Why You Really Should Talk to Strangers & What Could Actually End the World

Something You Should Know

This episode of Something You Should Know explores the psychological power of fresh starts and the unexpected benefits of small social inter

Key takeaways

• Temporal landmarks such as new months, weeks, birthdays, or holidays can significantly boost motivation to pursue goals due to the 'fresh start effect'.
• People consistently underestimate how enjoyable and beneficial brief social interactions with strangers can be.

Main topics

• Fresh start effect and timing of goal-setting
• Benefits of small social connections with strangers

Notable quotes

"We're not social enough for our own good."

Conclusion

Small social interactions, even brief ones with strangers, can significantly

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:04) The Speaker 3 (0:05) city moves fast, but your vibe, that's different. Sharper, smoother, more alive. Speaker 2 (0:15) The new Speaker 3 (0:20) Honda City isn't just made to drive, it's made to feel. The new Honda City, all new vibe. Speaker 5 (0:31) Today on Something You Should Know, what's the best time to start on a new goal? Then the extraordinary benefits of those small social connections you make with strangers. Speaker 4 (0:42) It's easy to overlook the importance of social connection. It's easy not to notice what you might be missing in a conversation you don't have. What our data suggests is that people are overly pessimistic about how much value they will get out of reaching out and connecting. Speaker 5 (0:59) Also, how does the gas pump know to shut itself off when your tank is full? And a look at the things that could destroy us. Nuclear war, viruses, AI, Speaker 6 (1:09) asteroids. Asteroids may be the thing that is the coolest one. We didn't even start realizing we had a potential problem until the 1990s. And we have gotten really good really quickly at asteroids. All Speaker 5 (1:24) this today on Something You Should Know. Speaker 1 (1:33) The Speaker 3 (1:34) city moves fast, but your vibe, that's different. Sharper, smoother, more alive. Speaker 2 (1:44) The new Speaker 3 (1:49) Honda City isn't just made to drive, it's made to feel. The new Honda City, all new vibe. Speaker 6 (1:58) Something you should know. Fascinating intel. The world's top experts. And practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers. Speaker 5 (2:12) If there's a big goal that you really want to reach, when you begin working toward that goal can be a big factor in whether or not you achieve it. And that's the first topic today on this episode of Something You Should Know. Hi, I'm Mike Carruthers. Welcome. So there really does seem to be something psychologically powerful about a clean slate. Researchers have found that people become more motivated to pursue goals following what they call temporal landmarks. New Year's Day, certainly, but also the beginning of a month, the beginning of a week, a birthday, a holiday, or even the start of a new semester. It's called the fresh start effect. These dividing lines seem to help us separate the person we were before from the person we want to be next. That means if you've fallen off your diet or abandoned your exercise program or gotten hopelessly behind on some project, you don't necessarily have to summon more willpower. Instead, pick a meaningful date and declare everything before it the old chapter. Monday morning may actually be a pretty good time to begin the new you. And that is something you should know. Speaker 5 (3:33) We spend a lot of time avoiding people. We look at our phones in elevators, use the self-checkout, put on headphones, and generally find ways to move through the day without having to talk to strangers. And when there is an opportunity to strike up a conversation, say, with a cashier or someone waiting in line or the person sitting next to you, we often think, eh, why bother? Well, maybe you should bother, because those little interactions that seem so insignificant may actually do something surprisingly important. And apparently, it doesn't take much. Being just a little more social and engaging with the people around you can make you happier, healthier, and more connected. And the research suggests we consistently underestimate just how good those interactions can make us feel. Nicholas Epley is here to explain. He is a professor of behavioral science and director of the Center for Decision Research at the University of Chicago's Booth School of Business. He's author of a book called A Little More Social, How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection. Hi, Nicholas. Welcome to Something You Should Know. Speaker 4 (4:49) Hi, Mike. Thanks so much for having me again. So when you're Speaker 5 (4:52) looking at the research that you've done on this topic of small interactions and social connection and all, what is the big takeaway here? I Speaker 4 (5:02) think we're not social enough for our own good. Every day there are opportunities, big and small, to reach out and connect with other people that we choose not to take. And by choosing not to take those, I think we're missing out on increased happiness and well-being in our lives. Speaker 5 (5:16) And the assumption in your statement that I always question is that there's value in reaching out to lots of people. And there's value in reaching out to some people, but there's a lot of interactions I have every day that don't really have or seemingly have a whole lot of value. Speaker 4 (5:42) I think we want to distinguish between two things. One is our data certainly don't suggest that people should be reaching out all the time. What our data suggests is that when we are in situations where we could reach out and engage with another person, we tend to underestimate how positively it will turn out. And by doing so, we underestimate how enjoyable these interactions will be and therefore at times are choosing not to interact. when it would make us better off. Now, this again doesn't mean that we should always be reaching out and engaging with other people, but if you knew you were off by some amount, you're sitting there in a doctor's office, not having any conversation with anyone, just sitting there by yourself, you're sitting there waiting in line at a grocery store, you could say hi to the neighbor, to the person standing behind you. If you knew that would turn out a little better than you thought you would, I'm betting most of us would reach out a little more often. Speaker 5 (6:39) Yeah, I buy that. But I want to really zero in on something, and maybe I'm kicking a dead horse here, but you use the phrase that if you did, it would be more enjoyable and that you would be better off. What does that mean? Speaker 4 (6:53) You'd be happier. um so in any given moment we can ask you how positive are you feeling right now how negative are you feeling right now when people are engaging with other people they report feeling more positive and less negative so there's increased well-being but being positively connected to other people doesn't just feel good psychologically it isn't just well-being although i have to say i think that is among the most important things that we're seeking out there in the world. But it also improves, increases our health and actually our longevity. So being socially isolated and disconnected from other people is a psychological stressor. It gives us a spike in cortisol in our bloodstream. And that compromises our immune system functioning and also our cardiovascular functioning. If you play that out over and over again over the course of our lives, if we're consistently choosing to avoid other people, it can create health risks that are on par with smoking 15 cigarettes a day and also shorten how much life we have to live, again, on par with smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So I think these are really important. It's easy to overlook. the importance of social connection. It's easy not to notice what you might be missing in a conversation you don't have. What our data suggests is that people are consistently overly pessimistic about how much value they will get out of reaching out and connecting with other people. And I think that matters a lot for our lives. Speaker 5 (8:25) I understand that if you are lonely, establishing some connection with people, like real connection, like somebody whose phone number you have and that you can call. I don't always see the value. If somebody is desperately lonely, how having a hello, goodbye with the guy stacking bananas at the supermarket addresses the problem of that person's loneliness even a little bit. Speaker 4 (8:54) So it does a little bit, it turns out. So the data make it crystal clear that happiness and well-being and our sense of connection with other people isn't just a function of the major interactions that we have, but also a lot of little moments we have. Our well-being in particular is a little bit like a leaky tire. And if you want to predict how positive someone feels or how happy they are, what you want to know is how frequently are you having positive experiences in your life it's the frequency of events that really matters not the intensity of those events so missing out on opportunities in our daily lives these can be small things like saying hello to somebody in the grocery store or having a conversation with somebody on a on a train or having a deep and meaningful conversation with acquaintance or a neighbor of yours or reaching out to express gratitude every day there are lots of opportunities like these that would imp prove the moments of our lives. And by avoiding those, we're missing out on some well-being that we could be getting because we underestimate how positively others respond to us. The other key thing about loneliness is that it stems in large part from the psychological error that I'm describing to you right now. So people who, loneliness comes in part from thinking that other people don't want to interact with you. We kind of find this across the spectrum of extroversion and also. also across the spectrum of loneliness too. But on the extreme lonely side, people tend to think that others don't want to interact with them, and that creates a barrier to reaching out and connecting. So these interactions can help to change those beliefs we find over time that people do learn, although it takes a lot of experiences to learn. And getting over those barriers, thinking that other people don't want to connect with you, I think is the key to living a more socially connected life. I think this is critical to connecting us with other people, whether you're lonely or not, but especially if you're feeling like you'd like to be better connected with other people. Speaker 5 (11:01) So what is that thing that makes us think that other people don't want to talk to us when, in fact, if I had to think back to the last time somebody rebuffed me, pushed me away, said, you know, I don't want to talk to you, you're an idiot. I can't remember that. Every time I talk to somebody, it goes pretty well. I mean, people are, even if they don't want to talk to you, they're generally polite about it. So I don't understand where that fear comes from. Speaker 4 (11:34) Yeah. So there are three things that we document in our research. One is that we tend to evaluate ourselves differently than other people do. And this matters a lot when we're reaching out to connect with somebody in a positive, warm, friendly way, the kind of way