7 Reasons Why High Achievers Never Feel Satisfied | Ed Mylett

THE ED MYLETT SHOW

This episode is a compilation of powerful insights from various high achievers regarding the importance of valuing the process over the final

Key takeaways

• Ed Mylett warns against 'achievement addiction,' where focusing solely on results leads to a loss of focus on the essential growth process.
• Fallon Taylor shares her journey from being a world champion barrel racer recovering from a broken neck to finding fulfillment through growth and contribution.

Main topics

• Achievement Addiction
• Process over Product

Notable quotes

Process over product.

Conclusion

The episode serves as a powerful reminder that true fulfillment comes

Transcript preview

Speaker 8 (0:04) This is the Ed Milet Show. Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. Speaker 7 (0:20) Okay, welcome back to the show everybody. It's so good Speaker 8 (0:22) to have you here with me today. And what we're going to talk about today is something that I bet you've never had discussed with you before in your life. And you know, there's Speaker 7 (0:30) all kinds of different addictions in life. Speaker 8 (0:32) You know, we can become... addicted to alcohol, or we can become addicted to a person, we can become addicted to drugs, we can become addicted to gambling, and all of those are really well-known addictions. There's one addiction that I see become so prevalent in our culture today that I do not see being discussed in the business world or in the personal development, the self-help world, because it's sort of a scary topic to touch on. And so what I want to talk about today is achievement addiction. And I know that may sound like an interesting thing coming from somebody whose show is all about, you know, achieving your dreams and making great things happen in your life and changing your life. But there can become an addiction to achievement that becomes very unhealthy. And one of my concerns about so many of you that are involved in the podcast or personal development world is that you begin to miss the forest for the trees and that you begin to become addicted to achievement in a way that is unhealthy. You know, all kinds of studies right now, if you write this down, just remember this phrase right now, process over product. That if you're always focused on the product you're producing and the achievement that you must have, you lose focus over the process. And what happens oftentimes in life is we become so focused on the fruit of our life. We become so obsessed with the fruit that we want to produce in our life that this takes all of our energy and focus away from building the tree. that could actually produce fruit for a lifetime we become so addicted in the finish line in the achievement this addiction to achievement that it becomes incredibly unhealthy to our long-term mental health and also our long-term wealth accumulation our long-term building because we don't learn the process of delayed gratification and we don't fall in love with the process of doing something great in our life as opposed to always being addicted to the product And this achievement addiction become incredibly unhealthy. It can become unhealthy because you delay all of your bliss in your life until you get to particular destinations. Once I get this achievement, then I'll be happy. Once I get this relationship, then I'll be happy. Once I get this amount of money, then I'll be happy. And this addiction to the finish line keeps all of the bliss in our joy in our life into the future. There is a way to be blissful now and still being productive. The other thing that happens when you're addicted to achievement. is that you become, it can very carefully, insidiously become a perfectionism addiction where you think everything you have to do has to become perfect. That can cause paralysis. That can cause you, I'm talking about analysis paralysis. That can cause you to not want to take risks or take steps or step into the unknown because it's all about the achievement. It's all about the finish line. This can lead to a life that's really not very harmonious. All kinds of data tells us right now, and I've said this previously, that actually the brain produces more of dopamine, which is our joy chemical, our pleasure center, the pleasantness in our life. We produce more dopamine during the process of achieving something than when we actually get to the actual finish line of the achievement. Brain studies now show us that when you get to the end and you get to the dopamine, it actually falls off the charts downwards once you get the achievement. And then you're left wondering, is this all there ever is? Is this as good as it's ever going to be? And if you do that enough times, you repeat this achievement addiction pattern. Once you actually get to the achievement, if you do, and it's a very unhealthy way to get there, when you get there, it's not all it's cracked up to be. And eventually you and your brain go, this just isn't worth it anymore. And you stop the journey. You stop being willing to do the work that you once did. You may need to ask yourself right now, are you really working like you were working when you were starving and hungry if you're no longer starving and hungry? Because there was something beautiful to those days where you didn't have any achievement, wasn't there? In fact, in some strange ways, the hardest parts of my story of when my water was turned off and we didn't have electricity in my house and cars were repoed and I had a home going to foreclosure, in some odd way, Speaker 8 (4:28) There was a happiness there that I don't even have now in my life because I was so enthralled in the process of my life. You know, some of the most happy people in the world are the most happy when they're just so involved in process. Why? Because process focus keeps you present. There's all this stuff in personal development. Be present. Cause yourself to be in the present. Don't be in the past. Don't be in the future. The truth is all there is is the present. And when you're focused on something that's the work you love in your life, the actual work, the actual dedication to the process, you're fully present. The minute you take your focus to the achievement, you're no longer present and you're focused in the future. This can lead to anxiety, worry, frustration, an addiction that's unhealthy. It can lead to sacrificing lots of other things in your life that matter on the way there. I'm not for a minute saying, don't bust your tail and do something great. Don't misconstrue what I'm saying. Because I don't believe you can actually enjoy inaction and rest unless you know what it feels like to be completely active and busting it. For me, I only enjoy inactivity after massive spats in my life of full activity. Then and only then can you appreciate rest and enjoyment and unplugging. A life of being unplugged, a life of no process, a life of no achievements, a life of no expansion of your being is a wasted life. I'm talking about nuance here. What I'm saying is that you get so addicted to the achievements that you constantly delay your bliss and your happiness at the expense of other human beings in your life. And secondly, when you get there, you're waiting for all the dopamine then rather than falling in love with what you do to get there. This is not a message about fall in love with the journey. Sure, that's part of it. I'm talking about falling in love with the process. And what's happened to a lot of people is they've become conditioned in their life. There's this conditioning that it's all about the achievement. Why is that? Because that's what we see. We see on ESPN, what do we see? We don't see the entire game of baseball or football or basketball, whatever the sport is. We don't see them practicing. We don't see them lifting weights and stretching. We don't even see most of the stuff that happens. We only see the highlight. We only see the home run. We only see the great catch. We only see the touchdown, right? We only see the goal. We only see the dunk. We only see the three-pointer to win the game. And so we become highlight reel and achievement addicted, thinking that's all that matters. Not only does your brain not work that way, your life won't work that way. And I worry sometimes in this space, this business, personal development, self-help space, that everything's pointed to the achievement. And this becomes an unhealthy addiction as opposed to addiction to the things that can be healthy in our lives. There's also this addiction to accumulation. That somehow if I can accumulate enough things, if I can accumulate enough awards, if I can accumulate enough money, if I can accumulate enough cars, if I can accumulate enough conquests, if it's a woman, accumulate enough men or a man, accumulate enough women, if I can accumulate, you know, a jet, I can accumulate things. But somehow if I can just accumulate a bunch of stuff, that somehow that's an achievement and I'm going to enjoy my life and feel better. And just remember this in your life. You cannot take it with you. Speaker 8 (7:42) You cannot take these things you accumulate with you, but you can leave it here. And what I mean by that is somebody who's accumulated a lot of wealth in their life, I can tell you, and I want you to accumulate wealth. I want you to accumulate success. I want you to accumulate awards. I want that. But that should not be your obsession. Your obsession should be the work you do in the process, the people's lives you change in the process. That you can leave here. See, the award, the money, the jet, the house, you can't take that with you. But the lives you change, the difference you make. The consciousness you shift, the difference you make in your own family by being the one, the difference you make in other people's families by the work you do in your business, your life, your good works, that you leave here. Life's about being in the full present moment, every moment you possibly can be. And then when you're no longer here physically, you leave these things here and they reverberate into history. The ripple effect of the works you do, that's something that's blissful when you're addicted to it. But the actual achievement, not so much. And so I want you to really evaluate this idea of accumulating things in order to be happy as opposed to being focused on what you need to do to change other people's lives. The other thing I want to share with you too is that one way to get out of this is to begin to compete. I like to almost like gamify my life where I'll compete for different things. I'll compete in the gym every day. So it's not about how big's the bicep or how ripped are your abs or... Whatever your body fat might be or your weight or all that, that's an achievement. But to fall in love with the process of actually working out and actually competing to get stronger and faster, competition is a great diversion from the unhealthiness of achievement addiction. So I really want today for you just to sit back for a second and ask yourself, what does make me happy, right? What does make me happy? And am I spending, am I thinking I'll spend 99 % of my time kind of grinding, but when I get to that achievement, man, that's when all my happiness will happen. Or is there a better way to live? Can you actually fall in love and enjoy the day-to-day process, the ups and downs of your life? You know, I'm convinced in my life, I made a decision. I don't want a merry-go-round life. I want a roller coaster life. Most people will choose a life of the merry-go-round. It just keeps going in the same circle. You get on that merry-go-round, you go about one time, you start seeing the same things, don't you? And it comes back around again, and you see it again, and you see it again, and you see it again. It's nice and calm and slow with that goofy music. And it just repeats itself in a circle very slowly. Little ups and downs as you just go in the circle and see the same things. That's a merry-go-round life. And if you're listening to me right now, you have decidedly chosen you do not want to live life on a merry-go-round. You've decided you want the roller coaster, the ups and the downs and the butterflies and your stomach goes all the way up, right? You know, it's whoo and the screaming, yay, Speaker 7 (10:48) and Speaker 8 (10:48) you're scared. That's the journey of life that produces the most bliss is actually the roller coaster life. But I think too many people think, I just want to get off the roller coaster. right? And get to the end of it and have achieved that I finished the ride. And I'm telling you, when you finish the ride, that's when all the butterflies go away. That's when all the joy goes away. That's when all the bliss goes away. The joy and the bliss is in the ride. Speaker 7 (11:16) Even the ups that are going, and you know it's coming. You do all the way down, up and down. Speaker 8 (11:23) I don't want a life that avoids ups and downs. I want the roller coaster, but I want to decide I'm going to enjoy the process of that ride. So you can make two choices. You can choose to get on the merry-go-round. And if you're listening to me, you don't want to be on the merry-go-round. If you're listening to me, you either chose consciously to live a life off of the merry-go-round like 99 % of the people do, same life, same pattern, same conversation, same vacations, same nothing, no growth, no experience, no memories, no joy, no life. That's 99 % of people. So if you're listening to me, either you've decided I want to get off the merry-go-round or you've gotten off of it. But the other mistake and choice you can make is this up and down thing. I just need to get to the end, to the finish line. Rides over, and then you get off, and you go, yeah, wasn't that awesome? Speaker 3 (12:10) Right? Wasn't that awesome? Speaker 8 (12:12) That's a mistaken choice. That's the achievement addiction. The right addiction, I believe, is the nuanced one in the middle, which is to accept you've chosen a roller coaster life. And the people around you have chosen to be with you in your roller coaster life. And it's to make sure those people around you get what they need as you ride your dream and you ride your roller coaster. And that you get what you need, which is the bliss and the happiness and the fulfillment and the contribution that comes with the day-to-day riding of that roller coaster in the process. And not waiting. for all of the joy for the end of the ride. And so please guard against achievement addiction in your life. And I'm really hopeful that today helped you really hear something you've never heard before and cause you to begin to think. Every week I'm producing content. I want you to begin to hear it when I'm doing these interviews through this idea that you're not here to just accumulate and accumulate and accumulate because you can't take it with you. But you can leave the people that you help, the difference you make, the vibrational frequency you change, the consciousness you shift in your own family, in your own being, and the lives of other people. You can leave that here. And I sure would appreciate it. And I know your family would. And I know you will if that becomes your obsession and your addiction. Speaker 7 (13:27) Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Speaker 8 (13:32) Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Welcome back to Max out everybody. I'm so excited about today's program because I'm one of the most inspirational people I think on earth today with me and She was also I always put these polls out to you guys saying who do you want on my show? And there kept being this name come up this beautiful name by the way Fallon Taylor Fallon Taylor get her on your show And so I'm so excited that she's here today. This lady to my left is amazing. She's an incredible entrepreneur. She's got an amazing social media and YouTube presence, but she's probably best known for being a world barrel racing champion. And not only is that extraordinary, but she did that. after breaking her neck and having a 2 % chance to even ever walk again. And she comes back and wins what is really the world series of barrel racing. So I'm so excited for you guys to hear this story. So thank you for being here, Fallon. Thank you Speaker 1 (14:23) so much. I really am excited to be here. Speaker 8 (14:26) You talk a little bit about some of the things you've transitioned. So then that happens. Speaker 1 (14:30) Right. Speaker 8 (14:31) And then what I think is remarkable about you, and I bet maybe this has happened, but then it's got to be now you've got to find the next identity. Speaker 1 (14:37) Right. Speaker 8 (14:37) Right? It's like you get to different levels in life, and that could be, someone could be listening and say that my dream was always to become a mother, let's say. Just pick something. And I've become a mother, and I'm a world-class mother. And it's the most fulfilling thing you'll ever do. Or maybe it's a business you want to start and now you've got that business. But all of us need to be searching for that next identity, that next thing we're chasing. Life is about the chase to an extent, right? It's Speaker 1 (14:59) always growth and contribution, growth and contribution. If I can continue to grow, then I can continue to contribute. And that's where the real fulfillment comes from. Because if I go see my name in lights and I win the world title, well, guess what? At midnight that night, Pro Rodeo was on a search for a new world champion. Speaker 5 (15:16) After Speaker 1 (15:16) that and I woke up that next morning after I won the world like Okay. Well now you've caught the tiger you caught the bear. Yeah. Speaker 8 (15:23) Now, Speaker 1 (15:24) what do you do? Speaker 8 (15:24) Yeah, and Speaker 1 (15:25) I wouldn't do it horribly dark depressive did date Yeah, Speaker 8 (15:28) horrible Speaker 1 (15:28) and then I started to research athletes. Mm Speaker 8 (15:31) -hmm And Speaker 1 (15:31) I saw this cycle right of they've won, you know You see people that have won amazing things and then they just you Speaker 8 (15:37) know, Speaker 1 (15:38) they just puddle Yes, Speaker 8 (15:39) and Speaker 1 (15:39) it's because you catch the tiger You catch the bear. And then you're like, well, what do I feed it now? What do I do with this thing? I thought that all of those problems would go away. I thought that I would have the perfect relationship by now. Or I thought I would have the dream car by now. Or I thought all these things would just magically line up. There's no limo waiting for you when you finally reach that Speaker 3 (15:59) thing. Speaker 1 (16:01) You're still going to have people. The person that didn't think you could accomplish anything, once you accomplish it, will say, but I bet you can't do it five times. Speaker 8 (16:08) Yep. Yep. Speaker 1 (16:10) Well. Why would I try that? Yeah, you know, why would I do that? So I think in the in the space of one foot in front of the other I started to have to get myself out of this really dark space So I started to just work on making sure that I was okay, you know making sure that gone through all the strength I know how strong I am let me go back and put some instead of band-aids on these bullet wounds of my relationships or my finances or What I really want to do or could I actually help other people do this? When I started to really mend that yes and put some buttons on some things that really need to be taken care of I found so much more fulfillment when I found true fulfillment and I continue to find it, you know, it's never done Yeah, never done. You know you do this show. It's fabulous. It's amazing Everybody's learning so much Speaker 3 (16:56) but Speaker 1 (16:56) then there will come a point when you're like I'm gonna feel fulfilled some other way I'm gonna do some other thing that's gonna make me feel really great. Maybe spending time with family or going to your place in Idaho that you love so much. It's the same thing. But you Speaker 8 (17:09) found the formula. Let me just tell you. It's growth and contribution. It is. And I want to say something that you said. I'm so glad you just said this, particularly for the female listeners and watchers. And that is, you, ladies especially, but there's a lot of dudes like this too. But ladies. You don't take care of yourself, right? Speaker 4 (17:27) You're Speaker 8 (17:28) always caring for other people You're expending all of your energy for the people that you love and the people that you're caring for Or you're expending the energy on the things about yourself that you don't love yet, right? self-care like whether it's like I mean it could be simple like just like read a great book and relax, take a bath, do something kind for yourself, get a massage. If you don't have any money, give yourself the gift of meditating or taking a walk. Speaker 1 (17:50) Yeah, absolutely. Isn't that Speaker 8 (17:52) true? Because a lot of your followers are women. I Speaker 1 (17:54) found a lot of really great free drugs, basically. Okay. Because I'm not a drinker. I know you're not. I tried to get her to have a Speaker 8 (18:01) drink before, so I didn't. Very straight-laced. Found Speaker 1 (18:04) free drugs. There's all sorts of things. Dopamine from things we love or endorphins from working out. Speaker 4 (18:11) All Speaker 1 (18:11) of these things that I can get from fulfilling myself and especially for the female audience, I think that we're meant to be nurturers and homemakers and we're meant to be people that are always fulfilling everyone else's needs. And just like you said, if we don't take care of ourselves, Speaker 5 (18:27) those Speaker 1 (18:28) people don't get the parts of us that they love. Speaker 4 (18:29) And Speaker 1 (18:30) there's nothing worse than trying to love a woman that's 20 % herself. Or 10 % herself or 5 % herself. You can be a mother and you can be beautiful. Or you can be a mother and you can be somebody that expresses yourself through all the arts and crafts that people told you to put away and become an adult. Speaker 3 (18:45) Or Speaker 1 (18:46) you can do all of those things. But the real contribution back if you really want to be nurturing and you really want to give the most to your family is to give them you at 100%. Oh, Speaker 8 (18:56) wow. Speaker 1 (18:56) Give them you. Your full version so Speaker 8 (18:58) totally amazingly agree with you and I can see 99 % of the women nodding their head going on with you Then there's the 1 % of the ladies are going. That's not me. You know, I'm in a career Well, take a look at your career like I bet you at your career You're nurturing and taking care of the people around you caring about them loving them doing three people's jobs and covering up for the people who don't work So it's you too girl. Trust me. It's something and by the way men have this as well, but it is more I'm so glad you said it because often super achiever women often aren't willing to express that thought to other women. And so it's wonderful that you give people that gift. That Speaker 7 (19:35) was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full Speaker 8 (19:37) interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Welcome back to Max Outt, everybody. Today's show is going to be special because by popular demand, the gentleman to my left is here. I'm so excited about today. Thank Speaker 3 (19:55) you. Speaker 3 (19:57) Good, Speaker 8 (19:57) because this is one of the most gifted, talented, incredible communicators on earth. But as I've gotten to know him as a man, I'm more impressed with you as a man. Thank you. Your humility and your giftedness is so extreme. It's so beautiful. So everybody, I think you know who this man is if you're watching this, but if you're listening, you don't know yet. This is Inky Johnson. Sir. So thank you for being here, my friend. Pleasure. Thank you so much. It's my honor. If you don't know Inky's story, everybody, be prepared to be moved and inspired. And I cannot wait for today. I cannot tell you, I told you off camera, how many people have requested to get you and I together. So here it is. We've satisfied the masses. That's awesome. You talk about often along that line, but talk about process over product for a second. I love this right here. Speaker 3 (20:42) Absolutely. And so for me, the process over product deal is about eliminating the outcome. Right not being driven by the outcome not being driven by the product whatever that is and so the way that came about was after my injury and I got placed in a two-year process and so with a brachial plexus avulsion Nobody knows if filling is gonna come back really nobody knows if movement is gonna come back because all of them are different And so what they'll do is put you in a process and see what happens Okay, and so they said inky will put you in a two-year process Order you the best pieces of equipment on the planet And you just show up five to six days a week and do it. We don't know what's going to happen. We're not telling you when you get done, you'll be able to work your arm again. We don't know what's going to happen. Go to five to ten people you love and respect. Tell them the situation. See what they think. I went to five to ten people I love and respect. I told them the situation. All of them said, don't do it. Speaker 4 (21:37) I Speaker 3 (21:37) said, why? And I knew they loved me. I knew they cared about me. They said they can't guarantee you nothing. They said they can't guarantee you that it will work. I said, I thought true courage was the ability to start something without any guarantee of success. Like I thought that's what a warrior was. Right. Being able to walk into a situation, being able to start a process, start a business, and they don't need you to guarantee them anything. Right. It's not driven by the product. It's not driven by the reward. It's driven by the process. And so a year and a half into the process, my mentality was concrete. Right like I didn't need anybody to guarantee me anything right it was processed over product concrete commitment The ability to start something stay focused stay the course and you don't need anybody to guarantee you a thing is driven off your integrity is driven off your character and it's driven off of what you represent Thank Speaker 8 (22:32) you. God. Yeah, that's why you're here right there right there Speaker 7 (22:35) right there right there right right right Speaker 8 (22:37) there. There's always always pray in an interview for me. You asked me, why do you do this show? He asked me this, why do you do this? I said, for Speaker 4 (22:45) me. Because Speaker 8 (22:46) every once in a while and every few interviews, there's like a moment where I go, oh man, Speaker 4 (22:51) how come I never Speaker 8 (22:52) thought of that? Or that's new for me. That right there, what he just described, everybody go back, rewind about. Two minutes and replay that. That thing you just described is the separator from the people I know that get over to the other side of their life in some way. Change