Trump Can’t Find Rubio, Pirro Tackles Meteorite Corruption & Melania Gets a Sequel | Jessica Tarlov

The Daily Show: Ears Edition

The episode covers a series of political and media headlines, ranging from Donald Trump's inability to recognize Marco Rubio at the UN to Je

Key takeaways

• Donald Trump struggled to recognize Secretary of State Marco Rubio during the UN General Assembly.
• Jeanine Pirro claimed the US government seized a large Martian meteorite for investigation.

Main topics

• Trump and Rubio at the UN
• Jeanine Pirro's meteorite claim

Notable quotes

If Trump can't recognize you after he just recognized you, maybe you're just too bland.

Conclusion

A satirical look at the absurdity of modern political news and a thoug

Transcript preview

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Recommended supplements and tailored prescription suggestions, including peptides, can be managed directly through the platform. Superpower also calculates a true biological age that members can track over time. Instead of offering a temporary snapshot, the platform maps out data over a lifetime, allowing users to upload PDF lab results into one single dashboard to visualize long-term health trends. An on-demand care team is continuously available to answer questions asynchronously, providing high-end, concierge-level care without the massive price tag of... Speaker 5 (1:34) You're Speaker 4 (1:35) listening to Comedy Central. Speaker 4 (1:42) I'm the most trusted journalist at Comedy Central. It's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Desi Lydon. Speaker 1 (2:09) Donald Trump and Marco Rubio play peekaboo, Jeanine Pirro hits rock bottom, and we meet Florida's most insane congressional candidate. Sadly, it's not that meth-smoking alligator I donated all that money to. But first, let's catch up with the greatest administration ever in another edition of The Worst Wing. Speaker 3 (2:35) What a bunch of losers. Speaker 1 (2:39) This week, it's the United Nations General Assembly. It's like a global high school reunion where everyone catches up and finds out which country is gay now. It's also a big week for America's top diplomat, Secretary of State Marco Rubio. It's his job to represent American power. When Marco Rubio is in the room, people take notice. I Speaker 8 (3:02) want to thank Secretary of State Marco Rubio. Where's Marco? Speaker 1 (3:12) Trump's brain is broken but you forget his eyes are also dumb. But obviously once Trump recognized Marco Rubio he wasn't gonna forget him a second time. Speaker 3 (3:22) You know Marco's parents were born in Cuba, second grade story, he wants to Speaker 8 (3:27) figure it all out, Marco. I want to figure out what's exactly that. Speaker 1 (3:32) Again? Speaker 1 (3:34) I'm starting to think this is less about Trump's brain and more about Marco's personality. If Trump can't recognize you after he just recognized you, maybe you're just too bland. I mean, have you ever thought about getting a monocle or bangs or maybe a face tattoo that says, I'm Marco Rubio, Mr. President? Speaker 1 (3:55) But let's move on to Jeanine Pirro, Trump's top U.S. attorney and woman who will have another martini, thank you. The president counts on her to lock up America's greatest enemies, like James Comey or Barack Obama or Canada. Well, big news, she just got her hands on America's most wanted. You Speaker 8 (4:16) have right in front of you the largest known Martian meteor, or now meteorite, in the world. Speaker 1 (4:27) Did it, like, commit tax fraud or something? Isn't this a job for Space Force? Why do you have it? Speaker 8 (4:34) We have seized it as part of the work that we do in the United States Attorney's Office. What's the next step we did, Rick? We investigate. Good answer. Speaker 1 (4:44) Yeah, good answer, Rick. All s*** is Rick. Why is he standing in the corner? Speaker 1 (4:52) Seriously, what exactly are you investigating? We Speaker 8 (4:55) investigate and find out this thing's been going back and forth. Maybe it hit the Sahara Desert. Maybe it's from Niger. Maybe it's from Morocco. Somebody bought it in Italy. A lot of people have had their hands on it, or more than your hands. Speaker 1 (5:15) Did somebody f*** that meteorite? I mean, I cannot think of one weirdo freak who would be into f***ing a Mars rock. Okay. Why not think of two weirdo freaks who would be into a Mars rock? Jeanine, I'm so confused. What are you doing with that Martian meteor? The Speaker 8 (5:37) truth is that we don't know who owns it. So we own it now. We have seized it. When did we seize it? Do you know? July 16, Speaker 5 (5:45) 2026. Speaker 1 (5:53) Tell us what's with this rock. Speaker 8 (5:55) The thing came from Mars. Everybody says they own it. Customs has no record of it ever coming into the United States. So guess what? The United States government owns it now. So eat that, all you guys who tried to do a corrupt deal and sell this largest known meteorite in history. Speaker 1 (6:14) Yes. Thank you, Jeanine Pirro. When voters said they wanted to crack down on corruption, only she understood that we meant meteor-specific corruption. Great job, Jeanine. You know what? You get yourself a third Rick. You deserve it. Way to go. Speaker 1 (6:38) Let's check in on the only living person to ever haunt the White House first lady Melania Trump She's back in the news with a very big announcement your Speaker 2 (6:49) launch in Imperia and I was reading about this and it's described as a Davos for executive women tell us about it. Well, Speaker 7 (6:57) this is my new initiative focused on advancing Leadership and as well as influence and economic power for women. This Speaker 1 (7:12) is exciting. It's like I've always said, more women in the Illuminati. Always say that. And Fox News loved this because Melania is not just a businesswoman. She's from Slovenia, which means that she can warn their Fox viewers about the danger of communism. Speaker 4 (7:28) Why is it that Eastern Europeans like yourself fully understand the gift of freedom and liberty better than Western Europeans and sometimes better than Americans? What is it about how you grew up? Speaker 1 (7:40) Classic Fox-Lavana softball, knowing that Melania is the perfect person to talk about how terrible growing up under communism is. I Speaker 7 (7:48) grew up under the communism, and actually, I didn't miss anything. I feel I had a very beautiful childhood, and my parents provide a beautiful childhood for my family. Speaker 1 (8:07) Kilmeade lobbed up a softball and Melania spiked it right into his nuts. Workers of the world be best. Didn't go as planned at all. You can almost hear the Fox News director going, quick, cut to an immigrant shoplifting, transgender swimmer, anything. But Melania wasn't there just to promote communism or women or anything besides herself. She was there to promote herself. This is her first big media appearance since her press tour for her Melania documentary. And if you're one of the people who left the theater wishing that it was two hours longer, good news. Speaker 2 (8:42) You told us during the commercial break that you have a new docuseries coming out. Speaker 7 (8:46) It will come out this year and it will be very different what is in the movie. It's more conversation one-on-one with me. Speaker 1 (8:59) Another Melania documentary? Melania, I love you, but unless you're living with Nathan Fielder in this thing, no one is asking for this. The only thing people want to know is what you fed your kid to make him eight feet tall. You know what? It's too late now. You filmed it, and it's about to come out. Wait, when is it coming out? Speaker 7 (9:18) It's coming out any day. November, maybe November. We don't have an exact date yet. Speaker 1 (9:27) You don't have a date yet? You need a more specific timeline than that. It's a documentary, not your husband's war. Obviously, I'm not excited about the new Melania documentary, but she left the Fox News host absolutely jazzed. In Speaker 4 (9:50) their population that agree with the cause of Iran as well. So it's not just a matter of their politics in the Gulf states are quite complicated, right? Speaker 1 (10:05) Someday in November can't come soon enough. But even if Brian Kilmeade isn't excited about the new Melania movie, some people are, especially now that they just released the trailer. Speaker 8 (10:18) In January, one documentary changed the world. Here Speaker 7 (10:21) we go again. Speaker 8 (10:22) And now she will change the world again. Here Speaker 7 (10:25) we go again. Speaker 8 (10:26) Introducing a new Melania movie. We Speaker 7 (10:28) don't have an exact date yet. Speaker 8 (10:30) Sometime soon. It's Speaker 7 (10:31) coming out. Speaker 7 (10:34) Any day. Any day. Speaker 8 (10:36) Prepare yourself. November, Speaker 7 (10:38) maybe November. Speaker 8 (10:39) Block out November. And if you think this is just another cash grab like the last movie, you're wrong. Speaker 7 (10:45) It will be very different what is in the movie. Speaker 8 (10:47) It could be about anything. She's been talking about robots a lot lately. Maybe that. The Speaker 7 (10:53) robots are here. Speaker 8 (10:54) We're speculating here. So this November. Maybe watch Melania 2, if that's what we're calling it. It's very exciting. Speaker 7 (11:02) So it's kind of exciting. It's Speaker 8 (11:05) kind of exciting. Speaker 2 (11:22) At the end of a long, demanding day, nothing plays a larger role in overall recovery and daily performance than restorative sleep. 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Remember, the day always ends well with Casper. Right now, save up to 20 % on mattresses when you go to Casper.com. One last time, that's C-A-S-P-E-R.com and save up to 20 % on the mattress you deserve. Speaker 1 (13:05) Connections are just over a month away. So to analyze all the campaign stories, we turn to Michael Kosta in our indecision analzone. Speaker 3 (13:19) Hey, I'm Michael Kosta. Welcome to the Anal-A-Zone, where things can get a little hairy, or, in my case, bleached by a Korean woman. Um, shout-out to Sun Woo. Speaker 3 (13:32) She loves politics. I'm just kidding. I don't even know if she is Korean. Anyway, the midterms are right around the corner, and there are so many