EPISODE 16: ALISON ARMSTRONG - renowned thought-leader, speaker and author of THE QUEEN'S CODE and THE AMAZING DEVELOPMENT OF MEN, creator of LUX relationship course

OMEGA MALE

In this episode of OMEGA MALE, host Dan McKenzie engages in a profound and insightful conversation with Alison Armstrong, renowned thought-leader, author of 'The Queen's Code' and 'The Amazing Development of Men,' and

Key takeaways

• Men and women have distinct neurological and behavioral patterns rooted in ancient survival instincts, but these can be consciously managed through awareness and practice.
• The 'lizard brain' (limbic system) drives automatic reactions; however, humans can override primal impulses with conscious choice—especially when modeled by others.

Main topics

• Biological and behavioral differences between men and women
• Integration of masculine and feminine traits for personal development

Notable quotes

"If something isn't modeled for us, all we have is the lizard brain. That's all we have."

"The future lies in each of us balancing the yin and the yang within us."

Conclusion

Alison Armstrong's work offers a transformative vision of human potential rooted in empathy, self-awareness, and the

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) There was this vibration that was affecting my nervous system. And then I realized, oh my gosh, these men are attracted to me. And they're controlling, they're overriding the impulse. And it had me explore what is the impulse. Grab it, grab it, grab it. And they're overriding, overriding, overriding. And I'm feeling this vibration that... My new gay friend, he does not have it at all because there's no impulse he's controlling around me. And of course, my reaction to that, Dan, was, why don't men get credit for this? Why do we think all men are the men who aren't overriding that impulse for whom it hasn't been modeled to override that impulse, which is... If something isn't modeled for us, all we have is the lizard brain. That's all we have. If someone doesn't model the overriding choice. Speaker 1 (1:08) Hello and welcome to episode 16 of Omega Male. I'm your host Dan McKenzie and I could not be more excited to be talking to today's guest, Alison Armstrong. I have become such a huge fan of her work over the past few months. As I say at some point during the interview, I think she understands men better than pretty much any man I've ever met. And she understands women that well too and it really shines through in her work. She's brilliant. Here are a few words about her career. Allison's exploration of human behavior began in 1991 with her decision to study men. In her words, to find out how I was bringing out the worst in them and hopefully how to bring out the best. Her success in understanding men naturally led to studying women's behavior and then making vital connections between the two. Besides fulfilling the need to understand why people behave as they do, Allison offers practical... partnership-based alternatives. Through her seminars, books, online programs, and media contributions, she's been giving millions of people access to more fulfilling lives, loving relationships, stronger families, and productive organizations. Allison is a sought-after speaker and thought leader amongst people with the desire to live empowered lives. Allison's live events and over 100 hours of online programs are available at allisonarmstrong.com. Speaker 2 (2:33) The only thing I would ask you is what Omega Man means to you. How committed are you to the name of your podcast, and what does it mean? Speaker 1 (2:43) Okay. Well, I came up with Omega Male as opposed to Omega Man kind of in reaction to this terminology that men employ a lot about alpha male and beta male and this sort of hierarchical. power structure of men. To me, that seems like a very caveman-y, outmoded way of looking at men and classifying men. And so, I really thought about this and I thought, well, you know, Alpha Omega comes from the Greek alphabet. It's not so much a vertical integration. And so, I began to look at the Omega as the ultimate. It's the end of the alphabet. And so, I think humanity is evolving. And so, for me, it's about not one type, which is what the alpha male is, but what is a future paradigm that doesn't prioritize one type of man, but looks toward some kind of universal balance within the individual? And how can we strive or hold some kind of an ideal like that so that we're moving towards a potential that anybody can embody just by finding balance within themselves? And I think a lot of it has to probably do with the balance of the masculine and feminine qualities. So that's the philosophy behind that. Speaker 2 (3:47) Oh, it's awesome. I'm just like, ah, taking a deeper breath and a deeper breath. And are you familiar with a book called Wolf's Message? Speaker 1 (3:57) No. Speaker 2 (3:59) You probably, given what you've said, would get a big kick out of it. And it's a true story. And the author is, she's considered in the top five evidentiary mediums in the world. Speaker 1 (4:15) And Speaker 2 (4:16) Wolf's message, it's life after life. The messages come through after his death. Ritchie predicts and actually leaves evidence of the prediction. I mean, it's crazy cool. But ultimately, his message is very aligned with yours, that the future lies in each of us balancing the yin and the yang within us. It's completely congruent. And I also love what you said about Omega because... I have women who idealize alpha male, that they want an alpha male. And I've spoken a lot about, we have human instincts, but humans are both predator and prey. And so we have pack instincts and herd instincts. And so the whole alpha beta is based on basically a wolf pack. And what women don't know about what it means to be the alpha is that you're accountable for the safety of the entire pack. And women want an alpha male that then will focus on her and make her their first priority. And whenever women say that, I want a man who'll make me his first priority, I'm like, no, you don't. Their capacities are too huge. For you to be the focus of it will drive you. Nuts. Yeah. So awesome. Yay. Keep doing you. And I just always want to know more. So I'll follow you anywhere. But if I know what your intent is, then I can be more in sync with you. I can partner better. And I ask, how committed are you to the name of your podcast? Because I literally met people who have no commitment. to the name of their podcast, doesn't capture their message at all. They've drifted away from it or they're still changing out words. And so I was like, okay, if you don't take it seriously, then I will take Speaker 1 (6:31) it seriously. Speaker 2 (6:32) And so, thanks. Speaker 1 (6:34) Oh, good. Okay, so what I wanted to say when I thought we weren't beginning yet was just to kind of express my profound appreciation. I wanted to love bomb you a little bit. And I say that. facetiously, of course, because I think that's some unhealthy psychological term. What I really want to do is honor you by saying that I've heard a lot of voices in this space of men's work and personal self-transformation. And I find that your insights and the depth of your understanding of men generally surpasses that of any man that I've heard in the space, truly. I expect that that has something to do with the fact that you not only understand men really well, but women. And I think maybe that gives you sort of like, you know, the 3D perspective that comes with using both of your eyes. There's a lot of men that have a lot to say about men and a lot of profound things to say about men, but you have a depth that is unprecedented for me. And so I've been really blown away by your work, starting with my reading of The Amazing Development of Men, which I recommend to everyone and anyone. and also this course that I heard on Audible, Understanding Women. So I have a little taste of your work with men and with women. Also, though, beyond that, your ability to convey the insights that you have in a language that anyone and everyone can understand. You do this with such a palpable reverence and real love for men and for boys and for women and for everybody. It's just that your work is really steeped in this. It's really a marvel, and you're hilarious. I'm never going to read one of your books again, unless it's not available to listen to, because you convey so much with your voice. You've had me cracking up, welling up, crying a couple of times, and your work really fills me with hope and with optimism for humanity. It's so in alignment with what I'm trying to do, and yet I've learned so much more. And so I recommend your work and your workshops to anyone and everyone. And I think I would just be doing the world a service if this was a three-minute interview where I just said, please, if you're a man, if you're a woman, if you're a human being, go engage with Alison Armstrong's work. So it's beyond admiration and inspiration for me. When I listen to your work, I'm literally filled with love and gratitude. So thank you for that. I expect you get that reaction a lot. Speaker 2 (8:51) Well, I was advised about 20 years ago to not read my press. Speaker 2 (9:01) Because I get opposite reactions too. And especially because I'm not polarizing. I don't take one side or the other. I propose what if no one's misbehaving? What if there's a good reason for everything you do? What if there's a good reason for everything I do? And I think like an engineer, I'm always pursuing what works. Like in every domain I want. to know what works. And I've learned from neuroscience that the brain learns by the perception of a difference. And I learned that way after I started studying men in 1991, and I would discover something about men that blew my mind. Like, Speaker 1 (9:48) what? Speaker 2 (9:49) And what was right there was, how come women don't know this? And what came right after that was, well, because women are like this. So the contrast between men and women kicked in without me trying. One thing that I found helps to understand is that we actually have two nervous systems. It's been known for a long time. They call it the sympathetic and the parasympathetic. Speaker 1 (10:19) And Speaker 2 (10:19) we actually have the limbic part of the brain, what they call the lizard brain, Speaker 1 (10:25) that Speaker 2 (10:25) is ancient. And we share instincts, not just with wolves and horses. We share instincts with trees and viruses. And I mean, this is primordial reactiveness right here. And it was Bill Harris who taught me of Holosync that the limbic brain is always a split second behind the prefrontal cortex. So we've got the crown chakra, right, in the prefrontal cortex, what they call the executive decision-making. Speaker 1 (11:03) Right. Speaker 2 (11:03) So one way that I think about it is this, and I felt it in my body, actually, is impulse. And if you pay attention, you can actually feel your body being pushed towards something. Like when I'm about to get on an airplane, my... Body has the impulse to collect as much food and water as possible and anything that would make me warm and comfortable. And it just like walking through the airport and I have to remind myself, I have enough. I have enough. So I have a border collie, right? They're considered one of, if not the smartest dogs in the world. And I accidentally talked. border collie to jump up on me and lick my face. When he was a little tiny puppy, he would crawl up in front of me and lick my face. Well, now, right, as he got older, jump up on me, actually cracked my teeth. And in learning about impulse and choice, that my dog shaking is literally the impulse to jump on me, the choice. to not. Speaker 1 (12:15) Jump, Speaker 2 (12:15) don't, jump, don't, jump, don't, jump, don't. And his body is shaking, and I commend him for it. I praise him for doing what he knows I want him to do instead of what he wants to do. And if you want to bring it into the human domain, at one point I had the opportunity, there's a time in my life when I spent a lot of time with gay men and women. And then I was thrown entirely into the heterosexual world. And then I was at a conference of many leaders in transformation. It's how I know so many of these people. And I was with a gay man. And I was reminded of how relaxing it was. And then right after that, I was in one of my workshops with two of my heroes of my work, even teachers of my work. And I noticed it wasn't relaxing being with them, even though they're fathers and mentors to me, that there was this vibration that was affecting my nervous system. And then I realized, oh my gosh, these men are attracted to me. And they're controlling, they're overriding the impulse. And it had me explore, what is the impulse? Grab it. Grab it, grab it, grab it. And they're overriding, overriding, overriding. And I'm feeling this vibration that my new gay friend, he does not have at all because there's no impulse he's controlling around me. And of course, my reaction to that, Dan, was, why don't men get credit for this? Why do we think all men are the men who aren't overriding that impulse? For whom it hasn't been modeled to override that impulse, which is, if something isn't modeled for us, all we have is the lizard brain, or the instincts that are installed. That's all we have. If someone doesn't model the override of choice, like a father who gets angry and then comes back and apologizes to his children for... For not having a grip on that and having them be subjected to that reaction. If it's not modeled, we don't even know that it's possible. Right. And instincts are like getting on a train and they'll take you all the way to hell every time. And men and women literally have opposing instincts. Speaker 1 (14:57) Right. Which Speaker 2 (14:58) is the source of the misery between us. Okay, I'll stop. Speaker 1 (15:02) Yeah, it reminds me of, you know, you did. at one point say crown chakra. And to me, that was a little bit of a reveal that I get from your work as sort of spiritual sense, again, not religiously, but in the sense of considering the human being is not just a physical pile of atoms, right? And you talked about the nervous system, the parasympathetic and the sympathetic, but isn't there some aspect that has to do with that which distinguishes us from animals per se? That thing that you're talking about, which is the impulse control, the override mechanism that says, this guy just honked at me and I want to throw a rock at him, but really I'm just going to wave and smile and, you know, like whatever it is, or I'm attracted to this woman that I'm talking to, but it's inappropriate for me to make a pass at her or