Episode 17: The Perfect Opening Line

The Harbingers

Set in 2032, the episode follows the escalating global crisis triggered by billionaire magician Jacqueline St. Pierre. After using her power

Key takeaways

• Jacqueline St. Pierre used gravity manipulation to freeze 11 international jumbo jets in mid-air.
• The South Korean 'Sky Cannon' orbital weapon was violently removed from its orbit by an unknown force.

Main topics

• Magical warfare
• Geopolitical instability

Notable quotes

This is someone saying, you don't scare me.

Conclusion

The episode masterfully blends political thriller elements with high-f

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) Have you ever wanted to travel to a magical world filled with wizards, goblins, unicorns, and, I don't know, a talking badger? Look no further than Hello from the Magic Tavern, an award-winning improvised comedy podcast set in the fantastical land of Foon, now in its sixth season. Okay, here's everything you need to know. Over ten years ago, host Arnie Niekamp fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical land of Foon. Since then, he's been using the Wi-Fi signal coming through the dimensional rift to record a podcast with his co-hosts, Usador the Wizard and Chunt the Talking Badger. Simple, right? No problem. Each week on Hello from the Magic Tavern, the hosts interview various creatures, spellcasters, and adventurers from throughout the land of Foon. Previous guests include a Death Knight, played by Brennan Lee Mulligan, a Red Wizard, played by Felicia Day, a Giant, played by Vic Michaelis, and a magical talking crow, played by Amy Mann. The show features a mix of storytelling, improv, comedy, and absurdity, and I absolutely recommend this show. So please go find Hello from the Magic Tavern wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, this is producer Eleanor, and I want to tell you about a favorite show of mine. Midnight Burger is a sci-fi comedy audio drama. When Gloria loses her restaurant, she answers a Craigslist ad for a waitressing gig at a diner outside Phoenix. And then discovers that it's actually a time-traveling, dimension-spanning diner that appears somewhere new in the cosmos every day. Nobody knows who built the diner or how it works, but somehow wherever it lands, there's always someone who could really use a cup of coffee. Now, this show is like if you took one cup Douglas Adams and then one cup Terry Pratchett, and then to that you add a little Kurt Vonnegut and some Ursula K. Le Guin. You mix that until combined, put it in a pan, bake for one to two hours, and then you get this incredible show, which is full of big cosmic ideas told through small human moments. It's funny and surreal on the surface, and then you tap, tap with your fork and you break through that crust and it can really sneak up on you emotionally under there. Really wonderful show. And you might hear a voice that you recognize. Lauren Grace Thompson also appears in Midnight Burger. Okay, so if you're trying to get into the show, this is one of these ones that has an enormous catalog. So you can either start right at the beginning. Or I suggest you check out episode 12. It's called Ted Just Admit It. It's a great taste to figure out if this show is for you. So go check out Midnight Burger wherever you listen to your podcasts. Or you can find more info on their website at weopenat6.com. Speaker 5 (3:12) The loss that we experienced four months ago is going to stay with us. It should stay with us. There are wounds that we are not meant to recover from that we never get to forget. But when these tragedies do not break us, they forge us into the toughest steel. And America, we are not broken. Speaker 1 (3:35) That is an excerpt of the speech that President Shepard delivered today at the groundbreaking ceremony for the reconstruction of Boston. Speaker 6 (3:44) The trial of Dr. Adam Blackwell began today. The embattled academic entered a plea of guilty this morning, given the scale of the... Left in Speaker 3 (3:52) chaos following the collapse of the Eckerdberg Speaker 5 (3:54) conglomerate. Once one of North America's leading tech and energy... Tory leader Rosemary Jones was arrested today, following last week's shocking... Magician Amy Sterling cancelled a two-week residency in New York City... We've seen Speaker 7 (4:16) what happens when the law tries to play catch-up to current events. Whatever comes next... We need to be ready for it. Speaker 5 (4:50) Andrea Shepard's Speaker 6 (4:52) health Speaker 5 (4:52) care Speaker 6 (4:52) bill is officially dead following the defection of six Democrats. It was the president's most ambitious piece of legislation since her eradication of the Department of Homeland Security in 2020. I don't know how Speaker 8 (5:02) much louder of a f***ing wake-up call we need. This technology is dangerous, and not one more American. I take no pleasure in the failure of President Shepard's legislation. The American people have made their Speaker 6 (5:17) will known. Recruitment of 50 Speaker 5 (5:18) ,000 scientists. Speaker 6 (5:19) Mark your calendar. As of October 2nd, 2031. Christmas Speaker 3 (5:22) Day opening for Speaker 5 (5:24) the Speaker 3 (5:24) third entry in the Cypher Rose franchise, which raked in a staggering $200 million. Speaker 8 (5:29) We feel really lucky to be here. It hasn't been easy, but we get to be here. That means a lot. Speaker 6 (5:35) Only five days into 2032 and things are already off to a bad start for President Shepard. Speaker 8 (5:40) To mark Speaker 6 (5:40) the two-year Speaker 8 (5:40) anniversary of the destruction of Boston. South Korea Speaker 6 (5:43) today announced the launch of an orbital satellite armed with a high-energy laser capable of targeting objects on the Earth's surface. Speaker 8 (5:49) The South Korean government insists that the device, dubbed Skycam, will only be used for self-defense. Many are saying it could be the first step in a cycle of escalation. I Speaker 5 (6:00) know it can feel like Speaker 8 (6:00) every Speaker 5 (6:00) day is a new crisis, but I promise you, America's best days are still ahead of us. The best is yet to come. Speaker 2 (6:13) USS Speaker 3 (7:12) Doris Miller. My name is Admiral Winterborn. I'm in charge of the 2nd Fleet. Welcome to the North Atlantic. Thank you, Admiral. Speaker 7 (7:22) Glad to be on your aircraft carrier. Speaker 7 (7:30) How was the flight, ma'am? Got me here fast. Got me here in one piece. Got me here without making Speaker 3 (7:35) me throw up. Two of those three, and we call that a good day. We've set up your quarters in the aft deck if you want some time to rest. No, I should start getting ready. Do we know when they're supposed to get here? They're here already. They're here? Both of them? Three of them, actually. The captain's with her people, but we could get her here fast if need be. No, she's... Speaker 7 (7:56) she's someone else's problem. At least for now. Do you have somewhere private I can talk to them? We'll set up a room for you. Whose Speaker 3 (8:04) head do you want first? Speaker 7 (8:15) Hello again. It's good to see you. Speaker 2 (8:19) Yeah, it's been a minute. Come in, Miss Skinner. How have you been, Miss Sterling? About as well as I could be, given the circumstances. Speaker 7 (8:30) You? Oh, I'm having all sorts of fun. Speaker 2 (8:40) So, what, do we just get into it? Again? Speaker 7 (8:50) We just get into it. Again. Speaker 2 (8:59) Sure. Where do you want to start? Speaker 7 (9:05) If I had to take a guess, you take a 12-ounce glass, you muddle in lime, mint, baker's sugar, six or seven turns ought to do it. You put in a lime slice, then crushed ice. Add in Cointreau, add in Bacardi, and you top it off with a not-too-bubbly mineral water. San Pellegrino would do nicely. Speaker 2 (9:28) What in the Speaker 7 (9:29) fuck was that? That was the recipe for a truly outstanding mojito. Speaker 2 (9:41) Okay. Sure, I get it. I might swap out the Cointreau for white rum. That's because you're a tasteless heathen. Born and raised, Miss Skinner. Never forget it. Okay. Speaker 7 (9:56) Yeah, we talked about mojito recipes. So now... Speaker 7 (10:03) This is Claudia Skinner. This is information session number one for Operation Critias. It is two minutes after midnight local time on July 4th, 2032. Speaker 2 (10:14) Happy Independence Day. Speaker 7 (10:16) We are two and a half weeks into the Atlantic crisis. Ms. Sterling, to start with, I would like to talk to you about the past two years. I'd like to talk to you about the events of June 17th. And, oh yes, little thing, I'd like to talk about maybe finding a way to stop this whole magic war thing that we're hurtling towards. How does all that sound for this evening's program? Speaker 2 (10:50) I think that's as good a place as any to begin. Let's get started. Audacious Machine Creative presents The Harbingers. Created by Gabrielle Urbino. Episode 17. The perfect opening line. Speaker 5 (11:36) Miss Sterling, Speaker 2 (11:37) we're ready for you. Oh, sorry. I was a million miles away. That's all right. Here, walk this way. New York City, A &M Studios. June 3rd, 2032. Speaker 5 (11:55) Here we are. Speaker 6 (12:01) Miss Sterling. Please, have a seat. Speaker 2 (12:05) Mr. Watts. Speaker 6 (12:07) We're so glad you could be here. Speaker 2 (12:09) Glad we could make it happen. Speaker 4 (12:11) Twenty seconds. Are Speaker 2 (12:12) you going to throw some weird bullshit my way? Speaker 6 (12:14) Not any more than is necessary. You going to shill for your little friend? Speaker 2 (12:18) As much as is necessary. In Speaker 6 (12:20) five, four... Speaker 6 (12:35) Good evening and welcome to the Watts Report. Tonight, a special broadcast. Two years ago, America experienced a tragedy unlike any it has ever known. A whole city gone in the blink of an eye due to one man's reckless use of magic. Since then, there's been questions, recriminations, and grief, but few definitive answers about how we go forward. Today, as we look back on the Boston disaster, we are joined by one of the people who is closest to these tragic events. Amy Sterling, welcome to the Watts Report. Speaker 2 (13:07) Thank you, Chris. Thrilled to be here. Speaker 6 (13:09) Ms. Sterling, let's get right to it. You were one of only three survivors on that horrible day. You've spent most of the past two years speaking out about your experiences and helping to raise funds for the city's reconstruction, which is very commendable. You also, it must be said, have a long history with the man responsible for the loss of Boston. How do you look back on... I'm sorry, Speaker 2 (13:32) Chris, but no, I don't have a relationship with the man who was responsible for what happened to Boston. Speaker 6 (13:37) I'm sorry? It is well documented. The Speaker 2 (13:39) man who was responsible was Lawrence Donahue. He attacked the facility. He caused the damage that destabilized Project Vesper. Donahue sentenced millions to die. Adam made the hardest choice in the world, and thanks to him, that number was reduced by a factor of tens. But Speaker 6 (13:56) he was the one who cast the spell, wasn't he?