I Had The Corporate Dream Job & A Drinking Problem No One Saw

Rise Above with Kevin Lanning

Mike Cavallaro joins Kevin Lanning to discuss his journey from a high-achieving college athlete and investment banker to battling severe alcohol and drug addiction, and ultimately

Key takeaways

• Mike Cavallaro suffered a career-ending back injury in college that stripped away his athletic identity, triggering anxiety, depression, and a decade-long search for self-worth outside of sports.
• His investment banking career provided extrinsic validation but fueled weekend benders involving alcohol and drugs, ultimately costing him two serious relationships.

Main topics

• Identity loss after athletic injury
• High-functioning alcohol and drug addiction

Notable quotes

"Progress over perfection is something I firmly, firmly believe in and 1% better in any capacity is a win."

Conclusion

The episode underscores that sustainable recovery requires more than abstinence—it demands intentional

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) those benders went longer and longer and longer and became more fueled by drugs and alcohol and drugs and alcohol and drugs and alcohol that there was, it was really hard to escape that when the time came to really like open your eyes and say, I can't do this anymore. Speaker 1 (0:19) Mike, I want to thank you for coming on. I appreciate you coming. You live in West Palm Beach. Speaker 2 (0:24) I'm up here. I'm up here closer to Jupiter, but I am a local. Palm Beach County. Palm Beach County. That's right. Speaker 1 (0:30) Nice ring to it. It is. So you started Move More Collective. That's correct. I love what you're doing in the Palm Beach County area. You're expanding. I feel like for people like myself and... not just people who are sober, but people who are curious about non-alcoholic events, healthier things to do at night, things that aren't centered and focused around alcohol and or drugs. Speaker 1 (0:58) you were creating a space where people can go and be part of. And before we get into that, and that's how you and I connected originally. But before we get into that, you had your journey with alcohol and other substances. So let's take a huge step back. You're originally from Boston. That's correct. Speaker 2 (1:18) Take Speaker 1 (1:18) us through early childhood. What was that like for you? Speaker 2 (1:21) I'm grateful for my upbringing. I've got two amazing parents that are still together to this day. I grew up in the town of North Attleboro, you know, back and forth from private to public school and then back to private school for high school and was at an amazing, you know, pre-college institution called Moses Brown and had an amazing experience. My parents knew if they left me in the school systems, I would probably get myself into trouble because school came easy to me when I was younger. And so they knew that they needed to get me out there and give me more of a challenge. I was also pursuing athletics and it was a great opportunity to take that elsewhere and broaden my horizons a bit. You know, with the prep school life comes a whole lot of baggage, I guess, in some cases. And there's just a totally different allure and experience when you're surrounded by folks in that environment. I think it's well documented. It's not necessarily a stereotype. Um, and, uh, I think even before that though, you know, going back to middle school, as we were just kind of reflecting on their early days, exposure to things like nicotine, tobacco, and kind of more entry type substances that gave you a little bit of a state shift, right. Made you feel cool and warm and buzzy. Um, and the next level of that was obviously, you know, alcohol and that really kind of emerged in the high school years. You know, we'd have our. amazing, um, you know, million dollar mansion house parties every weekend. Um, you know, and, and it was, it was fun. We were, we were young and free and, you know, just, just having a blast. And so, you know, all through high school, I was, I was balancing, you know, life as an athlete, um, and, you know, life as a, a teenager and, uh, and trying to, to figure the world out and still have some fun. And it was really easy to be honest. Um, you know, I don't think maybe I went as hard as I did in my later years, but it felt like we did. And it felt like those nights were crazy. And so, yeah, I mean, that was high school was just juggling those two elements and obviously the school that came with it. And that was the start. I went off to college and had a career-ending back injury. Right before I entered for my freshman year, I had a herniated disc, some incredible sciatic and S1 pain going down my left leg, could hardly stand, sleep, walk, did any conservative treatment you could imagine and just couldn't get rid of it. So I ended up having to eventually give up the basketball early into my college career, which was a crushing blow for somebody that didn't have much of an identity outside of being an athlete up to that point in my life. Where'd you go to school? I started at Macalester College in Minnesota. Speaker 1 (4:16) Okay. Yep. Speaker 2 (4:17) To play basketball. Correct. Division III school, program rebuilds. And that was where I started and ended up finishing at the College of Charleston. So kind of polar opposites. You've got Minnesota cold, hyper-academic, athlete-focused. And then you kind of flip over. And by my senior year at College of Charleston, we were the number one party school in the country. So I saw both ends. Speaker 1 (4:40) So it was this plan, right? You were an athlete, you were going to parties and I can identify in terms of, okay, well, I used to cheat in school, but yeah, just get your grades, get whatever grades you need to get by any means possible. Show up for the games, kill it in the games, do what you got to do, football, lacrosse. And then that was like, my father played football. It was this kind of structure that I had. I went into college, had a career-ending injury, kind of similar to yourself. And then it was like, oh my God, this is not the plan anymore. Right. My identity is lost. Correct. Explain to us how that looked for you once you stopped playing sports and that identity was lost for you. Speaker 2 (5:26) Yeah, I think that was kind of the start of the semi-unraveling for me in my early 20s. Speaker 2 (5:33) Like you said, you kind of lose that identity. You lose that sense of self. I didn't know myself outside of a basketball court or a weight room or a party, I guess. And so my life then transitioned into just kind of partying and trying to find that new identity. And it took me, you know, to Australia for study abroad, back to Minnesota where I phoned home to my mom and said, you know, and through tears, you know, can't be here anymore. The anxiety, the depression had really set in once I came back from some of the best times of my life down in Australia, enjoying that lifestyle back to where I was. I realized I wasn't happy at my core and I needed to take some time off. And so I actually ended up taking a semester off my junior spring, which is kind of unheard of, and transferring. That was kind of the start to figuring out who I was as a person. And it took me over 10 years to, you know, to truly find that person. But it was a soul-seeking, identity-seeking journey that I went on from really right after the ball stopped bouncing to today, I'd say, to yesterday. Speaker 1 (6:50) That's very humble of you to say, because it's work that we're always doing. Constantly. We're always doing the work. evolving as people, as humans, because we're not perfect either, right? Speaker 2 (7:02) Progress over perfection is something that I firmly, firmly believe in and 1 % better in any capacity is a win. So that's what we really focus on as part of our organization. And just for me personally, on my own personal journey is, you know. how to minimize the setbacks and to continue to put one foot in front of the other and make the right choices to become the person that you know that you can be. Speaker 1 (7:24) One thing I've learned in my own recovery is that you can't do this alone and you don't have to. I know that firsthand. I went through inpatient treatment at Karen Treatment Centers and it changed the course of my life. That's why I am proud to announce that I've partnered with Karen for nearly 70 years. They've helped people and families not just break free from addiction, but actually heal and transform their lives. They're in network with all major insurance providers and same day admission is available. So if you or someone you love is struggling, don't wait. Call Karen at 855-352-0103. That's 855-352-0103. help starts with taking that first step. Speaker 2 (8:12) Yeah. Speaker 1 (8:13) So, okay. So it's spring semester, junior year, and you transferred to Charleston. Speaker 2 (8:19) Yeah. I took the semester off, went back to Boston, you know, spend some time really trying to get a handle on my mental health. And this was, you know, back before Speaker 1 (8:27) it was, Speaker 2 (8:28) you know. more common to try to get a handle on that. It was something I knew. Speaker 1 (8:33) You're doing it privately on the low. Speaker 2 (8:33) Yeah. It was something my teammates didn't understand, right? What I was dealing with and going through. They just kind of thought it was me jumping ship. And that really wasn't the case, right? I needed to get a handle on myself, my emotions, get things back in check. And so I went through a roller coaster that spring of psychiatrists, psychologists. Therapy this, therapy that, this medication, that medication. And some of them were wildly incorrect and made me a complete zombie for sometimes weeks at a time. And I didn't really want to be here much anymore, right? It's Speaker 1 (9:13) a Speaker 2 (9:13) sad thought, but you just start to really have a distorted perception of your life. And luckily we were able to find out and kind of get to the bottom of it and find something that worked for me. And, you know, to this day, I will speak highly of kind of the dual pronged approach of medication and lifestyle changes to reach the desired outcome for mental health. But that spring was a whirlwind. And for some reason I thought, you know what, let's go down to Charleston, South Carolina, join a fraternity. And, and live the college life. Right. Uh, and let's just say it went as you would expect. You know, I ended up continuing to keep my grades high. Um, but, uh, but man, the, the party scene was, was crazy. I started bartending at, you know, one of the nicest restaurants in downtown Charleston part-time, you know, I think there's well-documented accounts of what the hospitality industry can do to you in terms of. you know, sobriety or, or people that are on a journey of trying to find, you know, who they are without substances, not Speaker 1 (10:16) the best place to do it, not Speaker 2 (10:17) the best. Um, so I got an even deeper there and, you know, some, some stories that will probably have to wait until a little bit further down the line, um, that, uh, that were just crazy. And, and so that was kind of the first identity I was seeking was I'm a Southern boy. I'm a Southern frat boy, you know, is this me? And, and turns out, you know, I wasn't made to drink bourbon every evening on the patio or on the balcony and look out over the sun at 22 years old. And that was kind of the first failure of trying to find an identity. And I think that pattern continued into my professional life of going into investment banking through the back door. And maybe I'm a finance guy. Maybe this will give me that fulfillment. And this is my identity. And yeah, cool, rah, rah. well, that's another environment that can be, you know, relatively tough when it comes to, you know, separating yourself from, from your past and from substances. And, um, I think that, that kind of just happened time and time again, until I finally lost the second potential wife candidate, uh, of my, of my life and realized something's got to change. I can't do this to people anymore. I can't do it to myself, but I can't do it to other people. Yeah. Speaker 1 (11:30) So Really quick, so you're at Charleston, you go into investment banking. What city do you move to at that point? Speaker 2 (11:38) Yeah, so it was Charleston, back to Boston, down to Charlotte, living off my savings, kind of learned everything I could for a six-month period under an amazing managing director who basically put his faith in somebody that had a psychology degree out of a non-target school, as we would call it, onto Atlanta. to help found an investment bank in the tech space, then back up to Boston, working for another investment bank in the tech space, then New York and West Palm Beach, which is really what brought me down here. So, okay. Speaker 1 (12:11) During this time, let's say, Charleston, into the beginning of your investment banking career, you're drinking. Are you doing drugs as well? Speaker 2 (12:19) Yeah. I mean, look, it's a gateway, right? The door opens up, right? There's only so many downers you can do before you need some uppers to kind of level the playing field a little bit. And it becomes a bit of a crutch in those environments. Not the proudest of moments, but I think anybody that's been in that environment can resonate with that. I think Speaker 1 (12:42) everyone listening and all of my guests have been in that environment and can fully relate to what's going on. Okay. So you're now bouncing around and you're having success in investment banking. Yeah. Speaker 2 (12:54) From the outside. Yeah. From the outside looking in. Okay. Speaker 1 (12:57) Let's talk about that. Yeah. You're having the success. I can relate to this. I had the job in New York city. That was my identity. Once I got out of college, did the party thing for a while because I wasn't playing football. Yeah. Now I'm this. I was really low man on the totem pole, but I told everyone I was a big executive at Discovery Channel, and I wasn't. And that was my identity. It was like, oh, we're working until 8 o'clock every fucking night, and Speaker 2 (13:20) then Speaker 1 (13:20) we're hitting the bar right after. But I never. went home. Yeah. Speaker 2 (13:25) That Speaker 1 (13:25) was my problem. So go ahead. Speaker 2 (13:27) Yeah. I mean, look, that's, that story sounds very, very similar. Um, look from the outside looking in, you know, all I wanted was to be able to say, I think that I was an investment banker, right? I thought that was so cool. So powerful carried, you know, such a monetary connotation to it. And, um, what I didn't. expect was that it was going to take a toll on the mental side. And I think we all know about the grueling hours. I was fortunate enough to not land in a position where my hours were as grueling as some of the others out there. Um, but I really wanted the title and I was working for titles and I