Office Ladies Do: Armageddon!

Office Ladies

Jenna and Angela provide a deep-dive breakdown of the 1998 disaster blockbuster Armageddon. They explore behind-the-scenes trivia, including

Key takeaways

• Michael Bay aimed for a PG-13 rating to appeal to middle America and maximize profit.
• Ben Affleck performed key scenes while suffering from severe food poisoning.

Main topics

• Armageddon movie breakdown
• Michael Bay behind-the-scenes

Notable quotes

It's closer than you think.

Conclusion

A nostalgic look at a high-octane summer blockbuster that celebrates t

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:01) This is the Earth at a time when the dinosaurs roamed a lush, fertile planet. A Speaker 3 (0:16) piece of rock just six miles wide changed all that. It Speaker 2 (0:30) hit with a force of 10,000 nuclear weapons. Speaker 3 (0:36) A trillion tons of dirt and rock hurtled into the atmosphere, creating a suffocating blanket of dust. The sun was powerless to penetrate for a thousand years. It happened before. It'll happen again. It's just a question of when. Everyone, buckle in for Armageddon. Speaker 3 (1:25) I'm Jenna Fisher. And I'm Angela Kinsey. We were on The Office together. And we're best friends. And now we're doing the ultimate Office Lovers podcast just for you. Speaker 2 (1:34) Each week, we will dive deeper into the world of The Office with exclusive interviews, behind-the-scenes details, and lots of BFF stories. We're The Office Lady 6.0. Speaker 2 (1:50) a big, big episode today. Speaker 3 (1:52) We really do. Welcome to our breakdown of the 1998 summer blockbuster Armageddon. Explosions! So many. We said we might do this a while back and we got mail. Amber W. from Brighton, Michigan wrote us to say, you mentioned doing a watch of Armageddon and you guys will podcast the crap out of that. I need it in my life. And Kelly B. from Westfield, Indiana, who listens with her family said, I've been listening to your podcast since the first episode and it's truly my favorite one I listened to. We desperately want you to break down Armageddon. You mentioned it and we are all in. I showed it to my kids recently because you mentioned it and it is so bad. We totally need you to break it down. Please, please. Speaker 2 (2:45) Podcast the crap out of something might be my new favorite expression, Amber. You guys also know that this movie, Armageddon, does live in the lore of The Office. Yeah. We briefly discussed this movie in the very early days of our podcast when we broke down the episode, The Fight. So you guys, if you remember, Michael Scott is wanting Jim to punch him really hard in the stomach. And Jim suggests that he have Dwight do it. And then we learned this tidbit about Michael and Dwight. Speaker 1 (3:14) Go Speaker 4 (3:15) ahead, do it. Just have Dwight punch you. Speaker 1 (3:17) Oh, yeah. Well, that would be kind of worthless because I know a ton of 14-year-old girls that could kick his ass. Speaker 4 (3:23) You know Speaker 1 (3:23) a ton of 14-year-old girls? What belt are they? Look, Dwight is a wuss. When we rented Armageddon, he cried at the end of it. Michael, I Speaker 4 (3:31) told you. That was because it was New Year's Eve and it started to snow at exactly midnight. Speaker 1 (3:36) Bruce Willis, I'm going to leave him on the asteroid. Okay, Speaker 4 (3:38) I'll punch you. Oh, Speaker 1 (3:40) okay, here we go. Speaker 4 (3:41) All right, Speaker 1 (3:42) come Speaker 4 (3:42) on, go! Speaker 3 (3:46) Amazing. So Michael and Dwight watched Armageddon on New Year's Eve. And now, lady, we have watched it. We have. There's so much to discuss. But let's dive into the facts and stats. Speaker 2 (3:59) Yeah, I'll kick us off. As you said, Jenna, it was released in 1998 on July 1st. So kind of like around the July 4th holiday. Oh, yeah. Here's Speaker 3 (4:09) a Speaker 2 (4:09) little description. After discovering that an asteroid the size of Texas will impact Earth in less than a month, NASA recruits a misfit team of deep core drillers to save the planet. Speaker 3 (4:21) Yeah, they do. You Speaker 2 (4:23) want to hear the tagline? I do. It's so good. Ready? It's closer than Speaker 3 (4:28) you think. Speaker 2 (4:30) I feel like that's what she said. Speaker 2 (4:34) I have another tagline. What? Explosions and yelling. Oh, that's very good. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It was rated PG-13. Jenna, I haven't told you. We don't know what each other are both sharing today, guys. Speaker 3 (4:49) It's been very hard not to share my thoughts about this movie with you. I've been sharing them a little bit with Sam because I couldn't help myself. Yeah, Speaker 2 (4:56) you needed someone to Speaker 3 (4:57) bear Speaker 2 (4:57) witness. We have been living in a vacuum. But Jenna, I want to tell you something right now. I know more about this movie than I feel like I did about any subject I took in college. There is a DVD commentary that has been lost. You can't find it anymore. It was on a laser disc. Speaker 1 (5:15) I Speaker 2 (5:16) found it online. Amazing. It's two hours and 35 minutes. It's Michael Bay, Bruce Willis, Jerry Bruckheimer, and Ben Affleck. I listened to it. The whole thing? I crapped out at about two hours. Okay, so the last 35 minutes, I was like, I get it now. Lady, it is one of the most... insane rides of your life. Like, I want you to go on a road trip and listen to it. Anyway, all that to say, I know why they wanted a PG-13 movie. Tell us. Okay. Ask me any kind of random shit as we break this down. Michael Bay said, and I'm quoting him, that his grandfather said to him, if you want to make a lot of money, find something you can sell to middle America. Okay. He said this movie's patriotic. He wanted it to be PG-13, even though that meant he had to dumb down some of it so 13-year-olds could get it, but then also still make it exciting enough for the adults in the audience. And he thinks he accomplished that. And I think he did too. He did. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this movie is two hours and 31 minutes. Right. The commentary is just a few minutes longer. Speaker 3 (6:31) That's what I was going to ask Speaker 2 (6:32) you. Two hours and 35 minutes. Okay. Yeah, it is real long. Real long. Did you see this in theaters? Do you remember the Speaker 3 (6:42) first time you saw it? I did see it in theaters. Okay. And I don't have a strong memory of seeing it. And I'm confused by that now because... You're like, how could I not remember? How could I Speaker 2 (6:55) not remember that? I mean, I saw it and I shared this when we broke down the fight for Office Ladies. that I saw it with my dad, who is a drilling engineer. Yeah. A deep sea drilling engineer, like on oil rigs. Yeah. Out in the ocean. Like where we meet Bruce Willis and his team. Exactly. So I went and saw this movie with my dad and I'm going to share some of his reactions later. I can't wait. But yeah, so what I don't know is how I made it through the movie without peeing like four times. Yeah, you probably went to the bathroom Speaker 3 (7:27) several times. I had to have. Matt, Sam. Do you remember seeing this movie for the first time? Did you see it in theaters? Speaker 5 (7:35) No, I never saw this until a week ago. Speaker 2 (7:38) No way. No, this was Speaker 5 (7:40) all brand new to me. Speaker 2 (7:42) Oh my gosh. What were your thoughts? Speaker 5 (7:46) I'll let you know as we go. I Speaker 6 (7:47) took detailed notes. Speaker 2 (7:49) Oh my gosh, please let us know. Okay, Matt? Speaker 6 (7:52) I definitely saw it in theaters. The only thing I really remembered from the movie was the animal cracker scene. I don't know what that says about me, but it's literally the only thing that I could tell you about this movie. Because Speaker 2 (8:04) you were a teenage boy. Speaker 6 (8:05) I know. I was taking notes. I was like, okay, animal crackers. No, Speaker 2 (8:08) God, please tell me you never have recreated this moment. Please tell me you haven't busted out animal crackers on a lady's belly. Guys, Speaker 3 (8:16) doesn't Michael Scott reference animal crackers in something about... Speaker 2 (8:22) wooing a woman. Sexy time. I swear. I swear. Oh Speaker 3 (8:26) my Speaker 2 (8:26) gosh. Someone Google it. Wait, Jenna, what'd you find? She's looking very excited. Speaker 3 (8:32) Okay. According to Dunderpedia, in Threat Level Midnight, there is a flashback scene of Michael Scarn and his wife. And one of the sequences is a take on the scene where Ben Affleck puts the animal cracker. on Liv Tyler's stomach. Speaker 2 (8:53) So two Armageddon references in The Office, folks. This is the brilliance of The Office, though. You think something's mentioned and it's like, oh, will we ever see that again? And then it is woven back in. Yeah. I love that. From the fight all the way to threat level midnight. All right, Jenna, do you have any stats for us? Well, like you mentioned earlier, Angela, the director of this movie is Michael Bay. Have you ever met Michael Bay? No. Have Speaker 3 (9:19) you? Sort of. Sort of? How do you sort Speaker 2 (9:23) of meet someone? I can't believe I've never told you this story in all of our years of friendship. No. Okay, here's my Michael Bay story. So I was performing at ImprovOlympic and then a friend of ours who also performed there worked at a restaurant. And if we could get there before 9 p.m., he could get us like free appetizer. But then after nine, they lowered the lights and it turned into like a nightclub. What is your age? I'm like 25, 26 years old, somewhere in there. So we do our improv show and we haul ass over there so we can get in before nine and get free apps. Free apps. We're in a booth and it is like nine o'clock hits. The lights lower. And all of a sudden music's like, deez, deez, deez. And I'm like, oh my gosh. In walks Michael Bay and Dan Aykroyd. No. Together. What? With like a group of gals. Michael Bay had hair like long, wispy. Parted on the side, kind of feathered. It was very Fabio. Very Fabio. Just wispy feathered hair. Yeah. He had on a suede Western jacket with like fringe. Okay. And jeans. Okay. Is this pre-Armageddon or after Armageddon? Was this pre-1998 Speaker 3 (10:39) or after 1998? This is pre. This Speaker 2 (10:42) is like maybe The Rock. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Okay. He comes in with Dan Aykroyd and the ladies. They sit at the booth right behind us. I am back to back with Michael Bay. Like my hair, if I tilted back, could touch his wispy hair. Yeah. And then when the music started, the gals got up. They were dancing. Other people danced too. This place turned into a club. But yeah, Michael Bay and I sat back to back. Speaker 3 (11:11) Wow. Speaker 2 (11:12) Yeah. Speaker 3 (11:13) That's Speaker 2 (11:14) a nuts story. It's Speaker 3 (11:15) a Speaker 2 (11:15) nuts story. Like you're like just sitting there. Eating Your Cheese Sticks and Dan Aykroyd and Michael Bay walk in. Yeah. And Michael Bay looks like a character out of like a 70s Western movie. I can't believe Speaker 5 (11:27) this story doesn't end with an explosion of some kind. Speaker 2 (11:32) Well, we had to leave because that after nine o'clock, the tables were reserved. So we got booted out. But I was there long enough to see that crazy duo. That's Speaker 3 (11:42) amazing. Anyway. I'm glad we watched this movie just so I could hear that story. All right, let's talk about the writers of this movie. In the credits at the beginning of the movie, it lists screenplay by Jonathan Hensley and J.J. Abrams. J.J. Abrams. Yeah. That was a surprise. But on IMDb, there are a lot of other people listed under the writing category with additional multiple titles. Speaker 2 (12:07) Yeah. I had a writing professor that said, tip of the hat if a script went through a ton of changes is if you have adaptation by... Story by, we had all of this. In this movie. Yeah. Yeah. We had adaptation by Tony Gilroy and Shane Salerno. We had story by Robert Roy Poole and Jonathan Hensley as well. A lot of chefs here. Yeah. Speaker 3 (12:27) Well, this movie has a lot of stars. Pretty much all of the men. They are Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Ben Affleck, Will Patton, Stevie Shemmy, Owen Wilson, Michael Clarke, Duncan, William Fichtner, and also... Liv Tyler. Speaker 1 (12:44) I Speaker 3 (12:45) can't really imagine anyone else but Bruce Willis in this role of Harry Stamper as the lead oil driller guy. Speaker 2 (12:52) 100%. He Speaker 3 (12:53) really held this movie together for me. But did you know that Sean Connery was originally considered for the role? But Michael Bay decided to cast someone younger after meeting some actual oil drillers. Surprising to me that he ever did meet real oil drillers, but okay. Speaker 2 (13:10) Oh, yeah. They did their homework. I will tell you that. Yeah. They did. They did. They had Joe. They Speaker 3 (13:15) did their homework about NASA, the space program and oil drilling. And then they were like, f*** it. Speaker 2 (13:20) They threw it all out. We learned all about it. We're not going to put any of it in the movie. They did. They had, they, you know, had real, like, but with real drilling engineers, they had Joe Allen, who's an astronaut, like consult. And Ben Affleck will say in the DVD, we use some of it. You know Speaker 3 (13:35) what I mean? It's very funny to me because so much of the first third of the movie is just them explaining why they're going to do things that make actually no sense in real life. Speaker 2 (13:47) No sense. Also, Jerry Bruckheimer shares that they offered this role to Liv Tyler five times before she accepted it. It was on the fifth time that she finally was like, other actors have been added by that point, Billy, Bob, all, you know, and she was like, okay. I thought she was great. I did too. Speaker 3 (14:02) I actually really liked her. I know. Bradley Cooper auditioned for the role of A.J. Frost. Can't imagine anyone but Ben Affleck. I know. I don't know. I thought everybody was very well cast in this movie. Same. Incidentally, the budget for this film, I watched this movie with my son and after the first sequence in New York, he said, how much did this movie cost? It cost $140 million. In the U.S. and Canada, It made $201.5 million at the box office. And the gross worldwide was $553.7 million. So it made its money back and then some. Okay. So it was a hit. It was a hit at the box office. Angela, what did the critics have to say? Speaker 2 (14:50) Well, they have a lot to say. I'm just going to share basically Roger Ebert, who gave it one star. I'm quoting him. He said, the movie is an assault on the eyes, the ears, the brain, common sense, and the human desire to be entertained. He also went on to say the plot covers many of the same bases as the recent Deep Impact, which compared with Armageddon, belongs on the American Film Institute list. Michael Bay did take some issue with Deep Impact. Oh, Deep Impact was like a whole thing. It had just come out. Two giant movies about asteroids. Speaker 3 (15:25) hurling themselves towards Earth. Yeah, I watched some of the press junket of the actors promoting this movie. Yes, and they kept getting asked about Deep Impact. Oh my God. And Speaker 2 (15:37) you Speaker 3 (15:37) can just see how pissed they are. Interestingly enough, I had read that as well about Roger Ebert hating it. I believe he lists it as the movie he hates more than any other movie in his... compilation list. It's at the very bottom of like every movie he's ever seen in his whole life. He really, really hated Speaker 2 (15:57) this movie. Wow. Speaker 3 (15:58) Gene Siskel, on the other hand, gave it a thumbs Speaker 2 (16:01) up. Did they hate each other? Did the two of them hate each other? I don't Speaker 3 (16:05) know. Is Speaker 2 (16:06) that Speaker 3 (16:06) Siskel punking Ebert because he knows how much he hated it? I don't know. Just to get under his skin, I'm not sure. But yeah, he said that he found that the sensory overload actually became bizarrely audacious and amusing. Well, Speaker 2 (16:22) you know, Michael Bay was quoted as saying in an interview that the whole movie they shot in 16 weeks, he said it was a massive undertaking and it wasn't fair to the movie. He said he would like to redo the entire third act if he could, because the studio literally took the movie away from him. He said it was terrible. He said his visual effects supervisor had a nervous breakdown. I'm not surprised. I know. So then he had to take charge. He said he actually called James Cameron and said, what do you do when you're doing all the effects by yourself? But then he ended the interview with saying, but the movie did fine. So it got 43 % on the Rotten Tomatoes tomato meter, but it's 73 % on the popcorn meter. Folks liked it. Okay. Speaker 3 (17:07) So this really tracks for me about this movie. I became very fascinated by the film's award nominations because it was nominated for four Academy Awards. Best Sound Effects Editing. Best Visual Effects, and Best Original Song by Diane Warren, I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing, performed by Aerosmith. But then it also got nominated for seven Razzie Awards. It was nominated for Worst Picture, Worst Actor Bruce Willis, Worst On-Screen Couple Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler, Worst Supporting Actress Liv Tyler, Worst Director, Worst Screenplay, and Worst Original Song. Oh no! I guess there's also something called the Stinker's Bad Movie Awards. Oh, Speaker 2 (17:56) my God. Speaker 3 (17:57) Bruce Willis won the Stinker Award for Worst Actor, and Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler won a Stinker for Worst Onscreen Couple. But then at the MTV Movie Awards, the movie was nominated for Best Movie. Liv Tyler and Ben Affleck were nominated for Best Actor and Actress and also Best On-Screen Duo. Bruce Willis was also nominated for Best Actor at the Saturn Awards and the Blockbuster Entertainment Awards. He actually won that one. It was also nominated by the Japanese Academy for Best Foreign Film. And it won the Saturn Award for Best Science Fiction Film. I have to say... This really accurately summed up my feelings about the film. Because as I was watching this movie... First, you texted me. And I said, this is the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. Speaker 2 (18:52) I don't know how I'm going to watch the whole thing. But Speaker 3 (18:56) then as it went on, I found myself saying, I f***ing love this movie. Yes. So I both hate it and think it's terrible. And I also think it's one of the best movies ever made. Speaker 5 (19:09) I took several guesses at what the parts were that turned your viewing of it around. Speaker 3 (19:14) Yeah, it was a real journey. Speaker 5 (19:16) Yeah, because I also hated it at the start. Speaker 3 (19:19) And then did you love it? I Speaker 5 (19:20) love it. It reminds me of bad bands that I like. There's so many albums that I know are terrible that I love. Speaker 3 (19:26) Yeah. I don't know. There's something about it. Matt, what about you? It Speaker 6 (19:31) didn't hold up as well for me. I feel like the... Watching it this time, the story felt really ridiculous, but I did admire the scale and the shots of it. And yeah. Speaker 2 (19:43) Yeah. And Speaker 6 (19:44) for Speaker 5 (19:45) me, it reminded me, I'm sure how much bad improv have you seen where the actors commit to being pimped out on stage? This is what it reminded me of. Like everybody's commitment to this is insane. Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis, they all commit to this as if it's really happening. Speaker 3 (20:00) The commitment of the whole movie to the premise is really impressive. It takes itself very seriously. Speaker 2 (20:09) Listen, if full blown out wispy hair, suede tassel jacket man is walking up to you, he's going to take the movie to the next level. This Speaker 3 (20:19) is the only movie that man is making. This is it. He's making 110 % movie. Speaker 2 (20:24) He is all in. And Speaker 5 (20:25) he refers to it as a film, not a movie. Yes, Speaker 2 (20:28) it's a film. My thoughts after watching it are, let's see. You're choosing Speaker 3 (20:37) your words so carefully. It Speaker 2 (20:39) was such a commitment. I am tired. I am tired. I appreciate all the special effects. Oh my God. The way they made some of this, we'll get to it. I really appreciate what the crew did. I really do. And at the same time, I don't ever need to see this again, ever. But I would listen to that DVD commentary again. Speaker 3 (21:04) I'm jealous you listened to it. I want to hear it because I'm going to... play a little section of it later that I found. And it really made me want to hear the whole thing. I have six clips of it. Speaker 2 (21:16) Great. And I will also share in stories for Speaker 3 (21:19) anyone who wants to listen to it. Well, listen, why Speaker 2 (21:22) don't Speaker 3 (21:22) we Speaker 2 (21:22) take a break? And then when we come back, Speaker 3 (21:24) we are going to break down Armageddon. Speaker 2 (21:37) All right, we are back. It's time to break down Armageddon. This movie is going to open with a menacing voice. Well, we open in outer space. Yeah. We see the earth. Yeah. Something is hurtling Speaker 3 (21:50) toward it. We find out that we're back in dinosaur times and this meteor hit the earth back then. Yeah. And you heard us earlier in this podcast recreate this opening narration that was originally done by Charlton Heston. That's right. One of my favorite things is the chyron that comes up on the screen. Speaker 6 (22:11) I Speaker 3 (22:11) laughed out loud that it says 65 million Speaker 2 (22:15) years later. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. They have to do that for the 13-year-olds watching, right? It's like, cut to 65 million years later. Yeah. We're not in dinosaur times anymore. I did love that when the letters of the movie come up. Then they all blow Speaker 3 (22:30) apart because everything in this movie is going to explode eventually, including the title of the movie. And if you Speaker 5 (22:36) pay attention, it's right after they say a Michael Bay movie. It explodes. There's an immediate explosion. It's Speaker 2 (22:41) perfect. We got this guy, Pete. He's an astronaut. He's outside of the spaceship. He's tethered by one of those like cords. Yeah, he's fixing a satellite in space. Yeah, that's what he's doing. Billy Bob Thornton's back at mission control. And he's like. I'll give you a Buffalo nickel if you just calm down a little bit. Can you do that for me? His Speaker 3 (23:02) heart is racing in space. They're monitoring him. Yeah. Speaker 2 (23:05) And he's like, hey, buddy, we got plenty of time. So don't you worry. That's it. This guy's a goner. Yeah. If someone says, don't you worry, you better get the hell out of there. Did you notice Pete's blue eyes? Yes. Speaker 3 (23:20) I was like, is this Josh Lucas? Is this a young Josh Lucas? I thought the same thing! I looked it up. It's not. I Speaker 2 (23:27) did Speaker 3 (23:27) too. It's not. It's a stunt actor named Ian Quinn. With the most beautiful blue eyes. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. He's going to get hit by something falling from the sky. They don't know what at first, but all this shit starts raining down. We're 45 seconds into the movie. Things are already exploding. The Speaker 2 (23:44) shuttle explodes. And Speaker 3 (23:46) then the Speaker 2 (23:46) satellite explodes. All of it. Pete explodes. Down on earth, the military thinks these are bogeys. They could be getting attacked. I'm sorry, I'm calling bullshit. We're getting attacked from space? What's happening? This Speaker 3 (23:58) is what they say. They said, is it missiles? Is it an internal malfunction? Is it a glitch? Is it a wild card? They create little pods of people for all of these different scenarios. Figure out what it is. I Speaker 2 (24:11) have a clip from the DVD commentary I want to play for you guys about this opening number. Speaker 3 (24:16) Opening number. Speaker 2 (24:17) What do you call it? Opening sequence? I don't Speaker 3 (24:20) know. Speaker 2 (24:20) Scene? Michael Bay said he hired a young writer to do a rewrite. He doesn't say the name of the person. He says this young guy rewrote 53 pages in two days. And then Bay read the new script. And I quote, Michael Bay said, it was pure shit. He then gave the young writer this note. And I quote again, in the opening, you have to grab the audience by the balls. So this sent the writer back to work. How do I grab them by the balls? And he came up with this. This idea that this whole thing goes kablooey right away. Well, Speaker 3 (24:54) now we're going to cut to Carl. He's a man. He's sitting inside of, I don't know, a grain silo. He's looking up at the sky with a telescope. He's got Speaker 2 (25:02) a homemade telescope, guys. He Speaker 3 (25:04) was played by John Mahon. And his wife, Dottie, played by Grace Zabritsky, is going to throw the door open. And she's really mad because