Surviving the Wilderness (slave mentality, dependence on God, & nostalgia) - 107

The Deep End w/Taylor Welch - Taylor A Welch

Jake opens up about burnout, stress, and spiritual struggle after becoming a new father, reflecting on identity, responsibility, and God's calling. The episode blends personal vulnerability with biblical insights from the Israelites and Joseph.

Key takeaways

• Burnout is real, even in 'good' seasons.
• Responsibility simplifies life by eliminating options.
• Grieving past identities is necessary for growth.

Transcript preview

It just sucks in the middle right now. There was a season in my life that I was in the middle and I hated it. This idea that we're going to be able to do what God's called us to do, but we're never going to get stressed out is a stupid idea. The Israelites had been through trauma and they didn't have the ability to trust God for it today, which is why God's put so many parameters on them. You're not going to look at the weekend, you're not going to make it here. I'm ready for this. I'm ready for this. You're going to do more food. to end I'm done with this season. Give me some vision and he said no I'll give you new vision when you stop craving the past repent for your nostalgia people are teaching but they forgot the cost that they had to pay to build the organization through which they're teaching imagine the Israelites would have done this man I can't control how much man I get to collect but man it sure be somebody murdering my kid in front of me anytime God has moved on and you go back to find him it's not we have to become someone different which requires saying goodbye to who we that's included in that. There is a grieving. You have to let that out of your body. Not probably not right now, but at some point you do have to. Thanks. They goodbye to a version of you that honestly, this he's gone. Hey guys, Jake here. Before you get into this episode, I just want to let you know that this is the most vulnerable I've ever been on any of our deep-pen episodes. We didn't like predict this to happen. It just kind of happened that way and behind the scenes I have been dealing with some things I have just feeling stressed. It's been a very crazy season for me and I have also felt the weight of calling and responsibility. I believe that God's placed on me for what I'm supposed to do and behind the scenes I will call Taylor about these things usually but in this episode I ended up just turning more into a bit of a mentorship session if I'm being honest and so you're gonna get to hear some real raw moments for me where I'm just being like just completely open about everything I'm dealing with in that moment but I think it's important it's important for you're I love what I do. I'm so grateful for this show everything we get to be a part of it's it's really amazing and truly like if you don't have people that are supporting the show or even like sharing it honestly it's it's a lot more difficult to do what we do so I'm really grateful for it thank you for your support and your encouragement and your prayers thank you so much but this episode was honestly really helpful for me it really helped me on the other side of it I'm about a week later and even just right after listening to this episode I'm like, okay, I have some clarity on what to do, I have some things I can really work on here. And I think you're going to experience some of the things as well. So I'm really excited for you to experience this episode. I think you're going to love it. I think you're going to be transformed by it and our goal with it is that if you've been in a situation like this before where you feel stressed under the load, but you want to keep going to keep going to love this episode. for watching and hope this episode blesses you. Everyone wants to get to the high places, but if you want to go high you first have to go deep. So welcome back to the deep end. Welcome. Hey, how are you? You want the honest answer? Yeah, I'm going to give you the honest answer. Yeah, I think you're going to get it. My energy is great. Oh, tell me what the other honest answer was. The really honest answer is like I can't complain. My life is awesome, and I'm chronically stressed out. A lot. Jake is stressed out pretty much every day. What do you stress about? A lot of things. Like the real answer. Work stuff primarily and affecting everything else in my life. How does that work? What does that mean? I don't feel like I know how to be... I don't know how to work as hard as I'm working intentionally as I'm working and show up as a good husband. I don't know how to be... I don't know how to work as hard as I'm working intentionally as I'm working and show up as a good husband. and a good father and I'm having a really difficult like I just journaled before we started this episode. You want me just read it to you? What do you want? No you're a verbal processor. That's the short answer I don't know what you want. Do you want the long answer or short answer? I don't want to I'm just asking how you're doing chronically stressed but you're not working that hard. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. but if I'm not working I'm doing something else well you did just have a baby so if I'm I'm literally on from the second I wake up until the second I go to sleep right now that's how it is pretty much every day that I think you have the you have the routine stuff in the morning that you do like going for walks yeah and being with holy spirit and that stuff and then recently I'm working on my walks and getting things done on my walks why my brain to shut off and I'm like how do I I need to get this done and that needs to get done and this needs to get prioritized actually I need to spend a lot more time planning and this thing and I'm like who am I and I'm literally like literally a weekend to doing this where I'm like Holy Spirit I've taken four business calls in the past hour and at 6 a.m. I have made who are you talking to at 6 a 6 a.m. stuff. What? Why? I just, I'm like trying to stay productive and I'm like it, I want my day to be full of productivity but in the morning maybe I can get rid of the admin stuff and I can take care of those things and so I'm slacking people and I'm getting all my messages set up for the day so everyone's got what they need and I can just focus on my work because I've got a lot to do today and if I don't get it done today I'm gonna have to do it tomorrow and that's gonna like I can see that I'm stressing my wife out and I don't think you sound like a five-year-old I don't think that at all I think we need to talk about it though this is actually I sound like I'm throwing a temper tantrum what I've said that it just feels that way who told you that I don't like complaining and I was you that you sound like a five-year-old I am saying that and I feel like I'm throwing a temper tantrum and I am becoming increasingly more negative by the day and I hate that spend as much time with the Lord as I should. Who told you that? I don't know. You did. Yeah, a lot of people are going to resonate with you being honest. So, props to you for that. That's a good thing. Well done. You don't sound like a five-year-old. Something's selling you that. This is why Jesus looked at Peter and called of Satan. It wasn't. He was talking to Peter sounded like Satan. There was. Oh. You're not. You're not. You're not. You don't. sound like a five-year-old to anyone else. What do I sound like then? You sound like a normal functioning adult who just had a baby who's learning how to categorize and reconcile like a season of life that's changing. That's what you sound like you sound like. But you're saying that you sound like a five-year-old, which sounds like you're kind of cop, you're sounding like Satan. You sound like an accuser of yourself. I say that because I feel like if I feel like if I read like the story of Israelites, and they're always and they're always, and they're always like, and they're always like, and they're always like, and they're always, you're always, you're always, you're always, you're always, you're always, you're always, you're always, you're always, you're always, you're always, you're always, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, I'm always like man I think and then I'm telling my wife in real time yeah I'm thinking about my past and I can't stop and I'm remembering all the good things I'm forgetting all the bad things and I'm like those Israelites they act like five year olds is like what I've been saying for like probably the past five years in my life and I'm like I am acting like them every day and is whether I want to admit it or not I don't promise land is cool but right now the simple life is cool That is always an option and that's a good reminder that at least I have a choice and I'm not a victim you do yeah you could always quit I think you would regret that at some point I have that literally written down But okay got it so you're We should talk about burnout in this episode at some point then That'd be great This is what I said in my journal entry just for context The simple life often sounds better than the one ahead but I know that I'll become bored in the simple life because that's not what I was chosen for I know that after I've had what I feel like is proper rest and rejuvenation, I will regret having given up my position and have to live with the consequence that somebody else was chosen because I decided to falter, act like Moses and resist cause assignment for me. Yeah, but Moses kept going, so I'm not exactly the same. Well, he didn't always keep going. That's an improper reading of how Moses operated. He messed a lot of stuff up as he... But Aaron didn't literally. You to you I'll go to your opinion then you maybe not okay but your life is getting simpler it's actually simpler now than it was a year ago Yeah because a year ago. Yeah because a year ago Honestly You know you're trying to figure out I was like what I want to want to do with my life like I could do this I could do that I could do this and then now you have responsibility Yeah, and responsibility simplifies life Mm-hmm Well you are now a husband. So you're a husband before you're a producer, you're a husband before you're anything else to me or anybody else. And so that makes things relatively simple. That cuts off a lot of options. So four years ago, you know, I know that you have like a ethical compass, but let's forget that ethical compass for a second. Let's just go into the psychology of things. Who do you sleep with? Who do you date? What do you want your marriage? Who do you want to be married to? Where do you want to live? Like there's so many, now he's like, well, you're not asking who you sleep with now. No, no, no. No, it's not. It's a lot simpler now. Now I've realized Christians are going to be like, oh my God, he's telling people. No, no, no, this is how the brain is. No, yeah. So, yeah. So the substrate. So, you're just, yeah. Okay, now you have a kid. So, before you have like, well I just don't feel like doing this, like, well, follow your feelings. It's like, what is, what motivates you? What inspires you? What do you, who do you want to be? And I was like, no, you have a family. So you have a duty that, and sometimes my duty outranks my desires. Sometimes my duty outranks my desires. So I might have like a thousand desires, but I only have three duties, so we're, a lot of those desires, a lot of those desires are going to get cut off, a lot of those desires are going to get cut off. simple. Now responsibility provides containers and edges around things. Your life is more simple now than it was. I can see that and agree with it. That's true. Yeah. So that's a frame. Now it's what's called a frame. So we're going to take that frame because that frame is going to make us. It's going to help us organize our lives so that we don't have to work as hard to make decisions. Okay. The problem is our lives are, your life is bigger now than it is bigger now than it was. year ago that's the issue it's not the simple life that you crave it was the life where you didn't have all of the things pull at you at the same time so that's a muscle you're gonna learn how to things pulling at you at the same time you at the same time you got a baby crying like you didn't have that well that baby needs something so it's like now I'm like I'm going from work mode to dad mode to husband and you're bouncing around between these nothing was doing that to you before you could just cut it your muscles have to develop. So when you first, I think you were talking about this yesterday, all of the work that the chiropractors have to do on your body right now, because you're active, again, you're very active. You're starting to use different parts of your body that were not used to being used as hard as you're using them now. True. Okay, so there's some work that has to be done because the tendons and the connection points and the muscles and all of that's not used. The blood flow flow, like, first time everybody's like the ankle needs we need more stuff down there because he's walking 10,000 steps a day that hurts but it's not a function of I'm doing something wrong it's a function of like I wasn't doing this before and now I'm having to do this so what you're you're categorizing this is like maybe something's wrong with me I sound like a five-year-old no Jake that's not true you were a five-year old six months ago and now things are now correct and so it hurts got to build the staying power in this season. You know what I mean? Yeah. I did try, I did warn you, I did let you know, this would be coming. I did. Having a kid. Having a kid, getting married, busyness, like things getting bigger. I think when we're children, we all have this view of the future, like when we stargaze into the future and we dream of the future. I sometimes think that we can just be the same people now that we are now that we are now that we are now in the future now that we are now of the stuff we want and then when we get the things that we realize that we have to become someone different which requires saying goodbye to who we were when we dreamed of it in the first place and there is a sadness that's included in that there is a grieving that has you have to you have to let that out of your body not probably not right now but at some point you do have to have to have to have to say goodbye to a version of you that honestly this he's gone so my thing is I have time to. Every time I get to the end of the day and I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'll tell my wife I'm like, I feel like I could cry but I can't. Like I don't feel like I have time. I don't have time. Like I need to just spend time with you. I barely seen you all day so like I don't want to spend time crying right now. I'd just rather just hang out. And then I can't find the time to cry. And then I can't find the time to cry. And I'm like, I can't find the time to cry. And I'm like, I'm like, I can't find the time to cry and I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I can't find the time to calendar. Yeah. Yeah. So there's a lot more time than that. Where is that going? Oh, whether it's taking care of house things. I've got workouts I'm doing, taking care of baby, helping with that. It's, I've been having to go to a lot of chiropractor appointments, which sounds really stupid. What did, who told you that sounds stupid? Okay, it's not stupid. It's just taking up time and I'm seeing it hit my calendar and I'm like... I have things that have to get done and then I feel like I'm running out of energy because I'm put when I'm working I'm like on more on than I've been the past few weeks or past few months I'm like heavily intense on and I'm like I'm exhausted like that might have been three hours but I felt like six I feel more tired so yeah that's how it feels and I'm like give me manual labor I could rock I could probably rock 50 hours right now probably good. I feel like my mind is getting exhausted every day but maybe I'm wrong I know and this is why I said I prefaced I cannot complain because my life is awesome I have an awesome life I'm really grateful for it and simultaneously I'm like dude this is difficult there are way harder things I could be doing yeah totally so I hope I'm not coming off as like wow dude do just wow man it must be nice you get to sit on a pot like I think about this like you get to sit on a podcast for work and then sit at home on your couch next to your baby with your wife in the room next to you while you wear headphones and edit the show on your couch at home that's a great life that's not lost on me just clarifying what do you what's that face for I'm balancing the line between like what a therapist did you oh no because we have a lot I think we have it's funny because on our events we have well have counselors and therapists and just such great people who who care so much about the world and they you know sometimes there's a I think in counseling is called like attending so you're supposed to like attend to a patient and that's like you know creating this like psychological safety and buy-in and connection with people like I totally understand that makes a lot of sense like So what about this? Like that makes total sense like oh I'm sorry that you're going through that like that's attending kind of like yeah you know versus like I'm just my personality is not a therapist and so I'm just like I'm gonna rip the shame out of you and Put yourself back together you're good later. You know That's why I don't you all. Yes. Yes. I prefer that. Yeah. Well I want to know where that voice is coming from this telling you that I sound stupid that I sound stupid. I sound stupid that I sound stupid. I know. I sound stupid. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know I know I shouldn't come but you've almost got like this this weird fact checker thing going on with everything that you say that's monitoring how it makes you look and I don't like that. Oh I don't like that at all I think that that is from your childhood I think that that is making it difficult for you to feel the things that you need to feel and you don't have to you don't have to like frame it and be like I know I know I have nothing to complain about well dude just complained like I've been letting it out for three weeks with God almost every day on a prayer walk. Well I'm glad that you feel that way. Well sometimes God uses other people and so you have does. You have to be seen by other people and you have to. I can't wait for you to see the comments of this because I think people are going to resonate with how you're feeling. You need to watch out for burnout. But burnout comes not because you're working too hard. Burnout is a narrative that we fall pray to that makes. like we're doing something wrong and we shouldn't be doing it and we're sacrificing the things that matter the most for the things that matter the least and and that's all framing that's how you look at something you know so you're gonna you're gonna be in the season for another 60 to 90 days and then it's gonna go away and you it goes away because you like your calves get stronger and your tendons and your ankles and your and inside the mind you have the same effect that needs to happen. I don't know that you're reminating as much as you think you are. I think what you're doing is you're calculating how long you can survive in this season if nothing changes. That's what's dangerous. How long I can survive if nothing changes. Yes. That is happening and that's the more dangerous part because things will change. They always change. You will get stronger. You will get faster. You will get smarter. You will get smarter. You will get smarter. You will get stronger. You will get faster. You will get stronger. You will get faster. You will get faster. You will get stronger. You will get faster. You will get faster. You will get faster. You will get stronger. You will get faster. You will get faster. You will get stronger. You will get faster. You will get faster. You will get stronger. You will get faster. You will get faster. You will get faster. You will get faster. You will get stronger. You will get stronger. you will get better you'll learn and you so you don't need to calculate like well if nothing changes then I'm just gonna die also okay well that may be true if nothing changes but things are going to change you're going to change you're going to change it's good for you it's good for you mhm it's interesting the topic of I think that we'll talk about today is work so it's great because you need to figure out some things about work that are important for both of us but I'm constantly going sprint where if nothing changes I will run out of energy. All the time right now I'm in a sprint right now if nothing changes I'm gonna run out of energy I will crash and burn. But you don't hear me talking like oh my god dude if nothing changes I'm gonna die it's like well things are gonna change change they cycle. Have you ever heard of sector rotation? No. In the financial markets you have sector rotation so money will flow into software and then something happens there and money will flow into software and then something happens there and money will flow out of software and then money will flow into software and then money will flow into software and then something happens there and money will flow out. health care and there's something happens there. Money will flow. Like right now we have a sector rotation in AI. So like bunch of AI stocks are just like unnecessarily priced, like they're priced, but you have a lot of money chasing AI and so there's this rotation. So good investors, good traders, good analysts, they're always trying to figure out like what's going to change right now and what's not going to change right now and went between those two ideas, you can sort of predict the future. What's going to change in six weeks? What's not going to change in six weeks with you? What's not going to change is busyness? What's not going to change is work. What's not going to change is expansion. What's not going to change is you're still going to have a daughter. It's not going to change you're still going to have a wife. What's not going to, like, you can figure this out. What is going to change? My routines might change. energy production might change, but you have to trust that you're going to get better. And if you don't trust that you're going to get better, then you're going to have freak out moments. And you're going to be chronically stressed, is how you put it earlier. Just all cortisol. Why are you looking at me that way, bro? No, because it's what I'm thinking, yeah, I've got like four more weeks of this, basically. I'm like, well, how can I squeeze it into three? Because I don't. and the amount of things at once is like, oh my gosh. Or you may have six more weeks or you may have, you may have. I'm like, but how do I survive if it happens for three months? You know, like I don't know. I genuinely don't know if it keeps going. What's the verse? Can you let me look this up? What's the verse that is, um, those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength? Can you let me look this up? What's the verse? on wings of eagles. They will, are you need to memorize this. They will, something and not faint. They will, let's, we, I told you you look it up. I thought you were, I thought you were looking up, sorry, because this is your, sorry, this is your promise for you right now. It was sore on wings, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint, Isaiah 4031. Isaiah 4031. This is like, okay, every day just start getting that through. those who wait upon the Lord, waiting by the way is not this idea of just doing nothing. Waiting is like an active waiting. I'm going to weave myself in together with God. Not because it's this braided type of word. It's like I'm going to, when I wake up in the morning, I'm going to integrate myself into the Lord, I'm going to become one with the Lord. I'm going to wrap my thoughts around the Lord. Well, how do I do that? Well, I have to know what the Lord thinks. We'll have to know what the Lord thinks. this particular situation when we're talking about energy we're talking about overwhelm I need to be able to run and not get tired right mm-hmm if that were true for you how would this season feel effortless I mean I don't know if it would be effortless but it would feel smooth maybe just smooth or you wouldn't be weary I wouldn't be in my head all the time you wouldn't be in your head you wouldn't be weary you wouldn't be So do you want it to be true? Mm-hmm. Then speak it over yourself. Gotcha, right now. I will hope in the Lord and he will renew my strength. I will soar on wings like Eagles. I will run and I will not grow weary and I will walk and I will not be faint. Okay, let's take that deeper. So I wake up in the morning and I go, and I will go, God, I'm going to become one with you. I'm waiting on you. I'm not waiting for this person to call me or this person to call me. There's a thousand things that I could do right now, but the most important thing for me to do right now is to wait on you. Because I know that if I do that, I will soar through the rest of this day. I won't get tired. I won't get tired. Other people can get tired. Thank you, God that you have given me the ability to not get tired when a normal person would get tired. I will get tired. I will What does it mean to be on wings like eagles? I'm above everything. The way that my life looks is different when I'm above it than when I'm in it. So give me that perspective right now as I'm on this walk. Thank you for showing me how my life fits together. Thank you for showing me that everything that I'm doing now isn't to take me back to where I was that you delivered me from, but it's to take me forward to a place that is a promise. And I can only see that because I'm up on the air like an eagle. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And last year I was slow and I was getting tired this year I'm fast and I'm not getting tired That's a promise you told me that I could have that so I'm taking it That's going to be my promise. I want you to help me do this and I want to pass out I want to keep going This is a word of God. It's got to get into your body Yeah, and you have like unlimited amount of promises But they have to be spoken over you and you speak over yourself as you're going through it. Yeah, yeah My kids are playing piano in the background if you if you do hear something it's hate Figuring out how to play This the idea of work though is tough because I think Christians Well people in general pendulum swing back and forth and so we have these different philosophies that come out of people who are successful Like if you study wealthy people wealthy individuals like one thing you can't get past is the idea that you're gonna have to work hard nobody built or a big organization because they got lucky. Luck might be part of the equation, but it's not easy. It's not effortless, like you would say. Where's their energy coming from? How are they doing it? And when it comes to the people who are working on the grounds, I think we have to understand that there are creatures and spirits and demons and all of these sort of things that are putting in ideas into our heads all of the time and if those ideas get set in a person said they'll build architecture around them and they'll enslave people. So when I look at how people work I was literally just talking with somebody before you came in and set up. I'm having a lot of conversations with different team members about energy right now because when something grows, when God puts his hand on something and it starts to move, we have to figure out how to keep up with that and like we're chasing what God is doing what is doing. start to run out of reserves, energy reserves, and we start to feel exhausted. I was on a client call yesterday, and this person kept saying this phrase, like, it just feels like I'm drowning. I'm drowning. I'm drowning. I'm drowning. And I got annoyed. And I said, if you say you're drowning one more time, I'm going to let you drown. Stop it. Stop saying that. They're like, oh, okay, I don't have to say it. And we went through this conversation. The guy's giving them a big vision for something that they want to do something that they want to do, I was like is it worth feeling like you're drowning to build it oh it's not going to feel that way trust me this is different this is different I'm like look I've built I've had like 6,000 clients I have done this again and again and again and again it's you're always going to feel like you're drowning you're not escaping that this idea that we're going to be able to do what God's called us to do, but we're never going to get stressed out is a stupid idea. Makes no sense. So our expectations are calibrated the wrong way. And the theology around this, that sometimes gets taught, people are teaching, but they forgot the cost that they had to pay to build the organization through which they're teaching. They're too removed. So yeah, you've got some great, you know, people they're running the mega church and it's awesome and it's like, but you forgot that you can stand on stage right now and be like when you just meet with the Lord they'll make it, they'll give you all of the ideas and he'll take care of you. I promise, I promise I promise, I promise, but then they forgot that they did not believe that when they were drowning and so the things that worked for them, they can't they can't teach it was like to be in that position. Okay? What moment or you have it? I'm tracking with you 100%. That's actually I've never can never put that together before because I've heard it so many times of things like, oh, the four day work week or this thing that and the other and it's like, well, why aren't those things possible? Like, okay? But it's always after the person got the success, isn't it is. And I think sometimes people look at me even and some people don't, but when when you have a 78 million valuation and you're pushing to 100 million and like do 700 staff and like things are cooking. They don't realize that not only do I remember what it was like to build that but I'm also still building new things and so I'm constantly like juxtaposed in the middle of this like God is good and he said it and he's going to do it but God is not doing it but God is not doing it for me so like what I have to choose what I'm going to speak over myself and what I'm going to believe. So from that frame, my goal for, I think my goal today is partially to give you some things that I think will help you, but also to teach people how do you, how do you make it? How do you actually make it through this period of like this is harder than I thought it was going to be? I kind of want to change my mind. Yeah, path looks really good, but you know that it's not as good as good as you remember that it's called that's called that's called, that's called, that's called, selective nostalgia, like if I if we actually if you had the option right now this is fact check this you can fact check me if you had the opportunity to go back to the summer of 2025 right now would you take it I think at like first glance yes if I thought through it I would say no why explain that to me it sounds easier it sounds like a time of reprieve but then I through the whole thing of pregnancy all over again and watch my wife go through that entire process and I already know how it's going to happen and I'd much like if I actually think about it no I'd rather be I'd rather be here right now absolutely it's well you didn't have your daughter last summer so there's some issues that's a huge part of it yes okay let's go further back let's say four years ago heck no okay but that was immediate so whenever there is a about whether I would go back or not it means we haven't properly integrated what has happened. Okay. So that's okay because Elizabeth is like six weeks old or something so you're still integrating seven you're still integrating together. Yeah. But the further you get through that the less you desire what is in your past. Trauma can mess with this too. Trauma can really mess this up. Trauma can change this but we're not gonna probably talk that much about trauma on on this one but when push comes to and it feels like God didn't, God wasn't honest with you about how much work it was going to take but he was, it's not that he lied to you. This is a real stuff man. Yeah, yeah, yep. God you were honest with me about what you wanted me to do, but you didn't tell me how long it was going to take. That person, I want to help that person today. timelines were a little bit longer. Like that's how I'm like man I just wish it was I didn't have to do everything right now that the timelines were pushed back. Well that's but that's the weak side of me talking. You can't barter with God to change that. Well. Yeah. And I don't want to miss an opportunity to grow in capacity. Yep. I don't want to miss that opportunity and it's a good opportunity. It just sucks in the middle right now. And I don't know it's going to make me better. And I'm of who I am as a result. There was a season of my life that I was in the middle, that I hated it. I hated it. Can you just say