XFM MYSTERY COMPILATION WITH KARL PILKINGTON (BEST OF) #40

RSK XFM Remastered

This episode is a curated compilation of highlights from the XFM era featuring Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant, and Karl Pilkington. The tri

Key takeaways

• The phrase 'don't let the cat out of the bag' is humorously attributed to 17th-century mobile butchers replacing chicken with cheaper cats.
• Karl Pilkington is described by his co-hosts as a 'pot noodle of information' that provides little actual nourishment.

Main topics

• Etymology of idioms
• Bizarre medical stories

Notable quotes

He's like the pot noodle of information.

Conclusion

A chaotic and nostalgic collection of banter that highlights the uniqu

Transcript preview

Speaker 3 (0:00) Oasis, Live Forever on XFM 104.9. Right, we're in the swing of things. It's mine and Steve's favourite bit of the whole show. This is what we do this show for now, educating Ricky. Yeah. Go for it, Carl. Speaker 1 (0:14) As you said, learning can't be fun. Yeah. Yeah? OK, I'll go for the one... What's the one about the butcher going down the butcher shop? You've got to get your kit on, we're off down the butchers. Speaker 3 (0:23) Yeah. Speaker 1 (0:24) You going for that one? Yeah. Oh, do you know the saying... Speaker 1 (0:29) Don't let the cat out of the bag. Yeah. Do you know what it means? Yeah, don't give away Speaker 3 (0:34) a secret. Speaker 1 (0:35) Right. Well, do you know what it came about? No. Well, ages ago, before like... Ages ago. 17th century? Yeah, before like... Yeah, Speaker 3 (0:46) yeah, 17's good. Yeah. Speaker 1 (0:48) Before like, you know, proper butchers and Jewists and supermarkets and that, you used to get these blokes who sold meat. Right. Butchers, they were called then. Yeah, yeah, but the difference was they didn't stay in the same place, they moved about, right? So they'd turn up on a street corner and he'd have loads of carrier bags of like... Carrier bags? Yeah, with meat in and that, and people would... Plastic carrier Speaker 2 (1:11) bags? Yeah, with mobile butter on them. Yeah, yeah. Had an email address. Speaker 1 (1:17) Yeah, go on. People went, right, yeah, I need some meat, right? So they'd go up to this bloke and say, what have you got? And he'd say, well, I've got a... You know, you can have a bag full of pig, or you can have a... whatever, a bag full of chicken, whatever. And they'd go, yeah, how much? They'd go, you know, call it a fiver, whatever. And they'd buy them, and to make more money, they didn't always fill the bag with what they said was in it. Oh, Speaker 2 (1:45) I thought that might be the case. Speaker 1 (1:47) Right? So what do you used Speaker 2 (1:48) to Speaker 1 (1:48) do? Did Speaker 2 (1:48) they have a book Speaker 1 (1:48) out today? Speaker 2 (1:48) Yeah. Speaker 1 (1:49) But I Speaker 2 (1:50) don't see why... Okay, so sometimes they would put a cat in the bag and pretend it was chicken or Speaker 3 (1:54) whatever Speaker 2 (1:55) else. Yeah, so... But why was a Speaker 1 (1:56) cat any cheaper than a chicken? Because cats are wandering around the streets, aren't they? Chickens aren't. So they'd get a chicken. They'd put a chicken on the top so that when they look in it, they'd go, yeah, that's all right. Got a bag full of chicken. They'd get home to make the dinner. And it'd be like, what are we having tonight? And they'd go, well, you'll never guess. And they'd have like, you know, well, you can have a chicken leg and, you know... But Speaker 2 (2:17) it Speaker 1 (2:17) wouldn't be a cat. They'd have to Speaker 2 (2:19) defrost a pizza. Speaker 3 (2:21) Did Speaker 2 (2:21) they mind Speaker 3 (2:22) that they were eating cat then, in those days? Speaker 1 (2:25) He didn't say. He just was saying about the saying, don't let the cat out of the bag. It's like, you know, if they see that, they're going to go mad. I'm Speaker 3 (2:35) mildly disappointed with this story. It's all right if it's true, but, you know, something about it is just... I want to know more. He always leaves it... Is it Carl doesn't quench your thirst for knowledge? He creates more. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Well, yeah, he's like the pot noodle of information. Yeah, do you know, I never... I want to go... I'm Speaker 2 (2:53) not Speaker 3 (2:53) nourished by it. For Speaker 2 (2:54) every fact he tells me, there's ten others that spring Speaker 3 (2:58) up that I have to get clear. Speaker 2 (3:01) So it was the people that were doing this. It was the dodgy butchers that coined this phrase. Were they saying to each other, don't let the cat out of the bag? I... What I mean by that, Jack, is don't let them see the cat. Speaker 1 (3:12) Yeah. What we've stuffed in there. Speaker 3 (3:14) Dodgy butcher, there's another phrase, isn't it? So that's the first one. Is that a euphemism or is it? Yeah. As his meat delivered round the back. Sure. So Speaker 1 (3:24) that's that one. So let's get your kit on. What does Speaker 3 (3:27) that Speaker 1 (3:27) mean? Speaker 3 (3:28) It's a euphemism for homosexuality. OK. Speaker 3 (3:34) And meat, presumably, and that means different things. It doesn't... It's a word that is also a male bird. Would it mean chicken or cat, necessarily, in that context? Speaker 2 (3:42) Well, I suppose it could. Speaker 1 (3:43) Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was talking about this the other day. Oh, what was it now? Speaker 1 (3:51) Listen, I felt like... All right, he's got it now. Go on, go on. This fella goes Speaker 2 (3:57) to Speaker 3 (3:57) the doctors. Oh, right, OK. Right, if this isn't any way apocryphal, stupid, illogical, impossible, right, you are never, ever speaking again on radio. So make sure this is at least possible. I'll tell you what, I'll even give you improbable... But possible. So if anything that breaks the laws of the universe or logic, okay, that's all you have to avoid. On you go. Speaker 1 (4:22) Right, so this fella, right, he goes to the doctors because he's got earache. Right, okay. Speaker 3 (4:27) If a chimp's living in his brain... Go on. Speaker 1 (4:29) So he's got earache, he's sat in the waiting room and his ear's all bunged up and it's hurting a lot and what have you. So the doctor comes out and he goes... Right? And because his ear's all bunged up, he doesn't hear it that well. right? So he thinks, it must have been me, right? So he wanders in. Speaker 3 (4:48) Keep Speaker 1 (4:48) going, keep going, keep going. Anyway. Speaker 3 (4:50) I'm going to hate this. I can just feel it in my bones. Steve, I'm going to let you take over. Okay, let's go on, let's hear it. So the Speaker 1 (4:55) doctor says, sit yourself down there, right? So he sits himself down and goes, right, take your pants off, right? So he's thinking, that's a bit odd. Anyway, he, he apparently took his tackle off. The doctor, like, did some operation. What, there in the waiting room? No, in his Speaker 3 (5:17) office. Speaker 1 (5:17) In his Speaker 3 (5:18) office, yeah. What? Wait, wait, so he removed what? His genitals? Yeah. Speaker 1 (5:22) In his office? Speaker 3 (5:23) Why, Speaker 1 (5:23) why, Carl? Why, Carl? Because he hadn't called him in. Oh, he'd called in a bloke who wanted his testicles taken off Speaker 3 (5:30) and he didn't do it. You... Speaker 3 (5:34) So the doctor went out and said, Mr Jones, who's here for me to whip off your cock and balls just here and now, right? It must have been me. So the bloke who wanted his balls taken off didn't say, oh, I think he said me. So he didn't interrupt then. So the bloke goes in, he starts taking his testicles off and he doesn't say, I'm here for me ears. Speaker 1 (6:00) Right, here's the last clues of the year. You had, uh, there's a load of letters there asking for advice. Put them on Claire's desk. That was F. That was for foreigner. For Rainer. I don't know what you mean. Claire Rainer. She took advice. She gave people advice. So that's a foreigner. That is shit. I'm sorry. Speaker 3 (6:20) It may be Christmas. That is absolute stuff. A lot of people got the right answer. I know. Well, that annoys me even more. Foreigner. Foreigner. Speaker 1 (6:28) Erm, second one, ask your mam if you should. That was S. That was Shalamar. Shalamar? Shalamar. Speaker 2 (6:35) Right? Now, bizarrely, what was the clue there? Ask your mam if you should. Now, we've got a lot of people saying smashing pumpkins. That's the answer to that. I don't know who's saying that to their mum. Smashing pumpkins. Speaker 2 (6:49) Merry Christmas, Mum. Thanks very much. Nice bollocks. Oh, that's great. Smashing pumpkins. Your dad bought them for me for Christmas. Speaker 1 (7:00) And the last one. Lovely plums. Speaker 2 (7:05) One more victorious. Speaker 1 (7:08) Oh, Speaker 2 (7:08) God! Speaker 1 (7:09) Right, we've got to wrap it up, we've got to wrap it up. Come on, then. Er, a couple of people were arguing in the supermarket at the fruit and veg cafe. That was B, that was banana drama. They were, like, having an argument. What do you mean, banana drama? What, no, Speaker 3 (7:19) wait, wait, wait. What group is banana drama? What group is banana drama? Sorry. You're a fool! You're a twat! Well, you say that, but you accuse Speaker 2 (7:27) her... You accuse Carla of that. You're also accusing lots of the listeners, including the winner, Nicola Rogers, of London. And she wins those great prizes, and she got them back on, so... Banana drum. So, Speaker 1 (7:37) can we finish there now? Yeah. What do you mean, can we finish there now? Just play the ads and go. Speaker 2 (7:43) What? No, what are you talking about? We're going to play Jamie Nicholson all day. Play that Speaker 1 (7:47) then. Speaker 2 (7:47) Goodness me. Oh, look at you! We haven't got time. Merry Christmas Karl! Can't wait for Christmas! Let's Speaker 1 (7:52) give Speaker 2 (7:52) him a little kiss. Oh, a little kiss? No, a good time. It's Christmas. Speaker 1 (8:00) Some doctor or something who was into, like, the way bodies work, um, they got their head cut off. Who did? The doctor? Yeah, he was doing about an experiment. And he cut his own head off? Yeah. Okay. And it was about, um, he said, when my head's in the basket, I'm going to blink my eyes. Right. Okay, sorry, hang on, let him finish. And, um, Speaker 2 (8:22) so the doctor... He's chopped his own head off and he's told everyone, I'm going to blink my eyes. He's in the basket Speaker 1 (8:28) and he goes, right, I'm going to blink my eyes about as many times as I can to quit counting. And they count and he got to like 15 before he died. Right, Speaker 3 (8:37) now this is how Carl told me that. Till Nick Frost explained that, Carl told me, he said, right, well, a bloke, right, he had his head cut off and when his head was in the basket, he went, count how many times I can blink. And I went, well, that's rubbish. And Nick went, well, no, he actually said, when my head's in the basket. And Carl went, oh, I said, so, Carl, do you know the subtle difference? Do you see the subtle difference? I have to say, though, guys, I still don't really understand what went on there. I really, you've both lost me. The story is that a bloke who'd been found doing... You mean that Carl just explained it and that was a clear version? Speaker 1 (9:11) Because Speaker 3 (9:11) I still don't know Speaker 2 (9:12) what you're talking Speaker 3 (9:12) about, Karl. Well, this bloke had his head cut off for experiments against God. He was a doctor in the, you know, in olden times. And when they cut his head off... Why did they cut his head off? Because it was... He was executed. Exactly, he was executed, yeah. And he said to his assistant, when my head's in the basket... I'm going to blink, count how many times I blink and write it down as an experiment, right? Karl told it to me, like, his head was cut off and he went in the basket, and when his head was in the basket, he looked up and said, count how many times I blink. Speaker 2 (9:41) Yeah, I love Speaker 3 (9:42) that. I love the difference in that story. Both rubbish, but, you know, one's possible and one isn't. Why Speaker 1 (9:49) do you believe anything Speaker 2 (9:49) that you're told except when we tell you the truth? Speaker 1 (9:52) Do you know why people tinkle the... the glasses before they have a drink. Why they tink? The verb to tink. I Speaker 2 (9:58) do know that, Karl. Is it about poison? It is. Speaker 3 (10:01) Here Speaker 2 (10:01) we are. Speaker 3 (10:01) What, would it make a different noise? Nope. Brilliant. Go on, explain it. Why not? Speaker 1 (10:07) You explain it, Steve. Speaker 3 (10:08) No, no, no, don't, Steve. You explain it, Karl. Come on. I've started so I'll finish. Come on, Karl. Explain why they tink the glasses. Ages ago. Yeah. Speaker 1 (10:20) Um, only people with money had drinking or something. Speaker 2 (10:25) one Speaker 3 (10:25) of my film reviews! Years ago. Welcome to History Now. Now, ages ago, only people with money had drinking or something. Keep going, Karl. Keep going. Like Speaker 1 (10:34) spirit and stuff, so they'd, um, it's like businessmen, businessmen. Speaker 3 (10:39) It's easy for you to say! This is Speaker 2 (10:42) getting Speaker 3 (10:42) to be cruel, isn't it? This is Speaker 2 (10:43) amazing. Yeah, go on. Why did you open your mouth, Karl? Speaker 3 (10:47) What were you hoping Speaker 2 (10:48) was the best that could happen? Because Speaker 1 (10:49) you were trying to make me look stupid before with the planet, so I'm not going to do that. Speaker 3 (10:52) Whereas you know! Speaker 3 (10:54) Yeah, go on, though, come on. B-b-businessmen. No, businessmen with money. I've got to drink, I'm ching. Okay, so then, we'll have a drink. Speaker 1 (11:02) So they'd nip round to have a chat about whatever they're earning money with. And they'd say, right, do you want a drink, then? Yeah. Oh, yeah, that'd be all right. So, rather than, like, just pouring it out of a bottle into a glass and saying, there you go, it could be going, hang on a minute, it could be poisoning me, Ed, and trying to, like, nip me business idea. Yeah, yeah. So what they'd do... it sort of pour a bit of his drink into the other person's glass and you get that tink noise and that's like like cheers you know Speaker 2 (11:27) no no carl i just have a slight amendment there i think what it was was you're actually right that they would then test each other's drinks to see that show that it wasn't poisoned but over the years that was reduced to just chinking the glasses by way of saying let's not actually bother going through the whole rigmarole they Speaker 3 (11:41) just Speaker 2 (11:41) did the checking of the glasses yeah that's Speaker 3 (11:44) that's that's good oh it was exhausting though wasn't it i know was it worth it you think Well, I like that, because people carry that with them, though. When they do that, they think, oh, that bloke's definitely not trying to poison me. So the horrible thing is that now, when I do the glasses, I can laugh and go, they don't know I've poisoned them. Exactly. You should always do the pouring back and forth. It's a shortcut, it's a slippery slope. You know, just be careful. Speaker 2 (12:09) Tell you a job I don't like. What? I wouldn't want to be doing. The woman, there's a little woman who sits in the little snack stall on Finchley Road. Yeah. And I don't know how to describe it, really. She is surrounded by snacks. She can't move for snacks. It's a little like Speaker 3 (12:23) American Beauty, but with different... Not dissimilar to that. It's a little hut on the station. Speaker 2 (12:28) And it's like, if you go to the seaside, you can put your hair through one of those cardboard cutouts and it looks like you're a big fat person or whatever and you can have your photo taken. It's like an equivalent of that, but it's just snacks everywhere. She's got bananas up to her chin. She's got chocolate coming down to her eyes, crisps either side of her. She can't move. She can't do 360 degrees. She's, like, packed in there. I don't think... I don't know how she gets in there in Speaker 3 (12:48) the morning. Speaker 2 (12:48) I think they Speaker 3 (12:49) put her in Speaker 2 (12:49) there first. Speaker 3 (12:49) Okay, pour in the bananas. Yeah. Speaker 2 (12:51) Then they pour Speaker 3 (12:52) in the nuts. She has two hours of make-up before... Exactly, yeah. Dressing her in there. Speaker 2 (12:56) Because I'll ask for something from the fridge and she cannot turn her head to see. She has to go by feel alone just to feel the fridge and get stuff out and pass it. And often I'll say, that's not what I wanted, but she can. You've got to let her off. It's extraordinary. But there's no Speaker 3 (13:08) music playing. Does Speaker 2 (13:09) she have Speaker 3 (13:09) to sell her way out of it? Speaker 2 (13:11) Exactly. If it's a slow day, she's stuck there until the next day. Yeah, it's like a world-breaking attempt. Yeah. Speaker 3 (13:19) Karl, what job wouldn't you want to do? Well, any job. You're a lazy... You're joking, aren't you? Speaker 1 (13:23) I've done loads of stuff. I'm quite happy now doing what I'm doing. Yeah. Speaker 3 (13:28) You look happy. I sound happy. Yeah, I mean, calm down. You're on drugs. Speaker 1 (13:34) I'm all right. Are you on E? I've been happy before. England Speaker 3 (13:35) have won and that. I'm happy for them. Yeah, go on, happy for them. I'm Speaker 1 (13:38) happy for them. Speaker 3 (13:39) Yeah. What do you mean, happy for them? We are England. Happy for us. Yeah. I mean, we didn't play. I did very little towards it. No. It was mainly Johnny Wilkinson. Yeah, Speaker 1 (13:47) I Speaker 3 (13:47) barely contributed. Switching on the TV was about as much as I did. Exactly. And shouting, come on! Speaker 1 (13:52) Talking about jobs and that, though, I was reading the other day about... Like, you know, rubbish jobs that people have had and stuff. Speaker 3 (13:58) I've got time when I work, man. I just get on with it. I'm not squidly diddly. Fingers in pies, different jobs, go on. Speaker 1 (14:04) Do you know Ivor the Terrible? Speaker 1 (14:07) Ivan. He, uh... Yeah, his Speaker 3 (14:09) Russian... Yeah, that was the Welsh fella. He was bloody awful, but not as bad as his Russian cousin, Ivan. Go on. Speaker 1 (14:15) He, uh... He had a fella doing some work for him, right? This fella built his house. Yeah. Uh, after it was done, right, the terrible fella was like... The fella, Ivan? He was going, oh, it's brilliant, you've done a good job there. Yeah. I don't want you to build another one like that. Took his eyes out. Just stopped him making an house like that again. Speaker 2 (14:40) Blimey. Speaker 1 (14:41) That's bad, Speaker 2 (14:42) isn't it? Speaker 3 (14:42) Why didn't he take away his trowel? Then he could have seen that he couldn't have built a house without a trowel. You can't build a house without a trowel. Speaker 1 (14:50) Yeah. Speaker 2 (14:51) I suppose he probably later thought that once he'd been nicknamed Ivan the Terrible. Yeah, Speaker 3 (14:56) yeah. He thought, why? Because you gouge people's eyes out. Yeah, but I didn't want to move into the house. I know, but... Take his trowel away. What would I have been then? Ivan the Crafty, at most. Exactly, yeah. Ivan the Jealous, you know, Ivan the Spoiled Brat. Yeah. Ivan