Rosebud Baker on Chasing Her Dreams: “It Gets Worse With More Success"

The Messy Parts

Comedian and writer Rosebud Baker joins The Messy Parts to candidly discuss her journey from ego-driven ambition and alcoholism to sobriety, motherhood

Key takeaways

• Baker reveals she is the granddaughter of former Secretary of State James Baker, growing up under immense familial expectations and formal pressure
• She describes operating in chaos as a coping mechanism rooted in addiction, noting that calm environments actually trigger her restlessness and self-sabotage

Main topics

• Redefining ambition versus ego-driven success
• Sobriety and the psychology of addiction recovery

Notable quotes

"If your goal is to feel completed by success, it's going to get worse and worse for you the more successful you get."

Conclusion

The episode offers a raw, grounded look at how chasing external validation leads to

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) If your goal is to feel completed by success, it's going to get worse and worse for you the more successful you get. My sole mission is to enjoy what I'm doing. How did you learn that about success? Just from the last four years. I thought that doing all of this, that writing the book, that... that like doing the special, that doing, that doing SNL and touring all of that together would make me feel like. okay, well now I'm complete, you know, because I have, I'm raising my kid and I'm doing, and I'm living my dream and I'm, but I was doing it all from this place of like. this is how important I am. You know, like, this is how I'm going to feel important. This is how I'm going to feel complete. And I just, I have never felt more depleted in my life. Speaker 1 (0:57) Today on The Messy Parts, we have on Rosebud Baker, comedian, writer. She has a lot of messy parts and she is very honest about them. In fact, it's what is at the heart of her very successful comedy career, from SNL to touring to Netflix specials. She talks about getting sober, motherhood, and even now, a divorce. There are many messy parts and you're going to want to listen. So Rosamund, I'm so excited to have you here with us. My husband said we're similar and dissimilar in a lot of ways, and I'll share my own crazy so that you know what I'm talking about. Yes, Speaker 2 (1:31) please. Speaker 1 (1:32) Because I got plenty. But what struck me actually was that in the last four years, you had IVF, a special, you were writing for SNL, you were having a child, like you were having a lot of things going on and writing the book. As somebody who's overly busy all the time, and I fully recognize that I do it to myself, I was like, what's driving you? Because I asked myself that question. I Speaker 2 (1:57) mean, it was a combination of like just biological timing, you know, and having this desire to have a child. And it was a confused desire, but it was a desire. And working in entertainment, there is this kind of pressure to... Once you have some momentum, you have to build on that momentum. You have to keep that momentum going. And so there's the threat of pregnancy and motherhood slowing that down. And I think that that fear, combined with the fear of missing out on having a child, like, just crashed into one another. And I ended up... just really overcommitted and overworked. And while I'm proud of everything that I did at that time, because there was this kind of organic creative process to all of it, I look back on it and I go, oh, that was like a psychotic episode or something. I really do. You Speaker 1 (2:55) said that was the messiest part of your life, but actually you've had a lot of messy parts. So I thought that was kind of interesting that that seemed the messiest to you because, you know, in reading your book, There are a lot of messies. Yeah. Do you really think the four years was your messiest? Only because I was Speaker 2 (3:12) conscious of it. You know, I was conscious of everything that I was doing and how chaotic it all felt and how well I was operating in chaos, which has kind of always been my MO. You've always operated well Speaker 1 (3:28) in chaos. Speaker 2 (3:28) I've always operated well in chaos. You know, when things are calm and happy and chill, that's when I start Speaker 1 (3:34) to... spiral. Well, okay. So I'm super interested in that. Why is that? I Speaker 2 (3:41) think I've always kind of chalked Speaker 1 (3:43) it Speaker 2 (3:43) up to alcoholism. Really? Yeah, I have. I think there's something in the alcoholic personality where, and also just the experience that you sort of build up in alcoholism and addiction, that once all your lies and the things that you've the schemes that you've set out start to fall apart, that's when you like, you lock in and you go, all right, I got to clean this up quick. And I got, you just start thinking from that place from, it's like a, like a foxhole. You know what I mean? That you have to dig yourself out of. Like I have enough experience digging myself out of those places that I've always done this, you know, it's. Speaker 2 (4:31) calm, like serene, chill waters, I don't have as much experience with. I Speaker 1 (4:38) would say I'm addicted to the moving. I don't, I didn't have like what you're describing per se, but I think for me, I so distinctly remember going on a beach vacation and throwing out my back. Like the not moving, the quiet was so stressful that I injured myself. Speaker 2 (4:54) There's a Speaker 1 (4:55) restlessness that exists Speaker 2 (4:57) in me. And I think at first, you know, early on in my life, it manifested itself as like self-sabotage. And now it kind of, it more manifests itself as just this constant motion. I walk around with this unbelievable amount of... adrenaline doing everyday tasks that don't require the level of adrenaline that I, that my body's producing. Like what? Like tying my daughter's shoes in the morning before we go to school. You would think that I was diffusing a bomb, like the way that my body's responding to just tying her shoes and getting out the front door. Like I have to constantly remind myself, like I'm not fighting off a pack of wolves. I'm just getting my kid to school. Although getting your kids to school can feel a little stressful. Speaker 1 (5:49) For sure. Yeah. And bedtime especially. Yes. Yes. There's definitely those moments where you're like, please let me just get through it. Yes. So let's start at the beginning, right? Let's talk a little bit about the book. So you have a memoir that's out. It's called Fully Baked. You know, you're the granddaughter of somebody who was very famous, James Baker. And you grew up in a house. To me, it was similar to Bell Burden because we were just talking about our book, Strangers, where people didn't talk about things. Why don't you just tell us a little bit about your story for people who don't know your background? I grew up outside of Washington, D.C. in Alexandria, and Speaker 2 (6:26) my grandfather was working for George Bush Sr. He was secretary of state. My father and his brothers all had this kind of clamoring, bloodthirsty desire. to get his approval. And Speaker 1 (6:42) a lot of that desire was put onto their Speaker 2 (6:44) children. The expectations that were set for my dad and his brothers were also set for myself and all my cousins. And so there was this... kind of confused anxiety that I had growing up that was just like, oh, there's definitely a rule book here, but nobody's really saying what the rules are. It's just. don't make any sudden moves, you know? But there was also a performance element to it. There was, like, when I didn't know anybody else that had to, like, get dressed up to go see their grandparents, you Speaker 1 (7:24) know? Speaker 2 (7:24) I didn't know anybody else that spent Easter at their granddad's work. Like, we would go to the White House to, like, search for Easter eggs. And I remember being like, we're going to... Cheech's work again. Like, it just felt like, all right, well, this is just so formal. Speaker 1 (7:43) And Speaker 2 (7:44) it was odd to me. You know, my mother was very, very sensitive, and she's an artist, and she's also just, like, a very unique individual. So I think existing in that world was awkward for her as well. And... She had so many children. She had five kids. So she was under this incredible amount of stress. She did not have help for a long time. Eventually, they ended up getting a divorce. And I was about 17 at the time or 16 at the time going into my senior year of high school. And I decided to start drinking and experimenting with alcohol and drugs. Really, once I started drinking, I was like, I want to do this for the rest of my life. This is amazing. Why did you think that? You know, it's so funny. I've never even thought about that question. Like, I don't understand people who drink and don't think that. Oh, I definitely, I was like, I felt sick. Oh, no, I loved it. I was like, this is the greatest thing. I also felt sick. Also, the next day I felt sick. I Speaker 1 (8:48) threw up in the backyard. Speaker 2 (8:48) Yeah. I threw up in the backyard and woke up in the backyard and was like, that was the greatest night of my life. And I'm going to do that as often as possible. It Speaker 1 (8:56) made me feel like I was the center. It was like I got to be the main character. Speaker 2 (9:01) Every other moment of my life, I felt like some sort of confused side character, like things were just happening to me. I wasn't making anything happen, you know, but when I drank, I had this feeling of like, even though nothing was happening, even though I was like smoking a cigarette, going upstairs, going downstairs, you would think that I was like, just like in the middle of CBGBs or something. Like I, it was just this, the fantasy of it. I loved the fantasy of it. Speaker 1 (9:30) Is what you're describing feeling a sense of control? No. In fact, quite the opposite. It was like, I didn't care. I didn't need control. Speaker 2 (9:38) I was like, Speaker 1 (9:39) I don't care Speaker 2 (9:39) if I live or die. This is amazing. The freedom of it was incredible. There Speaker 1 (9:45) were so many parts in your book where you weren't sure if Speaker 2 (9:47) you cared if you lived or die. I mean, you Speaker 1 (9:49) know, you say those words and I have this memory of you standing on the edge of a building. So, I mean, these were real moments for you. But... It's not completely surprising when you think about, one, you discovered your mom was an alcoholic because she got arrested, right? Again, something nobody ever talked about in your family. Speaker 2 (10:08) Yeah. Speaker 1 (10:08) My mom talked about it because my mom then got sober. And Speaker 2 (10:11) that was the first time Speaker 1 (10:12) I... On the other side, but not before then. Not before then. When Speaker 2 (10:15) you took Speaker 1 (10:15) a sip of the orange juice, nobody said, oh, there's vodka in it, right? Like everybody pretended like it was all normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, in a lot of ways, I think to the benefit of your mom and obviously the rest of you, she did own it. There was like Speaker 2 (10:27) an awakening. There was a ripple effect that happened when my mom got sober. Speaker 1 (10:31) And then you also had this tragedy with one of your sisters, which I often think about this because my grandmother had lots of children and one of them died in a car accident. And I always