Cocaine, Nightclubs & the FBI | Ingrid Casares Reveals Her Wild Addiction & Recovery Story

Rise Above with Kevin Lanning

Ingrid Casares recounts her harrowing journey through multi-substance addiction, moving from cocaine use in the 1980s to opioids and heavy a

Key takeaways

• Ingrid describes addiction as a 'metastasizing' disease that transitions from one substance to another, such as cocaine to opioids.
• She highlights the concept of 'family disease,' noting how the struggle for sobriety affects parents and siblings deeply.

Main topics

• Cocaine and opioid addiction history
• Childhood in Miami and family dynamics

Notable quotes

Addiction is... almost like a cancer that you go from bone to like breast, you know, it metastasizes.

Conclusion

A powerful narrative on the resilience required to overcome deep-seate

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) I had a piece of information that the feds, that I just, I didn't think it was any big deal, but you know, they showed me a picture. So I'm in front of this federal government, right? And they're showing me like a pyramid of people. I don't know who they are. They're capos, right? Speaker 2 (0:22) How long were you sober? Speaker 1 (0:24) Now, seven years. Wow. But I did have 20, so there's that. Speaker 2 (0:29) I love that. I love relapse. Or 15. Speaker 1 (0:31) 15. We Speaker 2 (0:32) hate relapse, but we love it. Yeah, of course. Because you could share it, and it helps other people, which is amazing. Speaker 1 (0:36) I've had many. It's funny because I've had the 80s, which was the cocaine eras. I had a small relapse in the mid-90s from that. And then... I relapsed with surgery on Vicodin. Me Speaker 2 (0:54) too. Speaker 1 (0:55) Fuck it. I never had Vicodin a day in my life. It's Speaker 2 (0:57) the Speaker 1 (0:57) best feeling in the world. Oh my God. Then Percocets, Vicodin, Hicodin, you name it, I did all of it. Yep, you Speaker 2 (1:03) melt right into your seat that euphoric high. Speaker 1 (1:05) Everything. It was no pain. And they mean no, it's a painkiller, but it kills all kinds of pain. Speaker 2 (1:11) Feelings. Speaker 1 (1:12) Everything. It was amazing. Yeah. So that led into then, then I got sober on that with subs. which was horrible, and then which led into me drinking, which I never went back to drugs, but Speaker 2 (1:25) it Speaker 1 (1:26) was a drink after not having a drink since 94. Speaker 1 (1:32) In 2012, I was walking off a plane and going to a birthday party and I just ordered a beer. From that to then drinking a bottle of tequila a day for breakfast. Speaker 2 (1:46) Holy, the thought just popped it. Speaker 1 (1:48) Yeah, popped it and then cut to 2020, I was drinking a bottle of tequila a day from one beer. And I was never just an alcoholic. I was always a cokehead. So I swear to God, addiction is... Speaker 2 (2:00) From one to the other. Goes Speaker 1 (2:01) from one to the other. It just skips. It's almost like a cancer that you go from bone to like breast, you know, it metastasizes. Speaker 2 (2:08) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Ingrid, I want to welcome you on the show. Congrats on seven years of sobriety. Thank Speaker 1 (2:14) you very much. As Speaker 2 (2:15) you were just saying, you have relapse as part of your story, which. Speaker 1 (2:19) Relapse is a big part of my story. Speaker 2 (2:20) We don't love relapse. If you're out there, do not relapse in listening, but relapse, we Speaker 1 (2:27) can learn Speaker 2 (2:27) a lot from it. Speaker 1 (2:28) Absolutely. And it can help a Speaker 2 (2:29) lot of people out there. So let's take a huge step back. Speaker 1 (2:32) Okay. Speaker 2 (2:32) Let's talk about early childhood. What was that like for you? Speaker 1 (2:35) So childhood was, let's see. So I grew up in Miami, South Florida. My parents were from Cuba and immigrated. Well, exiled, I guess. They always thought they were coming back. So I grew up in the 70s and 80s down there. And it was just average, normal. Speaker 1 (2:57) You know, we had a big community of Cubans. I was up Coral Gables, upper middle class, went to Catholic school, you know, went to Catholic school from K to 8th and then went to an all-girl Catholic school, 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th. I have two sisters. My father was very successful, entrepreneurial, worked very hard. Mom stayed home. Very traditional family upbringing. You know, father, you know, wanted the wife to stay at home, raise the kids. He's the bread maker. Very traditional. I think that with us as addicts, we all feel different. And I've always felt different. I was just even everything about me was different in the way I looked, in the way that I just saw life in the like. from such a young age, I was very hyper. I was into sports big time. I was a really good athlete. And getting in trouble, just lots of trouble. I was a very good student, but I had a lot of, I guess, what do they call it? Behavior issues from a very young age. And so I barely made it through high school. But... It was a combination of like in high school. So in eighth grade, it was always for hyperactivity, but I was very, very smart. Speaker 1 (4:32) Coming into 9th, 10th, 11th, then that's where it got a little bit dodgier, I guess. I Speaker 2 (4:38) was very intelligent and I got good grades up until 9th, 10th grade and I stopped applying myself. Speaker 1 (4:45) Correct. Speaker 2 (4:46) That was like my MO. I was fully capable of doing it. But then I kind of discovered and I always never felt like I fit in. I felt like I walked differently. Totally. Walking across the lunchroom cafeteria and everyone looking at me, I'm like, eh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like crippling anxiety. Speaker 1 (5:03) Totally. And Speaker 2 (5:04) then I discovered drugs and alcohol. When did you discover drugs and alcohol? Speaker 1 (5:07) Probably at 15. I think I was always kind of curious. It's so funny because I look back, I was a big reader. And if I look back at the stuff I was reading about, like I was always very in like. Speaker 1 (5:20) interested in drugs and alcohol. Like I'd see the stuff that I was reading, like as a junior high school, it was about, you know, somebody there had an addiction or something. And it was, but I, I, I was, um, I was very fearless, I guess. I was always a very fearless person. Uh, I didn't care. I always took the chances of getting caught, you know, that was half the thrill. Um, but I, 15, I got caught, I tried. First it was alcohol. I had an older sister and she was having one of those keg parties at my house, whatever. And I went, I snuck it out, got loaded. But I still remember that feeling. And then shortly after that, we were at a school function or something at the girls' school. And the seniors who I looked up to, who I thought were cool, meanwhile, the burnouts, they said, do you want to go get beer at the corner? I was like, cool. And then they brought out this weed. It was like ragweed or whatever, you know, stems, all of it, you know, it used to pop. And she goes, have you ever tried weed? And I was like, yeah, of course I have. I'd never. So anyway, so that was the first time it's still like, I still remember that because. I had to, they wouldn't let, once you left, you couldn't get back in. So I jumped the fence and then I got caught and I got suspended from school. They don't know why I got suspended. They didn't know why I'd left. But sort of, but I remember that feeling of. I don't know, getting accepted, being cool, as they say. And it just sort of, I kind of rocked it a little bit, you know, I kind of went with it. Speaker 2 (7:06) Yeah. Did things progress in high school and what other substances were you using in high school? Speaker 1 (7:11) Oh yeah. Things progressed for sure from that one time to then every weekend. And then I would say, so you're talking about the early eighties in Miami and it was cocaine was just like everywhere. And so. I went to a New Year's Eve party. I was invited by this guy to go to a New Year's Eve party. And so I asked if they had weed, right? And they were like, no, we have no weed. We're doing this new thing, right? So they brought me to the bathroom. I'll never forget this. We were in this little house in like Southwestchester or something. And they were doing, they cut up these lines. I kind of knew what it was. And you want one? I was like, no, you know what? No, I kind of scared me a little bit. And then after a couple cocktails, I was like, let's go back in the bathroom. That was it for me. I did two lines that night. I danced. That was it. Like, it was it. And I mean it. It Speaker 2 (8:09) was like, this is the feeling. This is Speaker 1 (8:11) it. Speaker 2 (8:11) This is what Speaker 1 (8:11) I've Speaker 2 (8:12) been looking for. Speaker 1 (8:13) A hundred. Like, now I know what everybody must feel like in everyday life. You know, because I always felt like. Like, I don't know. It just like, I see everybody loving life. Like I love life. Don't get me wrong. But there was just a, just a difference. It was like a dopamine difference or something. Like I was missing that. I Speaker 2 (8:32) always felt like I was a little behind the curve. Yeah. In terms of happiness. Correct. And I had to fake it a little bit. Correct. And then I found the drug and I was on everyone's level. And Speaker 1 (8:39) then I Speaker 2 (8:39) was Speaker 1 (8:39) like, yeah. Then it was like, everything's fine. I think we were born. I want to say we're born that way. I think we're missing that. Serotonin and dopamine, like we don't produce enough. I don't know what it is. But at least I did feel that in my teenage years. I didn't like being a teen. To be perfectly honest, looking back at it, yeah, I had fun, you know, but I didn't love those years for me. It was a lot of confusion. It was a lot of, like I said, I got in trouble a lot. I barely graduated high school. So after that. I tried that Coke. So I started doing it. And my senior prom, I brought drugs to the senior prom, Coke to the senior prom. Speaker 1 (9:27) So I gave it to the guy I was with and he gives it off to him and his buddy. They go into the bathroom to do it. And one of the girls, his date, goes with him to the boys' bathroom and a security guard saw them. They busted her with my drugs, by the way. They busted her like two weeks before graduation. And she never said it was my drugs or anything, thank God. But the rumor was that it was. Besides, they made my mother, they wanted me the fuck out of that school, by the way, because I was just a nuisance. So in order for me to graduate, they made my mom go to every class with me because the teachers would not. take care of me anymore. So my mom had to go and sit in class with me and take my final exams with me. Every single class, that was the only way I could graduate. Like, I'd have my own babysitter. Speaker 2 (10:19) One thing I've learned in my own recovery is that you can't do this alone, and you don't have to. I know that firsthand. I went through inpatient treatment at Karen Treatment Centers, and it changed the course of my life. That's why I am proud to announce that I have partnered with Karen for nearly 70 years. They've helped people and families not just break free from addiction, but actually heal and transform their lives. They're in network with all major insurance providers and same day admission is available. So if you or someone you love is struggling, don't wait. Call Karen at 855-352-0103. That's 855-352-0103. Help starts with taking that first step. Yeah. You had an aide with you, your mom. Speaker 1 (11:09) Yeah. It was how to be my mom. And so then I was, I was allowed to graduate obviously. And then, so for that. It's another part of my addiction. I was a schemer. And so I got my friend to do my SAT for me. So she went in, took the SAT. I had done the first time. I swear to God, I didn't even look at the questions. I sort of just filled them in. My ADD was so off the charts. I probably was like hungover or something. Anyways, so I go on a senior trip and I get home and I see a letter from the boards. of SAT boards. And I never showed it to my parents. It said to the parents of Inger Caceres, but I grabbed them. And they said that the signature, there was such a drastic difference in my number that the signatures didn't, they investigated and the signatures didn't match. And so they were going to write this letter to every school that I had applied to, including my high school. I'd already graduated, so I didn't give a shit. They didn't care. They were just happy that- Speaker 2 (12:25) You're out. Speaker 1 (12:26) Yeah, you're out. My poor sister, they were like, oh my God, Ingrid. She's so different from me. She's a doctor. She's incredible. But they were a little weary when she walked in. And then- Speaker 2 (12:39) So you were not going to go to college then because you thought eventually. Because they had written the letters, Speaker 1 (12:43) but I guess that they didn't. I went to the University of Miami and they must have not gotten a letter or they just didn't bother to open it because I just, I went to the first day of class and everything and nothing ever happened, thank God. Because I thought for sure I was busted. Speaker 2 (13:00) For sure. So you go to University of Miami. Speaker 1 (13:03) Yeah, I go to UM. How Speaker 2 (13:04) was your experience there? Speaker 1 (13:06) I, lots of freedom, more freedom. I was still living at home. Um, and it was okay. So Speaker 1 (13:16) The spring, my spring, I got into a car accident. I was drunk. I got into a car accident. And then I was, my addiction was getting there, but it was, I wasn't like the addict I was when I was 25. You know, it was in the beginning of addiction. So I was getting, I was starting consequences. We're starting, I crashed a car. And so. My parents were like, they knew I was dabbling with coke and they recommended I go to a treatment center. And I went to my first treatment center. I said, okay. And I went in 1982. Wait, was it 80? No, 82. 82, 83? 83. I went to PBI, Palm Beach Institute, which was a really big... It was the only one. I mean, there was Betty Ford. I think this is even, it was like where the Bee Gees went. It was very expensive. Speaker 2 (14:17) It Speaker 1 (14:17) was all the boozers from Jupiter. Very like chef. And it was like really nice. We had brunches and you name it, we had it. It was a swimming pool. Speaker 1 (14:35) And I remember going to PBI the first day I went there. I wasn't like, I remember them giving me the blue book and you know, the Speaker 2 (14:43) basic text. Speaker 1 (14:44) Correct. And they, they handed it to me and I'm sitting there going, and I see Alcoholics Anonymous. And I was like, what? I don't drink in the morning. Like. I was 18, right? This is like, all this is news to me. And I just kind of went with it because my parents thought it was a good idea and I went with it. So the first night they're bringing us to an NA meeting, they brought, they would hire taxi cabs and they would take us to NA meetings up in Palm Beach. So these cab, we are like with three people. This is my first night there. I had no intention of staying sober, by the way. Just, I thought, I'm just going to do this and just get back to my life. So. I get there. We get there. The guy lights up a joint, the cab driver. Yeah. On the way to the NA meeting, I was like, this is amazing, right? This is so fun. I can't believe like, this is like rehab. I guess this happens at every rehab. I didn't know. So I was the only one that smoked. The other people had been there because they wanted to be there, needed to be there, whatever reason. So I'm sitting there the next day, like two days later, they told on me. Obviously, they called the cab drivers and told them that, you know, you can't be like doing that or your cab drivers. Like, I don't know what happened with that. It's just a glimpse of that. But I did. The only thing you learn if you this is my whole thing. I've been in the program for 40 years now. If you get to rehab before you're ready, it becomes like a school. of drugs. Bigger, better, that kind of thing. It just becomes a school for it. Yeah, sometimes it's life and death and you have to bring your kid to treatment, right? You got to get them off the street and you got to get them into treatment. But I really believe that if you're there before you want to or need to or whatever it is, it's just not an environment for a person who's going to be an addict to be at. You know, it's like you learn, it's like jail, I think. Speaker 2 (16:45) You make more connections. Correct. And you learn, you become educated about other drugs. That's where I learned about fentanyl. Yeah. Speaker 1 (16:51) In Speaker 2 (16:52) rehab. I'm like, wow. A Speaker 1 (16:53) hundred percent. I'm not Speaker 2 (16:54) ready. I need to, this sounds amazing. Speaker 1 (16:56) I really, really like, and with me, I met a guy there, boyfriend. And he went in there with like, I think a Quaalude, back then the Quaaludes, he went in there with a terrible Quaalude habit. Speaker 1 (17:08) And then after leaving there, I think they had sent me to a place called Alina Lodge. And as soon as I got to Alina Lodge, I called my father and I was like, either you come and get me or I'm going to fucking burn this place down. And they don't want to see you. Like, it was kind of like that place. So he came and got me and I left. So I had this guy, came to Miami, this boyfriend that I met in rehab that is like a recipe for disaster. And it became a disaster. Speaker 2 (17:34) Quaalude dude. Speaker 1 (17:35) The Coelho dude then comes to visit me in Miami and then I introduce him to my drug of choice, which was Coke. And then that was, that was all, like he was freebasing by the time I saw him again. Like he became just, he never took Coelhos again and then became like a drug addict, Speaker 2 (17:51) a Speaker 1 (17:52) Coke addict. Speaker 1 (17:54) So then I went, I started back in college and I did actually really well. After I left rehab, I would go to, the only way my parents like let me out of the house was to go to AA meetings, to drop me off at any AA meetings. And I was getting high in the bathroom there. I mean, that was the only time I could do it, right? So like I said, it wasn't a place or time or any of that for me. I was 19, I guess, at that time. And I was just getting out of control, to say the least. So what happened was I was at UM. I did very well. I got like a 4.0. I always felt like if I did well on the outside, then the people couldn't tell what was going on on the inside. You know, as long as I got good grades, that they would, people would, like, my parents would know what the fuck. I was a really bad drug addict when I was at UM. I found like a... dealer there and I was always in the dorms and I was just constantly, I lost a ton of weight. I couldn't go like four days without, I was constantly like. just addiction, addiction, addiction. It just, it started consuming, like in a year, I went from like zero to a hundred Speaker 2 (19:09) after Speaker 1 (19:09) this program, right? So then what happened was I robbed a guy from UM of all his drugs. And I called my boyfriend who had been, by sheer coincidence, had Speaker 1 (19:28) had been, had left his college and he was in Tampa. And I said to him, listen, I got to get out of Dodge because I just robbed this guy of like a lot of drugs. And like, it was like quarter ounce or an ounce. This guy was like a high, but I just got to, I got to go. It wasn't a lot, but it was a lot for him. Right. And he said, can you get to West Palm Beach? I couldn't drive. because I was just, I had been up for days or whatever. And I said, I'll get a cab to Palm Beach here to West Palm Beach airport. Meet me there. He had a Mustang. And then that's where, that's where like. where the, like, we thought we were going to be like, that's where like Bonnie and Clyde came, like drug dealers. And then we're going to live in North Carolina. So we went to, I got all the money I got out of my bank account at the time, just bought a bunch of drugs, went up to North Carolina. And I didn't know that he owes everyone in North Carolina money. We had guns. Okay. So we would go to someone's house and they would come out with a gun saying, get the fuck out of my house. I'm going to kill you, motherfucker. Where's my money? Like one of those kind of things. This is a real, like this guy was a berry, comes from an incredible family in North Carolina, like very old school from the tobacco family, very wealthy. He ended up in Palm Beach Institute. I mean, he's, you know, like, and his family didn't know where he was. My family had no idea where I was. I just ran away. And for months, they didn't know where I was. I look back at it now, and if my son ever did that to me, I would, but he wouldn't. But I'm just saying, I've done a lot of amends. Speaker 2 (21:11) Okay, so you're in North Carolina. You're there for a few months. Speaker 1 (21:14) I'm there for a few months. And we start, remember I told you, he becomes a free base. So that's, we start, we start going back, we start driving from North Carolina to Miami, back to North Carolina to sell. Get Speaker 2 (21:28) coke and bring it back. Get coke Speaker 1 (21:29) and bring it back because it's so cheap here and you can sell it for double the worth. But it would barely make it up there because we were such addicts. You know what I mean? Like, I don't even know. It was just ridiculous. I could Speaker 2 (21:38) never sell drugs. Never. I tried over and over, but I could never do it. Speaker 1 (21:42) No, you can't. You can never do it. I mean, you were going to, like, especially your drug of choice. Right. I Speaker 2 (21:46) mean, Speaker 1 (21:46) I guess if I had to sell, I don't know, ketamine, I'd probably be able to do it. But, I mean. No, it's ridiculous. A Speaker 2 (21:53) monkey can't sell bananas. A Speaker 1 (21:55) monkey can't sell bananas. That's a very good point. Speaker 2 (21:57) So, Speaker 1 (21:58) okay. You're with Speaker 2 (21:59) him. Do you guys leave? And where do you move to next? Speaker 1 (22:02) So we hop around. We're just like living in his college dorm, then hop around to Raleigh. And we go back to his house in North Willsboro. We ended up in this little town. Just like hopping around. You're 19. You don't, you know, you're living. just to where are they going to kick you out next? And then what happened was, this is what happened. I'm going to tell you. So we were, I don't really liked Freebase. It wasn't really the way I like to consume it, but it just, you know, went in Rome. So we had been on a binge for like four days and I think we were, I don't remember where I was in North Carolina, but I was somewhere where I know I was near an airport. Speaker 1 (22:47) It was like I was dying. And I mean, I was this, I looked at him. He was more close to death than I was, but we were literally really bad, the two of us. And it was like the morning, like at six in the morning, and I said to him, I'm leaving. And he was crying, hysterical. Don't leave. Don't leave. I said, I'm leaving. I need help. Like you need help. We both need help. We cannot continue. I don't know where the strength came from. I don't know where that, you know, they say you see something, but I knew that if I stayed, this was, we were in a hotel. I knew if I stayed there, that there was, my parents were going to find me. So I said, I'm taking your car. I'm going to park it in the North. I just called my dad. He's going to meet me in Atlanta. So there was no connection. It was like, this is the 80s. So there was nothing from like Greensboro to Miami. She had to go to Atlanta. I had to take to Atlanta and then go. And so my dad said, I'll meet you in Atlanta. He told me he saw me coming out of the, I couldn't even believe it, how like I looked like death. And so I, on my way, so I go there, I get stopped by a cop driving. I've been up for three nights. I'm sure he could smell the booze on my breath. How, I get stopped for speeding because I wanted to get to the airport. And you're talking about a North Carolina state trooper. Somehow. I talked him into like letting me continue to drive. I said, I'm late for an air, like a flight. And I don't even know if I made sense, but I don't know. He let me go. It was another great mercy of God. I should have been in jail. I was under the, they would have taken a breathalyzer. I would have blown a billion. And so. Speaker 1 (24:41) My father came, he met me, he said, you're going to that place, Alina Lodge, right? Which was always to me like so scary. And