The Ultimate Life Advice: How to Get Motivated, Build Confidence & Create Better Relationships

The Mel Robbins Podcast

Mel Robbins hosts a listener Q&A episode addressing personal questions about relationships, career shifts, health optimization, and emotional regulation. She provides actionable frameworks for navigating

Key takeaways

• Mel advises moving away from hometowns if feeling stagnant, noting that physical distance often deepens emotional bonds and sharing her daughter Kendall's transformative seven-year stay in Los Angeles.
• She recommends five books: The Red Rising series by Pierce Brown, Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah, The Correspondent by Virginia Evans, The French Illusion by John Grisham, and the ACOTAR series by Sarah J. Maas.

Main topics

• Personal growth through relocation
• Tracking energy to find passion

Notable quotes

If you change nothing, nothing changes. But if you change where you live, everything changes.

Conclusion

The episode equips listeners with concrete, research-backed strategies to navigate

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Speaker 2 (0:08) We are going to do something really fun today because today, for the first time ever on the Mel Robbins podcast, the entire episode is dedicated to you and your fellow listeners around the world. You have submitted questions. I'm going to answer them. These questions came from social media. A lot of them were submitted to MelRobbins.com. Many of them came from responses to my newsletter. And here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go rapid fire and answer as many of them as I can. And the questions that I'm going to address today, they're personal, they're profound. I guarantee you there will be at least one topic covered and advice given that is something that you or someone you love is dealing with right now. And here's my intention. Super simple. I want to leave you with direct, actual things that you can do to help you move on, move up, feel better, have more energy, and make the small moves that create big, awesome changes in your life. Speaker 2 (1:06) Before we get started, I just wanted to thank Verizon for sponsoring a bonus segment that you and I are going to do at the end of this episode. You are going to love this. So make sure you stay around all the way until the end because I'm going to do a special segment on the power of one simple habit that helps you whenever you feel overwhelmed. It's sponsored by Verizon, and you're going to love this advice. Speaker 1 (1:31) For many of us, going further isn't a choice. It's a feeling we can't ignore because ambition has a way of outgrowing where it began. Speaker 1 (1:42) Turning dreams into direction. Speaker 1 (1:48) Every journey brings us closer to the life we imagine. Speaker 1 (1:54) So, where will your journey take you? Etihad. Beyond borders. Speaker 2 (2:03) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. We are going to have so much fun today because we're doing something I've never done before. Your and your fellow listeners' questions. We're going to go rapid fire through them, and I just want to say it's an honor to be here with you. If you're new or somebody shared this with you, they probably shared it with you because there's something I'm going to cover that they wanted you to hear, and you clicked, I promise, you clicked on the episode that you need right now. And if you're sitting there saying, wait a minute, Mel, how do I submit a question that you may answer on a podcast? Well, there are three ways that you can do this. Number one, and I think this is the best way. Just sign up for the free newsletter. Go to melrobbins.com slash newsletter. I send out a personal letter that I write more than 2 million of your fellow listeners to the Mel Robbins podcast. Open it up and read it every single week. It's full of all kinds of cool stuff. We go deeper into episodes, free resources. I share a lot more about my personal life. And there are lots of opportunities in the newsletter to submit questions, to get access to things. So you can go there. Second, just go to melrobbins.com. On MelRobbins.com, there is a place under podcasts where you can submit a question. And finally, third, social media. If you follow me or the Mel Robbins podcast on social media, we are constantly scanning the comments. We're looking at the DMs. And when we're running polls and in the responses to the polls, especially on Instagram, there are often opportunities to submit questions. And I... have a stack of them right here. We have combed through questions from listeners all around the world, and now we're just going to jump in rapid fire. So let's just start with the first question. Your fellow listener, Kelsey, writes, I want to move away, Mel, but my close family ties are killing me. How do I deal with the guilt? I love this question, and the first thing I will say is move. At least once in your lifetime, you need to move. And if you are feeling the pull right now, that you want to move, you need a change, you have to listen, particularly if that pull is begging you to move from your hometown. If you're in your 20s, moving during your 20s is a hugely important thing for you to do. And here's what I want you to remember. Your move isn't forever. But when you change the environment you live in, it changes you forever. This is so important. And you mentioned the guilt, the guilt of moving away from your hometown, the guilt because you're so close to your family. Your family may be feeling hesitant because they're used to having you close. But what I need you to understand is that your family's hesitancy is all about them. They love having you close, but when you change how close you are physically, it can actually deepen how close you feel to your family emotionally. It's kind of a weird thing. You know, when people are right next to you, you take them for granted. When you have distance and you move somewhere new, you stop taking your family for granted. You actually feel closer. And if you're feeling guilty about it, that's because you have close family ties. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. It means your relationship with your family matters. Isn't that a beautiful way to think about it? So don't focus on the guilt. Focus on the gift that you love your family and your family matters so much to you that one of the hardest things about moving is that you're moving away from them. But you're also moving toward a new version of yourself. Moving is one of the greatest ways that you can grow. And remember, you can always come back home. And from time to time, you will. But pushing yourself to change and grow and experience new things is how you come home to yourself. In fact, our daughter, Kendall, went all the way across country from the East Coast to Los Angeles. She was out there for seven years. And I was starting to think, okay, she's going to be out there forever. And just recently, she made the decision that I'm telling you that you need to make. She started feeling this itch, this itch that, huh, You know, I came out here to Los Angeles. It was a huge move for me. It was an amazing chapter. I grew. I learned so much. I became a new version of myself in ways that I never could have done anywhere else. But after seven years, hmm. It's not a sparkly anymore. something's missing. I think I may have outgrown the place that I'm in right now. I'm itching for a change. I need a change. And if that's how you're feeling right now, you need to move. Because staying where you are, that is going to keep you where you are. And you know, I love this saying, if you change nothing, nothing changes. But if you change where you live, everything changes and a new part of you emerges in this new place. So move. All right, let's go to the second question. I love this second question. Mel, what are the top five books that you recommend? All right, so. Here are my top five favorite books right now in this moment. The first recommendation, it is going to surprise you. It is the Red Rising series by Pierce Brown. Let me show you this. In fact, I've got three of them right here. Honestly, this is not a book that I would normally pick up, but I ended up. Love being it. And I'm going to tell you about it in a minute. Now, why did I pick up this series? The huge reason why I picked this book up in the first place, because this is like what I would call dude fantasy fiction. It's... Kind of like Divergent meets The Hunger Games, but only in space. And it's like crazy violent. There's a bazillion characters in it. There's nothing but wars and battles and twists and turns. There's no sex to speak of, which is typically the fantasy books that I'm reading. But our son, Oakley, it's his favorite book, The Red Rising series. He recommended it to me because he was constantly seeing me. cracking open and devouring like the fourth wing series or Direbound or of course, ACOTAR. And so I decided, you know what? I'm going to read this book because it's my son's favorite book. And I figured it would be something that we could connect over. It would help me understand a little bit more about, you know, my son. And I loved this book, not only because it was amazing, it was a little bit different than what I normally read. but it gave me something that I could share and talk to my son about. So this series definitely on the top of my list right now. I'm not quite done with Morningstar, but I'm about to finish it. Okay, book recommendation number two is Firefly Lane by Kristen Hanna. Oh my gosh, this book, this book right here. This book was given to me by my mother-in-law. Let's see what she wrote in here. Okay. Speaker 2 (9:29) Mel, this is one you will never forget. Loving you as a friend, JJ. Aww. This book is so beautiful. Speaker 1 (9:41) It is Speaker 2 (9:42) about female friendship. And it's a friendship between this woman, Kate, and another woman, Tully. And it goes all the way from childhood, all the way to the end. It's fast. It's beautiful. It will make you think of all the women in your life, the ones that you're currently friends with, the ones that you were friends with when you were little. You are going to be sobbing by the end of this thing. Oh my God, was I crying, crying, crying. I have now passed the gift of this book on to three other girlfriends, my two daughters, my mom. It is just a beautiful, easy, deep, wonderful read. And what I love about a book like this is it makes you really think more deeply about your life and the people in it. And, you know, isn't that what a great book does? The next book, number three, is The Correspondent by Virginia Evans. I love this book. And the reason why I'm not holding it right now is because I sent it to my mom. As soon as I was done reading this book, I thought, oh my God, my mother is going to love this book. And she did love this book. And then she passed the correspondent on to my sister-in-law. It is such a beautiful book. And it's written from the point of view of this really grouchy older woman who is reflecting on her life and largely her relationship with her daughter and, you know, kind of neighbors and other people. And here's what's so amazing about this book. Every chapter is written as a letter. And you start to learn more and more about what happened in this woman's life. And you start to learn about the distance between her and her daughter. And it opened up my eyes to so many things. It gave me so much compassion. You know, we judge people based on where we are, but we have absolutely no context. for where they've been and what they've experienced. And it also is a book that opens you up to the fact that there are unexpected relationships all around you. And that the key to finding those unexpected relationships is showing up with more understanding and kindness. You know, I often remind you and I remind myself that some of your most favorite people that you've ever met in your lifetime, you haven't even met yet. And what this book will teach you is that they may be living across the street. They may be a person who is working down at the town clerk's office. They may be somebody that you've grown apart from. And it'll make you feel more compassionate, way more compassionate for people in your life that are older. I just loved this book. Okay. The fourth book that I am recommending right now is by my buddy, John Grisham. Now, I love John Grisham, okay? I got an advance copy of his new book because he was a guest on this podcast, the Mel Robbins podcast, and I literally could not put this book down. Now, if you don't know who John Grisham is, John Grisham is one of the most successful writers of our time. He has sold five... 100 million books. Yes, 500 million. His books have been adapted into movies. And John Grisham is known for legal thrillers. In fact, his book, The Firm, is a book that changed my life because I was miserable in law school. And when I read that book, it made me realize, wait, a lawyer wrote this? Maybe I don't have to practice law. Maybe I can use this degree and do something else. But here's what's interesting about The French Illusion. The French Illusion is not a legal thriller. So John Grisham. after 500 million books sold, is now writing a new chapter of his own. This is about espionage. And it is crazy. He told me, he's like, Mel, this book right here, The French Illusion, is the most page-turning, page-turning book I have ever written in my entire life. The man is not wrong. I am mad at him because I stayed up almost all night reading this thing. The book centers around the kidnapping of a newlywed couple who's in Paris for their honeymoon. And so you kind of start reading the book and you're like, ooh, you know, are these two influencers in Paris and they're taking photos and they're going through this thing? And then all of a sudden, oh my God, they get kidnapped. By page 15, I was like. What are these idiot parents doing? Why are they not calling the FBI? Why are they listening to these ransom note people? You always call the FBI, you dummies. And so the entire time you're going to be flipping through this because you see yourself in this and you start thinking, what if this happened to my honeymoon? What if this happened to my brother on his? What if this happened to one of my kids on their honeymoon? Your heart will be pounding. The pages will be turning. The French illusion. John Grisham, you have done it again. Number five. Number five, I've already confessed to you that I love fantasy, but adult romantic fantasy, The Gateway Drug for Me, Court of Thorn and Roses, Sarah J. Moss right here. I'm just going to go on the record and say I've read all five books in ACOTAR. Sarah J. Moss has caused a firestorm online because she has announced that she is dropping not just the sixth book in the series. but the seventh one as well, within three months of each other, I am ready to drop in. And what I love so much about fantasy, what I love so much about reading, is books allow you to step out of your life. and step into a different world. They show you completely new possibilities. They introduce you to the truth that everybody has both a deeply personal experience that shapes their life. But we all are truly more alike than we are different. And when you can step into the shoes and the minds of characters that are not like you, it expands your mind, it expands your heart, it expands compassion and understanding, and it expands your imagination. And isn't that the purpose of art? To make you feel things that you otherwise wouldn't in your day-to-day life. I absolutely love that. Speaker 2 (16:35) All right. You can tell I'm getting really passionate about this. And that brings me to the next question. Mel, how can I