Pierre Novellie

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

In this episode of Off Menu, hosts Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome comedian Pierre Novelli to discuss his dream menu. The conversation m

Key takeaways

Pierre Novelli discusses his book, 'Why Can't I Just Enjoy Things?: A Comedian's Guide to Autism', which addresses his late-life diagnosis.
The hosts debate whether Blackcurrant Lemsip should be considered a valid flavor of the drink.

Main topics

Autism and Comedy
Food Textures and Sensations

Notable quotes

I just think it tastes like the future. It's like drinking the inside of a robot's mind.

Conclusion

A high-energy, anecdotal episode that blends personal vulnerability wi

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:13) Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the beef of conversation, drying it in the hot air of humour, creating the... Speaker 2 (0:25) Borevos of podcasting. It's thematic for our guest. That is a gamble. My name is James Acaster. That was thematic for our guest. And every single week we invite in a guest and we ask them their favourite Speaker 4 (0:35) ever start a main course dessert, side dish and drink. Not in that Speaker 2 (0:37) order. And this week our guest is... Borevos might be sausage. Sorry to any South Africans out there. Get your dried meats mixed up. Pierre Navelli! Speaker 4 (0:45) He's South African. Pierre Navelli is from South Africa, of course. He's a fantastic comedian, author, podcaster. Multi-hyphenate, I guess. Speaker 2 (0:55) Yeah, he's brilliant, Pierre. Delighted to finally get him on the pod. Speaker 4 (0:58) Yes, it's been too long. And he's Speaker 2 (1:01) a Speaker 4 (1:01) foodie as well. He's a foodie. He's part of Ed's little wine crew. We'll get into that later, I hope. I'll be bringing that up. Yes. And even though he is all of these things, we will kick him out if he says the secret ingredient. And this Speaker 2 (1:16) week, the secret ingredient is... Blackcurrant Lemsip. Speaker 4 (1:19) I like Blackcurrant Lemsip. Ed doesn't like it. Don't call it Lemsip if it doesn't have any lemon in it. So I like it, Blackcurrant Lemsip. I prefer it to normal Lemsip. Ed doesn't like it, doesn't think it should even be called Lemsip because it's not got lemon in it. We're going to see if Pierre picks it and then we can have that debate. I Speaker 2 (1:35) don't think he will, but it's worth a shot. It's Speaker 4 (1:38) unlikely, but I would like the public and our listeners and our viewers who might be watching this on YouTube right now to discuss it. Yes. and talk about... Tweet Benito. Yeah, tweet Benito. Tweet him. The Speaker 2 (1:52) Great Betweet-o. Speaker 4 (1:53) The Great Betweet-o! Speaker 2 (1:55) We've already had Lem-Sip as a secret ingredient. This is a sequel of sorts. Yeah, Phil Ellis had Lem-Sip as a secret ingredient. And Speaker 4 (2:02) now we've got Black Currant Lem-Sip. And I guess if they ever do any other flavours... Speaker 2 (2:05) Yeah, which they will, probably. Yeah, yeah. Then we can include that. They'll probably do Biscoff or something. Birthday cake flavour. Or salted caramel. Speaker 4 (2:13) Yeah, something like that. So we'll Speaker 2 (2:14) see. Speaker 4 (2:15) We'll see what the boys at Lemsip come Speaker 2 (2:17) up with. Yeah. And girls. I'm assuming it's mainly boys. At Lemsip? Yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah. This is the off-menu menu of Pierre Novelli. Pierre Novelli! Speaker 2 (2:35) Welcome, Pierre, to the Dream Restaurant. Welcome, Pierre and Emily, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting Speaker 3 (2:42) you for some time. Thank you very much. When you imagine yourself as the genie, are you blue like Aladdin? I'm as the guest, because it's your Dream Restaurant, I'm as the guest imagines me each episode. Okay, 100 % Robin Williams, Aladdin kind of thing. Speaker 2 (2:57) There's no other genie really in my mind. Speaker 3 (2:59) Who else am Speaker 2 (3:00) I going to... Did I see a panto that was better than that film? Yeah. Yeah, I guess panto genie, but then, you know, it's not as good as Robin Williams. Someone who was in EastEnders? No. Speaker 3 (3:11) Compared Speaker 4 (3:11) to Robin Williams at his height. Yeah. Also, like, genies have been, like, you know, just, like, a thing for centuries? Yeah. People talking about Speaker 2 (3:22) genies? In the West, 800 years. A long time. There you go. Look, this is what's going to be good this episode. is when you try and do a bit of history, you're clearly just making it up, pulling it out of your arse. Right, we've got Pierre here, he knows his shit. He literally just said, in the West, 800 years. In Speaker 4 (3:37) the Speaker 2 (3:37) West, 800 years. And you go, for ages? Eight Speaker 3 (3:40) centuries? Speaker 2 (3:41) Both Speaker 3 (3:41) correct. Speaker 2 (3:42) Yeah, both Speaker 3 (3:42) correct. I Speaker 2 (3:43) mean, but luckily, in the case of James. Speaker 3 (3:45) Yeah, but good instincts. Speaker 2 (3:48) Yeah. Speaker 3 (3:49) Yeah, good Speaker 2 (3:50) instincts. Driving Speaker 4 (3:51) towards Speaker 2 (3:51) the facts. Speaker 4 (3:52) Yeah, but not really knowing that they're there. Also, you should be driving. Speaker 2 (3:56) I shouldn't be driving. I'm a bad driver. But Speaker 4 (3:58) I know the history there. But yeah, I mean, Robin Williams in the Speaker 2 (4:06) 90s doing Aladdin and Speaker 4 (4:10) completely changing how everyone sees genies, which have been around for centuries. And now whenever everyone thinks about a genie, they think of the Robin Williams version. That is quite a thing. To be Speaker 3 (4:20) like the Coca-Cola Red Father Christmas of genies. Exactly. They're blue now. Yeah, they're blue now. And they're whimsical. Yeah. And they do impressions that are more funny if you were sort of an adult in the 80s. Yeah, yeah. In the inside. Yeah. Speaker 2 (4:33) Man, I loved it so much. If I actually met the genie from Aladdin, I think he'd get on my nerves within six minutes. Stop doing so much. You'd have to Speaker 3 (4:44) say to the genie, look, I'm in the business as well. I riff as well. Yeah. Just like wishes, please. When the genie appears to comedians, he's like a deadly serious Hollywood agent. Yeah. Like no fun at all. Yeah. Really Speaker 2 (4:56) serious. Just give me the rules. What are the percentages here? Speaker 3 (4:59) And he's like, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, sorry. Speaker 4 (5:01) Imagine the genie, yeah, when it is a comedian that's rubbed Speaker 3 (5:04) the Speaker 4 (5:04) lamp, the genie turns into this like. You know, when you're on a long car journey to a gig with another comic you don't know that well. And they go from being really fun on stage to just going like, well, who books that? I can never get in with that person. He's Speaker 2 (5:16) like Speaker 4 (5:16) slagging Speaker 2 (5:16) off other genies. That other genie gets all of Speaker 4 (5:20) the win. Everyone wants to rub his lamp. Speaker 3 (5:22) And what's wrong with my lamp? Speaker 4 (5:24) I've been doing Speaker 3 (5:24) this for so long. You've got to do panto. You've got to learn the trade. Yeah. He just goes leapfrog straight to Disney? Yeah, straight away. I Speaker 4 (5:31) don't understand how they're doing Speaker 3 (5:32) it. There's all these young genies these days. It's the granting wishes on TikTok. Speaker 2 (5:37) People doing comments. They're just popping out the lamp and chatting to the people who've rubbed the lamp and that's good enough now apparently. I've got on a show. The whole thing. Speaker 3 (5:46) I'm Speaker 2 (5:46) attaching to all these different characters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do impressions. Speaker 4 (5:50) Yeah, Speaker 2 (5:51) don't learn their craft, man. Speaker 4 (5:52) For Speaker 2 (5:53) you, am I Speaker 4 (5:55) also doing all the characters like Robin Williams Speaker 2 (5:57) and changing Speaker 4 (5:57) into stuff all the time? Speaker 3 (5:58) Or are you wanting me to be a bit more... I think he has you. Speaker 3 (6:02) But it still looks kind of like that. Speaker 4 (6:04) Happy to do that. And what's the lamp like for you? Is that the Aladdin lamp? Speaker 3 (6:11) Yeah, it looks like... I really like how those Moroccan lamps look. I guess like lighting lamps with stained glass and things. I like an aspect of that to it. I think Speaker 4 (6:22) I've seen these. A stained glass lamp? Speaker 3 (6:24) Yeah, well, they're sort of lots of different coloured bits of stained glass in a kind of brass frame. hanging from the ceiling. I mean, these are lighting lamps as opposed to oil lamps. Speaker 2 (6:34) When I was a kid, they would say, oh, that's a lamp. And I'd look at a lamp in my house and be like, it must be two different things. It must be for two different purposes. Speaker 3 (6:46) A lamp Speaker 2 (6:46) must mean something different. Why can you go inside that one? Why is it Speaker 3 (6:50) got a spout? Yeah, I guess in the modern Speaker 2 (6:52) one, he Speaker 3 (6:52) should be inside a bulb. Speaker 2 (6:53) Yeah. Yeah, a ball. Hammering on a glass ball. You could see him the whole time. That's good. Yeah, that's what Will Smith should have been like. A Tamagotchi. Speaker 3 (7:01) A Tamagotchi. A magical Tamagotchi. Yeah. Slaps you. Yeah. Speaker 4 (7:07) Surely there's a Tamagotchi movie around the corner. You've got to hope so. Speaker 3 (7:10) Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. How busy is Jack Black? Just stick him in it. Just stick him in it. Speaker 2 (7:15) Jumanji, yeah, yeah, yeah. At the end of the movie is the kid, because obviously then you like zoom out and it's all happening inside the Tamagotchi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's the end of the movie is the kid like pushing a pencil into the... button you can push at the back, you know, Tamagotchis? It resets the Tamagotchi. Well, they have to try and convince the big pencil not to do it. Yeah, Speaker 3 (7:34) yeah, yeah. And also on the poster, one of the Tamagotchis is posing with her arms folded and one eyebrow raised. Yeah, because Speaker 2 (7:40) it's an animated film. They have Speaker 4 (7:42) to look a little cheeky. So the Speaker 3 (7:44) pencil's the villain. Speaker 4 (7:45) Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Speaker 3 (7:46) it's quite like they're trying to convince God, from their point of view, not to reset them. Yeah. Even though they keep... I should keep shitting. And the pencil's English. In Speaker 2 (7:53) the Speaker 3 (7:53) real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaker 2 (7:55) I have a pencil. They've Speaker 3 (7:56) got Speaker 2 (7:56) a sort of AI Tim Speaker 3 (7:57) Curry voice. They've convinced Tim Curry to sign over the rights that AI generates. You know, it's the Home Alone 2 voice. Speaker 2 (8:05) Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Speaker 4 (8:07) finest in New York. That's my favourite part. What did he say? Pizza? Speaker 2 (8:12) Pizza. Yeah, I watched it recently. He doesn't know what pizza is. Cheese pizza. Pizza. So good in that film. Really good. Speaker 4 (8:20) He's probably the best part of that Speaker 2 (8:21) film. Speaker 4 (8:22) Yeah. And it's a classic. Every part of that film I love. But every time I watch it, I forget how good Tim Curry is in this movie. It's just always Speaker 2 (8:30) interesting for listeners to know this is our second episode recording this day. I don't know how far apart the episodes are going to be, but this is also our second Home Alone 2 riff of the day. Wow. Speaker 4 (8:40) Yeah, second of the day. It's in the air. And if you can figure out... listeners, the two episodes that were recorded on the same day. Speaker 3 (8:48) Yeah. Speaker 4 (8:48) Tweet the Off Menu podcast and the Great Benito will send you a signed chopping board. Speaker 3 (8:52) Off Menu Jigsaw. Speaker 4 (8:53) If listeners Speaker 3 (8:54) can place episodes in the order in which they were recorded, that's a big prize, though, for a full year of episodes. Speaker 4 (8:59) Yeah. For a full year, it's got to be huge. If someone can take this whole series that we're doing now, put them in the order that they were recorded, and send them in, do you know what? I'm going to say it. Ed and I will also sign the chopping board. Speaker 2 (9:14) Hang on. So in the past when we've been promising signed chopping boards which have never been sent to anyone, are you imagining it's just Ben who signed the chopping board? Yes. I Speaker 1 (9:23) thought Speaker 4 (9:24) that Speaker 2 (9:25) went without saying. Benito signs the chopping board and sends it to them. He thought Speaker 4 (9:29) that as well. And he did do it once. And that's what he did. He just signed Great Benito and he sent it to them. But if someone gets the whole of this series in order, we will sign it. And we will try and get as many guests who've been on the podcast that series, including Pierre, to sign that chopping Speaker 2 (9:45) board. Speaker 4 (9:45) But that means we have to Speaker 2 (9:46) get in contact with like 20 people. Speaker 4 (9:49) Yeah. Speaker 2 (9:50) Yeah. To sign a chopping board after they've been on the podcast. Benito's Speaker 4 (9:53) got to do that. Speaker 2 (9:53) Benito's the one who's going to do it. Remember Speaker 4 (9:54) that. We don't Speaker 2 (9:55) have Speaker 4 (9:55) to do that. Yeah. Go Speaker 2 (9:55) around London on a moped. Yeah. Yeah. Just getting signatures. Yeah. Flight to LA probably. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely have to go to LA at some point. Speaker 4 (10:03) But Speaker 2 (10:03) you're not allowed to take anything apart from the chopping board. Speaker 4 (10:05) Yeah, you just have to take the chopping board. That's your luggage. Speaker 2 (10:07) Hand luggage. Speaker 3 (10:08) Enjoy the reaction of the security there. Or check it in. Speaker 2 (10:12) You Speaker 3 (10:12) can check it in. Speaker 4 (10:13) Yeah, you can check it in if you want. No one's going to stop you from checking it in. Speaker 2 (10:17) Yes, take a Sharpie. Oh, check the board in and take the pen as hand luggage. Speaker 4 (10:21) Yeah, that's your hand luggage. That's your hand Speaker 2 (10:23) luggage. Pop it in the overhead compartment. Yeah, yeah. You're not allowed Speaker 4 (10:27) to keep it anywhere else. You have to put it in the overhead. You have to insist on going to the overhead. These are all the rules for you, Benito. Speaker 2 (10:33) There you go. Speaker 4 (10:34) Got it. Didn't write any of that. This is only if someone gets them all in the right order. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaker 2 (10:38) Big challenge. Did you use a Sharpie when writing your book, Pierre? Ah! Not the best link you've ever done, because who would use a Sharpie to write a book? Big book. Yeah. Huge font. Speaker 3 (10:50) How many pages? Well, a lot of pages, but it's not a long book. Speaker 2 (10:53) Yeah. Sending it off to your publisher going, I've written 500 pages. Like, Pierre, it's eight words. Speaker 3 (11:00) symbol them Speaker 2 (11:00) yeah when you're Speaker 3 (11:02) trying to print something too big on only a4 what comes out in little segments it's Speaker 2 (11:05) like a birthday banner um Speaker 3 (11:07) i do i had a sharpie with me during the fringe to sign it if anyone wanted it signed after the show nice because monkey barrel were kind enough to sell it Speaker 4 (11:14) yeah that would have been a better link nice a better link would have been and have you signed because we've signed chopping board have you signed copies of your new book well yeah Why can't I Speaker 2 (11:23) just enjoy things? Yes. That's Speaker 4 (11:25) the Speaker 2 (11:25) name of the book. It's a fantastic book. That's not Ed out loud pointing at Ed about himself. Well, Ed. Speaker 4 (11:29) I also feel like that. It's not what the podcast has come to. We're midway through an episode. Speaker 3 (11:34) Yes. Why can't I just enjoy things? The subtitle, A Comedian's Guide to Autism. I tried to do a 101 book because I got diagnosed at like 31, I think, around there. And... The books were informative, but very medically written and quite serious. And also, mainly they were written like they were talking to your parents. Right. So you're going to... It's not the most friendly way to... It's Speaker 2 (11:57) not Speaker 3 (11:57) fun either. And also I thought... Everything ends with pass it on. Yeah, exactly. So Speaker 2 (12:01) tell that little Speaker 3 (12:02) weirdo to sharpen Speaker 2 (12:04) up. When was this written? The 90s? Speaker 3 (12:07) Chapter Speaker 2 (12:08) 3, pull your socks up. chapter Speaker 3 (12:10) 4 just eat it just eat it yeah and so I thought that was my book yeah to Speaker 4 (12:19) be fair Speaker 3 (12:19) if you make it funny then also like it's not as hard a sell for like your your reluctant relative or partner to read right you'd be like no no it's funny like sugar the pill yeah Speaker 4 (12:31) so that was the plan and have you had much since it's been out in the world you must have had people like get in touch and say What effect, how they found it, and is there anything that sticks in your mind that is like, oh good, that's exactly what I wanted. Speaker 3 (12:46) I've had a few handwritten letters, and one, the guy sent a letter that was very nice and very profound about his own life, and he attached pictures, little Polaroids, and this is nice, it might sound sinister, like Polaroids of his kids. He's like, these are my kids and they're both autistic, and now I know I am. I can be nicer to them than I had. So did he... Speaker 2 (13:08) Did his diagnosis start with reading your book? He Speaker 3 (13:12) read the book when he realized how similar his issues as a kid were to his kids' issues. Like, live now. A lot of middle-aged men find out that way. Where they go to somewhere because their kid's having a hard time and the doctor describes a bunch of stuff and they go, but that's normal. But that's life, isn't it? So I get a message from someone, mainly it's like DMs or something, once every... two or three days, I think, on average. Sometimes you get a bunch in a row. Yeah, a few handwritten letters. It's very nice. It does make comedy seem a bit more shallow. You're not going to get a handwritten letter or the pictures of someone's kids going, they're Speaker 2 (13:50) going Speaker 3 (13:50) to enjoy bum jokes just as much as I wish I'd done thanks to your bum joke show. Speaker 4 (13:56) Okay. Well, speaking of comedy, you are on tour as well. That's a good link. That's good. Yeah. Speaker 2 (14:02) That was good. But we've been through hell. It's not a good link if you say it's a good link. Do you remember? Speaker 4 (14:08) But Speaker 2 (14:08) that's normal. The Speaker 3 (14:09) show is fantastic. Thank you. And there's a long story in it about beef. Speaker 3 (14:19) Which is on brand. Yeah. You arrived Speaker 2 (14:22) here with beef, of course. I Speaker 3 (14:23) did, Speaker 2 (14:23) yeah. Well, it's like a cowboy and his gun, isn't it? Speaker 3 (14:27) Can't go anywhere without it. That's my safe thing. Speaker 2 (14:30) It makes me feel safe. It's like you're constantly worried that you're going to be searched by the beef police. The beef police, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the beef police, in this context, they need you to have beef. They're not policing, but they're policing non-beef. They're policing non-beef. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Sergeant Mintz. Speaker 2 (14:46) Sergeant Sausage. Sergeant Speaker 3 (14:47) Sausage. Reports to Mayor Mince. Speaker 2 (14:52) In Speaker 3 (14:53) the beef police. They stink. Yeah, every time I go somewhere, I think, are Speaker 2 (15:00) they going to have beef there? Speaker 3 (15:03) That's Speaker 2 (15:03) the Speaker 3 (15:03) first question I ask. Are they going to have beef there? I Speaker 2 (15:07) bring Speaker 3 (15:07) my own. Are you eating a lot of beef on tour? I try not to. But, you know. You know what it's like when you've done a tour show, one that's finished maybe unusually early, and you're in a major city where you can maybe have something nice as opposed to something terrible late at night, and you think, I Speaker 2 (15:25) could have a Massaman curry. Yeah, sure. Right Speaker 3 (15:28) now. Instead of staring at the art choices of whatever I best saw. Yeah. Yeah, it's Speaker 4 (15:37) tough to resist. I've been told to eat more beef. Yeah? What the fuck? Yeah. No, you're speaking my language. Yeah, I've been told that I don't get enough iron. I'd Speaker 2 (15:46) kill for that. And Speaker 4 (15:47) they said just a couple of times a week, just like, you know, if you want to have a steak or something, just like, you should probably do something like that. You got a beef prescription? I was like, let me see some credentials. Because I was like... This is an Speaker 2 (16:01) old Texan doctor. Yeah. Speaker 3 (16:04) I think you need a little more beef. Speaker 2 (16:06) You get it in the background. What's that noise? Are you on a cattle farm? No, no, no. That's a patient. I'm being very unprofessional. That's someone who's had too much beef. So I'm Speaker 3 (16:20) balanced. I go both ways. I'm telling him to eat less and you to eat Speaker 2 (16:26) more. Speaker 3 (16:27) Yeah. But you're quite a Speaker 2 (16:29) pale man. Is that what Speaker 3 (16:30) it Speaker 4 (16:30) is? I Speaker 2 (16:31) think so. You Speaker 4 (16:31) need to look more Speaker 3 (16:32) red Speaker 4 (16:32) in the face. This was like a Zoom consultation with a nutritionist who was able to say to me, are you getting enough iron in your diet? Are you getting enough beef? Speaker 2 (16:42) You Speaker 4 (16:43) don't look. From the form you filled out and looking at you over Zoom, I think you are not getting enough iron in your diet. Speaker 2 (16:51) It's odd to me that they didn't say have an iron supplement. Speaker 4 (16:55) Well, I do have that. I was prescribed that as well. She said, you need to start doing multivitamins, have this one. It's got iron in it. But they were like, you know, if you could just, every now and again, just like get a steak. Because we're going through like what I have protein-wise. Yeah. And I was just like, I just don't ever really have. So I went through a big steak phase in like... 2015. Yeah. Where like I suddenly got into steak and I couldn't stop eating them. Yeah. And then got to the point where I was like, what the hell am I doing? This is insane. Speaker 3 (17:27) I have to stop. Prescribed beef over Zoom is like a modern Tom Waits. Yeah. Yeah. Speaker 2 (17:32) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Speaker 3 (17:36) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Speaker 4 (17:38) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Speaker 3 (17:41) Yeah. Speaker 4 (17:42) Yeah. Speaker 3 (17:42) Yeah. Speaker 2 (17:42) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Speaker 3 (17:43) Yeah. I wish I could. That's a great Zoom call to have. That bit of a conversation. You and I are never Speaker 2 (17:44) Yeah. Yeah Speaker 2 (17:49) having that conversation Speaker 3 (17:49) with anyone. If anyone tells us to eat more beef, it's sarcasm. Yeah. Speaker 4 (17:54) And Speaker 3 (17:54) that's how I pronounce that word. Yeah, sarcasm. Yeah, I Speaker 4 (17:58) love when people do that. Speaker 3 (17:59) The Speaker 2 (17:59) only way anyone's telling me to eat more beef is if they're like, you've got to eat a huge bit of beef just to try and drive the rest of the beef through the arteries. Speaker 3 (18:07) Yeah, yeah. Oh, yes, yeah, yeah. It's sort Speaker 2 (18:09) of a shock to the system. The only thing that can fix this beef Speaker 4 (18:12) is the bigger beef. It's like Alien vs Predator in there. It's like when Homer gets stuck in the slide and they send all the kids down. Speaker 3 (18:22) You have what we call beef-dependent organs. And now that you've had this much beef Speaker 2 (18:27) over such a long time, to cut you off now would kill you. You have to microdice beef for the rest of your life. Little meatball. Yeah, little meatball in the morning. Like a pill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaker 3 (18:37) Just fire Speaker 4 (18:37) it in there. Yeah, yeah, Speaker 2 (18:38) yeah. Speaker 4 (18:38) Fuck. A meatball in a capsule. Horrible. It just dissolves. Yeah. Or just let someone blowpipe it into your mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaker 2 (18:46) Straight in there. Yeah. Beef assassin. A little beef assassin. That's Speaker 4 (18:50) what Speaker 2 (18:50) the Speaker 3 (18:50) beef bullies are for. Yeah. They're doing their best. It's like Jack the Ripper, you know. They're humiliated by this guy. Before we get into the menu, are you much Speaker 4 (18:59) of a foodie? Speaker 3 (19:01) Yes and no. So, I think there's three... categories and I'm in the middle. There's people who, it's just like fuel. The Joel Domets. Sure. Where in an ideal world he would have access to like a kind of Costco version of how they create the NASA food. Speaker 2 (19:15) Yes. Tubes. Yeah. Speaker 3 (19:18) Toothpaste. Everything's in a toothpaste tube. Speaker 4 (19:19) Fine. He'd love a meatball fight down his throat. Oh, he would love it. And Speaker 3 (19:22) one that is just so dry. No fat in it. Just protein. A turkey mince meatball. Oh, God. If you've ever tried to make those. Yes. You just end up adding fat back in. Yeah, yeah. It's Speaker 2 (19:34) a Speaker 3 (19:34) waste of time. So there's people like that. And then there's pure foodies. And I definitely would put Ed in that category, James probably as well, where pretty much every time you have a meal, you think, well, why not make it nice? Yes. It could just be nice. Yeah. The trouble with me is that I can't be trusted. Right? Because when I start thinking, why not make it nice? Then suddenly every day is boxing day. I'm like the food version of someone who can't have one beer. So when I go to a restaurant, I am a foodie. Or when I'm planning to be a foodie or having people over, I'll stay up till the other day. I stayed up till like 2 a.m. dicing the ingredients for like a big pie. Like a real witch's pie. you know, from a fairy tale. Like a Speaker 2 (20:19) desperate damn Speaker 3 (20:19) pie. Oh yeah. It looked great. Brushing egg on that thing. Yeah, absolutely. Then I'll do that. But the rest of the time, in order to keep myself just fitting in my own clothes, I have to eat more like Joel Domet. So I'm half and halving it. Speaker 2 (20:33) Yeah. So I've got, so basically when almost where, so with the restaurants, it's fine because someone else is in control of the portions. Yeah, Speaker 3 (20:39) exactly. Yeah. And, and they know when they are going to stop adding butter. Speaker 2 (20:44) Yeah. Speaker 3 (20:45) There's no real point where I ever feel like there's enough butter on toast. Yeah, yeah. I mean, until the crust is soaked. Yeah. Speaker 2 (20:52) You could add more. There's no limit on it. Speaker 3 (20:55) I can't. Oh, yeah, no. So I have to, at home, I try and not keep too many nice things in the house. No, I think Speaker 2 (21:01) we are quite similar, Pierre. I think we might be in the same category. Speaker 2 (21:06) We always start with still a sparkling water, Pierre. Sparkling, I think, Speaker 3 (21:10) yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to disrupt whatever's happening in the mouth between bites. I see. But Speaker 2 (21:17) I've got an issue with fizz. I don't know if you Speaker 3 (21:20) guys do this, but I only know one other person who does this consistently or have heard of them doing it, and they're also autistic, so it might be a mouth texture thing. Diet Coke is my favorite drink of all drinks, but to my detriment, you know. I just think it tastes like the future. It's like drinking the inside of a robot's mind. Yeah, that's Speaker 4 (21:41) fair enough. Speaker 3 (21:42) But I Speaker 2 (21:42) defizz it by like 30%. Oh, interesting. Yeah. How are you defizzing? What's your defizzing method? Speaker 3 (21:48) I've got a Speaker 2 (21:48) patented, if it's in a bottle, a series of careful shakes Speaker 3 (21:52) and hisses. Shakes and release. Shake and release. Yeah. Tip it to try and get the bubbles back down again. Shake and release. Do that like three times. Can is harder. Hopefully you're somewhere where you've got a coffee stirrer. Yeah. Stick