The ADHD Doctor: How to Focus, Stop Procrastinating, Manage Your Emotions, & Feel in Control

The Mel Robbins Podcast - Mel Robbins

In this eye-opening episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, host Mel Robbins sits down with renowned psychiatrist and ADHD expert Dr. Sasha Hamdani to explore the misunderstood

Key takeaways

• ADHD is not just about attention; it's primarily a regulation disorder affecting emotion, motivation, energy, sleep, and appetite.
• Emotional dysregulation—wild mood swings, overwhelm, and emotional flooding—is a core symptom often mistaken for anxiety or depression.

Main topics

• ADHD as a neurodevelopmental condition beyond attention
• Emotional dysregulation in ADHD

Notable quotes

"ADHD at its base is a regulation issue. It's not just about attention—it's about regulating motivation, energy, emotion, sleep, appetite."

"You're not broken. Your brain isn't broken. This is just a different wiring."

Conclusion

This episode empowers listeners by reframing ADHD as a misunderstood but manageable

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Speaker 1 (0:08) I just finished a conversation that every person deserves to hear. If you've ever been told that you're anxious, depressed, hormonal, too sensitive, disorganized, not trying hard enough, this conversation may just change how you understand yourself or someone you love. I mean, I'm still in just complete shock at how new this information was, even for someone like me. who has been digging deep into the topic of ADHD with medical experts for 10 years. For 47 years, I struggled with my focus, my emotions. Don't even get me started on my emotions. I was diagnosed with anxiety. I struggled with depression. I never made a deadline. I had trouble starting projects I know I needed to do. And then I was diagnosed with ADHD. And suddenly I could see all these patterns that I'd been blaming myself for, for my entire life. life. Today, we're talking about ADHD with one of the most renowned medical doctors and psychiatrists who has been studying ADHD and is here with new information, at least this was brand new for me, about the way that ADHD impacts you. Because if you think ADHD is just about attention, let me tell you, Dr. Sasha Hamdani is going to tell you that's only a third of the picture. She's going to explain why ADHD is usually missed, especially in women and girls just like me, and how it overlaps with emotional struggles like anxiety, depression, OCD, hormones, emotional sensitivity, and burnout. This is not about diagnosing you. This is not about being sensational. I'm so excited for this episode to get out and to be out there for you as a free resource and for it to spread around the world. Because when you hear her explain this huge cluster of symptoms that ADHD patients and her clinical practice all struggle with, you will see yourself and you will finally stop saying, what's wrong with me? And start getting the support you deserve. Speaker 1 (2:29) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am thrilled that you are here. Thank you for taking the time to listen to this, because what you're about to experience is extremely important, and I'm proud that you're going to have this as a free resource. It's an honor to be together. It's an honor to spend this time with you. And if you're a new listener or you're here because somebody shared this with you, I just want to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. Today's conversation is an extremely important one. Because we have a world-renowned psychiatrist who is here to give you and the people that you love a comprehensive guide to ADHD. My guest is Dr. Sasha Hamdani, a board-certified psychiatrist who is an expert in ADHD. Dr. Hamdani is the best-selling author of two books on the topic of ADHD and the science of feeling deeply and emotional sensitivity. millions of people follow her online where she is known as the Psych Doctor MD. What I love about Dr. Hamdani is her empathetic and tactical advice on ADHD, anxiety, high-functioning depression, and emotional sensitivity, which is exactly why I wanted her here to talk with you and me today. She is one of the most trusted voices online for people trying to understand what ADHD looks like in real life. Because... Dr. Hamdani, in addition to being in clinical practice treating patients with ADHD, has ADHD herself. Today, you're getting the ADHD appointment you wish you could get. And most importantly, this really mattered to me. I wanted to make sure that by the time you were done listening, you had the exact steps, and there are four of them, that you should take if any of the information that she's about to share with you today resonates with you or feels like it pertains to somebody that you love. So please help me welcome Dr. Hamdani to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Speaker 2 (4:26) Thank you for having me. I Speaker 1 (4:28) am beyond excited that you're here. I have been wanting to do a comprehensive and eye-opening and helpful episode about the topic of ADHD with a medical doctor for over... two years. This is a topic that impacts me at a deeply personal level. It impacts my children. It impacts my husband because he has to live with me. Where I want to start is, if we take everything to heart that you're about to teach to us about what ADHD is, what it isn't, Speaker 2 (5:07) and Speaker 1 (5:08) more importantly, What to do if this is something that sounds like you or someone that you love? What's going to change about my life? Speaker 2 (5:17) If you're dealing with this chronic overwhelm and it's been hard for you to place a name to what you've been experiencing and you've been beating yourself up for years. I think this is going to give you the clarity to see that, number one, your brain isn't broken. This is just a different wiring. Number two, it's going to give you the language and the tools and the steps of where to go next so that you can actually start navigating this condition. Speaker 1 (5:45) You said something that just struck me because I think when you talk about the topic of ADHD, you immediately think about attention. Speaker 2 (5:53) Yeah. Speaker 1 (5:54) And you think about focus and maybe you think about like, you know, the little kid who can't sit still. Speaker 2 (6:01) Yeah. Speaker 1 (6:02) But you said overwhelm. Speaker 2 (6:04) Yeah. And Speaker 1 (6:05) beating yourself up. Speaker 2 (6:06) Yeah. Could Speaker 1 (6:07) you speak a little bit to the emotional side of what we're going to talk about? What might change based on what you're about to teach us? How much time you got? Because I feel Speaker 2 (6:20) like that is a huge overlooked part of ADHD. I think ADHD at its base, first of all, I hate the name ADHD. I think it's stupid. So Speaker 1 (6:29) Dr. Hamdani, what is ADHD? Yeah. Speaker 2 (6:34) So ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition, which stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. I think ADHD at its base is a regulation issue. Yes, attention is part of it. Difficulty regulating attention, but also difficulty regulating motivation, difficulty regulating energy, difficulty regulating emotion. That's a huge one. Difficulty regulating sleep, difficulty regulating appetite. And anybody with ADHD has felt this. And if I'm speaking to you. These are things that you've probably experienced too, because it's not as simple as, well, I don't, you know, it's hard to stay on task today. It's, okay, I am so overwhelmed and I've beaten myself up about this. And now I feel paralyzed with this guilt and shame and this overlay of this emotional component. And I think unless we really, really get on top of this and start looking. At the emotional regulation part of ADHD, we're never going to fully encapsulate the full picture. Speaker 1 (7:39) I'm looking at our executive producer, Tracy, who I've worked with for 10 years, and I'm smiling at you, Tracy, because I canceled. two days of taping last week because I found myself in this state where the word I was using is I am so overwhelmed right now and Speaker 2 (8:02) I Speaker 1 (8:03) feel so flooded with emotion. I don't even feel like myself. I can't function right now. But I didn't think that was related to ADHD. It feels very affirming to hear that Well, actually, the... Speaker 1 (8:25) Wild swing of emotion, Mel, is a core part of how ADHD can present because it's not just an issue of your ability to direct your attention. It's also your inability to process emotion in a way that is somewhat modulated. It goes in wild swings. Speaker 2 (8:46) And Speaker 1 (8:47) because if you truly are somebody that has this condition. You have always lived with wild swings. I don't even know what it's like to regulate your emotions. Like, what does that even mean? In your world, Dr. Hamdani, what does regulate mean? Because if you do have ADHD or you love somebody who does, we're having a completely different experience of life than somebody who goes through life without an ADHD brain and body. Speaker 2 (9:18) For sure. For sure. And I think when you drill down and actually look at what regulation is, right? Like for mood, right? If this is kind of normal baseline and this is down in the depths of depression and this is like Speaker 1 (9:37) so happy and Speaker 2 (9:39) elevated, right? People generally, they have a normal ebb and flow that can happen situationally. With ADHD, it can feel like ups and downs and ups and downs. And it's usually coupled with anxiety and productivity issues and all of this mashed together in this overwhelming. Speaker 1 (10:01) Yes. It's like you feel like a hurricane. You feel like a hurricane. Like I can start cleaning the closet, but then all of a sudden I crash and I've got clothes off hangers everywhere. And now I'm like, what did I do again? Yeah. Speaker 2 (10:15) I think a lot of people can argue, you know, well, sometimes people have emotional dysregulation or emotional swings because they're not getting enough done. I'll tell you, even in my own case, I can feel these kind of emotional swings and I can feel extremely overwhelmed. And I might get to a spot where I'm getting all of the stuff done, like all of the stuff I've delegated or I've gotten rid of and it's off of my to-do list. And I still feel that overwhelm and that. pit in my stomach and that just like, I want to hide. I can't do anything right now. I just want to hide. That is emotional dysregulation, where it's like I have the logical part of my brain that's like, you don't have anything to worry about. You're fine. Things are going well. You're okay. But still, you're having these big ups and downs that you're dealing with at the same time. And I think that's so vital to talk about because that's what gets misdiagnosed. Speaker 1 (11:09) Well, My greatest wish for this episode, other than the person listening. Really feeling empowered and seen and having your expertise to really help you take the next step Speaker 2 (11:26) to Speaker 1 (11:27) get the support that you deserve and to better understand yourself. And my second bigger mission is that this sparks a change in the way that ADHD is defined. Because you can see that if... Society thinks ADHD is jitteriness and, you know, kind of the typical little boy like our son was bouncing around in a classroom that can't sit still and can't focus. And if that's all that we think it is, then doctors and pediatricians. don't have the right definition for it. So of course they're going to continue to go, well, only if you're jittery does it look like this. But anything in the realm of dealing with emotions must be something related to anxiety or depression. We're going to keep seeing this problem. Speaker 2 (12:18) Originally, the ADHD criteria was developed looking at hyper young boys. Our criteria is not even built to look at everyone else. It's not built to look at girls. It's not built to look at adults. I think part of the biggest flaw in this is that when you just moving on from like the hyper young boys, part of the issue is they're looking at these highly observable behaviors. Like these are the kids that are disrupting classes and these are the kids that can't stay Speaker 1 (12:47) in their seat. Right. But what Speaker 2 (12:50) about all those other presentations where the only people they're disrupting are themselves and they're just getting passed from class to class to class to class? And then later, Mel, those are the people that are getting diagnosed with anxiety and depression because, by the way, you're too old to have it now. Speaker 1 (13:06) That was Speaker 2 (13:07) me. Speaker 1 (13:07) Yeah. I've also never heard anyone say that the way that. you can present. There's the external disruption, but... I hadn't ever heard anybody say, or you could be somebody that's internally disrupting yourself. Yes. With your thoughts, with your inability to stay on task, with your emotions. That's exactly how I felt all the time. And Speaker 2 (13:40) that's what I hear day in and day out. When I'm hearing from women over and over and over again that my whole life. I have felt like something was off. There was something missing. And they have never put together those pieces. And then their child gets evaluated. And that's when the pieces kind of come together. I'd be curious Speaker 1 (14:02) to hear your thoughts about something. ADHD in... Kind of culture and society. Yeah. Kind of feels like an eye roll. Because people have thrown the word around so much and live in a world where everybody has fragmented their attention by being online. Speaker 2 (14:24) Yeah. Speaker 1 (14:25) And at the same time, we have a neurological condition, which here in the United States is classified as a protected disability. Yes. We have all of this research around it. And so the term is kind of in popular culture and thrown around. You know what I mean, though, about the eye roll? Oh, yeah, you got ADHD. It's not even that. Speaker 2 (14:49) They get those eye rolls from their doctors. Speaker 1 (14:52) I Speaker 2 (14:52) have heard from another physician. I've been doing some advocacy work online talking about ADHD. And he made the comment, oh, so you can give Adderall to all the housewives who need it. And I was like, you're gross. I got to get out of here. That is kind of what this feels like. It feels like that's just kind of the like medication is the easy way out. And like everybody has it and it's easy to qualify. You talk to anybody. who is trying to get a good ADHD diagnosis, there are so many hoops in place. It is hard to get a diagnosis because people are turned away from or discouraged, just openly Speaker 1 (15:34) discouraged. Or hostile. The thing that I experienced as a parent is, well, oh, you're just trying to get your kid extra time on a test so you can get him into a good school? Speaker 2 (15:43) Yeah. Speaker 1 (15:43) I'm like, no, I'm trying to have him not struggle with depression and hate himself because he feels like a freak in school. Speaker 2 (15:51) Like Speaker 1 (15:51) he's not a behavioral problem, you idiots. Like this is a kid who's struggling. Speaker 2 (15:55) And Speaker 1 (15:56) why do I have to cry in front of a bunch of administrators to get him properly assessed? And so I also feel because of parents pushing their kids and trying to game the system, there's also a little bit of like, oh, do you really have ADHD? Or, you know, did your parents just push for this so that you could get the extra time and accommodations that way? And it's really hurt people and hurt. our ability, I think, to get heard and to be diagnosed. And I think that's part of it. For sure. Speaker 2 (16:27) People ask me a lot, is this underdiagnosed or overdiagnosed, ADHD? And my answer to that is it's both, right? It's overdiagnosed in some populations and it's wildly underdiagnosed in some. Like there's some racial and socioeconomic populations where ADHD is so far down the list of what it could be. And it's just immediately, this is oppositional defiant disorder. This is a behavioral issue. This is some other kind of weird attachment thing. So these kids aren't getting help. And then there are other people where it's almost like they're entering like a pill mill situation where like, I know this one doctor and he's really loose with Adderall. There's a wide range. And I think that truly, I think that if we had better criteria that properly nail down what we're looking at more comprehensively, then people wouldn't give these eye rolls. They wouldn't get like because we would be treating what we're Speaker 1 (17:27) looking at. I agree with you. Yeah. What exactly is happening in the ADHD brain? Speaker 2 (17:33) So this is going to be extremely oversimplified, but I think it's important the way that I describe it. is there's a couple of areas of the brain that you really need to know about. And the first one is the frontal lobe. So directly under your forehead. Think of that as like the very smartest part of your brain. Decision-making, judgment, processing. That's your frontal lobe. Then you have this amygdala, which is this little almond-shaped central area of the brain. And that's in charge of all of that emotional data. So with ADHD, you're dealing with a couple of things happening. Number one. You're dealing with a prefrontal cortex, smartest part of the brain. It's Speaker 1 (18:15) a Speaker 2 (18:15) little bit thinner and a little bit less responsive. Oh, really? Yes. And then you're dealing with an amygdala that's a little bit more hyperreactive. And then you're dealing with the connection between the two, which isn't as strong. So what you're going to get. is you feel things strongly because that amygdala is like, alarm chemicals, like something is happening. And that prefrontal cortex is sometimes slow to filter and figure out exactly what to do with it. Speaker 1 (18:46) The Speaker 2 (18:47) other thing that's happening in the brain alongside all of that is you have to talk about dopamine. And again, when you think about ADHD in general, that's very oversimplified. But dopamine is... That neurochemical that's in charge of alertness and attention and emotional regulation and mood. So it's present and doing many different things at once. And a lot of people think that it's a lack of dopamine. You have low dopamine and that's what's causing all this. It's really that the dopamine you have present isn't in the