S13 EP18: We've sold our dogs

Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe

Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe navigate a series of eccentric anecdotes ranging from the logistics of selling horses to the bizarre sight o

Key takeaways

• Stephanie shares that she recently transitioned from owning horses to just having a dog.
• The weight of horse ashes after cremation is approximately 15 to 25 kilograms.
• Josh discusses his anxiety regarding being recognized by strangers in cars during travel.
• Hannah from North Wales uses a wooden sword as a permanent fix for a broken tumble dryer latch.
• Ollie from Australia describes melting Cadbury chocolate under his armpit as a teenager.

Main topics

• Horse and pet ownership
• Countryside life and hunting
• Baby cucumbers and food habits

Notable quotes

It's weird how you can sell a horse but not a dog.

Conclusion

A chaotic and humorous exploration of life's oddities, from rural trad

Transcript preview

Speaker 4 (0:00) This episode is presented by TUI. Look, you've got to love a family holiday, Josh. Oh, you've got to love it. Speaker 5 (0:05) Who wouldn't love it, Rob? You know what the problem with the holidays Speaker 4 (0:07) is, right? You don't get enough of them. That's the problem. Exactly. Speaker 5 (0:10) So you need to make the most of your holiday, which is why TUI Speaker 4 (0:12) gives you more. So that's got to be easy booking for incredible destinations with amazing hotels that offer all the things you love. Perfect beaches, mouth-watering food, on-site splash parks, wellness centres, swim-up suites, and fun stuff for the kids. And now you can get even more by joining the brand new TUI... Smiles Rewards Club for free. We're talking members only deals, personalised rewards from TUI and some of their brilliant partners and plenty of chances to win amazing prizes. Love it. Get more from your holiday book now and Speaker 5 (0:42) discover the TUI Smiles Rewards Club at tui.co.uk. Atoll and Abta protected. Speaker 5 (0:50) Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Speaker 2 (0:53) Arthur. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Does Josh Widdicombe make you sad? Is Rob Beckett funny? Speaker 1 (1:05) Yeah, I think that too. Speaker 5 (1:08) Unbelievable. We don't like that here. Obviously, I love that, but we don't like that. I love that. We don't put up for that kind of stuff. That's horrible. It's divisive. I love it. But we, as a podcast, don't like Speaker 4 (1:22) that, do we, Josh? No, we don't. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'm a... No, sorry. Hi, Rob and Josh. Speaker 4 (1:32) I've been looking forward to this moment ever since your first episode during lockdown when I lived my best carefree life with just my dog and horses. Since then, I've joined you in the pits of parenting with a three and a half year old and a six month old. I thought Josh was exaggerating with this age gap, but wow. This is my eldest, Arthur, saying her name. I'm not sure why he finds Rob so funny and Josh is sad. I guess it's just the vibe he's getting. Oh, double dig. We hate that. Do you know what? She's footed her mobile number. Let's go. You've got a call. Speaker 5 (2:07) You've got beef with her. Because you'll remember, we're not together, so she won't be able to hear me. This is the problem we have on the football podcast. Speaker 4 (2:15) Hi, is that Stephanie? It's Josh Riddickham here. Hi, Steph. How are you? Speaker 2 (2:26) Yeah, not bad. Speaker 4 (2:28) We've just played out your message. Yeah. So what's so sad about me, Stephanie? Is he there? I found Speaker 2 (2:48) him sad, didn't you? Speaker 4 (2:56) It's all right. Do you know what? It sounds like you're driving. But, um, Speaker 2 (2:59) yeah. I'm on the way to the new forest. Oh, that's nice. I Speaker 4 (3:03) said hello. She loves horses. She can't get enough of horses. Hello. Have you still got your dog and horses? Speaker 2 (3:10) Just the dog, not the horses anymore. I have to be dealing with all that. Speaker 4 (3:14) No, you don't need that in your life, do you? Are you speaking on the phone while you're driving? Speaker 2 (3:18) It's on loudspeaker. Oh, thank Speaker 4 (3:20) you. Thank you. Thankfully Speaker 2 (3:21) for that. Speaker 4 (3:23) Good, good. And did you choose a time to send this so that you managed to get Michael? I Speaker 2 (3:28) did. I scheduled it. Speaker 4 (3:30) You scheduled it? I Speaker 2 (3:31) didn't wait, yeah. I didn't wait about a year either. I did it on the day. Speaker 4 (3:37) You did it on the day at 1am? Speaker 4 (3:40) Not Speaker 2 (3:41) 1am, no. 6am. Speaker 4 (3:44) 6am. Oh, it says at 1am. I don't know. Oh, yeah, it's sent then, but it's then mine. Okay, I see. I see. Well, Stephanie, thank you very much for sending. I Speaker 2 (3:54) love the show. Did Speaker 4 (3:55) you think when you left your phone number at the bottom that we'd use it? Just Speaker 2 (4:04) in Speaker 4 (4:05) case. Was there any part of you that thought it was going to be me? Speaker 4 (4:11) Oh, no, no, I mean, yeah, well, it's always me. I'm sorry. No, she hoped it was me. Well, you saw the number come up. What's her beef with you then, Josh? You're letting her off the hook here. So Rob wants to know what's your issue with me. In the email it sounded like. So you're hanging your son out to dry? Okay, fine, fine. Well, have fun in the new forest, Stephanie, and we will speak to you soon. Well, we won't. Yeah, well, you've heard it now. Speaker 2 (4:50) Bye. Speaker 4 (4:50) Bye. That's a weird anecdote she's Speaker 5 (4:55) got there, isn't it? Very strange. She really crumbled. That was like troll hunting live. All a bit of a laugh on the email, but once she, excuse the pun, Speaker 1 (5:04) confronted the horse, Speaker 5 (5:05) was at the horse's mouth. She loves horses. So she's got rid of her horses. It's weird how you can sell a horse but not a dog, isn't it? Yeah, true. Speaker 2 (5:14) Isn't Speaker 5 (5:14) it? Because you've got, Speaker 2 (5:16) I Speaker 5 (5:17) haven't Speaker 4 (5:17) sold horses. Oh, I sold them. If you said, I support what you've been up to this week, and you said, we've sold our dogs, it would be so... That could actually, like, get me cancelled. Speaker 5 (5:32) That would be headline news, like, he's Speaker 4 (5:33) sold a dog. Yeah, we just, do you know what? We sold the dogs. We then got that long left, so we wanted to get some profit out of them before we, you know. Speaker 5 (5:43) And, you know, life's got a bit busier, so it's a bit of a pain in the arse sorting them all out, so we just sold the dogs. Speaker 5 (5:51) Horses, fine. I've just sold my horse. Good decision, actually. Yeah, because they're a bit of a drain on cost and effort. It's Speaker 4 (5:56) a Speaker 5 (5:56) good decision. You don't even have to walk a horse. Just have a big field. Exactly. You have to walk. You ride a horse. You know, anyway. Yeah, but Speaker 4 (6:05) if they're in a field, I don't think you have to ride. You don't have to ride a horse. It's not like you go, that horse needs riding. No. Speaker 5 (6:13) As Speaker 4 (6:13) long as the field's big Speaker 5 (6:14) enough, you don't need to ride a horse, I imagine. Yeah, I think so. Having a horse, is that a pet? No. What category is it under? I think a pet. Speaker 4 (6:26) Does a pet need to live in your house? Good shout, good shout. Not on your land. Not on your land, yeah. What if it's like a tortoise or something in your garden? Speaker 5 (6:36) Because if you did love your horse and treat it like a pet, the same way you loved your cats, right? Yeah. And you love your horse. Your horse passes away. Do you get the ashes and put it in a giant jar on a shelf? Speaker 4 (6:48) Who was I talking to about this? Literally had this conversation two weeks ago. Frankie DeTore? Speaker 5 (6:54) Jeremy Speaker 4 (6:54) Kruik? Speaker 5 (6:55) No? That bloke of Love Island, Chris Hughes? Michael Owen? Gemma Rowan? I'm going through all my... Did I tell Speaker 4 (7:01) you about my friend bumping into Claire Boulding? I'm going through all my holes references there. Paddy Power? Sorry, go on. Did I tell you about my friend bumping into Claire Boulding? Speaker 5 (7:11) No. Speaker 4 (7:12) And she's like, I can't shake your hand. I've covered in grease. I've just been fixing Giles Brandreth's boiler. Come on. Is that a wanking joke? Speaker 3 (7:22) It's Speaker 2 (7:22) not a Speaker 4 (7:23) wanking joke. She'd been around to fix Giles Brandreth's boiler. She said it was running so hot. Why is Claire white? Listen to the next slide. She said it was running so hot you could boil vegetables in a swimming pool. Speaker 5 (7:42) Well, we had that problem in our house where it was going so well because the thermostat had broken in the tank. So we had to get a new thermostat. Speaker 4 (7:48) Did you call around Speaker 5 (7:49) Claire Boulding? No, I did actually. No, she wasn't available. I got Sandy Tosvig instead. I went like for like. You know what I mean? Speaker 5 (7:59) It's like subbing, you know, Martin Luther Trossard, that kind of, you know, instinctive, pacey winger. It's not Speaker 4 (8:04) a tactical change. Speaker 5 (8:06) We're still set up the same way to deal with the issue, but we're just using a different personnel, even though the same tactics have been deployed. Yeah. Speaker 4 (8:15) So. Oh, dear. So what are we talking about? Yeah, a dead horse. Speaker 5 (8:20) Yeah, go Speaker 4 (8:21) on. So, like, they said to whoever it was, I can't remember who was telling us, do you want the ashes? And it was like, you know, 100 kilos of ashes or whatever. No, Speaker 5 (8:32) it Speaker 4 (8:32) can't be 100 kilos of ashes. No, Speaker 5 (8:34) but Speaker 4 (8:34) it was like, you know. How heavy is the ashes of a horse? It would be a load of bins worth of ashes. Do Speaker 5 (8:40) you know what I mean? I feel like we're talking about this quite disrespectfully because if we were talking about the cats like we're talking about horses, Speaker 4 (8:44) but again, people sell horses. I know. I know. It's awful. No, this is hypothetical. Anyway, apparently the worst thing. I'm just finding out the weight of Speaker 5 (8:55) it. The ashes after the cremation of an average horse weigh around 15 to 25 kilograms. I'd get it put in a fucking kettlebell. Speaker 4 (9:03) Well, it's massive as well. It's massive. 25 kilogram dumbbells and then you could... Just think how light ashes is, Rob. Think how much ashes that is. Yeah. That'd be like your morning and gains. Yeah, of course. Of course. Of course. Grief and grind. Grief and pump. Apparently this is grim, Rob, but this is countryside chat. Okay. You're not countryside, are you? Actually, you're quite close to the city centre, aren't you? No, but my mum was telling me about when they had a dead horse. Yeah, Speaker 5 (9:30) right. Speaker 4 (9:31) And they come and get it. Obviously, the horse is so heavy. They have to attach stuff to its feet and then, like, crane it off. Oh. Because, obviously, you can't pick up a horse. Speaker 5 (9:43) No. That's one of the most famous sayings. You can pick up a penguin. Speaker 5 (9:54) Have I told you about the dead deer on a sled? No. Oh, God. So where we live, there's a gate near where our house is to a field that a neighbour owns. Yeah. When we're getting building work, we're parking in front of that gate, but if... I've just Speaker 4 (10:07) got Speaker 5 (10:07) to get Speaker 4 (10:07) my lid. I'm still listening. Speaker 5 (10:09) Your lid? Speaker 4 (10:10) Just to keep my tea warm. Speaker 5 (10:13) Right, okay. I'm back. You're back. So when we were getting some building work done, we were parking in front of it because we couldn't park on where we needed to park. So it was blocking that. But to be fair, my neighbour doesn't get there that often, but there was a guy that hunts deer. Right. He needed to get to it and he messaged me. He went, I need to have access to the field. And I said, I'm really sorry, but we're out for the day and we're not going to come back. I apologise. I should have moved it. It shouldn't be there. I'm sorry. Well, I'm Speaker 1 (10:38) going Speaker 5 (10:38) to have to get... Sorry, start again. Speaker 4 (10:40) I don't understand what's happening. Why does he get access? I'd blocked a gate, my neighbour's gate, and my neighbour gets a Speaker 5 (10:46) deer hunter in now and again, right? Because there's loads of deer and you're allowed to hunt deer, whatever, right? I don't do it. It just goes on. Why do you want to hunt deer? I don't want to hunt deer. Oh, right. I quite like them. But it happens, doesn't it? It's the countryside. Right. I've blocked the gate, basically, and I shouldn't have. My fault. Normally, I'm in or someone's in, so we move the car. So he can drive onto the land that's not ours. Someone else's. Right. He texts. I went, we're all out. No one's back till later. And he goes, well, I'm going to have to get the sled out. I'm like, okay, then. I don't even know what that means. I didn't know if that was a machine that would lift my car. I don't give a fuck. Is that some sort of special countryside machine that lifts the car so you can get in? Anyway, don't think anything of it. Two hours later. So that was the next. So it was early in the morning. We were away because he said, can you move it for the morning? Can you normally text like before? But I couldn't. 6am, my ring doorbell goes off. But by movement, right? Yeah. And it's a cold, frosty, foggy day. Yeah. I just see a man dragging a child's snow sledge along. With the corpse of a deer on it. Jesus fucking Christ. Speaker 4 (11:50) The countryside Speaker 5 (11:51) is mental, isn't it? That's why America's so mental, because there's so much more space for this weird shit to go on. Yeah. Like UK's all about the countryside rules. It's chaos out there. Because Speaker 4 (12:02) my dog's brought in the leg of a deer once. Well, this is something I want to say, right? Get it off your chest. And I grew up in the countryside. I live in Devon, so I'm all right to say these things. Yeah. You know when people go, I think it's healthy. For people to be exposed to this and know the realities of where their food comes from. I don't. Here he goes. Oh, no, you don't. No. I think it makes you fucking weird. I think if you're overexposed, if you are totally cool with dead animals, not like, I don't mean morally, but I mean, if you, if it doesn't. If you can sit through it and doesn't impact