a new house like right on my land. Speaker 8 (1:41) That's what you want to do. You want to buy, you want to leave this house as it is, build another house on your current land. Did I understand that? Speaker 8 (1:49) Yep. Okay. Tell me the value of what you have. How many acres is it? Tell me all that. What's the current house worth? Oh, sure. Speaker 2 (1:58) Right now it's 1.99 acres, so just under two, and the house now is assessed for $72 Speaker 1 (2:07) ,000. Got you. And it would cost $72,000 to fix it? Speaker 2 (2:14) Basically said that they're really not going to, they're not even comfortable putting windows in. That's what the contractor came for was to change out my windows. It's very old. It was built in 1980. Wow. Speaker 8 (2:26) Okay. So you leave that property there. It just becomes what, vacant or are you going to, like, what's the plan? No one else is going to buy Speaker 2 (2:35) it? Demolish it. Yep. We would demolish that, but Speaker 1 (2:38) have the new house right on the land. Okay. And the new house will cost how much? Speaker 2 (2:44) Turnkey, they said $122,000. Speaker 8 (2:48) So I just, I go back to this and I want to make sure I'm not missing it. I'm looking at John's eyes through the camera too. I think he's Speaker 1 (2:54) got the same look as me. You're okay with completely walking away from a $72,000 home that's something you paid for that's worth $72,000 and just going, you want to know what? I'm done. I'm not going to do anything Speaker 8 (3:10) to salvage this. Speaker 2 (3:12) I'm just starting fresh. I had two contractors come in and look, and they said that it would be about $90,000 to $100,000 to fix everything that was wrong with it, from the foundation to the windows to my front door to the moisture that's being let in. Speaker 3 (3:30) How long have you lived in this house? Speaker 2 (3:34) So we've lived in it my whole life, and I'm 31. Speaker 1 (3:40) Okay. And what'd you buy it for? What did you put into this house? How much money? Speaker 3 (3:43) Did Speaker 1 (3:43) somebody give it to you? Yeah. So we Speaker 2 (3:47) got in a car accident. My dad used my settlement to buy the house, the home. Speaker 1 (3:52) Okay. And what did he buy it for since it was your settlement money? He bought it Speaker 2 (3:56) for Speaker 1 (3:56) $25,000. Okay. So Speaker 3 (3:59) the two acres is worth that. Speaker 2 (4:03) Yes. Speaker 3 (4:03) I mean, at least, right? And what kind of home, this isn't a judgment question, this is just a reality question. Speaker 2 (4:11) It's a Speaker 3 (4:11) mobile Speaker 2 (4:11) home. Speaker 3 (4:12) Yeah, what kind of home are you going to build for $120,000? Speaker 2 (4:18) So they call it stick built. It's a modular. Speaker 8 (4:22) So we're trading the mobile home. The mobile home is the one with all the issues and you're building a modular home instead. Understood. Okay. Okay. And let me just ask the mobile home, since it's mobile, can it be sold to someone else? Even for scrap? Can it be moved off the lot and given or, you know, sold to someone else? Yes. Okay, so let's start there. We're not going to just demolish it and leave every dollar on the table. You're going to get $2,500 for the Speaker 3 (4:55) trailer. Yes. I don't know what that stuff's worth. Speaker 8 (4:57) Oh, that's Speaker 2 (4:58) true. I didn't even think of that. Speaker 8 (5:00) Okay, I love the direction we're going. So let's make that call and say, hey, we don't want to live in this mobile home anymore. It's not worth the fix, but let's sell it for parts, sell it Speaker 1 (5:07) for pieces. Whoever wants to take it off the lot can take it. And then I just want to make sure that you're making a good choice with the next house of what it is. Speaker 2 (5:18) Yeah, we've looked around the area, maybe like seven or eight different, what they're called is like the manufacturer or retailer, and this one was like the nicest built. Speaker 2 (5:31) for the value because I am a single mom. Okay. So I'm not. My Speaker 3 (5:37) concern for you is that you end up in the exact same spot you're in. Speaker 1 (5:41) Yeah, I agree with John. I wonder what's keeping you on this exact land on this exact lot. Is there a better housing opportunity out there for you? Speaker 2 (5:51) Everything around our area is, I would say, I've looked at different houses, about 210 plus, and they're still fixer uppers. Speaker 8 (6:02) But they're freestanding in their, what I'll call traditional homes, right? Yes. Speaker 3 (6:10) I'm worried that you're going to buy, you're going to build a modular home for $120,000, and the day you get handed the keys, it's going to start going down in value. Speaker 2 (6:18) Yes. Speaker 3 (6:19) And if that's the Speaker 2 (6:20) case, Speaker 3 (6:22) because those type of homes generally go down in value. And so I would rather you rent a place. Speaker 3 (6:33) That you can walk away from that somebody else is responsible for all the repairs and everything Yes it to your your your handing money to somebody else and you're not quote-unquote building equity But the moment you put 125 thousand dollars into this new mobile this new modular home It's gonna be going down in value too. And so I'd rather you exchange I'd rather you not be chained to something going down in value if something's gonna It's not renting is not going down in value, but I'd rather you at least retain your autonomy your freedom Somebody else come fix that sink. It's their sink. Speaker 8 (7:03) And let's talk about the other part of what John is saying, which I love his idea because then it frees you up. If you go somewhere in town Speaker 1 (7:10) and rent for a while with your kid or your kids, now you can have the $20,000 to clear up your debt. And you can start this whole thing fresh and go, okay, I'm going to take 19 of this 20. I'm going to pay off the debt that I have that along with some extra cash from working Speaker 3 (7:25) extra. Speaker 1 (7:25) I'm Speaker 3 (7:25) going Speaker 1 (7:25) to sell the trailer and then we're going to be debt free. I'll be totally debt free. And I may be renting, but I don't have the extra expense of keeping up land and keeping up a roof and the windows and the AC. And I can spend this time really saving up a down payment for something that's a traditional house that goes up in value and I earn equity in it when I buy it. And I love that for you because that gives you so much stability. Because I think that's what you're reaching for is like the next safe space. And I think that's why you're moving towards it so quickly. But I actually, I agree with John. Speaker 3 (7:57) And maybe hang on to your land. If you've got paid for dirt, two acres in New York, maybe keep it if you can. Like I'm not saying you have Speaker 2 (8:05) to Speaker 3 (8:05) go run and sell it. It's probably... Speaker 2 (8:08) Don't hold on to the land because I love the location. Yeah, that's awesome. Another thing that's keeping me here is my girls can go out and ride their four-wheelers and we don't have neighbors, you know. All of that. Speaker 3 (8:17) Incredible. But choose freedom. Don't choose yet another chain and another anchor. Choose freedom. And that's going to look different than the world tells us. Speaker 8 (8:27) Yeah. Brittany, thank you for the call. And thank you for taking the time to walk through those details with us, because we want you to move from this place of, you know, feeling insecurity with your home. Your home is supposed to be a safe space for you. And I think that you were trying to get there Speaker 1 (8:40) and it was really nice to walk with you to get you to that safe space. So thank you for sharing. Speaker 3 (9:01) If you or someone you love is dealing with a complex health issue, navigating the health care system can feel like a full time job that you never signed up for. Several months ago, my family experienced multiple emergency healthcare situations and little did we realize what kind of nightmare we were in for beyond the medical issues. Dealing with different schedules and signatures from different providers, scheduling appointments, decoding all of the medical jargon, figuring out medical billing and the mountains of paperwork. All of this on top of being sick or scared and dealing with the challenges and disruptions to our home. Like me, most people go through this alone, but not. anymore. The next time a medical challenge arises in my home, one of my first calls will be to Solace Health. Solace Health is extraordinary. They pair patients with a personal advocate, someone with an average of 16 years of healthcare experience, whose entire job is to fight for you so you get the care and honest answers you need. And Solace is covered by insurance. They handle the paperwork, battle claims denials from the insurance companies, and make sure you're not getting lost. lost in a system that was intentionally designed to be confusing so you and your loved ones can focus on getting well. With Solace, you have someone who knows how to fight for you and who will. Go to solacehealth.com slash Ramsey or click the link in the description to see if you qualify. It takes about two minutes. That's S-O-L-A-C-E solacehealth.com slash Ramsey. Must be 18 or older. Advocates do not provide medical or legal advice. Speaker 8 (10:48) All right, back to the phone lines we go. We got Brian who's in Flint, Michigan. Hey, Brian, how can John and I help? Speaker 6 (10:54) Yeah, we had a question for you. When I was younger, I stumbled upon Dave Ramsey, you know, learned about them. Thank you very much for all of the advice that I've been given through reading the books and things over the years. Now I've turned 50 and I feel like I'm kind of out of direction if I just kind of, you know, keep doing what I'm doing, which is kind of on cruise control, not really at the moment actively involved in my retirement. Or should I get more serious and be very aggressive? Probably retire another 10 or 15 years. And just make sure I'm set up for the right path forward here. I Speaker 8 (11:28) love that question. What happens? What is the state of affairs as it sits today? Speaker 6 (11:34) Okay. So I have a new house that I built two years ago. It's fully paid off. I've got about $2.5 million in retirement accounts. I've got a couple hundred thousand in savings. Speaker 6 (11:46) Just, I'm not really doing anything. It's just, it's setting there. It's just, I'm not really actively watching it doing anything. It's invested, Speaker 8 (11:53) isn't it? Speaker 6 (11:55) Yeah, it's invested. What's the rate of return? What are you Speaker 8 (11:58) getting on it every year? Speaker 6 (12:00) It's usually around about Speaker 3 (12:02) 11 or 12%. Oh, Speaker 8 (12:04) amazing. What more can you ask for? Brian, Speaker 3 (12:07) you're a multimillionaire with a paid-off house. You're winning. I don't feel Speaker 6 (12:12) that way. I don't know. You're right. It sounds that way, but it doesn't feel that way. Speaker 3 (12:18) I Speaker 6 (12:18) don't know if that's weird. What Speaker 3 (12:19) does that mean? Paint me a picture of it doesn't feel that way. Speaker 6 (12:23) Well, I got four kids, two are in college, everything's going well, but I just always feel that... OK, well, I feel, you know, things are OK, you know, as far as paying bills, things like that, putting money away. But I just not really actively doing anything. If I should be working with an advisor or doing something different or just, you know, working and just keep doing what works and not change anything. It's almost like you don't believe Speaker 8 (12:48) that. It's almost like you don't believe that you've achieved this thing that most people never achieve. I grew up. Speaker 6 (12:56) It's true. I grew Speaker 8 (12:57) up very Speaker 6 (12:57) poor and I was about to ask you that question. I was Speaker 3 (13:01) about to ask you that question because you have a GPS pin in your nervous system that remembers what it's like to not know if you're going to have grocery money. Speaker 3 (13:14) And so I want you to think of it this way. Every time you get, you look at that account and you get nervous or one of your kids is like, Hey dad, I need another 50 bucks. And you, your, your chest seizes up on you, even though you have a couple of million dollars, just burning money behind you, just growing behind you. You know what I mean? Um, yeah, I want you to make a fist and put it in the middle of your chest and say, thank you for trying to take care of me to your body. Just make peace with it. It has a lived experience of we may not have lights this month. And feel that thing and then go on and keep doing the next right thing which you're doing. What you're going to get yourself into is you're going to start chasing a feeling, a sensation. And that's when people end up way over their skis. doing crypto stuff. They start seeking to feel alive in their own skin by playing dumb games with money. And there's a jillion people out there who want to sell you something and are happy to take your money in a panic state, in a state of searching for a feeling. What you don't have a psychology for is peace. Enough. Right? Let me ask you this. You're 50, you said? Yeah, I just turned 50. All right. How old is your youngest child? Twelve. Okay. So you have a kid in college and a kid in 12. Yeah, two in college now and two in middle school. Nice. Nice. So I want you, so that's eight years. Awesome. Yeah. I want you to sit down. Are you still married? Yeah. Yep. Do you and your spouse still? We've been married for Speaker 1 (15:04) a Speaker 3 (15:04) long time. Still like each other? Speaker 8 (15:08) That's a real question. Speaker 3 (15:09) No, I mean, I'm not playing. I wouldn't have a job if everybody who'd been married a long time still liked each other. I want you and your wife. I want you and your wife. I want you to do the planning. That means I want you to get the babysitters. Or if they're 12 and they're old enough and they won't burn the house down, they can stay great. I want you to get reservations somewhere. And I want you to take your wife out. And I just want y'all to have the nicest, funnest, warmest time dreaming about the day you both turn 60. Okay. What do you want that to feel like? Where do y'all want to be? Cause y'all are going to be empty nesters. Speaker 6 (15:50) Right. Speaker 3 (15:50) And so what do you, what do you want that reality to, to, to be? And then you simply reverse engineer. Cause I, what I hear is, um, is a 50 year old man who's doing everything right, but it's slowly starting to lose, lose the life in his own skin. Speaker 3 (16:08) And so for you at 50, what hobbies do you have? What friends are you doing? What adventures are you going on? What wild things are you waking your 12-year-olds up and taking them for ice cream at 9 o'clock after they're already in bed? Like what rambunctious wild things are you and your wife doing when the kids are in bed? Like where are you getting life from? Because I don't want you to go searching for that excitement, that sense of vibrancy through playing with your money because, bro, you are winning. As much as anyone can be winning these days, you are on the path. Speaker 6 (16:41) Okay. That's good to hear. I think I needed that. And that advice is fantastic. So thank you very much. Speaker 8 (16:48) That's good. Speaker 6 (16:50) Yeah. Go ahead. I definitely needed that. No, I definitely needed that because I feel that you're right. Maybe I start chasing or doing or trying something and make a big mistake. And that's what I was worried could happen if I didn't. Speaker 8 (17:05) Yeah, it's okay to be done in one area and tie a bow on it and move on to the next thing and be like, all right, I did that and Speaker 3 (17:12) be Speaker 8 (17:12) done with it and move on. And honestly, Brian, you know... You're not alone Speaker 1 (17:17) in this. I think that there are certain people who walk the plan that we teach. They walk through the seven baby steps and they really love the feeling of being told who they are. You gain kind of an identity when you start walking the baby steps. It's like, OK, I'm in baby step two. I am. I am baby step four. I am building wealth. And you're starting to get an identity from that. It makes you feel like every morning you get a purpose of what you're doing with your money. And then you hit baby step seven. And it's like, I'm looking around for somebody to tell me what my next step is. I'm looking around to see what the next thing is. Where's my next identity? Ramsey, what do I need to do? Y'all are looking at us. Speaker 3 (17:53) You're all grown up now, man. You get to choose. Speaker 1 (17:55) Well, you know what? Bat this around with me because I will say this, Brian and John. I've been thinking about this because I get this. We get this call a lot. And I do think there are some things practically that you can do and that you should be doing. Number one, you've won with money. You should find someone to teach and mentor. You need to find somebody to pass this information down to and be active in that. We have Financial Peace University. You can teach that. You can lead that. You can coordinate that class. I also think, like John said, you need to go somewhere. You need to travel. Have some fun. Go someplace you've never gone before. And by the way, these are all things that you wash, rinse, and repeat. You do it once, you turn it over. around and do it again so it never ends. Travel somewhere new. You've got the money. You should be going someplace brand new every year for sure. Now's the time I think you should be prioritizing your health. If you've gone through life... Health Speaker 3 (18:43) is Speaker 1 (18:43) wealth. Yes, thank you. And you haven't been prioritizing your physical health, your mental health, your relational health. Let's start focusing on that. That's Speaker 3 (18:50) a Speaker 1 (18:50) huge, your spiritual health. Speaker 3 (18:52) Get your blood work done. Yes. Go see who you need to see. Yes. We're in a little sliver of history when there's some of the most amazing specialists on certain things. Absolutely. Go see the folks, man. Just show that when you're 60, when you're 70, if one of the things you dream about is, I want to go hiking. Speaker 1 (19:06) Yes, you can do it. I'm going to get my Speaker 3 (19:07) knees and my hips and my weight and my heart right so that when I'm 70, I can roll around. on with my grandkids and me and your mom. We're going off to the woods. Yeah. And Speaker 1 (19:18) you go to another great point, which a lot of people hit the point where he is 50 years old, which is also the time kids are going off to college and you're looking at your spouse going, who the heck are you? I Speaker 3 (19:28) don't know Speaker 1 (19:28) who Speaker 3 (19:28) you are anymore. That's right. Speaker 1 (19:29) That's a wonderful time to really lean in with your spouse and on that relational kind of health tip. So there's so many things that you can do. The other thing on my list is start defining your legacy. Yeah. Like what do you want people to say about you when you're off this earth? And let's start investing and pouring into. that with intentionality. Let Speaker 3 (19:47) me throw this out there. And this is for Brian and those of us who grew up with not very much. It's easy to want our kids to quote unquote, never feel what we felt. And that becomes an undefined goal. And we've taken calls where people have $20 million and it doesn't feel like enough. So get a dollar amount that you think in your head, you want to leave to your kids one day. And when you hit that line, breathe. That's it. That's the word enough. You're good. You're doing a great job, Brian. Speaker 1 (20:41) If you're waiting for rates to drop before you buy a home, here's what nobody tells you. When rates fall, every buyer who's been sitting on the sidelines makes their move at the same time you do. That means more competition, higher prices, bidding wars, all that. That's why I tell people to talk to Churchill Mortgage before they do anything else. Churchill gives you a strategy so you're not at the mercy of the market. They can show you what you can afford, not just what the bank will approve. And with their certified homebuyer program, your financing is completely secured before you shop, which means when rates drop and everyone rushes in, you're already ahead of the crowd. You're not scrambling for pre-approval while the house goes to someone Speaker 8 (21:22) else. My husband and I bought both of our homes with Churchill. And having a real strategy, not just a rate we were waiting for, made us ready when it really mattered. So start your search with Churchill. Click the link in the description or go to churchillmortgage.com slash Ramsey offer for an exclusive Ramsey audience offer. churchillmortgage.com slash Ramsey offer. Speaker 1 (21:55) Well, guys, if you're working the baby steps, the best and fastest way to do it is by using EveryDollar. It's more than just a budgeting app. Now the plan that we teach is built right in. You can track your progress. You can get personalized recommendations and coaching for your exact situation. This is going to help you free up more money, more margin, and work the plan even faster, y'all. It's like having one of us walking with you every single day, showing you the next right step and holding you accountable. Start EveryDollar for free by downloading it in the App Store or Google Play today. We've got Sam who's in South Bend, Indiana on the line. Hey, Sam, what's going on? Speaker 6 (22:31) Hi, thank you guys for having me first off. I appreciate it. You got it, man. What's up? So I'm having a little bit of a dilemma here. I'm kind of in the middle. My parents are going through a divorce. And my dad actually, both of his parents passed away, unfortunately, in this process. And he ran into a large sum of money, about a million dollars. And my mom is pretty much completely flat broke. They're currently living together in their house. They only owe about $20,000 on it. And they also have my little brother who's just about to turn 13. So that kind of complicates things a little bit. I'm just trying to figure out how I can get it to where both of them end up in a better financial situation and can kind of move on from all this. Because right now they're just kind of playing house. And my mom has no real plan as to try to get out. And I can't really convince her to get her, get the wheels rolling, I guess. Well, let me tell you, Sam, here's the thing. Speaker 3 (23:38) You've got one move and one move only. And that is to get out of the middle of this. Speaker 1 (23:44) How old are you, Sam? Speaker 6 (23:46) I'm 27. Speaker 1 (23:47) Okay. Speaker 3 (23:48) They, they've made it clear through their actions. They don't want your opinion. They don't care really what you have to say about stuff. And they're grownups. Speaker 3 (23:59) And even if they're acting like children, they're doing what they're doing. You get to decide who you're going to be. But 27-year-olds don't just find themselves in the middle of their parents' divorce. They get dragged into the middle of it. And your job as a 27-year-old is to stand up strong and firm and say, I love both of you. You're both my mom and dad. I'm not getting in the middle of y'all throwing crayons at each other in the sandbox. Speaker 6 (24:27) Yeah, and a lot more of my dad died here, but I think more than anything, I'm just trying to, I don't know, I'm trying to figure out how to get it to where my Speaker 3 (24:37) dad really just listens to me. He won't. He won't. Unless you look him in the eye and say, Dad, I love you, and I care about you, and I can see this situation from a different perspective. If you want my perspective, I'm willing to give it to you. But you constantly badgering your dad, hey, you need to be and you should be. You're driving a wedge between y'all's relationship when really what he needs more than anything is just somebody he can trust and lean on. Speaker 8 (25:09) Does he have good friends, your dad? Speaker 6 (25:12) Oh, yeah. He's got a lot of good friends, and they all pretty much have the same opinion as I do. I guess it's hard after 40 years of them being together to get him to stop putting so much trust and faith in my mom, especially since she's the reason that they're getting divorced. Why are they getting divorced? Yeah, Speaker 8 (25:28) why are they? I wanted to ask that, too. Speaker 6 (25:31) It's infidelity issues. My mom got with a homeless guy who's on drugs. made it a whole big thing. So, um, but she, she put me in the middle of that as well. I was the one that figured out about it and had to break the news to my dad because she wouldn't do it herself. Speaker 8 (25:45) And you want to know what, and John can stop me at any point. Cause he really is the, the expert here, but you probably have your own things that you need to sort out with all of this. I don't know that you do have the clarity to tell anybody what they should or shouldn't do. Cause this is affecting you in your own unique way. And you might spend more of your time. sorting yourself through how you're mentally dealing with all of this. And Speaker 3 (26:09) that's, I think Jade's exactly right. And that starts with you taking ownership. Here's what ownership sounds like in this situation. Not my mom dragged me into this. It is, I had to go be the adult. I chose to go be the adult and tell the truth in my home. Speaker 3 (26:27) Not my mom made me. Nope. I'm a 27, 26, 25 year old man. Whenever, however old you were when this happened and I had to be the adult, I had to be the person of integrity in a really messy situation. That was my decision. Right. And I want you to start taking ownership, but you also have to understand how, I hate to say it like this, how powerless you are. Your dad filed for divorce, but then he's letting her live there. Speaker 6 (26:54) She actually filed for divorce. Okay, so she filed for divorce and he's letting Speaker 3 (26:58) her stay. You don't get a vote in that. And the more you try to get in on their politics, man, you're just going to get covered in mud too. Speaker 1 (27:10) Are you still living in the house or Speaker 8 (27:12) no? Speaker 6 (27:13) No, I have my own home. I have my own family. It's just, you know. So are you mostly worried about Speaker 8 (27:19) your little brother? You didn't mention him again. Is he your biggest concern here? Speaker 6 (27:25) I would say my biggest concern is just my dad's well-being. I just think that he's getting taken for a ride, and I think that he's just going to be, like I said, too complacent in all this and just kind of let my mom bank off it for as long as it takes. Sam, he's not getting taken for a Speaker 3 (27:40) ride. He's driving. Yeah, yeah. He's driving. You can be upset with your dad for the direction he's choosing to drive. You can be upset with him for who he's choosing to allow into the car, but he's driving. Speaker 3 (27:55) And there's fewer things in the world more heartbreaking than family members, people we love and care about making choices that we can see are actively destroying them from the inside out. And they simply don't want our opinions on it or they don't want our help on it. It makes us feel powerless. Speaker 6 (28:10) And I've tried all the help I can get. I mean, I've been trying to search for a house for my dad. We've been trying to help him. He doesn't want one. Speaker 3 (28:17) He doesn't want one, Sam. Speaker 3 (28:21) Not bad enough, no. I Speaker 1 (28:24) actually Speaker 8 (28:24) worry for you, Sam, that if you keep meddling in this, it's going to cause resentment towards your dad because you're inserting Speaker 1 (28:32) behaviors that you want him to do. He's not doing them. And then you're going to walk away from this pissed at your mom and pissed at your dad. So I would love for you to take John's advice, Speaker 8 (28:42) which is, hey, I'm going to remove myself from this. a triangle of drama. I'm going to take myself out of it and Speaker 1 (28:49) I'm just going to be the adult and I'm going to say, this is between you guys. I love you both. I hope you work it out. And you're going to tell your little brother, hey man, if you just need to get away from this sometimes, come to my house. I'll come Speaker 3 (29:01) pick you up. Speaker 1 (29:01) And I really do think, I mean, those are the steps that I would take. What would you do, John? Speaker 3 (29:07) Exactly that. And Sam, this is one more complicating thing. I'm not going to ask you this because I don't want to put you on the spot, okay? I would have a hard time if I was you in your situation, not also looking at that million dollar inheritance. Speaker 3 (29:21) thinking some of that should distill down to me someday, and I don't want my mom to get any of it because of what she's done to the family. You have to back yourself out of that, too, and say that's his money. Speaker 6 (29:35) She's Speaker 3 (29:36) already Speaker 6 (29:36) excluded for sure. Do what? She's already excluded for sure because they filed for divorce before either of his parents passed away, so we've already worked out with the lawyer. Yeah, but Speaker 3 (29:46) dad might just write her a big old check. Yeah, he can still do Speaker 1 (29:49) that. Speaker 3 (29:49) Because it's his money. Speaker 6 (29:52) Honestly, that's what I was kind of pushing them to do at first was to just buy her out of the house and be done because she wants to stay in the house, but she doesn't have the money to refinance. So that's why we're just kind of stuck. I mean, they are kind of stuck in the middle right now. There you go. Speaker 8 (30:04) That's good. They Speaker 3 (30:05) are. Begin to change your language. They are. My dad is choosing to allow these things to continue. Speaker 3 (30:12) You're right. A hundred percent. And that can break your, there's an old proverb and it's not out of the Bible, but it's an, it's an ancient proverb that says, I finally sat down and confronted my anger and she took off her mask and revealed herself as grief. Speaker 3 (30:29) I'm sad that my mom blew up our family. I'm sad that she's taken like trying to take dad for everything. I'm sad that my dad has just curled up in a ball. I'm sad that my 12 year old little brother's living in all of this mess. I'm just heartbroken by all of it. Speaker 3 (30:48) And I'm out of the triangulation game. I'm out of the, I'm not saying we anymore. I'm saying that's my dad. That's my mom. That's the choices they're making. And as for me and my household, here's who we are going to be. Cause that's what you can control, man. Yeah. Your job is to get out of that and tell both your parents and to whatever degree is honest, I'm on, I'm on both your sides or mom, I'm not on your side at all. Please don't talk to me about this. Yeah. But I'm Speaker 1 (31:14) not