Stop Letting Your Boss Disrespect You

The Jefferson Fisher Podcast

Jefferson Fisher dissects a series of viral boss-employee text exchanges, highlighting how poor communication choices rapidly escalate workplace

Key takeaways

• A boss criticizes an employee for sitting on a stool despite the worker having two broken bones in their left foot, instantly triggering defensiveness
• Employee responds to the broken-bone critique with justified anger but undermines themselves by adding condescending rhetorical questions

Main topics

• Workplace communication breakdowns
• Toxic management tactics and ego-driven leadership

Notable quotes

"That first sentence is what sets the North Star of this conversation."

Conclusion

Leading with curiosity and empathy prevents immediate defensiveness, while

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) Today, I'm looking at the internet's most insane boss texts. What went well, what went poorly, and how to fix it. Let's go. The boss says, good evening. I was reviewing the cameras from our shift today and noticed that you were sitting on a stool for the majority of your shift. This is completely unacceptable behavior and we will be discussing it tomorrow before the shift. Okay, here's what I, you wanna know what I hate about this right here? I don't see any question. There's no question mark. in this. There's no room for curiosity. This message right here by this boss was sent not out of a moment of concern, but out of a moment to critique. That's the position of this message. So right here, this boss already starts it off. The compass is already, the heading is already going to lead them very far off of the message. And it's going to go off the rails instantly. I can already tell. What I would have wanted... from this boss, what would have fixed it is to say, hey, good evening. I was looking at the cameras today from our shift and noticed that you were sitting on the stool. Are you okay? Is everything all right? How are you feeling? Any type of anything that could have shown concern for the actual human, rather than going straight to, I've decided that this is unacceptable. There's no reason for this, none whatsoever, no excuse. And also we will be discussing it tomorrow before the ship. That's an instant way of getting defensiveness and somebody to immediately clam up on you. And that's exactly what happens. Employee responds, I cleared it with, looks like the lead manager, I have two broken bones in my left foot. Doctor documented. That sounds pretty reasonable to me. Aside from that, I worked the entirety of my shift, 12 full hours. I'm not sure if you're aware, but we do have a rank list for packing displayed directly above our stations. My efforts today earn me first place. So just to be clear, my impressive performance was overshadowed by the fact that I wasn't comfortable enough while doing it. Okay. I hear the sentiment. I feel that. That's justified. The language is not. I am fully in favor of this employee saying, hey, I have two broken bones here. I don't appreciate the message you just gave me. I have two broken bones. Thanks for asking. I understand that. It's everything else. What I would have wanted to see from this employee is the first sentence. I cleared it with so-and-so and I have two broken bones in my left foot, doctor documented, period. End of it. Not all this aside, not all this. you know, what is very a condescending rhetorical question at the end that's not going to do them any favors. Again, I understand the anger that's behind this. And frankly, it's deserved. I would have wanted just to see the first question and that probably would have cleared it up. Boss continues, I'm really not appreciating your attitude. Oh, really? You could have just said the first part where it was cleared with another lead instead of being disrespectful. Hmm. This type of behavior isn't going to get you anywhere here. Oh, okay. And three things I hate about this response, okay? One, I'm really not appreciating your attitude. That's the sentence that this boss led with. Yeah, well, you know what, boss? You were the one who started with this attitude, so don't dish it out if you can't take it. Second is instead of being disrespectful, that phrase, instead of being disrespectful, well, again, don't dish it out if you can't take it. You were the one who opened with disrespect rather than leading with any human concern of any level. And third, this type of behavior isn't going to get you anywhere here. That's puffery. That's measuring. That's, hey, let me pull rank. Just so you know, that's not going to get you anywhere. I'm in charge here. I'm the one. That's ego. Right there, that screams ego, thinking that the employee is just going to back down. Well, as you can imagine, that's exactly the opposite of what this employee does. Employee responds, hey, thanks for wasting my precious off time with some garbage you didn't bother to investigate beforehand. Seriously, what you claim to be the pinnacle of performance there, I achieved it and I get grief because I was sitting while doing it. You guys need to get your priorities straight. It's no wonder that you have such difficulties retaining staff. I'm not concerned with going anywhere there. It's a toxic environment with ignorant people at the helm. I won't be in tomorrow or ever again. Speaker 1 (4:30) Boss responds, hey, we don't need to rush to you leaving. Oh yeah, you got caught. Yeah, your bluff got called. Let's talk in the morning and we can sort this out. Employee responds, no thanks. Have a good life. Yeah, I wonder if the boss was sitting down when he watched the video footage. That's what I want to know. This whole exchange could have been avoided by one single thing, and that is the first sentence. that this boss begins with. That first sentence is what sets the North Star of this conversation. And when you lead with, I know exactly what's happened, I know why you did it, and I don't share any care for