LUCY HALE: “I Was Sabotaging My Life.”

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty sits down with actress Lucy Hale to discuss her journey toward authenticity and self-realization at

Key takeaways

• Lucy Hale has been sober for over four and a half years, having committed to her sobriety on January 2, 2022.
• She describes her astrological identity as a Gemini sun, Scorpio moon, and Leo rising.

Main topics

• Astrology and Spirituality
• Sobriety and Recovery

Notable quotes

Comparison is going to snatch you right out of your your own alignment.

Conclusion

The conversation serves as a profound reminder that healing is cyclica

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) I believe we were waiting for Mercury retrograde to be pre-shadow. Okay, this is Speaker 2 (0:05) so funny. Our original date, we were going to have this conversation during Mercury retrograde. And so everyone that's listening to this is like, oh God. But basically during Mercury retrograde, Mercury rules communication. And so sometimes things don't always land as strongly as they could out of Mercury retrograde. So we're in the clear. We pushed it a little earlier. Wow. Speaker 1 (0:27) Okay. I love that. Hey, it's Jay. I don't know what your day's been like, but I was just thinking about you for a minute. And I hope you're being a little patient with yourself because you deserve it. And yeah, I'll talk to you soon. Speaker 1 (0:52) Lucy Hill, welcome to On Purpose. Speaker 2 (0:54) Hello. So happy to be here. Speaker 1 (0:56) Honestly, I've been waiting for this moment for so long. We were just talking about how we first met. We were launching, at that time, a new app called BetterHelp. Speaker 2 (1:07) Yeah. It Speaker 1 (1:07) was during the pandemic. Speaker 2 (1:08) Yeah, you came to my house. I came to your house. We were fully in my living room and we hosted this live event. So that's been about six years ago. And I feel like... Since then, this interview has almost happened. But as I was driving over here, I was like, this is the perfect time in my life to be sitting down with you and chatting about life and very honored to be here. And Speaker 1 (1:30) has that been how you've made decisions and choices for a while? Have you used that as insight? Speaker 2 (1:35) I feel like things like astrology. Speaker 2 (1:38) My spirituality definitely has come into play more in recent years, but I am an astrology girly, I have to say. The more I learn about it, the more I dive into my birth chart. It's so complex. The more it's proven to be. accurate for me. Like, I don't think it's astrology can predict your future, but I think it gives you a toolbox to be like, oh, that's why this is so hard for me to grapple with. That's why relationships have been challenging in my life. And like, there's placements in astrology, and then I'll stop talking about this. There's placements in astrology that can like show you past life addictions, or I just find it really fascinating. And we were just chatting before that anything that's going to help me. have more self-realization, anything that's going to help my soul evolve, like I dive completely in. I'm obsessed. Speaker 1 (2:29) Do you use the common signs or are you using another? Astrological science. Yes. Speaker 2 (2:34) So I'm a Gemini sun, Scorpio moon, Leo rising. What's yours? I Speaker 1 (2:38) don't know my full. I'm just a Virgo. That's all I know. You're a Virgo. I'm dating Speaker 2 (2:42) a Virgo. Oh, no way. Okay. My mother is a Virgo. My grandmother is a Virgo. I've come to really understand Virgos. Do Speaker 1 (2:48) you like Virgos? Speaker 2 (2:48) I do. I do. Like you guys are the hardest working sign in the Zodiac and Capricorns. Yeah. You guys are the acts of service. kings and queens. So newfound respect. Wow. Okay. Very good. Speaker 1 (3:01) Very good. And you were saying, Lucy, a few moments ago, you were like, this was the perfect time in your life. Why was now the right time to have this conversation? I Speaker 2 (3:08) feel like I, do we ever really come into our own fully? I don't know, but I feel like who I am now, I'm just so much more at ease with who I am. I think I've, when we originally were going to speak, I was still like kind of in the throes of of not feeling fully grounded. Like I have my two feet on the ground, but I just feel like I'm able to live a little more authentically, openly. I would say I just feel a little more grounded and at peace with everything. Speaker 1 (3:38) Yeah. I've heard you say that you feel like your real life is starting right now. Speaker 2 (3:42) Yes. I mean, it's so interesting. I just turned 37 two days ago, which is just like... Happy belated birthday. Thank you. Thank you. I'm just like, but like, that's so wild to me because I... I simultaneously feel 18 and like 85 at the same time. I feel like so much of my life has not made sense. So much of my life has not fit a mold of what I thought I should be doing. And I moved to L.A. young, just like threw myself into Hollywood. Right. And so that that causes you to grow up quickly or in a specific way. And I'm just at this age now where like I've I've done all the things that I dreamt of. Right. I'm like at the point now where I'm having to dream bigger dreams, which is really cool and like just wild that that I was able to to make those things happen. But but at the same time, like I am 37 and my life doesn't necessarily look the way I thought it would compared to other people my age. And so I'm trying to be better about not comparing myself to. anyone else. But it gets a little harder not to do that when you hit a certain age. I remember when I hit 35, I was like, oh, you know, because like I do want kids and I do want specific like benchmarkers. But then I'm like, do I only want those things because society tells me I need to have those things or are those actual things that I want? And so the last year of my life, I've just had to really sit back and go, what do I want? Not what people expect of me or what my family expects of me or society expects of me. But I do feel like my life is just beginning because I'm able to like sleep at night now. I'm able to forgive myself, to love myself. I'm able to show up every day, present, clear headed. I love my work more than ever. And so it's just like a really exciting. A really exciting time. It's just, I guess you could call me a late bloomer in a lot of ways. And I'm okay with that. Speaker 1 (5:43) That's such a wonderful answer in so many ways. And I was listening to you and thinking just how we have these timelines and deadlines on life events. And it almost feels like that timeline or that deadline will create some sort of external success or marker. And I think about all the people I know and I'm like, I know people who got married in their 20s and then divorced in their 30s. And I know people who were single for a long time and found love at 40. And I know people who didn't have kids, got married late and then had kids immediately. And then other people who've been married for 20 years and never had kids. And when you start looking at real life, you start noticing how there is no real pattern. or trend, but we all grew up in these small places. And I can resonate with that where everyone around you did one thing and you've kind of always maybe done the different thing. Speaker 2 (6:39) Yes. I feel like I've always inherently felt different. I have always inherently felt like I was like on the outside looking in. I always was the black sheep of my family. And I never knew where like my desire or dreams or gifts. came from. Like I'm a believer that you are born with them. I think your gifts, your God-given gifts, like that's a part of your mission for being on planet earth. Right. And I think that that's a culmination of lifetimes of like harnessing your gifts, like the way you communicate, the way you speak with people. Like there's no doubt if you believe in past lives, like you have honed this gift you have and you're using it for good. I've always had that feeling as well. Like I knew I was I didn't know if I was like destined for greatness, but I knew I was destined to be different. And I had something like literally just pulling me and guiding me along the way. There were moments like in my life, professionally, personally, where I was like, how the hell did I do this? How did I get out of this? How am I still alive? How did I achieve this? And I really believe that that when you just sort of follow that intuition and that trust like the universe supports that the universe wants you to achieve all of your wildest dreams I've always felt like I was here to do things a little differently I'm sure everyone feels this way but like I I'm like are people also feeling things this intensely or it's my Scorpio moon then I learned about a Scorpio moon and I was like oh I've just always had a sense of intensity about me that I used to really dislike. I used to really shove that down. I used to really not nurture that part of me. And when you do that, that leads to a whole multitude of other problems because that intensity is such a big part of who I am. And dulling that down and having shame about that caused me a lot of distress and pain in my life. And so I've had to learn to honor and like that part of me. That is the work, is liking the parts of you that you're Speaker 1 (8:51) supposed to Speaker 2 (8:51) dislike. Speaker 1 (8:52) This episode of On Purpose is presented to you by Mazda. Peace of mind doesn't happen by chance. It's created through the habits we build before we ever need them. That's the philosophy behind every Mazda. With proactive safety features that help keep you more aware, more connected, and more engaged, Mazda helps you feel ready for whatever the road brings. It's why Mazda has been named Consumer Reports' Safest New Car Brand. And as of July 2026, Mazda has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick Plus awards than any other car brand. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more. A lot can happen when an accident doesn't. Visit mazdausa.com to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. I actually think... what you're saying is very accurate, that a lot of people do feel things deeply and do experience a lot going on in their mind and head. And either they can't articulate it or they don't know why it's there. Or Speaker 2 (9:56) you think you're not supposed to. Or you think you're not supposed Speaker 1 (9:58) to. And so I was going to ask you, why did you suppress those thoughts? Was it because you thought you weren't supposed to have them? From Speaker 2 (10:05) a very young age, I have memories of Speaker 2 (10:10) experiencing things maybe that I shouldn't have experienced or seen. And I have very early memories of taking on other people's emotions that weren't mine. And I think like it could have just been like the part of the world I was raised in, the time. It was kind of like the mentality of be good. It was like the be good, be good, smile. That kind of thing. And like when you're told that as and that's not like unique to just me. I think it was just like growing up in the 90s. It was like little girls were supposed to just like be good, be smile, polite, go hug them, go shake their hand. And there wasn't really space for me. I felt like to always be me. Like I was sometimes labeled a very emotional child verbatim, a difficult child. And I and I think back and I was like, let me also preface with I have. beautiful parents who loved me in the best way they knew how. And they also in their way were kids as well growing up. So I just want to like set the stage there. But I think, you know, and I reflect back on my childhood and I never felt like I was a difficult child. It felt like there wasn't like an emotional safety net always. And I carried that through. Up until now, I still work on that, like allowing myself to feel these uglier emotions and knowing that it's OK and safe for me to do that. People will still love me and my people will still show up for me. Like, I feel like people that meet me would automatically assume that I'm I am that way. But in my interpersonal relationships, like I can be a bit guarded and have walls up because I'm afraid sometimes to. Speaker 2 (11:49) express like I have like little monsters in me that are super intense right and like we all have different pathways and I and I truly believe like we all have this like soul blueprint we all have a specific mission and purpose and reason for being here I do believe in destiny in a way I do believe we have free will to get to that destiny but we're not all meant to be a successful actress we're not all meant to have kids and be married by 35. I think we all have specific lessons that we want to learn. And for some people, you learn those lessons by getting married young and having kids young. For some people, it's like finding success really young. For some people, it's addiction. For some people, it's loss, grief. And I just think that's so beautiful. I choose to see life through that lens because it's the only thing that really makes sense to me. I'm like, otherwise, what? what do you mean? Like, what do you mean? Why are we here? I think it's to evolve and grow. And I'm saying all that, you know, if anyone's listening to this, who's like going through something where you're comparing your life to someone else, like comparison is going to snatch you right out of your own alignment. And I think that that's why sometimes social media and media in general can be really, really troubling and scary because I'm guilty of it as well. Like I'll think I'm supposed to be doing this kind of acting role or think I'm supposed to be making this TikTok video or like looking a certain way or having certain things. And the easiest way to get out of your like blueprint is to. get too hyper focused on what's going on around you so I mean it's easier said than done obviously but yeah just releasing the narrative of what your life is supposed to look like like my life does not look like how I thought it would but it looks better in so many other ways so how Speaker 1 (13:45) do we actually stop comparing ourselves to others I Speaker 2 (13:49) don't know do you know when you find out let me know what Speaker 1 (13:52) have you tried what has worked I Speaker 2 (13:54) feel like The only way you can drown out the noise is you have to face yourself. You have to be brutally honest with yourself. That to me is the single most important thing a human can do. Because everyone's always like, well, what's your advice for people? My advice is for people to not listen to advice. I think we all have an inner knowing, an inner voice. It is there. It actually speaks to us very loudly, very clearly. You just have to be still enough or remove distraction enough to hear it. Like, I always like... look back on my life and I was like, oh, I was cut off from spirituality. I was cut off from connection. Absolutely not. That connection is given to all of us equally. It's like the sun, right? Like the sun is always going to shine on people. The sun isn't like, no, you get three rays, you get one ray. No, it's always there. And I am a believer that that connection to fill in the blank of whatever word you want to put. I say God, I say spirit. It's always there. And we cut it off. And that was such a relief for me to know like, oh my God, I was always taken care of. And it really is a journey coming back home to yourself. And I think for me, it was all part of my plan. It was all part of the plan for me to go through all the things because my God, I feel like I would be so much. more of a boring person without that story because it gave me so much empathy for others. And I don't know if I would respect and love myself in the way I do today if I hadn't gone through the things I'd gone through. But we were talking about comparison and this is how my brain works. I'll be like, I love it. The comparison thing. I mean, there is a way where you can use comparison. as fuel like whenever because i'm a person where i i don't like to use the word jealousy but i go oh wow look at what they did i want to do that that's amazing good for them i don't want to take that from them but i want to do something like that i think you can like do a reframe i love a reframe by the way like i think we all have these like uglier emotions like envy jealousy anger rage and we're told that we're not supposed to express those but But there is a healthier outlet, I think, for comparison. And I think just like use that as fuel to go after what you want. What's for you is not going to miss you. It's going to find you. It might not be on your timeline or how you think it'll look, but nothing can get in the way of that. Speaker 1 (16:27) I wanted to go back to asking you a bit about your childhood as you explained it there. I wanted to ask you, like, do you have a childhood memory that you believe defines who you are today? Speaker 2 (16:36) In my childhood home, we had this. I still remember the backyard so clearly, but we had just one tree in the yard. And I spent so much time alone up in the tree. I buried my dead goldfish under the tree. I had like frogs and hermit crabs and I have always loved animals and I would make like a little pet cemetery. But I would go in this tree and I would brainstorm and I would play make-believe to the point where I was like actually living it. And I think that that perfectly captures. who I am because I am quite internal and more introverted, I think, than a lot of people might realize. And I feel like I get my most insights or downloads or creativity in solitude. And I feel like I need more solitude than most people. And that used to scare me because I think like... isolation and solitude, there's a very fine line and I can tend to isolate. That perfectly defines me. Me alone in a tree. Do Speaker 1 (17:39) you have a tree house? Speaker 2 (17:40) Yeah. No. Speaker 1 (17:41) I really wanted a tree house as a kid. I still want one today. No, I Speaker 2 (17:43) didn't have a tree house. I have a friend who Speaker 1 (17:45) has the coolest tree house. Speaker 2 (17:46) I want to live in a tree house. Maybe one day. Talk to Speaker 1 (17:48) me about... What makes you feel the most still? Speaker 2 (17:51) I'm a busybody. I don't know about you. Is it easy for you to be still? Speaker 1 (17:55) I'd say fairly. Fairly. But Speaker 2 (17:57) that's Speaker 1 (17:57) because I'm spoiled because I had those three years where stillness was such a priority in my life. And so I know what I'm going back to and I know the value of it. And so I'm spoiled and I have a cheat code in that we did it. And so I can switch pretty by time and by space. I Speaker 2 (18:15) love that. It's very, very. very hard for me to be still. I mean, monkey mind times a million. And I think I've also had to become friends with that as well, because the more you fight something, the more it's, it's, you know what I'm saying? So. But Speaker 1 (18:34) I like that because it's relatable. That's, that's what people like. Everyone feels that way. They're like. Speaker 2 (18:38) Yeah. I'm like a doer. I feel like I have a lot of that masculine energy where I'm just like, I'm going to go out and do something. And, and I have like, I've, I've, I've. built my life because you have to. Like I've always just like seen the thing, seen the next step, take action and do it. But it's actually a little more challenging for me to be more in that feminine, softer, quieter. energy. I really struggle with it. I'm not going to lie. Like I'm still like trying to find time every day where I can just be. I mean, of course I do the things I do meditation. Sometimes it's on for like two minutes and I'm like, we're done for today. I've recently gotten into breathwork that does wonders for me. But it's really, you know, I think just like simply being outside helps me. When in doubt, I always say, when in doubt, go for a walk. I'm a big walker. When I need to think, when I need an answer on something, I go out and walk, which isn't necessarily stillness, but it's a version of it for me. Speaker 1 (19:40) Why do you think you lived in your masculine for so long and what helps you reconnect to your feminine? Speaker 2 (19:47) I think a lot of it is... Speaker 2 (19:51) I liked to be in control because when I'm in control, I feel safe. I don't know when I developed that, but I would say probably pretty early on, probably wanting to control the environment around me. I, like, in my teens was doing stuff to, like, control my weight. But it all, like, anything physical is just an emotional, spiritual, like. need wanting to control something. But the thing is like that type of energy can make you, it brings success. It like, it has rewards that it comes from wanting to be in control and like the anxiety that comes if I'm not in control. And,