SORE LOSERS - Lunchbox Got Caught Up In A Drug Raid At UTSA!

The Bobby Bones Show

Lunchbox and Ray open with casual banter about weather, golf, and yard maintenance before Lunchbox recounts a wild college story from his freshman year at UTSA. He details how he was

Key takeaways

• Lunchbox was falsely implicated in a UTSA dorm drug raid during his freshman year after reporting his roommate's marijuana use to housing officials.
• He secretly removed the roommate's weed, pipes, and beer bottles before police arrived, only to be handcuffed and ransacked himself while the roommate fled.

Main topics

• UTSA dorm drug raid story
• Yard maintenance and city infrastructure complaints

Notable quotes

"I threw away your briefcase. I threw away all your beer and your beer bottles. I don't know what else you got, but you got 10 minutes. Here's $5. Try and get as close to the border as you can."

Conclusion

The episode blends humorous personal anecdotes about college mishaps a

Transcript preview

Speaker 8 (0:00) This is an iHeart Podcast. Speaker 8 (0:02) Guaranteed human. Lisa, tell them about our new show. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Iwano. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa DiGiulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions. And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes, good taste is my business. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 5 (0:35) I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast. The true crime comedy podcast all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week I bring on an amazing guest. Speaker 6 (0:47) Ooh, I scammed him. What? I could talk to you for an hour. Speaker 5 (0:50) You're a generational yapper, like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job. And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube. Start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 7 (1:05) Hi, this is Kylie Brakeman, Angela Geratana, Speaker 6 (1:08) Jeremy Colhane, Patrick McDonald, and Speaker 7 (1:10) we're the hosts of the Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists podcast, the Speaker 6 (1:14) improvised character comedy podcast, where each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft. Join us for a panel of Eurovision participants. Speaker 4 (1:22) And we do a little Halloween sometimes. Does the Pope dress up? He winks on Halloween. Speaker 3 (1:28) He gets right up next to the microphone. Speaker 4 (1:30) I hear you can almost hear the eyelashes hit each other. Speaker 3 (1:33) You've never seen Italy so quiet as when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween. Speaker 4 (1:38) Listen to Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 6 (1:46) In February of 2024, celebrated illustrator and children's book author Petra Mathers and her husband Michael mailed letters to dozens of friends and family members to let them know they had died by suicide. Speaker 2 (1:57) Dear honeys, this is goodbye. By the time you get this letter, both Petra and I will be dead. Next stop, Speaker 6 (2:05) Wonderland. Why did they do it? And what did it do to the people they left behind? Listen to Death of an Artist on the iHeartRadio app. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 1 (2:17) Yeah. All Speaker 2 (2:18) right. I already started it and I got a text Mike D. So I need you to filibuster. Yeah. Speaker 1 (2:23) I just want to apologize in advance that my voice sounds kind of, it's going to come and go. I got this sinus thing going on. I sound like crap. But I'm here. I'm battling through. And I even thought about doing like a separate pod without Ray at the end about breaking down this season of Big Brother. So it may have to wait till Monday. Oh, Speaker 2 (2:44) yeah. That should be a good breakdown. I don't watch it. You Speaker 1 (2:47) said you don't watch it anymore. Right. What's my breakdown? I don't even see it. Do you really still watch it? No. Because if you do, we could do it together. I don't watch the show. Thank you. I thought you were being sarcastic. I couldn't really tell. And also, I can't Speaker 2 (3:07) even tell your voice, though. It sounds fine. Really? Oh. Oh. Dude, you sound like somebody that rolls out of a ditch that's homeless that just walks into Walmart and goes into the $1 section. Speaker 1 (3:19) Well, dude, I went to the Minute Clinic. I'm on the Flonase. I'm on an antibiotic. I got some sinus infection. It is just brutal. Well, you know what you're missing? What? Speaker 2 (3:30) Your stupid thing you always do. Ray, I got a steroid shot. Speaker 1 (3:36) Yeah, that's usually when I'm losing my voice. This is more just congestion. I don't know. I've been hitting that flow nays trying to get it out of there, but so far it's not working, man. Had the humidifier going on last night. It's not working. The flow nays, you're doing that up the nose or what? No, up Speaker 2 (3:53) the Speaker 1 (3:53) butt. Oh. Yeah, that's how you do it. You just go to the butt and it gets in there quicker. Yes, it's up my nose. It's not in your ears, not anywhere else. It's just not good. Like, I don't know how to get rid of it, and it's just so weird. You'd think cold Speaker 2 (4:07) weather would be snapping it, man. Speaker 1 (4:09) Yeah, I think that's what's, you know, getting the change of season dusts something up, dusts or pollen or something, and it gets inside me, and it just says, ah, we're going to screw with you for a little bit. Well, I'm going golfing today, though, so that's Speaker 2 (4:27) good news. Wait. Who are you going golfing with, man? There's a derecho rolling through town. No, I'm not golfing. Have you looked at a map? Speaker 1 (4:35) You're right. About 2 o'clock, it's supposed to roll in. I thought about trying to battle, but, I mean, sounding like this and not feeling the best with the allergy infection, sinus infection, the sinus pressure, I was like, man, I should probably just go home and take a nap. I got to get ready for Morgan's wedding. Speaker 2 (4:53) Yeah, and I'm sure we'll touch on that a little bit. And I also just wasn't a good man look. Usually guys should check the weather. So I tell father-in-law Phil, hey, man, let's go. Let's go golf. And he hits me back. It's supposed to rain for like three straight days. And I look at my map, 80%, 90%, 80%. Oh, my bad, Phil. Haven't turned on the weather channel. Had no idea a hurricane in the sky was coming. Speaker 1 (5:16) I've been on top of it, been looking because I've been looking. That's why earlier in the week I was like, I got to get golf in before the Friday because it is going to rain cats and dogs. We've played two soccer games, and I have a feeling tomorrow it's going to be rained out, which means we're going to have three makeup games. It's just been a season that started at the beginning of September, maybe even August, and we've had two games. Speaker 2 (5:43) Yeah, that's not good. It sounds like the MLS. I never know when they're playing. That's Speaker 1 (5:48) funny. That was funny. Speaker 2 (5:50) Or Premier League where they randomly take four months off for the World Cup. Makes no sense. Speaker 1 (5:56) Well, they take off the summer anyway, so Premier League wouldn't have been playing anyway. Speaker 2 (6:01) Oh, but I knew the rain was coming. I just didn't pinpoint it because we haven't gotten rain in a month. So I kind of stopped looking at the map. Speaker 1 (6:09) Dude, have you seen the grass? Maybe that's why I sound like this is because the grass is so dead and the dust and the dirt gets up in my nose. And that's why I sound amazing. I kept the roses alive all summer, but the grass is torched. Speaker 2 (6:23) My grass is bad. The bushes are bad. My one dude goes, I watered my grass all summer and it's still burnt. Richard, I think, said that from. Speaker 2 (6:33) The Chevrolet. I believe he said I watered all summer and there's still parts of it that are brown. Wow. So, I mean. I Speaker 1 (6:42) never watered once this season because we got so much rain in the beginning. I was like, man, I'm never going to have to water. And then one week turned into no rain, two weeks. I was like, oh, it's going to rain. I don't need to water three weeks, four weeks. And now it's all dead. But Speaker 2 (6:55) do you have the setup where you could water your Speaker 1 (6:57) yard? I have a hose attached to the house that you could screw a sprinkler on, drag it out of the yard, turn it on, and the water would go. I Speaker 2 (7:08) almost need one of those that the crop people have because there's no way I can water two acres. Speaker 1 (7:12) Oh, you could get one of those tall ones that goes. Speaker 2 (7:20) I'll have to ask the farmers and ranchers to see exactly what they use maybe for next summer. Well, Speaker 1 (7:25) they use one of those. They use those big poles with wheels that have the pipe, and it just drips down, and it just rolls really slow, and it's like. Speaker 2 (7:36) Have you seen those? Yeah, I live in the country. Cool, bring it to my property. Do Speaker 1 (7:40) a swing through. Speaker 2 (7:41) Do Speaker 1 (7:42) you guys make a miniature version of that? Because I only got two acres. Ha, two acres, man. We do that with a watering pot. You're okay there, buckaroo. Speaker 2 (7:50) And you know what the jackasses do? They come through our property because it's... A part of it is on the side of the road. So when the state or city or somebody mows the road, they'll just go through people's property with some tractor. Speaker 1 (8:03) Oh, I've seen that. You know, when they get down in the ditch, it's pretty cool when they get down in the ditch. I'm like, I don't want that job. I'm worried it's going to tip. I don't want that Speaker 2 (8:10) job. And also, yeah, don't mess up all my rocks. Like all my irrigation goes through there. So yeah, just like leave it. It's good. You don't need to put it down an inch more. I already have a guy that mows it. So I mean. Speaker 1 (8:20) Oh, your rocks. We don't want to mess with your rocks. Sorry, man. Speaker 2 (8:23) But I'm curious because there's really nice yards, some of them, along the road. Some people, it's unkempt. They don't even give a crap. So I get they can roll through it just carelessly, but what about the guy that has beautiful sod? Tell me they don't roll through his because it's always hit or miss. I think there's times they'll go over mine even though it's mowed, and I'm like, watch the rocks. You and your rocks. Oh, my rocks. Well, I went and got them. Oh. Dude, I went to a quarry, and I got them pumped all around all the pipage so that when it rains, I got it shooting out of there like it's a freaking Hoover Dam, bro. Speaker 1 (9:02) See, that was my mistake. When you were saying it, I thought it was just natural rocks that were on the ground that came from the earth, and I was like, you're really worried about them running over rocks that are in the ground? But I didn't realize they were implanted into your yard. Speaker 2 (9:21) Phil put about eight different pipes under my house that sends the water shooting from my roof and yard all the way to this one drainage system. And it just blasts in the face the road. I mean, I believe it's caused maybe a couple of traffic accidents. I was going to Speaker 1 (9:41) say, so you're the one flooding the road out there. They're like, oh, water. Road underwater, turn around, don't drown. It's because you navigated the water to go over that road. It's basically Speaker 2 (9:52) Schlitterbahn on a road if you come through any time there's a rainstorm, and I'm the sole person that's responsible for it. Sue me. We got to get it off our property, Speaker 1 (10:02) man. I don't want it flooding my place. Why not divert it out to your yard? A lot of tributaries. So all the grass gets water. It does. It gets water, but we Speaker 2 (10:12) had the guy do it. So then at the end, what do you need? Do you want it pooling anywhere? No. No. I was like, well, I go when he had the excavator, I was like, so what do we do then? He goes, shoot it towards the road. Speaker 2 (10:26) Hey, let them suckers deal with it. Ain't Speaker 1 (10:29) my Speaker 2 (10:29) problem, not on my property. Hold on, honey. All of a sudden, we just hit a sidewall of water. It's a raging river out here. It looks like it's coming from that jackass' front Speaker 1 (10:42) yard, but we're going to go for it. Hold on tight. Here we go. Say a prayer. Speaker 2 (10:50) You know what? I got no apologies because there was a person, not because of the rain, went right in through my yard. Oh, no. They don't pay. A car accident, they tear up your whole yard. They don't pay for any of it. They dig up half your yard. I had to pick up basically all the car parts. They never help you with any of that stuff. Tell me more. I never talked about it on the big show. No. Freaking, he wasn't drunk. He was a lawnscaper guy. Yeah, lawnscaping. Lawnscaper. And it was early. I was going to work. And he was going to work as well. And they had all their construction and mowing stuff in his vehicle, in his van. And I guess he blew out his tire. Oh. Or he was drunk, because there were definitely beer cans. And he hit the curb. And somehow, miraculously, he jumped a culvert probably three feet in the air. And kept his van upright. No. But just tore up all my irrigation, all my pipes. I'm talking there were hubcaps, wheels, beer cans, construction equipment, nails everywhere. They got some tow truck to come, dig up my whole yard, and then they just leave, never hear from anybody ever again. But the guys were Spanish. So, I mean, they weren't giving me their number. Speaker 1 (12:06) And you say this was in the middle of the night? Speaker 2 (12:09) Well, it was like 5 a.m. I was randomly going in on a weekend. Oh. It was kind of over the holidays, so I think there was something I had to do. But it was my bad. I should have pressed the guy more for his number, but it was a different language. So there was a language barrier. Ah. That's Speaker 1 (12:25) when Speaker 2 (12:25) you Speaker 1 (12:25) could have called Miguel, and he could have translated for you. Speaker 2 (12:28) And also, there were four of them and one of me. I was kind of outnumbered. But the police, I Speaker 1 (12:35) mean, love Speaker 2 (12:36) our law enforcement. Speaker 1 (12:38) The first responders, you guys are heroes, man. Robles, you're kind of a little B, but everybody else, heroes. There's no follow-up on how my road gets fixed, my drive, my yard? I don't really think they're worried about a little piece of grass, man. Speaker 2 (12:52) That's crazy. Isn't that a little crazy that there's no follow-up from anybody? Like, I just had. Hey, sucks to be you, man. Well, and here before it bite your tongue, here's where they go wrong. There were street signs messed up. They still haven't come back and fix those. Now Speaker 1 (13:15) that is something that needs to be fixed. Thank you. That is an issue. Thank you. Like, are they knocked down or are they just dented? Oh, Speaker 2 (13:23) no, there was a yield sign that was thrown in the neighbor across the street's yard, and there was a careful cross traffic that was. twisted off about a foot down and just jackknifed into the ground like a sphere and it's still there so if you need to look at that sign it's uh upside down ass backwards in the dirt Speaker 1 (13:43) Wow. And they never fixed Speaker 2 (13:44) it. Speaker 1 (13:45) Never Speaker 2 (13:45) fixed it. He was going like 60, Speaker 1 (13:46) though, with Speaker 2 (13:47) airborne YOLO. Speaker 1 (13:49) That is the issue, is they do wreck stuff, and they don't fix it. Sort of like when I was in college, you know, hey, first responders, police, thank you for everything you do. I was living in the dorm, you know, and I got a random roommate. A girl? No, he was a dude. Pause. Pause. Okay. That's just a funny thing people say. Got it. And he was from Shirts, Texas. Okay. Just north of San Antonio, just south of New Braunfels. And we get paired up and we are the exact opposites. Okay. Couldn't be more different. He has posters that look like nothing until you turn off the light and turn on the black light. Then it's like mushrooms coming out of clouds and like weird. Kinky. Weird. So we didn't really talk much. We didn't hang out. We weren't like BFFs. And if he was in the room, I'd drop my stuff off. I would leave. How's it going, Shroomy? If I was in the room, he'd drop his stuff off. He would leave. How's it going, Turtlehead? And Shirts, Texas was about 35 minutes from the campus. And he had a girlfriend that was still in high school. She'd come over some nights and hang out. Very awkward. And I asked for a knock. non-smoker. He was a smoker, so our room just smelled like cigarette smoke all the time. And not only that, then he was smoking in the room. Cigarettes? And weed. You were cool with that? No. I wish I would have known that when I lived with you. No, I wasn't cool with that. I'm like, hey, bro, like, what are you doing? Ray, are you smoking the devil's lettuce? No. And the weed, you know, it just reeks. And you have a hard wall and a soft wall when you're in a dorm. The soft wall, you know, is not brick. And the girls next door, they started having the weed go into their room through the soft wall. So they go to our RA and they're like, hey, man, that room