Stop Trying to Fit in

Parenting & You With Dr. Shefali

Dr. Shefali hosts Jennifer Cohen, entrepreneur, bestselling author, and host of the Habits & Hustle podcast, in a heartfelt conversation abo

Key takeaways

• True confidence comes from internal self-worth, not comparison or external validation.
• Women can create positive change by leading with generosity and authenticity, even when surrounded by transactional environments.

Main topics

• Confidence and self-worth in motherhood
• Overcoming comparison and jealousy among women

Notable quotes

"True confidence isn't about knocking somebody down. It's about you feeling competent about yourself."

"I didn't grow up in a very transactional environment… I trained myself not to be involved in that type of environment."

Conclusion

Jennifer Cohen's story underscores that empowerment comes from self-acceptance, consistent

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:01) Hello, everyone. Welcome to a new episode of Parenting and You with me, Dr. Shefali. Joining me today is one of my dear friends, a real inspiration. the fantastic Jennifer Cohen. She is the host of the Habits and Hustle podcast. She's an entrepreneur. She's the one I go to when I need help for my business. She's a best-selling author. Get her book, Bigger, Better, Bolder. She is really all about giving women actionable tools to become their most empowered selves. You're going to get so much out of this episode. Speaker 1 (0:39) Joining me now is my dear friend, Jennifer Cohen. She's an entrepreneur. She's a bestselling author. She's the host of the Habits and Hustle podcast. She is a rock star. She is the best. She is such a cheerleader for other women, empowering them to be their best selves. Jen, I'm so happy to have you here. Welcome to the show. Hi, Dr. Shefali. I love that I'm here with you today. Oh my God. I just feel like there are some people you meet, and I'm sure you felt this too, that you just have this instant chemistry with, and I feel that with you. And I think it's because in you, I feel there's this genuine desire to cheerlead women. You're not threatened by another woman's success. The first thing you said to me was, oh my God, how can I help you? Speaker 1 (1:32) Even before we started recording, you began talking about wanting to help me. How did you discover or cultivate this mindset of sisterhood and sorority? Because not a lot of women have that or experience that in their lives. Thank you for saying that. First of all, I feel this. I adore you. As you know, I absolutely adore you. And I feel the same way. And you know what, you're right. And I think there's a big myth out there. I think social media has also kind of perpetuated this women empowerment. All women are rah-rah with each other. And the truth is that's not true, right? And I've experienced that. I've seen that my whole life. And, you know, what I've kind of learned in my life is what I like to do is watch behaviors and see what kind of resonates. And if I don't like something, I want to do everything. Speaker 1 (2:23) to be the opposite. That's the first thing. And I really always found that you get way more bees with honey, right, than with vinegar. And so I don't believe, I don't think my mindset ever was in the place where I ever felt like someone else's success dictates if I'm going to be successful. Just because you win doesn't mean I don't win. And I noticed the more people who won around me only amplified. my winning and me as a person. So I kind of adopted that methodology, that theory, that philosophy very, very young. And I try to really live it and be authentic with it. So I feel like true confidence isn't about knocking somebody down. It's about you feeling competent about yourself. And the only way to get competent is doing very. Speaker 1 (3:15) specific things and following through and building your own self, where you don't feel like someone else can infiltrate what you know, how you view yourself, your self belief, your self esteem. And it's really the onus is on each individual to build their own self esteem, regardless of how other people are. And I really believe that I've always did. And so I really always focused on how can I be the best version of me. And While doing that, I try to surround myself and try to elevate other people because I feel like in life also things, what goes around comes around. And these are all just like these philosophies that I've kind of instilled and try to live. Yeah, it is so true. You know, with creating this community, going out of your way, you created such an impact on me that day when I came to your home and sat in your podcast. You left this indelible version. Speaker 1 (4:14) of yourself, like literally like I was taking you with me and that's the impact you had on me. And now, yes, the next time somebody says your name, I'm going to shout out a praise or somebody says something that I think you might benefit from, I'm going to reciprocate. So this kind of, you know, constant feedback loop, we have the power to create, but I think people are so in transaction mode that they stay in scarcity. So what... They wait for somebody else to give them something first before they give. But that wasn't you. You met me. I think you sent me home with some gifts. You were like, no, this is for you and this is for you. And so I left with not only an indelible version of Jen in my mind, you actually gave me physical gifts. But that, believe it or not, stayed with me for so long. Speaker 1 (5:07) And will continue to stay with me. So just know that that impact doesn't die. And I wish more people realize what those impacts do for themselves. Like they think they're doing it for someone else, but it's actually going to come back to them. But you live in LA. LA is highly cutthroat, I think, or competitive. How do you deal with mothers groups and the competition? To be honest with you. I don't. So I feel LA is, talk about transactional. LA is all about transactional. You talk to people and they're looking over your shoulders to see if there's someone that's more important to talk to. And you know what? I'm Canadian, right? And I moved here in my 20s. And I find that people gravitate to people who are similar and like-minded. And also the cream always rises to the top type of thing, right? Speaker 1 (5:58) And I think that fortunately, I didn't grow up in a very transactional environment. I grew up in a small town. I believed in hard work. I believed in grit. I did all these things. And I kind of trained myself not to be involved in that type of environment. So when I came here, I was very cognizant, very quickly of that behavior. And then I didn't want to be a part of it. And like people who also... were transplants here from Canada and other places. We all kind of became friends with each other. But I will say, you know, especially as I got more successful professionally, I see it more and more. And it's very difficult because it's a toxic environment. And if you're not somebody who was, like, fortunately, I grew up in a place where, like I said, I had the ability to kind of... Speaker 1 (6:52) kind of train myself and had an environment. I unfortunately had good parents around me who kind of gave me these tools early on. But if you're not, it's very, very hard. You struggle here. And it's isolating and lonely. And it's very transactional. If you like, it's very difficult. And the mommy groups, can I be honest with you? I never was a very big mommy group person because I felt like the mommy groups around me didn't have the mommies, I guess you would say, that resonated with me, right? Like I don't do well with people who are entitled and spoiled and, and superficial. And if I were to be honest, I'm in an environment that really breeds that and also not just breeds it, but also praises it, right? So I kind of as a black sheep, it's not that I didn't get along with them, but I was never Speaker 1 (7:48) really involved or actually included. I felt like me being a working mom or someone who were doing all these different things was either looked upon as negative or jealousy that was pretending to be negative. I think a lot of times when people are critical, it's because they themselves are seeing something in you that they wish they had, right? Like you're modeling something that like hits them a certain way. So I didn't really find my tribe. Speaker 1 (8:17) in the mommy groups. I found my tribe or I found people who are similar to me who also were the black sheep of the mommy groups. We kind of kind of grew together. Right. But you always have a few. But I was like I said, I wasn't the one that was sitting like in front of the school for hours on end. What you know, I drop off my children, go to work. It's like it's a very different environment. But I'm very comfortable in my own skin. And that's kind of the message I want. I try to lead with other women. is that how do you become comfortable and accepting of who you are and not feel less than or bad about yourself or compare yourself to somebody else? Like, how do you figure out a way to