Looking in the Mirror: The Moth Podcast

The Moth

This episode of The Moth features two poignant stories centered on the theme of self-reflection and identity. Phineas Knowles recounts the v

Key takeaways

• Phineas Knowles shares his experience of undergoing puberty a second time through hormone therapy.
• A tutorial from Phineas's brother provided a nervous but necessary guide for his first shave.

Main topics

• Gender transition
• Self-image

Notable quotes

I want to look in the mirror and see the grown man that I truly am.

Conclusion

The episode illustrates how physical changes and personal milestones s

Transcript preview

Speaker 4 (0:01) Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? Welcome to the Moth. I'm Larry Rosen. You may remember that quote from Snow White. That is actually the way I start every morning. Now, in that scene from Snow White, we are introduced to the magic mirror. The magic mirror has been described as a moral judge, a truth... reveal her, a projection of the evil queen's inner state. And while that mirror is, of course, a work of fiction, mirrors in real life are often seen the same way, revealing not just the person you actually see, but the person who lies underneath. On this episode, we'll hear two stories of people going through big changes as they literally reflect on themselves. Our first story is from Phineas Knowles, who told it at a Burlington Story Slam with the theme, Let Us Grow. Here's Phineas, live Speaker 1 (1:10) from off. Speaker 1 (1:13) The day has come for my first shave. I don't really want to maintain a smooth face. I would much rather grow a luscious beard with a curling mustache, like a pirate or dwarf from Lord of the Rings. Yeah. But it takes time to accumulate enough hairs for such a feat, and everyone always tells you that shaving helps stimulate beard growth. So I've been waiting in anticipation to begin this process. And now I have whiskers growing in little patches. Speaker 3 (1:51) The Speaker 1 (1:52) time has come. I already have the supplies, and I'm suddenly nervous. To be clear, at this point in time, I'm not a teenager. I'm a 29-year-old transgender man going through puberty a second time thanks to hormone therapy. And because of this, I have never shaved any part of my body before this day. So this is going to be a brand new experience. And I realize I am not prepared for this. I want some pointers on how to shave properly. but I don't want to refer to the vast knowledge of the internet. Speaker 3 (2:33) Most Speaker 1 (2:33) guys have someone present during their first shave. A father, uncle, grandpa, kind neighbor, some masculine figure to coach and encourage them during this rite of passage. I want that connection, but I don't have family close by. So I Skype my older brother, who's in Oregon. He's more than happy to do a demo for me. So he sets up his phone in the bathroom and begins a tutorial. Okay, so with shaving, you want to be careful about the angle and pressure of the razor. Otherwise, you're going to cut yourself like I just did. This is why you want a styptic pencil on hand. Press it to the cut, stops the bleeding pretty quickly. Now, don't worry about making funny faces to get around the mouth, especially right under your nose. Speaker 1 (3:26) Turns out my brother isn't good at talking and shaving at the same time. He cuts himself several more times. Then ends the instruction with, and that's pretty much all there is to it. He smirks into the camera, blood dribbling down his cheeks and neck. This is not helping my confidence at all. But my brother says, look, you have a Gillette razor, right? That's really good for beginners. Just remember, do it slow, do it gentle. You'll be fine. End call. So now it's my turn. I stand alone in the bathroom, lather up my face with foam, and pick up the razor with a shaky hand. I feel