S13 EP23: Great British Banter

Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe

Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe dive into the chaotic realities of modern parenting, from chasing toddlers through Manhattan streets to surviving sleepless nights during a massive house

Key takeaways

• Josh Widdicombe is currently enduring a grueling house renovation in London that has left his family sleeping on floors and mattresses due to rewiring chaos.
• Rob Beckett recently attended a BMW celebrity pro-am golf tournament at Wentworth, where he watched pros like Anton Du Beke and Gareth Bale while drinking Stella Artois from 10 AM to 11 PM.

Main topics

• Parenting challenges and toddler behavior
• Home renovation disasters and contractor banter

Notable quotes

"Doing the house up in London was, I suppose, like a couple trying to save their marriage by changing things, but actually they need to change each other."

Conclusion

The episode delivers a relatable mix of parenting humor and midlife reflect

Transcript preview

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Get more from your holiday book now and discover the TUI Smiles Rewards Club at tui.co.uk. Atoll and Abta protected. Speaker 1 (0:50) Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with Speaker 2 (0:52) Nellie. Can you say Rob Bucket? What? Speaker 1 (0:58) Wap. Wap. Wap. Beckett. Speaker 2 (1:01) Wap. Beckett. Speaker 1 (1:03) Beckett. Speaker 2 (1:04) And Speaker 1 (1:04) Josh Whitacombe. Whitacombe. Well done. And Archie. And Archie. Where are you? This is my 30 Speaker 2 (1:14) -month-old daughter, Nellie. Our Canadian and South American relatives used to call her New York Nellie. However, we have officially rebranded her as NASCAR Nellie. We're currently trapped in a horrific phase where her only setting is sprint, specifically sprinting away from me in the chaotic streets of Manhattan. Oh, that's a tough place to parent Manhattan, isn't Speaker 1 (1:35) it? Speaker 2 (1:35) Yeah, I Speaker 1 (1:36) mean, you've got those tiny little parks full of dog shit and homeless people. You've got Central Park and nothing else where I wouldn't be fearing. No, it's a tough... My friends lived in New York, but then they moved to Jersey. There's a bit more space. Jersey just Speaker 2 (1:51) off the south coast of Speaker 1 (1:52) England? No, New Jersey. New Jersey. Jersey, said I. Bye-bye. You what? Speaker 2 (2:01) Jersey, shut up. Speaker 1 (2:03) I'm trying to do that weird American accent, but it's not working. Speaker 2 (2:06) Yeah, it's not. Speaker 1 (2:07) I was not New York. Who Speaker 2 (2:09) do I associate with New Jersey? Get off the side, I'm Speaker 1 (2:10) walking here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then Jersey, shut up. Well, that's weird. Speaker 2 (2:15) I think you can do New York. Yeah? But Tony Soprano's New Jersey. Can Speaker 1 (2:19) I get a coffee around here? Yeah, he's Jersey Tony's partner, but he's Italian-American. Anyway, get back to Nelly. Chasing Speaker 2 (2:27) her on a half-mile walk to and from daycare every single day is an absolute nightmare. Really gets the blood pressure spiking nicely before the workday even starts. I actually started listening to the podcast when I was pregnant. My colleague Katie, originally from Essex, told me it was mandatory listening. Having done my undergraduate degree in the UK, I desperately miss... Proper British banter. Speaker 1 (2:51) Oh, that's a proper pint. Making banter great again. Here we go. Farage. That's Speaker 2 (2:56) what Speaker 1 (2:56) we're doing. No, not Farage. Sorry. Put the cup of tea down. Because that could be cut up. Yeah, Speaker 2 (3:03) yeah, Speaker 1 (3:03) I was joking. I was joking. That would be in a reformed conference. Just that bit. Farage. No, I'm in it. This is Speaker 2 (3:10) a Speaker 1 (3:10) nightmare. Speaker 2 (3:12) And I needed your heavy dose of cynicism to balance out all the aggressive American cheerfulness over here. You lot delivered. Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment. Cheers for keeping it sexy and relatable. Brindley. Is that Brindley? Brindley. That Speaker 1 (3:26) sounds like a market town we do warm-up gigs in. It does, doesn't it? Guys, I'll be in Brindley Village Hall next week. Speaker 2 (3:33) 430 months. P.S. You'll hear her shout, and Archie. Where are you, Archie? That's what she was shouting. At the very end, Archie is her best mate from daycare, but she tracks him down with intensity Speaker 1 (3:42) of a bounty hunter. Oh, that's nice. Speaker 2 (3:45) So we've broken New York, Rob. Speaker 1 (3:46) We've broken New York. We're in Spotify HQ. These chairs are like really expensive kind of like office chairs, but they're too complicated for me. I can't work out how to go up or down. It's making me sit with great posture. I feel too rigid. How can I do Great British Banter sat like this? I mean, I feel like I'm on a parole board. Would Speaker 2 (4:07) you host Great British Banter? It's like the Great British Bake Off. Yeah, Speaker 1 (4:10) okay. Speaker 2 (4:11) Talk me through Speaker 1 (4:12) the format. I'm the host. Day one is... Themed Speaker 2 (4:16) banter. Speaker 1 (4:17) Themed banter. So it'd be like, okay, kid's birthday party. Kid's birthday party. Here's Speaker 2 (4:20) a Speaker 1 (4:20) sub. You go in and do banter. We film it and see how the banter goes. Speaker 2 (4:23) And then there's... Because the second thing they do on the break off is the Speaker 1 (4:27) secret one, isn't it? So it's like... Oh, so that'll be like we just drop you in a scenario and then you've got to do some banter. Yeah. Speaker 2 (4:33) And then the third one is your showstopper. So that is you can choose... You choose the banter you're bringing. Speaker 1 (4:39) Right. So my friend actually did a bit of the secret banter. Great British Banter recently. He was in the car park and it was all dark because the lights weren't working of a supermarket car park. So it was dark and there was a lady complaining to her husband going, it's just ridiculous. It's dangerous. How can you do this or do that? And he shouted, who said that? Speaker 2 (4:59) Yeah. It's Speaker 1 (5:00) Great British Banter. Great British Banter TM. Speaker 2 (5:06) Oh, how are you, Josh? Good. I've had a bad night's sleep. Have you? Speaker 1 (5:10) Talking Speaker 2 (5:10) of lights. Lights? So you know where I've had my house done? Speaker 1 (5:14) Well, yeah, for the last six years. Bit different house. The electricians were around yesterday. Could we get, for people that have just joined the pod, Speaker 2 (5:23) should Speaker 1 (5:24) we give a quick brief recap of your house works? Yeah. So you were in a house in London. Yeah. That needed doing up. Well, not really. Speaker 1 (5:36) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Speaker 2 (5:39) Well, do you know what? Look back on it, Az. And it's an expensive way to find this out. Go on. Very expensive way to find this out. We were unhappy in our house in London. So we thought doing it up would change our happiness living there. But it wasn't. But it wasn't that. Right. So doing the house up in London was, I suppose, like a couple. trying to save their marriage by... Changing things, but actually they need to change each other. And then they realise they need to change each other. Do Speaker 1 (6:14) you think I should tell Lou to cancel the boob job? So, but you realise, actually, it's not the house, it's... Anyway, so then you moved to London and did that. So Speaker 2 (6:24) I think we've been in the midst of... Speaker 2 (6:28) work since Speaker 1 (6:29) the middle of 2014. Yeah, and it's obviously now middle of 2026. And are you in a bed yet? Quick recap on you. So this is last night. Speaker 2 (6:40) Can I just say something? We're in a Speaker 1 (6:42) different room now. All of you? Speaker 2 (6:45) No, no, no. Me and you are recording this in a different room. Oh no, we're in a different room, yeah. And normally Michael's through a curtain and he live edits the cameras to save time later. Okay, yeah, good idea. I can hear him clicking the button every time he switches camera because he's just in the corner of this room. Yeah. Speaker 1 (7:02) And is that distracting? No, it's just a click. Is that you, Michael? That's Speaker 2 (7:06) not me, no. Oh, is that not you? Speaker 1 (7:08) It's my jewellery. Speaker 2 (7:10) Oh, I thought it was Michael. My Speaker 1 (7:11) bracelet. I'll take my bracelet off. No, it's fine. It's fine. This is like when you get a reality star on a panel show. They come in with, like, jewellery in the rooms with the mics. I'll move that there. Or Speaker 2 (7:21) Bobby George. I bet you like Bobby George, Tony. I love Bobby George. We should listen to Speaker 1 (7:25) Chas and Dave on the way to school. Do you know, Speaker 2 (7:27) I've got a weird story about Bobby George. Oh, God. We'll come back to it. Speaker 1 (7:30) So if people don't know who Bobby George is... Hang on, we're still talking about your... The click's going on. It wasn't your bracelet at all. There's no click. Speaker 2 (7:37) What is that click? Speaker 1 (7:39) Do my chair. Can Speaker 2 (7:41) you hear it? No. I can't hear a click. I've Speaker 1 (7:43) got Speaker 2 (7:43) headphones on, so I can't. Well, carry on. There it is. No. Speaker 1 (7:47) There. You're like a meerkat. How on edge are you? Yeah, quite on Speaker 2 (7:51) edge. Speaker 1 (7:51) Your ears are searching danger at all points. I know. So, just crouch, Michael. Sorry. Josh is banning you. No, it's fine. Do you Speaker 2 (7:59) want Speaker 1 (7:59) to try a different chair? Come on, he doesn't want to be on camera. I'll push it over. Speaker 2 (8:03) What is it? Are you on the run from Interpol? Speaker 1 (8:06) So, Bob, we were talking about, let's get, one, I want to know how you're sleeping. Two, you want to talk about... Speaker 2 (8:11) Do Speaker 1 (8:11) you want Speaker 2 (8:11) to put a pin in sleeping and just quickly do Bobby George? And also, we were speaking about your builder. Speaker 1 (8:16) Yeah. Do, quickly do Bobby Speaker 2 (8:17) George. Sleeping and builder's the same. Right, okay. I did some bad banter with the builder yesterday as well. Right, okay. Hang on. Speaker 1 (8:22) So, at the moment, there's so many pins. So Speaker 2 (8:25) many pins. Like a Speaker 1 (8:26) voodoo doll. You Speaker 2 (8:27) know, like... Speaker 1 (8:28) You know, like when they're trying to find a serial killer in an American film. The pins with the red line. Okay, do Bobby George or go back to builders? Speaker 2 (8:35) So when I was... I haven't thought about this since it happened. Okay. I loved darts for a brief period in the 2000s. Okay. Like, I loved both the BBC and the Sky darts. Yeah. I still think it's an incredible sport. Yeah, okay. But I really got into it and I was really into Bobby George. Speaker 2 (8:55) And for people that don't, covered in gold, East End geezer. He wears an incredible amount of gold jewellery. Yeah. He walks on when he was a darts player with, what are those things? A candelabra. Holding up a candelabra. He never won the world championship. I think he played the semi-final with a broken back or something like that one year. I cannot Speaker 1 (9:20) believe the detail we're going into Bobby George. He was the Speaker 2 (9:22) main pundit on BBC. Also, can I say as Speaker 1 (9:24) well, when you said he wore loads of gold, I nearly interrupted and said, I watched the Mr. T documentary and I want to talk about it. We haven't got any pins left. But he Speaker 2 (9:31) would wear a Mr. T amount of gold. Yeah. Speaker 1 (9:34) And he's Speaker 2 (9:35) got Speaker 1 (9:35) fake tan. No, he hasn't. Not Mr. T. Oh, sorry. Bobby George. Bobby George. Bobby George. How are your kids, all right? Speaker 2 (9:45) Yeah, good. He... He built his own house. He was a former brickie. Right, okay, yeah. He built his own house called George Hall. You Speaker 1 (9:53) need Speaker 2 (9:54) this. You need this detail. I'm just Speaker 1 (9:55) saying, though, but you were telling a Bobby George anecdote. We're on paragraph three of his Wikipedia. So Bobby Speaker 2 (10:02) George built his own house in the shape of a dart. Speaker 1 (10:06) No. Speaker 2 (10:07) In the shape of a dart flight, right? I thought you meant George Hall. George Hall. Speaker 1 (10:11) It's called a corridor. Speaker 2 (10:12) Bobby George. With Speaker 1 (10:13) its Speaker 2 (10:13) own fishing lake, right? Oh, lovely. So when I was doing my postgrad in journalism, we had to do a final project. On a topic, you had to write three different articles on it. I decided to write on Dart. I thought Dart is a good one. I'll write a thing about the explosion of Darts. And then I contacted Bobby George, said, could I interview you? I'm a freelance journalist. I basically gave him a spiel that I was going to sell it to the Guardian or the Observer. I went to George Hall with my friend pretending to be a cameraman. Met him and his wife, interviewed him. He throughout thought this