#137: How Dare You Play Small! How to Take Your Power Back
Ready For Love with Hilary Silver
Hilary Silver confronts the internalized message 'how dare you' that many people carry from childhood, showing how it limits self-expression
Key takeaways
- The phrase 'how dare you' is often an internalized voice from past shaming experiences that now holds us back.
- Self-sabotage arises when we police our own desires, even after earning success or growth.
Main topics
- Internalized self-limitation
- Reclaiming personal power
Notable quotes
How dare you? These words are the topic of our conversation today.
You're playing defense against your own life.
Conclusion
By recognizing and flipping the internalized 'how dare you' into 'I da
Transcript preview
Speaker 1 (0:00) How dare you? These words are the topic of our conversation today. Does that trigger you? Even just a little? Maybe it's because you heard them from a shaming parent or a judgy adult way back when, somewhere along the way when you were growing up. It was all meant to keep you small, meant to keep you in line. So today we are taking our power back over these words and over the sentiment behind them. And we are claiming those words for ourselves. And then we're going to flip the entire question into one that will completely set you free. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast. If you've not already done so, please follow the show on your podcast app and subscribe to the YouTube channel. It is the best way to support the show. And then you'll never miss an episode. So I know it all started out as something someone else might have said to you way back when. Maybe it was... overt, like literally words that were spoken to you. How dare you? Who do you think you are? And maybe it was a little bit more covert with an implied sentiment infused with family values or religious beliefs or cultural expectations. So it was an environment that bred and fostered children knowing their place and being seen and not heard and keeping small. I can't tell you how many stories I've heard, countless stories where a smart sibling was not allowed to celebrate good grades because of a sibling who wasn't as smart. Or a child's talent, skill, or even beauty was diminished or ignored to spare others in the family who might end up feeling badly about themselves by comparison. Or parents hoping to keep their power and control over a child who would push limits or test boundaries. So you get what I mean, right? How dare you? And then enter the judgy statement. And all of that sucks. It sucks for the little you who was spoken to that way, of course. You were made to feel unappreciated or invisible or dismissed or shamed. And it sucks for the adult you now. Because while no one else is saying it to you anymore, you are left saying it to yourself. You learned to talk to yourself this way. And now it is your own upper limit. It becomes you holding yourself back from what could be for yourself. And it may sound like this. How dare you say no to that opportunity? You should be grateful. You should take that opportunity. How dare you spend that much money on yourself, on a nice dinner or a massage or an outfit? No occasion required. How dare you take the afternoon off? How dare you relax and rest and do nothing? How dare you want more than you've already got when so many people would kill for what you have? It's all in the same family as who do you think you are? Don't get