I Almost Drank Myself To Death — And My Wife Watched It All Happen

Rise Above with Kevin Lanning

In this powerful episode of 'Rise Above with Kevin Lanning,' Brandon Cheek shares his harrowing journey from near self-destruction through a

Key takeaways

• Addiction is a family disease—its impact extends far beyond the individual struggling with substance use.
• Brandon's journey began with prescribed Xanax for anxiety, which spiraled into a destructive cycle of alcohol and drug abuse.

Main topics

• Alcohol and drug addiction
• Mental health struggles (depression, anxiety)

Notable quotes

"I could barely keep vodka down, so I would have to pace myself and like sip the vodka just to make sure I could keep it in my stomach long enough for it to get in my bloodstream before I'd throw up. And that's why I literally thought I was dying."

"It wasn't just the substance. There was a reason that I was masking and escaping with the substances."

Conclusion

Brandon and Katelyn's story illustrates that recovery from addiction is not

Transcript preview

Speaker 3 (0:00) I could barely keep vodka down, so I would have to pace myself and like sip the vodka just to make sure I could keep it in my stomach long enough for it to get in my bloodstream before I'd throw up. And that's why I literally thought I was dying. Speaker 2 (0:19) Brandon, I want to thank you for coming. Is it Omaha, Nebraska? Omaha, Nebraska. Yes, sir. That's Speaker 3 (0:24) quite Speaker 2 (0:24) a hike. So thank you for coming on. And you also brought your wife, who we are, and this is going to be different from what I usually do. People who are listening and watching right now, I'm going to have your wife, the last 10, 15 minutes of this interview, come on and talk about because you guys walked in. And the dynamic, and you guys are so open about it. We just started talking about what the dynamic was with you getting sober. It's a family disease, alcoholism, drug addiction, people who are recovering from gambling, sex addiction, all of it. It's a family disease and there's recovery for the addict slash alcoholic and then their family. And it seems like you guys have really gotten to a place that is truly, truly amazing. and what people strive for. And I want her to talk a little bit about what it was like to build back the honesty in your relationship. And we'll get there. But I want to thank you again and congrats on two years. Let's jump to two years ago. Okay. Where were you at two years ago? What were you addicted to? And what was a day in your life, roughly? Call it a little over two years ago when you were in active addiction. Speaker 3 (1:33) Yeah. Active addiction, the whole stretch of it. was it started with alcohol, always alcohol. I was struggling for quite a long time with mental health, depression, just unfulfilled, not feeling the right way. So we tried to figure out what's the next steps? What do we need to do differently? So I went and saw a doctor at one point and Xanax was prescribed to me, which was a catalyst to years of Speaker 3 (2:07) destruction. So two years ago, the Xanax was still there. The alcohol was still there. A day in my life at that point was, it started with alcohol would relieve the anxiety. It would allow me to Speaker 3 (2:25) function through my day. I'm not sure how well I functioned, but it allowed me to actually speak to people instead of isolate. So at a time it was alcohol in the evening at home, more normal time, if you want to call it that. And then during the day, the anxiety from the drinking, the Xanax took the place. So as it continued to spiral, it turned into as soon as I woke up in the morning, I would be popping Xanax. along with alcohol and it would just it never stopped it was if i was awake it was in my system because i could not live like inside of my own body my anxiety was so bad my depression was so bad my outlook on life it was to a point where i didn't understand why or if i even wanted to be here so i didn't know what to do and this went on for a long time and That was two years ago, but that's a lot of the story leading back through the previous four years before that. I learned a lot through that journey, but it was a continuous spiral of those two substances. It was Xanax, alcohol, and they got abused severely to a point that only by God's grace am I sitting here talking to you today. And that's the honest truth. Speaker 2 (3:50) Yeah, Speaker 3 (3:50) you're a miracle. I think so. And I think God put me here for a reason to share this story. I think the experiences that I went through, I don't think it was to punish me. I think it was to redirect me to prepare me for the man he wanted me to become. Speaker 3 (4:12) I think I found a purpose of that, being able to show that you can get past those times because I just remember so many times I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn't see any way out. I thought life was over. Yeah, so suicide was thought of. It was possibly attempted. I would say attempted. There's many times where I would tell my wife I didn't care if... I woke up. I didn't care if I'd walk my daughter down the aisle. I didn't care about anything. Suicidal ideation. Speaker 2 (4:47) Yeah. Speaker 3 (4:48) Life was miserable. I didn't care. What I was doing with the cycle of it was, it's a miserable life to live. And you get to a point where if I did get sober for a minute, the way I still felt was, what's the point? So, and that's where the spirals would keep coming back. It was no purpose, no fulfillment, no integrity. It was just doing all the wrong things that I finally figured out. It wasn't just the substance. There was a reason that I was masking and escaping with the substances. Speaker 2 (5:35) It's an interesting perspective because a lot of people will say, why me? Why do I have the addiction gene? Or why do I struggle with drugs? Why can't I put them down? And it shows the growth. You just talked about your perspective and you said it taught you a lot and not verbatim, but, you know, God put you through that journey for a reason. Speaker 2 (6:02) and your faith, you and I were talking about it a little bit before. Was faith always there, or was it something you really were able to reestablish once you got sober? Speaker 3 (6:12) That is a great question, and always believed in God. But now I say I follow God. There's a big difference between believing in God and following God. And the only time I ever talked to God is when I needed Him. Speaker 3 (6:30) And looking back now, the things I was doing, the way I was living my life, why would he do anything for me? Because I'm not doing anything he asked me to do. So that's when I realized I had to be a follower of Christ. I had to read scripture. I had to learn scripture. I had to understand who Jesus actually was. How can I follow? How can I believe someone that I know nothing about? Just saying I believe in God and I believe in God out there is meaningless. There's such a big difference between I believe in God and I'm a follower of Christ. That was a big light bulb moment, and that was a big part of my recovery too. Speaker 2 (7:08) Okay, so let's take a huge step back. Are you born and raised in Omaha, Nebraska? I was born Speaker 3 (7:14) in Des Moines, Iowa. Grew up in that area in a suburb. Speaker 3 (7:21) So it's about two and a half hours from, from Omaha. So relatively close. I lived there the majority of my life. I graduated from Iowa state as did my wife. And we lived in Iowa until 2022. And so we've been there now for about, about four years over in Omaha, Nebraska. Did you, Speaker 2 (7:42) did you grow up with siblings? I'm an only child. Only child. And you were saying before, are your parents Hawaiian? Speaker 3 (7:50) So my dad is Hawaiian. My mom is German, another mix. So she's on the whiter side. So yes, I have darker skin. But if you saw the rest of my dad's side, I'm the pale one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Were Speaker 2 (8:04) your Speaker 3 (8:04) parents together growing up through your childhood? My parents got divorced when I was a freshman in high school. Speaker 3 (8:17) I was privileged growing up. My parents were successful in business. I didn't have a lot of rules. I didn't get into a lot of trouble, but I didn't have any consequences for what I did. And looking back, I kind of ignored the divorce as far as trying not to let it affect me. And I didn't think it did at the time, but it was just the family dynamic at home. It wasn't a safe and healthy relationship. showing what a mother and father should be doing and showing their kids. And I didn't realize that for a long time. Honestly, it's just recently in the last few years, I didn't, I just kind of, I blocked it out. Speaker 3 (9:03) So it was not a – I was always provided for, never had an issue there. But it was not a stable family environment by any means growing Speaker 2 (9:13) up. Speaker 3 (9:14) Did you struggle with mental health as a kid or was it something that happened later? I did not. No, I did not struggle with mental health as a kid. I started to notice it I would say later years of high school, maybe like senior year. Speaker 3 (9:33) That's when we I mean you go out I played sports I all the sports all the friends I mean I was a popular kid had tons of had tons of friends things to do happy Speaker 3 (9:45) and social drinking, drinking on the weekends, all the above. But I was always the one that got the drunkest. I would black out, things like that. But it was at that time, I was a kid, so that's what we do. There was no real bad consequences. Nothing crazy happened. But I started to notice at that time. I started to get anxiety. I never had anxiety in my life before. And that's when it started to creep in. And I still didn't notice it for a long time from that point forward. But looking back now, I definitely had those alcoholic tendencies starting at a younger age, at that junior, senior year of high school, into college. Did you play sports in college? I played a semester of baseball in college. But I mean, I was, I was a good athlete. I said I was all state in baseball, football, all the above as it was Speaker 2 (10:39) all state in Iowa for football. That's, that's quite the honor. One thing I've learned in my own recovery is that you can't do this alone and you don't have to. I know that firsthand. I went through inpatient treatment at Karen treatment centers. and it changed the course of my life. That's why I am proud to announce that I've partnered with Karen. For nearly 70 years, they've helped people and families not just break free from addiction, but actually heal and transform their lives. They're in network with all major insurance providers, and same day admission is available. So if you or someone you love is struggling, don't wait. Call Karen at 855-352- 0 1 0 3. That's 8 5 5 3 5 2 0 1 0 3. Help starts with taking that first step. Speaker 3 (11:32) Yeah, it was good. It was good. Um, so I mean, I enjoyed all of that. I had a blast doing all of those things and I don't know. Speaker 3 (11:45) why it turned that direction because I mean I remember I mean I probably started we started drinking probably freshman year sophomore year we'd go and we'd go get drunk wake up the next morning just fine I mean felt great nothing nothing mentally changed didn't feel any different could go practice could go work out Speaker 3 (12:06) And as I got a little bit older, it just started to change. I don't know why. Speaker 2 (12:12) We become old. The hangover starts to get worse. Dude, I remember I used to go out Friday night to a party. We would have lacrosse practice on Saturday mornings, go out to a party Friday night, completely blackout, not go to sleep until 4 in the morning, and then be ready for practice at 7 a.m. It's insane. And run and work out, do it all, and I'd be fine, and I would fully operate the – I'd operate probably better because I got my workout in very early and Saturday would be fine. Yeah. Then you get older and you start to feel it much more. And mentally, you start to feel it much more as well. Yes. Yeah, the mental hangovers. Absolutely. Yeah. So, okay, you're in college now. Were you good in school? Did you get good grades? I Speaker 3 (12:57) did get good grades. And my wife will probably be somewhat annoyed by this. I can... I am a smart person in general. I'm not saying I'm a genius, but I retain information very, very well. For sure. So during high school, during college, I never opened books. I didn't read. I didn't study. I took tests, but I passed everything easily. Got my business degrees. Speaker 3 (13:24) But did I do anything extra at school and put it in? No. But I didn't have any issues. I said I never failed any classes. I always had. And it wasn't just like barely passing. I like easily passed all my classes, got my diplomas, my bachelor degree in business. No issue. It was just it was just but I spent the majority of my time. It was. Thirsty Thursday, it was whatever day it was, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It was all revolving around drinking and show up to class sometime, just get the information, figure out when the tests were, show up for the test, take the test Speaker 2 (13:57) and be done. There's something to be said about that, though. So, well, I did the same thing, but I cheated. I wasn't actually taking the tests. And I figured people out, like who I would cheat off of, and, you know, I was able to pass. Speaker 2 (14:13) it seems like you were able to pull it together. Like you figured out when the tests were, when you had to go to class, like there's something to be said about the work ethic that goes behind that. Speaker 3 (14:22) So Speaker 2 (14:23) have you always had a good work ethic your whole life? Speaker 3 (14:26) I would say I've always had a good work ethic if it's something that I truly want. Yeah. And during the time of like high school, college, the anxiety, the depression, it wasn't bad enough yet to where it paralyzed me. Like I might have been uncomfortable and not wanting to do things, but I could still go social. I could still go to class and talk to people. I mean, I just didn't feel the greatest. I felt a little anxiety, like things just didn't feel right. That's when I just started noticing it was different, but I could still function. Like I didn't need to drink to go to class to show up in front of people. Like I could still get wasted at night, every night, not feel great the next day, be a little anxious, but still do what I needed to Speaker 2 (15:10) do. Yeah. That's kind of how it was. Now you said you and your wife met in college. Did you guys get together then? So actually we met, Speaker 3 (15:17) we met in Ankeny. So just north of Des Moines where I grew up. Play a lot of golf. I love golf. I actually played mini tour golf for a couple of years, about 10 years ago. But anyways, she was the bartender at the country club we met at. Speaker 1 (15:34) So Speaker 3 (15:35) she was a senior in high school and I was a freshman in college. Nice. That's when we met. And we just, I was in a relationship for, I think, three years before that. And she was in a longer relationship that happened. We both separated within, I think, a month apart. Speaker 3 (15:54) And I had to chase her for a little while. She wouldn't give in. She's still proud of that, too. She should be. She's very proud of that. She loves Speaker 2 (16:03) telling people that. You should be working for it. Yeah, 100%. Good for her. Speaker 3 (16:07) Yeah. Speaker 2 (16:08) Okay, that's awesome. And you guys have been together ever since? Yes. Wow. Speaker 3 (16:13) That's amazing. Okay. All right. Speaker 2 (16:14) So you graduate college. What do you do after college? Speaker 3 (16:18) Okay, so after college, my parents owned a home building company. Home building company. So residential home building. That's the only thing I knew my entire life. And I was privileged in the fact that growing up, I didn't have to, like through high school, I didn't have to go make money to just survive. But I mean, I did help. I didn't do nearly as much. I might help five, 10 hours a week, go to job sites. help clean up the yard, throw stuff in dumpsters, that kind of thing. They put Speaker 2 (16:48) you to work. They put me to work, but they didn't force me to do that. But they knew. But it wasn't that way. I was never lazy. Speaker 3 (16:54) I put all my effort into football, baseball, working out. So it wasn't like I just sit at home on the couch. But that was part of it. So that's the only thing I knew. And that's why I went to college as well, too. I actually. thought about not going to college because I'm like, I know exactly what I want to do. I want to take over this building business and I don't know what they can teach me. I mean, I was young and naive too. I mean, there's obviously stuff I can learn about business management. Speaker 2 (17:20) Yeah. No, it's good parents, man. They go get your education and then start integrating yourself into the work life with our company. Yeah. So, Speaker 3 (17:28) uh, got my bachelor's degree in business management at Iowa state when I graduated. Um, and as soon as I got done with that, Came back, worked for my family company for quite a while. What year did you graduate? College. Speaker 3 (17:48) Okay. So, 2020-2012. So, in that period, I was working a lot more just inside the company, for the company, learning more of the roles, supervision of how the building process actually works from start to finish. Because my dad knew, I mean, that's my goal was to be able to take over someday and build that company. So, that's what I did for that stretch of years. Speaker 3 (18:18) until 2016. That's when Caitlin and I got married. Congratulations. Thank you. Yeah, we got married in Cabo in 2016. And at that time, she was in a different field. Speaker 3 (18:35) But what we did when we got back was we started doing some renovation stuff and like we really enjoyed it. So the way the business was ran, my dad was smaller builder. It was all word of mouth. Custom homes, basically eight, $10 million a year, like total revenue of building. So nothing like nothing big. Speaker 2 (18:52) And that's big to me. Sorry. Speaker 3 (18:55) Well, I mean, yeah, I'm kidding. Yeah. I mean, just overall, like revenue wise, like that industry, like. Homes cost a lot of money, so it's not a ton as far as production. Got it. So I always had huge dreams, and this is kind of where it goes back to is... Speaker 3 (19:14) I always thought if I make money, have all the stuff that I want, nice house, cars, all the above, that's what's really going to make me happy. That's exactly what I got to focus on. And that was my focus 100%. That was the answer to everything. So 2018, Caitlin decided to leave her current job, and she had a good corporate job that she was doing, and we bought half of the company. Speaker 3 (19:43) So, and that's when things started to take a turn. That's where the real story really started. A brief on that is within a year, we turned maybe an eight, $10 million company into a 30, $35 million a year revenue company. So my mindset was just grow, grow, grow, buy, build more, make more money. Don't worry about the consequences. Don't worry about the stress. Don't worry about the family time loss. Don't worry about all the other consequences. I didn't, I had no discernment in the way I thought. I was young. I was very confused on priorities and what true happiness is and purpose was. And I think that that's a big part of my story too, because I think I was just so confused on really what. Speaker 3 (20:33) peace and joy really meant and how you actually got it. And I was taught, and I think a lot of people are taught that it is make money, be able to afford your bills and you'll be happy and joyful. But so Speaker 2 (20:45) actually I want to dig a little deeper on that. So, so yeah, I agree with you. We are taught that I feel like society we're taught that. Where did you learn that from? Did you? Speaker 2 (20:58) I know exactly where I learned it from. I had a very similar mindset and it was the people that I hung out with when I was younger and like keeping up with the Joneses and that whole nine. Yeah. Social media certainly doesn't help nowadays for Gen Zers, even millennials. What was it? Looking back at it now in 2018, call it 2019, you guys turned this business in four times the revenue of what it was previously doing. Speaker 2 (21:32) your go, go, go mentality. I have to make more money. I'm assuming cars, houses, like I have to have all of these things and these external things. Where was that coming from? I think it was part Speaker 3 (21:45) of the way I was growing up. Like I said, my parents weren't the wealthiest people, but they were definitely on the higher side of wealth. So, Speaker 2 (21:53) and Speaker 3 (21:54) it might've been the way that the things I was given, I had Speaker 3 (22:00) the escalate i had the mustang cobra mustang i'm 16 years old i live in a a large house and it you know what the biggest thing was to talk about it was an ego thing people talked about me a lot Speaker 2 (22:13) and especially Speaker 3 (22:14) the people they didn't know me like i was i was the biggest asshole in the world like spoiled given everything and i liked it at the time like i thought this is cool i was like yeah i got I have more than you, so I must be doing better. Like this must be, this must be happiness. This must be joy. So. I think that was just ingrained in my mind is like, I need to maintain this lifestyle or I need more. This is awesome. That was my mindset at the time is like, if I can buy all this stuff, that means I'm more successful. That means I should be happier. Status. I have status. I relate Speaker 2 (22:47) to the ego thing that you talked about. I was the same way growing up. And it's crazy because I could be in a room full of people. My ego, I'm like, yeah, I'm the shit. I'm the man. But if I hear one person dislikes me. out of 100 people that are in the room, I'm like, like paralyzed. Like I need to go convince that one person that I'm cooler than what they think. And like I need to prove them wrong that like the way they're, like that's no way to live. No. And that was what I thought created happiness if I won 100 out of 100 people over in that room. But that is an unmanageable way to live. That is a very hard way to live. when I'm not focusing on the girlfriend who I'm in a relationship with, is she showing me the love, you know, unconditional love or the love and support from my friends or family members? Like the things that mattered, I didn't, I kind of disregarded. And it was so, I was so fragile and insecure, not saying you were, but I was, I was so fragile and insecure that I tried to override it with ego. And like, well, I have a nice car. I have a nice house. I have this. I have the good-looking girlfriend. That's all that matters. And I go home and look at myself in the mirror and feel miserable about myself. You know? Speaker 3 (24:09) I do. And I relate very closely to that. Yeah. I think I know as my mental health and just my overall outlook on life, why wasn't I feeling happier? Why wasn't I feeling peace? Why wasn't I feeling joy? It was the answer. It was just stuck in my head. Go buy more. Go build more. Go make more. Go cut. And what it did was implode everything. It was 100 % ego. If you knew me five or six years ago, Speaker 3 (24:44) And you could probably ask Caitlin this, the thought of me sitting here sharing a story or talking to anyone about something at all is about impossible. I would not share nothing. I would not talk to people. I was all about myself. And selfishness was a huge part of it too. It was always what I wanted. And protect, yeah, protecting status and ego was the only thing that mattered. Yeah. So if there were things going on in my life that weren't good, I hid it from everybody. Speaker 2 (25:14) So, okay. That's 2018, 2019. Now at this point too, are you drinking? The Xanax had not come in yet, right? Not yet. Okay. So take us to now up to the point you were talking about. I think you said you're