S13 EP22: Nina Conti

Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe

In this episode, Nina Conti joins Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe to discuss the challenges of parenting teenagers in the age of social medi

Key takeaways

• Nina Conti is promoting her directorial debut, 'Sunlight', which is available on Amazon Prime.
• She discusses the influence of 'manosphere' culture and terms like 'mogging' on her 15-year-old son.

Main topics

• Parenting teenagers
• Social media trends and 'mogging'

Notable quotes

It's a mixture of glory and guilt and worry, extreme concern.

Conclusion

An insightful look at how technology reshapes parenting and how perfor

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) This episode is presented by TUI. Look, you've got to love a family holiday, Josh. Oh, you've got to love it. Speaker 3 (0:05) Who wouldn't love it, Rob? You know what the problem with the holidays Speaker 2 (0:07) is, right? You don't get enough of them. That's the problem. Exactly. So you need to make the most of your holiday, which is why TUI gives you more. So that's got to be easy booking for incredible destinations with amazing hotels that offer all the things you love. Perfect beaches, mouth-watering food, on-site splash parks, wellness centres, swim-up suites, and fun stuff for the kids. And now you can get even more by joining the brand new TUI... Smiles Rewards Club for free. We're talking members only deals, personalised rewards from TUI and some of their brilliant partners and plenty of chances to win amazing prizes. Love it. Get more from your holiday book now and Speaker 3 (0:42) discover the TUI Smiles Rewards Club at tui.co.uk. Atoll and Abta protected. Speaker 3 (0:50) Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Speaker 1 (0:52) Say, Josh Whittacombe. Josh Whittacombe. And Rob Beckett. Speaker 1 (1:00) And one bucket. Speaker 2 (1:02) Good one. It's a good one, that, isn't Speaker 1 (1:04) it? Speaker 2 (1:04) Do you want Speaker 1 (1:04) to sing? Speaker 2 (1:05) I'll sing. Oh, yeah. I'll never get to sing from here. One Speaker 1 (1:08) bucket. And Josh. Speaker 3 (1:13) Beckett. Speaker 2 (1:14) Beckett. There we go. There Speaker 3 (1:15) we Speaker 2 (1:15) go. Who's that, Josh? Hi, Rob and Josh. That's Robin, two and a half years old, 136 weeks. I'm sending take two after we stopped recording take one. She made up a little song based on your name, so I thought you'd enjoy it. We live on a boat in the Grand Union Canal. I'm from Cambridge. What the fuck? Speaker 3 (1:30) I just had a Fanta and I'm sitting on an awkward... For the people watching, I've sat on an awkward angle. And I've Speaker 2 (1:35) had Speaker 3 (1:35) some sour cream crisp, sorry. Sorry, keep going. Speaker 2 (1:40) I want a boat on the Grand Union Canal. I'm from Cambridge, if Rob is guessing today, from Jasmine, 1,889 weeks. Why are you sat like this, Rob? Because Speaker 3 (1:49) we've got a very special guest today, and this is appropriate. Speaker 2 (1:52) Yes, Nina Conti, who you might know as Ventriloquist. Check out how we're sitting in the visualised form of this podcast. I'm Speaker 3 (1:58) being the monkey. Speaker 2 (1:59) Yes. Enjoy. Here's Nina Conti. Speaker 3 (2:05) Nina Conti, welcome to the show. Checking out the camera. We're on camera. We're being filmed. Speaker 4 (2:10) I can't, though. I'm being so stupid. All I'll see when I turn is the back of my head. Don't look at the screen. You Speaker 3 (2:15) look at us. Josh is distracting because he had his hair cut. I didn't even know it was your hair. It's just a bit, yeah. Speaker 2 (2:20) Yeah, just Speaker 3 (2:21) had my hair cut. So he's got Speaker 2 (2:22) hair on Speaker 3 (2:22) him. It's a good Speaker 2 (2:22) haircut. Are you happy? I am happy, yeah. I play with it too much when I've had it cut, so it looks bad. How Speaker 3 (2:27) are Speaker 2 (2:27) you? Speaker 4 (2:28) I'm well. How far away Speaker 3 (2:29) does Speaker 2 (2:29) your Speaker 3 (2:30) hairdresser live from you? Speaker 4 (2:31) It's actually about 20 steps. Speaker 3 (2:33) Is it? Oh, wow. Couldn't Speaker 4 (2:35) be more Speaker 2 (2:35) opposite. Yeah, I'm 200 miles from my hairdresser. Are Speaker 4 (2:37) you? Speaker 2 (2:38) Yeah, because I've moved to Devon, but I've still got a hairdresser here. Speaker 4 (2:42) Yeah. Have Speaker 3 (2:43) you spoke to the hairdresser about relocating? Speaker 2 (2:46) No, he wants to do Speaker 4 (2:47) a Speaker 2 (2:47) tribether. What about me half way in Swindon? Speaker 4 (2:50) How often do you want a haircut? Speaker 2 (2:52) Six weeks, I think. That's very Speaker 4 (2:54) frequent. Speaker 2 (2:55) Is that? I would say. Speaker 4 (2:56) I'm more like every four months. Speaker 2 (2:58) Really? Yeah, but it's different for Speaker 3 (2:59) longer hair. Speaker 2 (3:00) But your hair's... really good at the moment. Well, thank you. Well, Speaker 4 (3:05) what Speaker 2 (3:05) I mean is I think it's been recent. You're not three months in. Okay, Speaker 3 (3:07) she's got three months in. Yeah. Speaker 2 (3:10) Yeah. How many days since you had your hair cut, Nina? Speaker 4 (3:13) I had it done in July. Speaker 2 (3:15) No. No? It's looking good for a month and a half. Speaker 4 (3:19) Oh, it doesn't take much. Speaker 2 (3:20) No. Speaker 3 (3:23) Well, welcome to the show, Nina. Speaker 4 (3:25) Thank you. Thank you for having Speaker 3 (3:26) me. Do Speaker 4 (3:26) you have kids? I have two, but one is no longer probably legally called a kid anymore. He's 22. Speaker 2 (3:33) And Speaker 4 (3:33) a 15-year-old. Speaker 2 (3:35) Okay. Is the 22 at home? Speaker 4 (3:38) No. The 22-year-old has moved out and he's in a flat with his girlfriend. Speaker 2 (3:42) Proper Speaker 4 (3:43) grown-up. Speaker 2 (3:44) God, that is a proper Speaker 3 (3:45) grown-up. Proper grown Speaker 2 (3:46) -up? How Speaker 3 (3:46) long have they been together? Speaker 4 (3:49) They've been together about three and a half years. Speaker 3 (3:52) Yeah, fair enough. Right, okay, cool. I thought it was going to be like three and a half weeks and then it was going to get tense because you would hate that. That's insane. But you wouldn't really want to talk about it on the podcast. Speaker 4 (4:01) No, no, she's very much part of the family. Oh, that's nice. That's good. Yeah. Speaker 2 (4:05) Do you like the extra time you've got now? Well... Speaker 4 (4:09) Or Speaker 2 (4:09) do you... Look at old photos and weep. Well, I still Speaker 4 (4:12) have a 15-year-old. I feel like I'm doing more. And I can't look at those photos because they hurt. Oh, Speaker 2 (4:17) yeah. Speaker 3 (4:17) Really? What age hurts the most when you look at the photos? Speaker 4 (4:22) All of them. And I hate that my phone does that and just blindsides me in a normal day. And Speaker 1 (4:27) I Speaker 4 (4:27) go, Speaker 1 (4:28) I miss. Speaker 4 (4:30) Why can't I have a quick chat with that guy? Oh, Speaker 2 (4:34) God, that's going to be me. Speaker 4 (4:36) I just really. Sometimes I had a dream where I was outside the car and my 15-year-old was just like two and in the car seat. And I remember in the dream, which I guess is lucid dreaming because realising this is an opportunity to meet him again. I've been wanting to see that guy again. And I opened the door and I went to lift him out and then it wasn't quite him. And it was like, then suddenly it was like that. Oh my God. Horrible Spielberg film. Like... The Changeling version, not this version, of course. How could I be so stupid to think I would get to meet him again? Of course it's not quite, you know. But, I mean, that goes to show how deep it goes. Are you okay? That, Speaker 3 (5:17) like, learning. Speaker 4 (5:18) Are you okay? Wait till your kids are just all about to leave and then, like, all of that just seems so halcyon. Speaker 2 (5:25) Yeah. Yeah. And Speaker 4 (5:27) I, but I mean, I totally... And when you were in it, did Speaker 2 (5:29) it feel halcyon? When I was about to meet... Oh, when I was in it. She's still in Speaker 3 (5:34) the Speaker 2 (5:34) dream. I am stuck Speaker 4 (5:35) in that dream. No, when I was in it, it was... It was. It's a mixture of glory and guilt and worry, extreme concern, you know. And, you know, it's very difficult to ever think you're doing a good job as a parent. Yes, that's the worst bit. That's what you must know and talk about a lot here. I mean, it's so difficult. And when the moments when you feel like you've nailed it, I mean, they last about a minute before someone Speaker 3 (6:08) would think. With like... Speaker 4 (6:10) Oh, your self-congratulation. That's the thing that's crucial. It's not about me. Let's not Speaker 3 (6:17) dwell Speaker 4 (6:18) on how good this... That means I'm bad because it's not about me. Speaker 3 (6:22) Yeah. Speaker 1 (6:24) It's like talking to a mirror here, Rob. Yeah, you two have got a Speaker 4 (6:27) lot in common. Speaker 3 (6:28) Well, we had an online safety expert on recently and we were chatting to him and I was sort of going, yeah, because we've got these locks on like the iPads for the kids, so they can't do that. At points felt a bit smug, found out about two days ago that one of the iPads has had no security whatsoever and they've just had access to anything you want for about three months. Oh, wow. Can Speaker 4 (6:47) you see the history? Yeah. Is it that? Wow. Or was it... It was, I think, Speaker 3 (6:51) dodgy, but it was definitely... Not ideal. Not ideal, and definitely was getting access to bits of YouTube, which I didn't think they could have access to. And they're not supposed to Speaker 2 (7:00) have Speaker 3 (7:00) access Speaker 2 (7:00) to. Speaker 3 (7:00) Your golf channel. My golf channel. She's addicted. Yeah, she's addicted to golf. But yeah, we were a bit like, oh, yeah, it's good, actually, because all the things the experts say, and I'm actually doing, and it turns out I was doing none of them. But we're all failing. You're doing Speaker 4 (7:14) it now. You're doing it. I think my kids are actually in the worst. of that. Certainly the 15-year-old. Because we didn't Speaker 2 (7:23) know, Speaker 4 (7:23) we didn't have the controls on, we weren't on top of that. And it's too Speaker 2 (7:27) late now, isn't it? And Speaker 4 (7:28) then it gets a bit late. Well, no, I got a brick. Speaker 2 (7:31) You've got a brick? Speaker 4 (7:32) I got a brick now for the 15-year-old, yeah. Speaker 2 (7:35) So has the 15-year-old gone into that world and then retreated? Speaker 4 (7:39) Well, all that horrible, like, manosphere stuff invaded his year Speaker 2 (7:46) when he Speaker 4 (7:46) was, like, 12, 13, well actually 13, like the most vulnerable time was when they really went for the looks maxing and that was the age they were targeting. Oh my God. So Speaker 3 (7:57) like that adolescence for you was the exact age group and demographic for your boy. Exactly. It must have been a horrible watch. It Speaker 4 (8:04) was horrendous. And then... And they all started using these new terms like mogging and chopped and suddenly everyone was thinking about how they looked and everyone was in crisis about it. What is Speaker 2 (8:16) mogging and chopped? Sorry. I Speaker 4 (8:18) don't know. Did I make up mogging? Dangerous sounding word. Speaker 2 (8:22) I Speaker 4 (8:23) think that, I think it'll, I think they just mean ugly. Speaker 3 (8:27) Right, right, right, right. I feel like this is the start of a new... God, can someone quick Speaker 4 (8:30) Google mogging? Speaker 3 (8:32) Mogging, mogging. Can you Google mogging? And what was the other one? Chopped. Speaker 4 (8:35) Chopped is for real. I know chopped. Speaker 2 (8:37) Mogging. And so you were in that. Speaker 4 (8:39) I was in that and watched the boys in that year go from sweet kids to kind of... eating each other alive in a sort of dog-eat-dog fashion. Oh, Speaker 2 (8:51) my Speaker 4 (8:51) God. Like, you know, fear and what everyone... I mean, people terrified to get haircuts. We were talking about hair... Like, all that kind of thing, because you're going to be chopped. So what did you Speaker 2 (9:00) do about it? Speaker 4 (9:01) I took extreme measures. Did Speaker 2 (9:03) you? Speaker 3 (9:07) Extreme Speaker 2 (9:07) measures. And they've worked out? Speaker 4 (9:09) Yeah, they've kind of worked out. I just thought, well, I'm taking out this. This is nonsense. We went to America. Did Speaker 3 (9:14) you? Speaker 4 (9:15) No, we came back, but... Like, left. Oh, so you left the UK? I've just written enough of this. This is nonsense. This is, you know, messing with your head. I'm taking you out. About six months. So Speaker 3 (9:25) you just Speaker 4 (9:26) went Speaker 3 (9:26) out of school, just went out of school. I just thought, well, listen, let's have a look. Yeah, Speaker 4 (9:29) this all seems like far too important. And this is the least important thing in the whole world. Let's go to Yosemite and climb. I mean, it's like a very first world solution, I'm aware. But Speaker 3 (9:41) let's Speaker 1 (9:42) go Speaker 3 (9:42) climbing in Yosemite. But it doesn't have to, it could be a different version of that, but seeing the world and seeing there's Speaker 4 (9:46) a Speaker 3 (9:46) bigger picture than this school group. Speaker 4 (9:48) Yeah, exactly. So just no Speaker 3 (9:49) teaching or homeschooling? A little bit, a little bit. A Speaker 4 (9:52) couple of things we did, like a couple of tutors and things. Wow, amazing. It was, yeah, it was worthwhile. And was there, Speaker 3 (9:58) you saw a change then? Yeah, yeah. In just what, not, just... Your child sort of just maybe seeing that there's a bigger world out there other than this small group that I'm almost forced to be in due to geography. I Speaker 4 (10:11) know, and it does seem like everything in the world. I mean, it is important when you're in it, school, when you're going every day. It's so Speaker 2 (10:18) not, really. Speaker 4 (10:19) Yeah, it's got to be. And that must Speaker 2 (10:21) have been an amazing bonding trip. Speaker 4 (10:22) It was a special kind of year, actually, in the end. Yeah. Oh, Speaker 2 (10:26) it's incredible. Speaker 4 (10:27) Yeah, it was good. I'm glad. And things are... good now but I could just see how insidious that was to the whole year group like not just him yeah Speaker 3 (10:37) everyone because they were targeted by these yeah like social media platforms yeah like accounts And Speaker 4 (10:44) they're talking about breaking their jaws and like, you Speaker 3 (10:47) know, just crazy stuff. What's the breaking the jaw stuff? Oh, Speaker 4 (10:50) to get better jawline. You're meant to like break the bone and it will reset and get bigger. Oh Speaker 3 (10:55) my God. Speaker 4 (10:55) Like all this stuff. And Speaker 3 (10:57) then Speaker 4 (10:57) obviously Speaker 3 (10:57) because they're young and they're grown, they think, oh, that'll make me be this alpha male. Speaker 4 (11:01) Yeah. Oh my Speaker 3 (11:02) God. Yeah. So I can see like just extracting them from the situation. Speaker 4 (11:06) You just have to take it. Yeah, that's incredible. Speaker 3 (11:08) So do Speaker 2 (11:08) you feel better about your YouTube stuff now, Rob? Speaker 3 (11:11) I'm trying to teach people how to get out of a bloody sand trap. Not change a drawer. But yeah, that's it. It's mental. Speaker 4 (11:20) I guess that was about three years ago. So when they were Speaker 3 (11:24) like 12, 13, that age group? That's like Speaker 4 (11:25) 13, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Speaker 2 (11:27) So... Oh, could I ask one about Speaker 3 (11:29) the brick? So does the whole family use the brick at night or weekends or is that...? Speaker 4 (11:33) I have one for myself. I'm thinking about going a month without. How about that? Speaker 3 (11:38) Oh, here we go. No phone at all? Speaker 4 (11:40) I'm thinking about October, no phone. Speaker 3 (11:43) But how will you contact the kids? Speaker 4 (11:45) I'll have a Nokia with no WhatsApp. I say I have to leave WhatsApp, which is an absolute pain. Speaker 3 (11:50) Yeah. But Speaker 4 (11:50) once you want to involve WhatsApp, you have to have one that's got everything. A phone Speaker 3 (11:54) and a... Speaker 4 (11:55) So you've got to go basic. I'm Speaker 3 (11:56) a two-phone guy. Are Speaker 4 (11:58) you? I've got a Speaker 3 (11:58) personal one and a work one. So I've got no social media on it whatsoever. And all I've got on there is like the boring parking apps, my cards. Maps, yeah. And maps and stuff like that. And then I just have given that number to like people like my wife and mum and stuff. Yeah. So if I go out for the day, like I just take that. It's good. And I'm not on the other stuff during the week. Speaker 4 (12:19) That's very good. I think the Speaker 3 (12:21) knock is too extreme. It's like I need maps. Speaker 4 (12:23) You know, I thought maybe I don't need maps. Speaker 3 (12:25) You need maps. Oh, Speaker 2 (12:27) that's interesting. Speaker 3 (12:28) I think you need maps. Well, I have a Speaker 4 (12:30) computer still. Speaker 2 (12:31) How Speaker 3 (12:31) do Speaker 2 (12:31) you travel around? You Speaker 3 (12:32) can't Speaker 2