Trump Spooked by Plane at Xi Meeting & Sen. Tuberville Rails Against Flying Furries | Merritt Wever

The Daily Show: Ears Edition

The episode features Desi Lydic covering political headlines regarding Donald Trump's meeting with Xi Jinping and Senator Tuberville's focus

Key takeaways

• Senator Tuberville is investigating the presence of furries within the airline pilot community.
• Donald Trump hosted Xi Jinping at Joint Base Andrews, featuring a B-1 bomber flyover.

Main topics

• Trump-Xi Summit
• Senator Tuberville's furry investigation

Notable quotes

Trump is about as popular as someone without a COVID mask at a Massachusetts lesbian bar.

Conclusion

A satirical deep dive into current political tensions and technologica

Transcript preview

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By partnering directly with ethical factories and completely eliminating traditional retail middlemen, consumers pay strictly for superior manufacturing rather than inflated brand markups. That same quality extends beyond the closet into home living, from hotel-quality bedding and bath products to cookware and thoughtfully designed furniture. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash daily show. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash daily show. Speaker 7 (1:44) You're listening to Comedy Central. Speaker 4 (1:51) From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Desi Lydon. So Speaker 6 (2:20) much to talk about tonight. Trump has a playdate with China. We found a new way to give robots CTE. And could your next pilot be a furry? One senator with nothing better to do investigates. So let's get into the headlines. Speaker 6 (2:38) Let's kick things off with the midterm elections. With voting just one month away, Republicans are down in the polls. But President Trump is ready to campaign and stump for anyone who wants him. Speaker 7 (2:50) They actually don't want the president campaigning or stumping for them because he's too toxic. Republican candidates are running away from him like he's, quote, kryptonite. You're blanked if you mention him too much, and you're blanked if you don't stay in his good graces. Quote, we've told them he cannot come. Speaker 6 (3:11) You told the president he can't come? What did he say? Speaker 5 (3:14) I'm Speaker 7 (3:15) gonna come. Speaker 6 (3:19) Yes, Trump is about as popular as someone without a COVID mask at a Massachusetts lesbian bar, which means... Speaker 6 (3:31) Which means Republicans need to find a big issue that will resonate with voters. Who's got something? No bad ideas. Speaker 4 (3:39) Many airline pilots, flight attendants, and air traffic controllers are part of the furry community. Speaker 6 (3:52) Almost no bad ideas. All right, fine, Senator Tuberville. Tell us more about this massive problem of furries on airplanes. Speaker 4 (4:01) It's terrifying when you think about this. When you walk onto a commercial flight, it's possible that the pilot flying your plane could have a deranged fetish of dressing up like an animal. You can't make this up. Speaker 6 (4:16) I think you did just make this up. Now, first of all, if you don't know what furries are, Mom and Dad, we're talking about members of a sexual subculture who dress up as cartoon animals. It's like if everyone in that Chuck E. Cheese band f***ed each other. Think of it like regular sex, but with way more dry cleaning afterwards. But even if every pilot was a furry, to use a technical aviation term, who gives a flying f***? When my plane hits turbulence, I'm not like, oh my god, I hope the pilot's never been pegged by the fox from Zootopia. Speaker 6 (4:54) So I wouldn't exactly bet on that catching on, but that's okay because this week, Trump has a new opportunity to score a major foreign policy win. Speaker 7 (5:02) The leaders of the world's two biggest superpowers meeting right now. President Trump greeting China's leader Xi Jinping at Joint Base Andrews. The airport welcomed the first for a world leader besides the Pope since the 1960s. Speaker 6 (5:17) Trump picked him up at the airport? Okay, that is friendship. I don't even pick my own kid up at the airport. But the other reason to meet Xi at the airport was so that Trump could impress him with a flyover of B-1 bombers. Let's show China that America never wavers and never flinches. That is so embarrassing. Why did you wince like that? You are the one who ordered the flyover. It's like when a baby farts so loud that it scares itself. Speaker 2 (6:00) Anyway, Speaker 6 (6:00) this is not a good omen for negotiations with China. There are major issues at stake here. Trade, AI, the war with Iran. Now President Xi knows all he has to do to rattle Trump is drop a book on the floor. And obviously, this is a very important meeting. So Trump was focused as usual. Speaker 5 (6:18) There was a great little Speaker 7 (6:20) meeting. It was a great greeting. And I think they appreciated tremendous people. Also, it's very nice to land on. Speaker 5 (6:29) What they consider to be the most beautiful helipad ever ever built by far Yeah, Speaker 6 (6:37) take that hospital roofs where people get heart transplants you dusty bitches Seriously, what is Trump talking about the most beautiful helipad ever? I mean, what does that even mean? How nice could a helipad be with Speaker 8 (6:52) the help of a new white house helipad president Trump is pulling out all the stops looking Speaker 6 (7:03) into heaven Speaker 6 (7:05) I wouldn't kick her off my South Lawn. And who knows, maybe it impressed President Xi too, because he made a big announcement at the first press conference. I Speaker 2 (7:15) have a piece of good news. Speaker 6 (7:17) In Speaker 2 (7:18) a few days, two pandas, Ping Ping and Fu Shuang, will come to their new home in Zoo Atlanta and meet with the American people. Yes! Hell yeah! We got pandas! Yeah! Speaker 6 (7:35) Sure, China's pushing us out of the Pacific, seizing the global economy, reducing us to a second-rate power, but pandas, whoa! Although there was one small hitch on the flight over when the pilot asked the pandas to please report to the cockpit. Speaker 6 (7:53) Dirty birdies. Dirty birdies. But it seems like this meeting was off to a good start, which is going to disappoint one of Trump's biggest allies, John Kennedy, Louisiana senator and grandma who just wants one little kiss. He views China as the head of the new axis of evil, although he had a different way of saying it. Speaker 7 (8:13) I think that the people running Iran are reptiles. Speaker 7 (8:21) And they're part of a colony of reptiles. China, North Korea, Russia, and as I said, Iran. The chief reptile, the quarterback, is President Xi in China. Got Speaker 6 (8:42) it. They're all reptiles, but also they play football? Speaker 2 (8:46) Kind Speaker 6 (8:48) of a weird metaphor, but I think I got it. All Speaker 7 (8:51) four of them are the same. It's like the same hooker in different dresses. They're Speaker 6 (9:03) reptiles who play professional football, but they're also hookers? Okay, stop mixing metaphors. It's too much. Speaker 7 (9:12) They all lie like timeshare salesmen. Speaker 6 (9:18) Wait, now the reptile football hookers are also timeshare salesmen? This makes even less sense now. Why do they have three jobs? Most lizards only have, like, one job. What is happening? Did you take donations from the metaphor lobby? Just say what you mean. Speaker 7 (9:36) I wouldn't turn my back on any of them, even if I thought and knew they were two days dead. Speaker 6 (9:45) Oh, that's just great. Now all the football hooker lizards are dead. I mean, like the others. He took care of them. They were like family. Actually, side note, sometimes they do go into a death-like state called torpor, where they lower their metabolic rates to save energy. I'm talking about hookers, obviously. For more on this historic moment, we go live to the White House with Jordan Klepper. How is President Xi's visit going so far? Speaker 5 (10:26) Well, the leader of China was greeted by an old man scared