Musician to Monk: Why I Chose Meditation

The Modern Buddhism Podcast - The Modern Buddhism Podcast

A former musician from Israel shares his transformative journey from a successful music career to becoming a Buddhist monk, reflecting on th

Key takeaways

Inner dissatisfaction can persist even when external success is achieved, prompting a deeper search for meaning.
Spiritual awakening often begins with subtle, seemingly random encounters—like a chance conversation or a leaflet—that plant seeds of transformation.

Main topics

The transition from a music career to monastic life
Inner dissatisfaction despite outward success

Notable quotes

I realized that I need to learn to be quiet which goes through a process of uncomfortableness.

You're looking for a guru.

Conclusion

The speaker reflects with deep contentment on his decision to leave behind a promising

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) The structure of Buddhism I built for myself was wrong and it had to be rebuilt Speaker 2 (0:05) from the beginning. Speaker 1 (0:06) I realized that I need to learn to be quiet which goes through a process of uncomfortableness and I said to them, in truth I'm not going to be a musician and they said why? And I said to them, I decided it, I want to be happy. Speaker 2 (0:27) Hello again, Kalsang Sharab. Welcome. Speaker 1 (0:30) Hello, hello. Thank you for having me. Speaker 2 (0:32) Where are you from? Speaker 1 (0:33) Well, I'm from Israel. I grew up in Israel. I was born in London. As I always like to say, the Dharma protector sneezed when I was in Nevada. And I was born in a place that was very meaningful because as a result of having been born in London, I have a British passport, which later in my story becomes very, very, very. helpful. So then I grew up in Jerusalem and then we moved to Tel Aviv and then when I finished my army I left Israel and started traveling. Speaker 2 (1:10) So the army is obligatory in Israel. Yes. So in Israel, Speaker 1 (1:13) every boy and a girl, when they reach the age of 18, everybody has to go to the army. And the army does tests and it kind of like allocates, it kind of like it works out what's best, how best to use you. But because I was a musician and I was a good musician, and so the army has also like spots for good athletes, good musicians, good artists, good... writers, good computer programmers and things like that. So I was allocated to the Air Force band, which was a really, really good place to be for musicians. We worked with the greatest artists of Israel at the time. So yeah, it was three years of very interesting experiences. When the army finished, Speaker 1 (2:05) Much more into music even then in Holland when I moved to. And then found Buddhism. In Speaker 2 (2:12) Holland? In Speaker 1 (2:13) Holland. Yeah, like proper finding Buddhism. Speaker 2 (2:15) What made you seek it out? Speaker 1 (2:20) I suppose at the time I didn't know it. Later on. But there was a point that I just was a good enough musician. And I was, you know, I'm sure if I was putting a little bit more effort or just a bit more time, a bit more networking as well. Because, you know, I could have been a relatively good working musician. But something was not enough. Something, you know, I used to listen to... I used to listen to people like Jaco Pastorius or, you know, Keith Jarrett. I don't know if you know these names. Yeah. Of course, you're American. And I remember once the sunset was just amazing, you know, and I was on my bike cycling, listening to Jaco Pastorius. And I was thinking to myself, the guy is just true to himself. He's like, he's just manifesting himself. And all whatever you hear, which is technically... sounds impossible it's just him Speaker 2 (3:20) and Speaker 1 (3:21) then the same with Kit Jarrett I mean Kit Jarrett is amazing how he listened you know people used to say his playing is in the silences you know Speaker 2 (3:30) and Speaker 1 (3:31) that started really grabbing me and I began to realize that I'm my musicmanship technically okay you know like good but musicmanship like I don't know how to say it like Speaker 1 (3:46) core something is missing and I think that and I didn't know how to cut through that there's a group there's a type of people and I'm probably one of them who don't actually understand that they are not very happy or that something is missing that even though they don't understand it it it kind of like it's like a murmur inside themselves and they don't really so I think I just had that murmur I was just not happy but you know if you see me from the outside I was very happy, you know, smiling, whatever, blah, blah, blah. Everything was fine, so to speak. And so that, whatever was inside me just pushed me to look. You were Speaker 2 (4:24) looking for a teacher, would you say? Speaker 1 (4:27) I, when I was 14, somebody in Sea Scouts, we were having some problem, and I was saying some things, and somebody in my Sea Scouts, when I was 14, somebody said to me, pointed and said, you're looking for a guru. Speaker 1 (4:43) So I didn't know that I was looking for a guru. I know. Like, I remember the conversation. We're just eating hummus, and the guy was saying, you're looking for a guru. I don't remember even what the conversation was about. Did you know what that Speaker 2 (4:56) meant? Speaker 1 (4:56) No. Speaker 1 (5:01) I had a friend in a pub, a very, very busy pub in Tel Aviv that I worked in. And he one day called me. It was 8 o'clock in the morning after I worked the whole night. And he called me and he said, you think you're a hotshot, aren't you? Speaker 1 (5:23) I was friendly. I was a good barman. People knew me. And I was young as well. Anyway, so he said to me, he said, go to the cemetery. Under every stone that you see there, there is somebody who thought that the world will stop when they will die. It never happened in the past. It never happens now. It will never happen in the future. That's all he had to tell me. I mean, what is that? Speaker 2 (5:55) Wow. I Speaker 1 (5:57) know. That guy was still in there. And he said a couple of other things in my mind. I think to myself, who was that guy? You know? Speaker 2 (6:06) What did that do? What impact did it have? It just... Did it land? It Speaker 1 (6:11) definitely landed, although I didn't know exactly how. But it changes you, you know, with some of these things. Yeah, I think it probably... started the very, very painful and long path that I had to learn of humility and to understand that however big I think I am, the reality is that soon I'm going to be the food for the worms kind of a thing. And I don't know why he said that. And he wasn't a particularly spiritual person or anything like that. And when I moved to Amsterdam after the motorcycle tour that me and my friend did, Speaker 1 (6:45) He took me to Amsterdam and he said to me, you're not moving to Amsterdam and you'll be exposed to everything. Before you move to Amsterdam, you have to make now a decision, a determination of where is your line. Speaker 2 (7:02) Wow. Speaker 1 (7:03) And you must never cross that line. So I don't care what is your line, but you make a line. And you must never, make a determination never to cross that line. I mean, that is, I remember the story. I remember we just entered into Amsterdam. We came from Antwerp. And... I mean, that's for those of us who are in the Buddhist frame of mind. I mean, this is like an emanation of your guru, isn't it? Sending the feelers before he can appear to you. Speaker 2 (7:33) That's moral discipline. Speaker 1 (7:35) Yeah. Speaker 2 (7:35) So you developed your code of ethics. Yes, I think. Yeah, you developed a code. Through Speaker 1 (7:41) the help of some people in my life that really, yeah. And then you look backwards on those people and you think to yourself. Speaker 1 (7:52) Especially with the Buddhist data, Manu, of course. Of course. If people who are not Buddhist, that might sound a little bit awkward to them, whatever. But if you believe that... Speaker 1 (8:02) your guru has been there always for you and will always be there for you, then who are these people? Then one day I came back from school, from the conservatorium, and on my bicycle there was a leaflet with a line drawing of Buddha, and it said, Buddhist teachings and meditations with Gen Kelsang Sherab. Speaker 1 (8:27) And I thought, ah, great. And I took it home. I was living with my girlfriend at the time. And I left it on the table. And that must have been a Monday. And on a Tuesday, she was there. And again, I'll never forget the event because she was there with her friend Iris. And the leaflet was here and I was there. And it was sunny-ish and light just on the table. And they were talking about this leaflet. And I said, I think I don't want to go anywhere. I don't feel like it. And she was like, but darling, you were looking for something for so long. Why don't you want to go? I said, I don't know. We'll see. Anyway, I went. And it was because of her, because she really pushed me. And at the time, the teacher spoke Dutch with a very... Speaker 1 (9:21) peculiar English accent and not peculiar but you know with an English accent so my Dutch was not that good and the teachings were I do remember it was about love but you know how like the first teaching you don't Speaker 2 (9:35) but Speaker 1 (9:37) it was intense teaching you know and intense in Speaker 1 (9:44) like that and I just you know when you listen to it and it's not your language and it's it's in an accent even that is a little bit difficult but of course kudos to the teacher because he chose to speak the language of the it's amazing it's hard very hard work um but I I remember you want the whole story so I remember I went out of that place um when the class finished and I was like I was blown away. And I was like, that's it. That's it. Even though I probably didn't understand 90 % of it, I knew that that's it. Like, no doubt in my mind. Speaker 2 (10:24) What blew you away? I Speaker 1 (10:25) can't say. Speaker 2 (10:27) Just the energy? Speaker 1 (10:28) Just the energy, just something, you know. But I remember the books as well when I came in and the titles, you know, Clear Light of Bliss, Time to Ground the Path. And it was the more, it wasn't the first edition, but it was the edition with the Vajras and, you know, the blue and Vajradhara on there. And those books always really pulled me in. Just the cover always pulled me in. I don't know why. It's just karma, isn't it? But I knew it was that, you know. I knew it was that. And I bought Introduction to Buddhism. And then my girlfriend also came