Healing Your Body Image From the Inside Out | Whitney Otto - EP 787

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Whitney Otto discusses healing body image through self-compassion and curiosity, moving beyond criticism to build a healthier relationship with the self. The episode explores how body image reflects deeper emotional patt

Key takeaways

• Body image is shaped by stories, not just appearance

Transcript preview

Hey friends a few years ago I attended a retreat with about a hundred fellow veterans. What struck me wasn't just the camaraderie, it was the conversations. Nearly 90% of the veterans there talked about how silos Ivan had become an important part of their healing journey. They shared stories about finding greater clarity, reconnecting with loved ones and finally feeling like they were moving forward after years of feeling stuck. Since then I've interviewed neuroscientists, psychiatrists and researchers studying psychedelics and it's become clear why there's so much excitement. around this field. Emerging research suggests silo-cibin may help promote new neural pathways in the brain, which is why many people report improvements in focus, creativity, mood and connection. That's why I appreciate what Schedule 35 is doing. They're bringing a thoughtful science-backed approach to silo-cibin with precisely dose products, educational resources and beginner-friendly guidance designed to help people understand exactly what they're taking and why. Get 15% off all orders with code passion-struct. Schedule 35.co.co. That's 15% off at Schedule 35.co and use code passion struck. Hey friends a few years ago I attended a retreat with about a hundred fellow veterans. What struck me wasn't just the camaraderie it was the conversations. Nearly 90% of the veterans there talked about how silos Ivan had become an important part of their healing journey. They shared stories about finding greater clarity, reconnecting with loved ones and finally feeling like they were moving forward like they were moving forward. after years of feeling stuck. Since then, I've interviewed neuroscientists, psychiatrists, and researchers studying psychedelics, and it's become clear why there's so much excitement around this field. Emerging research suggests silosibin may help promote new neural pathways in the brain, which is why many people report improvements and focus, creativity, mood, and connection. That's why I appreciate what Schedule 35 is doing. They're bringing a thoughtful science-backed approach to silosibin with precisely dose products, educational resources and beginner guidance designed to help people understand exactly what they're taking and why. Get 15% off all orders with code passion struck at schedule 35.co that's 15% off at schedule 35.co and use code passion struck. Coming up next on passion struck you know anything that we practice we get better at so if we are practicing criticizing ourselves looking for that part of ourselves you know anything that we practice we get better at so if we are practicing criticizing ourselves looking for that part of ourselves we don't like wishing a part of ourselves were different or all of ourselves were different. We are practicing wanting to be different, and not liking ourselves and thinking we need to fix ourselves. And that practice can follow us into other areas of our lives, right? Welcome to Passion Struck. I'm your host, John Miles. This is the show where we explore the art of human flourishing and what it truly means to live like it matters. creators, scientists, and everyday heroes to decode the human experience and uncover the tools that help us lead with meaning, heal what hurts, and pursue the fullest expression of who we're capable of becoming. Whether you're designing your future, developing as a leader, or seeking deeper alignment in your life, this show is your invitation to grow with purpose and act with intention. Because the secret to a life of deep purpose, connection and impact is choosing to live like you matter. Hello friends and welcome back to episode 787 of Passion Struck. Over the past month we've been talking about the connection crisis. We've explored loneliness, attachment, identity, belonging, leadership, and the ways modern life can leave us feeling disconnected from one another and sometimes from ourselves. But at some point every conversation about what's broken, has broken, has to lead somewhere. It has to lead to a bigger question. What does a healthy flourishing life actually look like? That's where we're headed this month. Our new series is called Flourishing, how humans become fully alive. Over the next few weeks we're going to explore what helps people wake up to their lives, change old patterns, build environments that support growth, contribute their gifts, and keep becoming the people they're meant to be. We're starting at a place that touches every single one of us. Whether we talk about it or not, our relationship with our bodies, because it's hard to flourish when you're fighting yourself every day. It's hard to be present with the people you love when so much energy is spent wishing you look different, weighed less, or measured up to somebody else's standard. My guest today is Whitney Otto. Whitney is an executive coach and former therapist whose work sits at the intersection of performance, psychology, and well-being. Before coaching leaders, and executive teams, she competed at the highest levels of rowing, serving on the US national team and as an alternate for the 2000 Olympic Games. She and her co-author, Deb Shactor, have written a book called Body Image Inside Out, and what I appreciate about their approach is that they don't ask us to wage another battle against our bodies. They ask us to get curious about the stories, relationships, and experiences that shape the way we see ourselves. In today's conversation, about why jealousy can actually teach us something. How relationships become mirrors for the way we view ourselves and what it looks like to move from criticizing our bodies to becoming more curious about them. If you've ever looked in the mirror and thought, if I could fix just one thing, everything else would feel better. I think this episode is going to speak to you. Before we get started, if these conversations are helping you, please share them with a friend or family member. And if you haven't already, leaving a rating or review on Apple podcast or Spotify or Spotify or Spotify, will discover the show. You can also download today's companion workbook and reflection guide at the ignited life dot net. And now let's dive into this conversation with Whitney Auto. Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your hosting guide on your journey to creating an intentional life that matters. Now let that journey begin. How are you? Hi John, I'm really excited to be here. Well, I'm excited to have you too and I wish we had your co-author, Dev Shactor, as well, but I am so happy to have you here. And I think the reason I mentioned, Dev, is because I'd really like to understand since she wrote the book, Body Image Inside Out, what made the two of you come together to write this book? So I'm currently an executive coach, but I started out as a therapist. in the field of eating disorders and body image and Deb and I were colleagues and friends. And so the origin story is that not only were we working in the field but we were also still healing our own body image. And we just found that when we were having body image thoughts and dialogues by ourselves, they were full of shame and depression and very heavy, but when we had those same dialogues with one another, they had a lightness, they could be funny, they had a lightness, they could be funny, different outcome and that was the origin of hey what if we brought what we're doing with one another and taught other folks how to do it so that was the origin of our workshop series which led to the book. Well I know body image is something that a lot of people historically think of as an issue that many women deal with but I've had a few male guests on the show Johann Hari being one of them who talked about their own struggles with body image. think about how we look what you and Deb say is that it reveals how we are how we are actually what does body image become or I should say why does body image become the place where so much of our self-worth hides? Oh my gosh just start with a giant question okay great question so body image by definition is a how we look. So that begs the question what influences that subjective image and what we found from doing the work sitting in rooms with people, individuals and groups is that is formed by how we move through the world, our families, our cultures, our lived experiences, the present moment. There are so many factors that influence how we see ourselves and we all have an experience of having a friend that sort of matches is the ideal body, right, that America has offered us. And they don't agree. They don't feel like they have a good body image. And then we have got that friend that doesn't look like the ideal, but feels great in their skin. So we can all disprove the myth that the closer you are to the ideal that our culture gives us, the healthier or happier your body image is, because it's just not true in our lived experience. And if we zoom out, what do you think is the real cost of being? at war with the body. Yeah, because to me you have to live your life in it and I know that there's so many people who just dread staring at themselves in the morning and feel so much shame for the body that they live in which is why I termed it being at war with your body. I had a lived experience of being at war with my body right wanting to change it, wanting desperately to fix it, wanting it to be different. I had a lived experience of being at war with my body right. wanting to fix it, wanting it to be different. If only it was like this, then I would have all these things. And I think there's a lot of costs to that, right? So one, it's a very private battle, right? I can be looking happy and healthy on the outside and having a very different experience dialogue with myself on the inside. So there's something very private about that and therefore dangerous about it, right? People aren't aware of it and they can't communicate with us. It can create a lot of shame, right? shouldn't feel this way, why do I feel this way, there's a lot of secrecy and shame has staying power because we don't share it with other people. And the other thing is that we, you know, anything that we practice we get better at. So if we are practicing criticizing ourselves, looking for that part of ourselves we don't like, wishing a part of ourselves were different, or all of ourselves were different, we are practicing wanting to be different and not liking ourselves. and thinking we need to fix ourselves and that practice can follow us into other areas of our lives, right? So I always say this to my kids, right, who are at the age where there's social media and influences and I say when you say those negative things to yourself you're practicing that, you're practicing telling yourself that and thinking it'll get you somewhere, right? So I think there's a lot of if we think of it as training our mental muscles towards negativity. I think that's one of the dangers of it and that it's private. We don't always know what's happening inside for people so we can't always intervene. So there's probably eight others. What do you think are the dangers or the costs of those early negative dialogues when we stand in front of the mirror? Well, I'll just go into a personal story about myself. When I was young, I experienced a traumatic brain injury when I was five or six and as a result of that I started to experience different issues in the world. Some of those were communication issues and so I didn't want to be around people because I stuttered and had a severe speech impediment. So I ended up becoming sedentary for many of those young years and gained a lot of weight and so not only did I have the repercussions from that head injury that I had, but then I looked at my myself in the mirror and I looked fat. And it was something that I remember my grandmother especially would get on my case about losing weight and not wanting to look like my dad and not wanting to end up being overweight when I got older. And to be honest, no matter if I was in the military working out five, six days a week throughout my life, weight has always been, I think, a hereditary issue that I've always had to fight. So for me it really has been a war in some ways because I think we feel so much more confident when we fit into our clothes when we feel like we we that we look good and I think oftentimes it's an internal thing because people probably think we look great but internally we feel we don't so for me it's definitely been something that has been there and one of those things that I've had to mentally overcome. you sharing that story and that's we've actually found that to be a pattern that health challenges can get very intertwined with body image right and I've been watching it lately with my husband who's somebody who I've always would have thought it has amazing body image and he's had some health challenges and on the days when he doesn't feel good his body image isn't as good and when he feels healthier his body image is better right and this is somebody who's So how we feel in our bodies very often becomes how we end up feeling about our bodies. Does that resonate? Yeah, it does and it's one of the reasons why when I was reading the book some of your deeply personal stories like the crazy raisin like resonated with me because I think naming things in general helps to unlock healing. Yeah, and just hearing other people's stories, right? Because again, that the privacy, the shame of all of this, many people feel shame that they even have feelings about having a negative, that they put time and energy into it, right? This isn't a value of mine. Why do I spend