Protect Your Peace & Demand Your Worth! Trent Shelton on Simple, Life-Changing Strategies to Take Control of Your Life! (RR)

The Jamie Kern Lima Show

In this episode of The Jamie Kern Lima Show, Trent Shelton discusses the importance of protecting one's peace and demanding one's worth in a

Key takeaways

• Trent Shelton emphasizes that your worth is not determined by others but by your intrinsic value.
• Protecting your peace involves setting boundaries and prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being.

Main topics

• Protecting your peace and mental health
• Demanding your worth and self-value

Notable quotes

"Haters are just confused supporters."

Conclusion

This episode offers powerful insights into maintaining self-worth, setting

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) Get ready to protect your peace, demand your worth, and stop letting the things you can't control, control you. My amazing friend and yours too, the incredible Trent Shelton, is here today on the show to teach us how. This is an episode you're going to want to share with everyone you know today. You will always be not enough for the wrong people or person. We build relationships these days, I feel like, off of the weakest things. And no wonder when we go through trials and tribulations, things crumble. If you don't demand your worth, the world will tell you what your worth is. The last time I checked, that's not a good price tag. They usually put you on wholesale. You say to have peace. You have got to stop letting the things you can't control, control you. how do we do that? Trent Shelton, we're gonna get it. We're gonna get it. There's this constant battle, I believe, every single day for our worth, for our peace, for our sanity, for our happiness, for our joy. I'm ready to learn about protecting my peace. Ready to learn. How are you doing? Doing good. Yeah? learning to protect yourself. You're learning to be yourself. What you just said, like smiling for the kids, camera, but dying behind the scenes. Yeah. So many people can relate to that. In all various ways, people who are not public figures, but they show up and put on a smile and put, you know, be their representative, be the person they think they need to be, or the person that people are expecting them to be, and they're not, because they're not showing up as who they truly authentically are, they are literally dying behind the scenes, like, like hiding in plain sight. feeling more lonely than ever, more disconnected than ever. I know where that leads. There's no amount of perfection you can give to a person that's committed to misunderstanding you. But once you free yourself from those things and you experience the freedom of fully being yourself and people fully loving you for yourself, you'll never go back to being something that you're not to please them. You said haters are just confused supporters. haters are just confused supporters. Can you explain that? What do you do if you don't want to be alone and you don't know how to make new friends as an adult and you don't want to be all alone? But then you feel like sometimes the people around you bring this sort of like toxicity. Solitude is necessary. Sometimes you have to learn how to be by yourself so God can show you what being perfectly loved feels like. And what happens if you try to save a person drowning, They're so frantic, they will pull you under, and both people will drown. And so you have to trust that some people have to learn how to save themselves. I refuse to lose myself trying to change people. And some of us, we can't keep peace in our life because we spend our entire lives trying to change people. And people aren't going to change until they're ready to change. That's a big aha moment. So I want to tell everybody, listen to this, man. Stop losing yourself trying to please strangers on the internet. I don't know if I know a single person who doesn't struggle with this. I'm worthy because of how God created me and sees me, not how this world views me, not by a blue checkmark, not by 16 million people following me online. I was already worthy before birth, just like you. I was given worth at my birth. I was given worth at my birth. Woo! So it's special. When I talk about being guided, that's what I mean. Before we jump into this episode, I'd love to invite you to join this community to hear more interviews and one-on-one conversations with me and you to help you truly believe in yourself, trust yourself, and know you are enough so that you can become unstoppable in living your best life. All I want you to do is click on the subscribe button. I love your support. It's incredible to see your comments and how many of you are sharing these episodes with everyone else and I'm just so grateful to be here for you and I'm so excited to go on this journey with you. So thank you for subscribing. It means so much to me. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter. That's also. a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiecarlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, worthy is for you. In worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back. Build unshakable self-love. Unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness. Overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome. Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step in to the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at Worthy book.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Welcome to the Jamie Kernlima show. Oprah, how have you defied the odd? Her show is unlike any I've ever done. A revelation. When you listen, it feels like a hug, but your brain and your spirit and your heart is like, wow, Melinda French Gates. When I look into Jamie's eyes, I feel like I am on some other cosmic level with her. I could see the light around her. She's infused with light. Imagine overcoming self-doubt, learning to believe in yourself and trust yourself and know you are enough. Welcome to the Jamie Kern-Lima show. Jamie Kern-Lima's her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kron-Lima in their life. Jamie Kern Lima. Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern Lima. I am so excited to welcome a man to the show who's going to speak to your soul. He reaches over 60 million people weekly through his hard-hitting videos and soul-filling words. He's a renowned mindset specialist and self-worth mentor. You know that's my language. He's a former NFL player, host of the podcast, Straight up with Trent Shelton. He's a New York Times bestselling author of multiple books, and he has a brand new book. Protect Your Peace. Nine unapologetic principles for thriving in a chaotic world. If right now in your life you are letting things you can't control control you, if right now in your life you're dealing with anxiety or fear or grief or loss, and you're looking for hope and peace and tools that you can implement into your life right now to get them, then I am so glad you are here because you are in the right place and I believe there are no coincidences. My dear friend Trent Shelton, he travels the world speaking to packed arenas and inspiring audiences with his powerful messages full of wisdom and courage, and I feel so beyond blessed and grateful that he is here today. with you and me. Trent Shelton, welcome to the Jamie Kern-Lima show. Jamie, thank you so much. That was like the best self-esteem booster ever. I appreciate you. And all true. Thank you. And all true. What a gift you are here. I am just so great. I am excited for that person listening right now and watching us on this episode. I'm just excited. So thank you for being here. And right off the top, I just want to ask you, You say to have peace, you have got to stop letting the things you can't control, control you. Trent Shelton, how do we do that? It's tough. First, you have to have a reality check with yourself and understand that because what I've noticed in my own life, been doing this 15 years that most people, when it comes to their worth or how they feel, it's connected to something outside of them, whether it's people's opinions, whether it's the job, whether it's, whether, whatever it may be. And there's this constant battle, I believe, every single day for our worth, for our peace, for our sanity, for our happiness, for our joy. And that constant battle is between the external and the internal. So I always tell people, you know, ask yourself a simple question. Can I control this? If you can't control, you have to let it go. And I love to say, I will control what I can and pray about what I can't. And I have to leaving in God's hands. And to be real, Jamie, that's hard sometimes. Because as human beings, we want to have so much control over things. And if we feel like we don't have control, there's stress and anxiety. But I've learned to let it go. I've learned to trust, even when I don't understand. And that's been the driving force in my life and keeping my peace. So I would just simply tell that person, ask yourself, can I control this? And if you can't let it go and trust that everything's going to work out. What are your tips for doing that? Because I'll tell you, sometimes I'm like, okay, I know I can't control this, but I really want to figure out how to control this. Yeah. And I think it's funny. There's one of my favorite quotes is actually by 50 cent, I think by his grandma, that says either pray or worry, but don't do both. For sure. And most of my life, I'm like, oh, but I do both, right? I'm like praying about it. And then I still worry as if I can somehow do anything about it or as if I'm not trusting God, right? For sure. And so in your journey, like, how have you learned to do that? And are you at a place now where you can go, you can’t, and then you just let it go. And how do you do that? Do you just decide or how do you do that? Yeah, I just realized in my life through experience, like the things that I've tried to control that I can't control. And a lot of that has been people. And I don't always want to talk about that. But a lot of it has been people, how people feel about me, what people say, the Internet, at all the algorithm, Lord, all these things outside of me. And what I realize is that I'm just driving myself crazy. And for a lot of people, just what I believe in my faith is that a lot of us, we want to be behind the driver, the steering wheel of our life. We want to be able to control everything. The truth is in life, you can't. You can't control the experiences. You can't control your tomorrow's. You can influence it. You can do your best to put yourself in the best position to have the greatest things happen for your life. but the truth is, and I know you know this, I've done everything right and things have still gone wrong. And I say wrong, but really it's just not the right for my life at that time. And so I've learned to say, you know what, Trent, get out the driver's seat of your life and put God there. And where God takes you, sometimes it don't make sense. You question it. But I always say this quote, God will allow you to go through places you don't understand just to bring it to the place where he needs you to be. So when I look over my life, that's where the trust comes from. That's where my faith comes from. It doesn't come from knowing what tomorrow brings. It comes from knowing that God has had my back time after time again. And that's hard, right? Because sometimes you lose people, you lose things, and you want these things back in your life. Sometimes it's loved ones. But I've learned to have patience and faith and saying, if it's not for me, then it's just not for me. And that's so hard at times when it's things that you love. I prioritize my peace over everything now. And that's definitely helped my life. So I would tell the person, prioritize your peace and learn over time that everything is working out for your good. And I know that seems super motivational and inspirational, but it's the truth. Everything is working for you. And that's the truth that I stand by and live by. Isn't it so true that like if we could control everything, we wouldn't need faith? Exactly. What's the point of it? Yeah, yeah. Millions of people inspired by your friends. words every single day. Just to read a couple quotes, they say that you are hope for people who feel hopeless, Trent Shelton, that you create content that is a light for someone in their darkest times. And you just help so many people take the things that they're going through and help them turn them into the things they make it through. And I think a lot of that is because of the things you've made it through. So can you just share a little bit? And I know there's a lot of things you have made it through. And it's so powerful that you share some of those things because it helps people feel less alone and more enough. And then it helps them go through it as well. So can you talk about your journey just of turning the things you go through into the things you make? get through. Yeah, I made a commitment when I first started, like 2009, and when it really got real in 2011, and I made a commitment that I would always be a voice for people to let them know that everything they're going through can soon turn everything they made it through. And I wanted to be an example of that. And I didn't want to just be a one-trick pony where it's like, I'm telling you these things, but I'm not letting you know what I'm going through. And yeah, I go through a lot. just like every human being. And I remember making a promise to my best friend while I started doing what I do that committed suicide. And I told him that I would be the voice for people who need one and I would be the shoulder to lean on for people who need one. And that was very difficult for me because, again, I'm an introverted person. When I started this, it wasn't like the popular thing to do at that time. But I knew that there were so many people out there that thought that they were broken. And so for me, being vulnerable and transparent led to my transformation. And I want to let people know that it's okay to go through things. It's okay to share things. It's not going to hurt your brand. It's okay to, you know, admit that you're going through a struggle because that's relatable. You know, I can inspire people with my things. I can inspire people with the house or the car or I'm telling you all these numbers, which that's a part of it too. but I wanted to be able to impact people with my heart and say, I want you to experience my heart and I want you to feel this connection and I want you to see a human in me, this human that can rise above, this human that can conquer, this human that can overcome. Because if you can see that hope in me, then hopefully you can see the hope in yourself. And so that's why I'm so open and transparent. And Jamie, it's just hard to just do this, smile when I'm dying inside. I just can't do it. It just takes too much energy. So I would rather say, hey, y'all, I'm depressed right now. You know, it doesn't mean that my life is over. I'm going through a storm, but I promise you I will get through it because no storm lasts forever. But I'm going through it. I'm climbing this mountain with you. I'm at the mountaintop saying, hey, this is how you get up here. No, I might have been there, but every year in my life through something because I'm a human, I come back down to the valley. And I'm with you climbing this mountain with you. So I think that's what's helped me connect with so many people across the world. And honestly, that's what's helped me be able to continue on this journey because if I'm carrying all this emotional baggage and as I always say smiling for the camera but dying behind the scenes I know where that leads you know I know people in my life that are no longer here because of that and so I refuse to be what the world wants me to be and lose myself I refuse to be who the world wants me to be and not keep peace in my life so for me this is the easiest thing for me to do is to say this is when I'm I'm dealing with. So the last, what, three years, you know, I'm good this year, but 2021, 2022 was some of the worst years in my life. You know, I mean, my mom in that whole situation, and then Maya situation, a few days later than my grandmother gone. And then my dad's best friend who was a mentor in my life a few months later, then the next year I rupture my Achilles and always had to get my leg, like my foot literally almost cut off. And it's back to back to back to back, and yeah, I questioned God. Yeah, I was like, what's going on? Yeah, I had to still be this person for the world, but I gave myself grace to say, you know what? It doesn't make me less. It doesn't make me less of a human. It doesn't make me less of an expert. It doesn't make me less of a brand because I'm dealing with things. Actually, this strengthens it. And I had so many people say, man, Trent, because of you these last three years, you’ve impacted me more than anything in the last 12 years of you’ve been doing this. So that's why I do it. what you just said, like smiling for the camera, but dying behind the scenes. Yeah. So many people can relate to that. For sure. Like in all various ways, people who are not public figures, but they show up and put on a smile and put, you know, be their representative, be the person they think they need to be or the person that people are expecting them to be. And they're not, because they're not showing up as who they truly authentically are, they are literally, literally. dying behind the scenes, like hiding in plain sight. That's right. Feeling more lonely than ever, more disconnected than ever. And how, what are your words for someone who is scared that if they show up as who they truly are, they will lose love? They won't be accepted. They'll no longer belong. They'll be judged. And I know, you know, all the data and all the studies show that. But if we are not fully authentically ourselves, we cannot have a true connection with another human being. And it's so easy to believe the lie that I want connection. So I'm going to be the person I think I need to be. But then we are lonelier and more disconnected than ever. So for the person who needs maybe words of wisdom or inspiration or advice or tips on how do you? Because you've done it. You do it every single day, right? For sure. They see Trent Shelton on a pedestal. People with Trent Shelton on a pedestal. Oh, he's crushed it in every area of his life. And you're saying, oh, this is who I am. I'm in the valley. I'm going through these hard times. I'm, you know, dealing with depression. I'm all the different things. Like you have been so brave, right, to be who you are. And you're saying that is why so many people connect with you. Right? And I think about, you know, I think about all the people. I think who are the most impactful in the world, and I think that they do that in various ways. But how do you get the courage to do that for the person listening right now who's saying, Trent, if they really knew who I was, if they really knew all the things I'm going through, maybe they wouldn't hold me in such esteem anymore. Maybe I wouldn't be invited anymore. Maybe I wouldn't be included anymore. First thing I want to say is that's not your people then. You will always be not enough for the wrong people or person. always. And I know sometimes that's hard because we want to fit in, we want to blend in, but you got to accept that certain doors have to close. And when you're your authentic self, some doors close, friends, family, peers, it ends. And you can't, I know it hurts, but you got to realize there's better doors for your life. And I know that's easier, said, than done. I get it because I was there. And I still go there at times. But I trust to say, okay, if a no changes the relationship, then that relationship isn't for me. If me being my authentic self changes the relationship, then that relationship isn't for me. And yes, it still hurts. Yes, I want these people in my life. Yes, I want to be enough. But I learned this a long time ago, Jamie. There's no amount of perfection you can give to a person that's committed to misunderstanding you. You'll never be perfect for the wrong people. Even your perfection will be not enough. So at some point, they're going to find the real you. And so my biggest fear is people fall in love with this version of Trent Shelton that's not authentic. They love me for something that I'm truly not. I don't want to do that because at some point, the real me is going to show up. The messy me, the mistake me, the failure me is going to show up. I'm going to be like, wait a minute, who's this guy? And so if you can't love me at my worst, doesn't mean that you allow me to live a life that you know that I shouldn't be living. right? But if you can’t love me at my worst, then I don’t want you loving me at my best. Because the truth is, every human being, and I wanted to say this earlier about going to church and being judged, never let the imperfections of man or woman keep you from the perfection of God. Never let the imperfections of man or woman, this world, et cetera, keep you from the perfection of God. And that has helped me so much in my life because when I'm getting judged, I'm like, oh, that's an imperfect person judging me. I feel sorry for them that they're projecting their flaws and insecurities on me. And so again, if I'm not enough for you, great. Thank you. Release me. Let me go on to something else. And when we're tethered and connected to something, I'll talk about this in the book. You've got to disconnect often. The things that you're connected to are empowering you. So some of us, we're connected to stress. We're connected to all these things and we're connected to, man, our insecurities. And I say, cut the connection. Pull the plug. Disconnect from those things. And it's hard to go pull the plug. When you realize that, man, once I pull the plug, I'm freeing myself. And there's nothing better in this world, Jamie, than being able to. to be you and being accepted for you. So I know doors have closed because I'm not a version of professional that maybe the world doesn't want. But I'm okay with that. I know what God has called me to do, what he wants me to do, and I'm at peace with that. I can sleep at night. I'm okay. I can lay my head down and say, you know what, I am the best version of myself. I might not be them, they, him, or her, but I'm me. And I'm okay with that. And so I think it takes time to be able to build that confidence. But once you free yourself from those things and you experience the freedom of fully being yourself and people fully loving you for yourself, you'll never go back to being something that you're not to please them. So that's what I would say. One thing I just thought of that you say that I love so much. And I just have to bring it up because I'm thinking to the one person listening who is just struggling with the haters they see online. or the comments that they get, or they finally decided to post their art or their ideas or any part of themselves out there. And then someone from 25 years ago in high school made some rude comment on their Facebook or their Instagram. And you once said Trent Shelton, and I will never forget this. I think about this all the time. You said, haters are just confused supporters. Haters are just confused supporters. Can you explain that? So good. So good. Yeah. So, number one, like, if you don't want to be hating