FEELING THINGS - Is It 'Bad Enough' To Ask For Help? (Couch Talks)

The Bobby Bones Show

In this episode of Feeling Things, Amy and Kat address two deeply personal listener emails about identity and mental health. Sarah, 32, shares her struggle with feeling

Key takeaways

• Self-discovery begins not with grand gestures, but with small, intentional choices like trying new activities monthly.
• High functioning does not equate to mental wellness—distress can be present even when life appears stable.

Main topics

• Identity formation
• Emotional self-awareness

Notable quotes

"Sometimes the best thing you can do is just stop and feel the pain."

Conclusion

The episode affirms that self-discovery and mental health support are not reserved

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Speaker 3 (0:03) While we hope Couch Talks can be a tool that helps and supports wherever you are in life, Couch Talks does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy or any mental health services. Speaker 2 (0:15) One, two, three. Hey. If you ever have feelings that you just want some, maybe your cat got you covered like an umbrella. Ladies and fellas. Speaker 2 (0:34) Sometimes the best thing you can do is just stop and feel the pain. This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat. Speaker 1 (0:43) Happy Thursday. Welcome to Couch Talks. I'm Amy. And I'm Kat. And this is our Q &A episode to the Feeling Things podcast. We have two emails today, totally different subjects. Before we started recording, though, I was telling Kat that I was on Instagram while we were waiting and flipping through some reels. And this woman just popped up on my page and she said, OK, I'm filming this. 20 minutes after I found out. And so I'm like, found out what? I mean, I don't know this woman at all. And she leans up against the wall and like sits down. She's like, my husband was just diagnosed with narcissism. And I was like, oh, wow. That's rare to be proactive and go actually get diagnosed and that they were able to do that. And then she's filming herself 20 minutes after she finds out. Speaker 3 (1:36) Yeah. My immediate response was some people, sometimes this is me, but some people need their phones taken away. Yeah. Like I want her to go process that. Instead of filming Speaker 1 (1:49) like. Speaker 3 (1:50) Yeah. I wonder if she's like an influencer. So she posts everything. I Speaker 1 (1:55) don't think so. I went to her husband. I was wondering that too. I went over to her page. I'm not even going to say she is because that part doesn't matter. She doesn't have that many posts, but she did say lifestyle, mom, creator, wellness, and everyday life. And one of her very, very few posts is her 20 minutes into figuring out that she, she felt validated. Like Speaker 2 (2:20) she was saying, I felt Speaker 1 (2:21) crazy. And then now she's going to share that. But yeah, good question. Does her husband know? But also, I Speaker 3 (2:29) feel so happy that she feels validated because that can be such a hard position to be in. But because that was 20 minutes ago, you haven't even called a friend yet. I think that's where I feel a little judgmental when I say this, but I think it also comes from a place of I want people to be really connecting with people and getting their needs met that way versus the first thing I do is jump to social media. This can be something you share. I think it's very helpful when people share their stories because then people that don't know anybody who's been through something like that can feel understood or heard or any of that. But I want her to feel connection and feel like she can get her needs met from actual people in her life before she runs to social media. And I think that is a issue that I've had with social media for. A very long time. Right. Years. Speaker 1 (3:21) And on the topic of narcissism, we have been teasing that we're going to do an episode focused solely on that for a while now, and it's finally coming. We really are going to do it. We really are recording it in a few days, so it will be up soon. All right. First email. Hi, Amy and Kat. I've been listening to Feeling Things for about a year now and never thought I'd write in with a question, but here we are. I feel like I've spent my whole adult life being whoever the people around me needed to be. the easygoing friend, the low-maintenance girlfriend, the daughter who doesn't cause problems. I'm good at reading a room and adjusting, but if you ask me what I actually like, what I believe, what I want outside of what makes other people comfortable, I genuinely don't know how I'd answer. I don't think I'm... In a crisis, exactly. I have a job I don't hate. I have friends, a decent life on paper. But there's this quiet feeling underneath it all like I'm a stranger to myself. I wouldn't even know where to start if I wanted to actually get to know who I am. How do you get to know yourself? Is there a starting point? Journaling? Therapy? Just time? I'd love to hear your take. Thanks for everything you two do. Even when you're just talking about your days, it somehow always makes me think. Sarah, 32, Kansas. Speaker 3 (4:38) Kansas. And 32, look at that. Well, it's not. Why 32? If we were talking about people in their 20s, 32 is pretty close. Yeah. I love this question. And I think so many people feel this way. So many people feel this way. It's something that I hear all the time, not even just as a therapist, like as a human. And my go-to is always, so I had a friend who was similar. She grew up playing like a sport that her... Family wanted her to play. I think she even went to college and played this sport in college. And she ended up afterwards being like, I actually hate this sport. I hate it. Like, I don't, there's nothing I like about it. And her whole life she was, like, she was known, it was golf. So she was known as, like, this is, let's say her name was. This is Julia. She plays golf. Like, Julia's known golf. Those things always go together. So then after college, after she literally went, she didn't go to school based on what she wanted to be. It was what school was going to give her the golf scholarship, and that's who she is there, too. She graduated and went through some stuff, and she realized, like, I don't like it. Like, I don't get any joy out of playing it. Wow. Which is crazy because I grew up playing soccer. I wasn't obviously not that into playing soccer because I didn't go to college. Speaker 1 (6:06) Oh, you weren't collegiate? Not because I didn't Speaker 3 (6:10) want to, but also I wasn't that good. But I liked playing soccer. Obviously, sometimes you were like, oh, I don't want to go to practice. But it was a fun game to me. So for her to say there's nothing about this I enjoy is a big deal. So she had that same feeling of like, who am I? And she did something that I recommend to everybody now. And she, for I think a year, every single month, she chose something new. It could be, she did some really, she, I wasn't, because I knew her as she was doing this. And I was in awe of her because I was like, I would never, you have to be committed and you have to be willing to be uncomfortable. So I shouldn't say I should never. I would never. But I was like, this is a big deal that you're doing this. Every month she would do something different. She did, why can't I think of the word? Not like taekwondo, but jujitsu. Oh, my Speaker 1 (7:13) son did jujitsu. Is Speaker 3 (7:15) it Speaker 1 (7:15) jujitsu? She Speaker 3 (7:16) did karate. She did something in that realm. His son's from martial Speaker 1 (7:18) arts. Yes, she did martial Speaker 3 (7:19) arts. She did a watercolor class. She did improv classes. She did. She got into yoga. She I mean, it was athletic stuff and then creative stuff. So this is helping her discover what she likes to do. So she she wasn't Speaker 1 (7:39) loving golf. Speaker 3 (7:40) She was she was like, I don't know what I like. It was even down to like, what foods do I like? So her she's also a therapist. So she, I think, came up with this a little bit on her own. But her deal was every I have to sign up for something every month or if it's like a six week thing, it could be six weeks. but I cannot quit until it's over. And then after it's over, I never have to go again. Like if I do this four week watercolor class and I actually don't like it, okay, I don't ever have to do it again, but I have to finish to see because it's not just, do I like watercolor? It's how do I show up to an art class? Or I remember that class, she said it was all super. Speaker 3 (8:21) well, I want to start that sentence over. It Speaker 2 (8:23) was all people that were older than her. Okay. I was going to say super old. Speaker 3 (8:27) That didn't feel good. Like elderly, I think. Like Speaker 1 (8:34) what's the word? Geriatric? Speaker 3 (8:38) Or what they like to call older pregnant people advanced maternal age. But it was actually like people in their 70s, she said. It was more for people post-retirement. Right, Speaker 2 (8:49) okay. So it was like, how do I interact with Speaker 3 (8:52) people like that? Do I like people that age? Like what? So you're learning more about the, just the skill. You're learning all these other little things about you. And she would journal throughout it. And some of the things she was, she ended up doing, like she got really into yoga. Some things she never, she did improv more than once. I think she did like Speaker 1 (9:13) three Speaker 2 (9:14) or four at Speaker 3 (9:15) the place that you went to. Speaker 1 (9:17) Yeah, I mean, when you sign up there, it's like a six week. Yeah. So she did a couple of those classes. Speaker 3 (9:23) And it really helped her figure things out. And because part of her doing that was she chose everything. Nobody chose it for her. So I think that was a big deal of like, what even do I gravitate towards? And then she made all the rules up of this Speaker 2 (9:39) activity, whatever. Speaker 3 (9:42) And she journaled through it and then she figured things out. Now, I will say that I think. And you can let me know how you feel about this. Our world gets a little bit stuck on finding ourselves. Speaker 1 (10:02) Fixated, I think, yeah. Speaker 3 (10:04) Where it's this like elusive thing that like I have to know myself in this and this deep work and all that. And I believe that there's so much power in getting to know who we are. And we're always going to evolve and change. And I don't think. I'm ever going to get to a place where I'm like, there's nothing new I'm going to discover about myself. Speaker 1 (10:21) Yeah. And things that happen to you in life that you, that are out of your control. Speaker 1 (10:37) I've naturally evolved over time, but circumstances like when my mom died, I am no longer the same person I was before that. So I had to get to know myself again, who lost without my mom. And then the, so that's something that's totally out of my control. Um, when you become a mom, like you're, you don't know yourself yet as a mom. Yeah. You still have the baby in your belly. So you've got to get to know yourself like career wise. Is there a move? She's 30. Two, she said she's a, what'd she say, about a low-maintenance girlfriend. Speaker 3 (11:13) You don't know yet what kind of wife Speaker 1 (11:15) you're going to be, if that is what's in store for you, what kind of mom. So you're constantly going to be getting to know yourself. So I think it's good to have these different activities or things to