100% Of My Income Went Straight To Gambling | Here's How I Quit

Nothing’s Off the Table with Louis Ruggiero

Daniel Bullen joins Louis Ruggiero to detail his two-decade struggle with compulsive gambling, tracing its roots from childhood exposure to a devastating cycle of massive wins, reckless behavior, and crypto

Key takeaways

Daniel Bullen's gambling obsession began at age 8 or 9 through family exposure to greyhound racing and slot machines, cemented by early high-stakes wins on horses and football accumulators.
At 19, Daniel won £20,000 in hours playing online roulette but lost it all within four hours of returning to work, triggering years of hidden debt and financial manipulation.

Main topics

Compulsive gambling addiction
Early exposure & family dynamics

Notable quotes

"I need to want to do this for myself. I can't stop gambling for somebody else."

Conclusion

Daniel's story underscores that gambling recovery is not about finding a quick win or external

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:02) you Speaker 1 (0:05) All right, welcome back. Yes, yes, yes, we are back. Another episode, nothing's off the table. Very special guest, Daniel Bullen. He's the host of Addicted Recovery, which is also another podcast that's focused on primarily gambling addiction, but also some substance abuse as well, correct? Or just gambling? Gambling. Just gambling. One of the first podcasts that I ever went on, I'd say... what almost a year ago at this point getting close to it was uh addicted recovery um he lives in australia so he's Speaker 1 (0:41) Normally not in the States, but here he is in the flesh live. And we're so grateful that you're here. Thank you so much for coming. Speaker 2 (0:49) Lewis, am I your first ever guest to fly internationally to get on, to come on? Don't do that. Speaker 1 (0:54) You didn't come here for me. You came here for the crooked counsel and problem gambling. It was all for you and you didn't even pay for my flight. I can't believe it. Well, we have the sugar daddy, Michael Zhang for that. Speaker 2 (1:08) He'll love getting a mention. Speaker 1 (1:09) Yeah, yeah. All right, you ready? Yeah, man. All right, Speaker 2 (1:12) we Speaker 1 (1:13) don't waste any time. Tell us about your last day gambling. Speaker 2 (1:18) So my last day, the worst one was actually six months before that, but my last day was October 2021. Speaker 2 (1:25) On the 21st of October, I had half a Bitcoin. On the 22nd of October, I had nothing. Just that last 24 hours, it was like that last hurrah. Like my gambling started when I was like eight, nine years old, but it eventually finished with crypto. Speaker 2 (1:42) And just that last night, the desperation, it's like, you know what I'm talking about when it's just, you're backed into a corner, you're that deep in the hole. It's just desperation bets. It's like in my head, I knew Bitcoin was going to go up, but I didn't have the patience to wait a week, a month, half a year. I needed that win right now. I needed it right now. So I started leverage trading, which for people who don't know what that is, basically you multiply your winnings, but you also multiply your losses. So for every $10,000 I put in, I had 100x leverage. I was getting a million dollars worth of Bitcoin off $10,000, but I had... six figures in at this point. So I had multiple millions of dollars of Bitcoin. Speaker 2 (2:25) But a 1 % swing, so Bitcoin goes down 1%, my trade gets cancelled, the app that I was using take my money, and Speaker 1 (2:33) that's it, it's gone. Speaker 2 (2:34) It's not like investing where you can ride the waves. As soon as it dipped 1%, that was it. Everything was gone. In that moment, I finally realised two things. Speaker 2 (2:45) I need to want to do this for myself. I can't stop gambling for somebody else. I can't stop for my wife. I can't stop for my kids. I can't stop for my mum back in England. I need to want this for myself. And secondly, I just cannot control it. I cannot control my gambling. As soon as I place that first bet, whether it's a week later, a month later, a year later, it will get out of control again. That first bet is the only one I've got any control over. And that's the two foundations that I've lived by for almost five years now. How did it all start, brother? single digits, eight, nine years old. I remember we used to go to like a social club and it was like a poker table, but it was a greyhound track, these little six wooden greyhounds. And then there was two dice. Someone had rolled the two dice. One of the dice, one of the numbers would represent which greyhound it was. The other number would represent how many it's going to move. So obviously the number six had to travel further. So the number six would have been bigger odds. I just remember like eight, nine years old being infatuated with it. I was like just obsessed with it. I can't even remember if Speaker 1 (3:48) I... Speaker 2 (3:49) placed money on it, if I bet on it, if my family will put money on for me, but I just remember being obsessed with it. And over the years that developed into slots. About 11, 12 years old, there were slots in that same venue. And my granddad was an illegal bookie. So gambling was always in the family. It was always like socially accepted. And then me and all my cousins, my mum's one of eight children. So I've got like 50 odd cousins. So I'd always be with some cousins on the weekend in that social club. We'd always be on the slot machines around the corner. And then my granddad would come around the corner. He'd give us a telling off. He'd yell at us. We'd all scamper, run away. And then as soon as he'd go back around the corner, I was always the first one to go straight back there. can see looking back, my cousins had that telling off, that was enough for them to not go back. Whereas I needed it. I needed that hit straight away. As soon as he was gone, straight back to those slots. I couldn't get enough of it at like 11, 12 years old. So it was ingrained in me early. And there was loads of things, like my two uncles are really well off. They've got their own businesses, their own companies, but they like a gamble. So I think my young mind put those two things together where they're well off, they like a gamble, that's how they've become rich, that's how they've become millionaires, through gambling. And I always sort of... saw that as this is how I'm going to get rich. Like even though I lose every single time and even if I win, I put it straight back. This is what's going to make me rich. And then a couple of big wins at like 14 and 15. So when I was 14 years old, my mum and dad split up when I was 12. And at 14 years old, we're all sitting in the living room watching a horse race. So I've got a family member called Georgie and there's a horse called Chief Dan George. So all my family have bet on it just for our names. And this horse is miles back. We're all in my mum's living room. My mum, my dad's there, my brother-in-law's sister, nephew, brother. We're all watching it and this horse is just miles back. Like it's lost. It's out. The jockey's hitting it as hard as he can and it's going nowhere. I actually found out afterwards the in-running odds on Bethea went out to 999 to one. That's how far back it was. Like it was done. Somehow, jockey got it going, came through, won on the line. And I just remember like the euphoria. The whole living room, all my family's jumping up, all hugging each other. I don't even think I had any money on it. But just like that family unit that had fractured two years earlier when my mum and dad had split up, it was all back together again. Like euphoria. I remember that moment and just loving it. But then 12 months later, I had a win that was different. It was a football accumulator. I think you call it a parlay over here. Four teams, two of them were home wins, two of them were draws. in like the 89th minute, the two home wins, they're done. They've won. But the two draws, one of the team is winning either way. So I need a goal in both of those games. In like the 89th minute, one of them come in. So I've got three out of four. I'm just waiting on this last one. It's into the 93rd minute. So it's three minutes into injury time. And I still remember it now, 15, 20, however many years later it is. Coventry City versus Wolverhampton Wonders, 2-2. It came in right at the end. I was dead and buried again, just like the horse race, but it came in right at the end. And I won £140 off my £1 accumulator. I remember having that cash. I'd actually put it on in the bookmakers around the corner. And I remember having that cash. That was more like isolated. That was like, wow, I can make money off this. Like this is what I'm going to do. I know better than everybody else. And I do believe those two moments really planted the seed for what was to happen for the next 20 years. Speaker 1 (7:29) I think that the worst thing that could happen to a compulsive gambler is the winning. And I had a similar experience my first time gambling. Speaker 1 (7:37) You know, I think after those big wins, there's always some big losses and there's always some moments, at least in my gambling history, where I was like. Speaker 1 (7:47) Down and out. I somehow wiggled my way out of it again. And I was like, okay, I'm fine. Maybe I need to take a week off, month off, you know, like the conversation you play. And then like you say, I'm going to take a week off and three days later, you're back or two days later, you're back. I'd love to hear maybe about some instances in your gambling history where there are some moments. Speaker 1 (8:12) where you were like, this has got to stop and maybe just some instances of the powerlessness of this disease. Speaker 2 (8:19) Yeah. Speaker 1 (8:20) After that, at 15 years Speaker 2 (8:22) old, it was just all consuming after that. I was like, every day. I worked part-time in my mom's estate agents at like 16, I say part-time. I worked on the weekends, all of that money straight into gambling. I worked full-time from 17 years old, all into gambling. You say big losses, like I just remember, I'd get paid monthly. Within two hours, three hours of being paid, I've got nothing for the rest of the month. However, at 19 years old, it all came good. It all came right. I got that win. That win that's going to set everything right. That win that's going to create the dreams that I've been dreaming of since those early wins. I'm playing online roulette on Betfair. and roulette was my game for quite a few years. No matter what number came in, that would determine what I'm going to bet on next. Like I'd have, like you could say a number and I'd tell you what number I'd bet on next for that exact reason. And I always did the same colour, same previous colour. So if I had a good run of colours, I was quids in. I was up to a thousand pound a spin. I started with a few hundred. I got up to a thousand pound a spin. And I hit 12 consecutive blocks. Sorry, 12 grand. I'm talking in pounds here, 12,000 pounds. Carried on playing, I got that up to 20,000 pounds. So at 19 years old, I was making 11,500 pounds a year salary. So I just won like two years salary in a few hours. life is complete. It's like brilliant. I'm retiring. I wasn't driving at the time. So it's like, I'm going to go and get my license, get my car, the girlfriend that I've got, we're going on a cruise. It's like perfect. So I had that online account from when I was 16, so it wasn't like properly verified. So I had to jump through loads of hoops to withdraw it. And it was taking days to get to me. So it took eight days to finally show up in my account. I just remember every morning, wake up, refresh balance. It's not there, but I was just on a cloud for those eight days. This Thursday morning, I check my balance, 10am, refresh balance, bam, 20k. I'm like, fuck yes. Am I okay to swear? Yeah, of course. I am like, fuck yes, it's there. Oh my God. It's actually there. I've got this money. Here we go. Speaker 2 (10:28) I thought, you know what, I'll see if my luck's still in. I'll have a look on Betfair, see what's going on. I'll put 100, maybe 200 in. So that was 10am. By the time I went to work at 2pm that day, I was working in a gym. By the time I went to work at 2pm, I'd given it all back. It took me four hours. It took me three hours. It was an hour to travel to the gym. Three hours, I gave it all back. Just... Speaker 1 (10:50) Playing roulette. Same thing again. Tell me about those feelings you had when you got to work. Real quick, you guys know my story. I was suicidal with a 10-month-old child at home and nearly a million dollars in debt. Want to know the one thing I learned the hard way? Gambling addiction is not the same as drug or alcohol addiction. You can't just throw a gambler into a regular rehab and replace the word alcohol or drugs with gambling. That's why I partnered with Algamus. They're the oldest privately funded, gambling-specific, inpatient treatment center. in the country. They've been doing this and only this for over 30 years. It's a real home out in Arizona. It's a small program and the majority of the staff there are also in recovery from gambling. They get it. If you're where I was or you love somebody who is, call 1-888-NO-WAGER. That's 1-888-669-2437. One call is all it takes to start your journey in recovery. Speaker 2 (11:45) Just numb. Nobody knew about that for 15 years. Sorry, one person. I told one person in the gym. So the gym was more of like an old person's gym. And this one guy, I still remember him, Graham Barker. I've gone up to him. I'm like this 19-year-old kid. And he's like, how are you doing, son? And I'm like, Graham, I've had a bit of a tough morning. I've just lost 20,000 pounds. He's obviously not understanding how this 19-year-old kid got 20,000 pounds. Obviously, he thinks I'm playing some sort of game or something. He just goes, whoa, that's a lot of bread. and walks off and gets on with his day. He's the only person that knew about it for 15 years. Just internalized it, didn't tell any of my family, didn't tell anyone. Just buried it deep down. I was just numb. I remember just walking around the gym like a zombie. I was like, how has this happened? But there was still that underlying feeling of, I know how to do this. I know how to change my life. Next time, I'll just stop. Once I get there, once I get that money, I'll just stop. And that's how I'll do it. So the seed was well and truly planted in that moment. for the next three, four, five years. Same thing. Getting paid monthly in the gym, within hours, gone. And my brother-in-law was the bank manager and I always used to have to call him and be like, I've gone into my overdraft, I've gone into my overdraft, I'm going to get a charge, can you stop it for me? Can you stop the charge? And he'd save me £35 or £25, whatever it was. Speaker 2 (13:09) Like nothing, nothing for the month. You know how I survived? I had no bills. I had nothing. My phone bill was in my sister's name in her account. I lived at home with my mum, so I didn't need to pay for food or anything like that. And travel, I wasn't driving. I just shout down to my mum every morning before she went to work, can I have money for the bus? And she'd leave money on the stairs for me. So literally 100 % of my income would just go. I had like five credit cards that I got when I was 18, when I turned 18, maxed them out instantly just gambling. It just consumed my Speaker 1 (13:39) life. Speaker 2 (13:40) It was everything. Managed to find a couple of loan companies, a couple of dodgy loan companies. I'm about 22, 23 at this point. Found this dodgy loan company that is based in my city. And the internet, this is in 2000. Speaker 2 (13:57) 2008 2007 the internet isn't quite what it is now I was able to just go into paint change my bank transactions to hide all the lab broke's withdrawals and Just make it look like I was a bit better off than I was Take them into the loan company and they give me give me this loan Speaker 2 (14:11) gone straight away and then it because they weren't like a professional loan company they actually sent people around to my house actually sent like two of their workers around and that was the first time my family sort of noticed something was going on because my dad was there and these two people have knocked and i just like shit myself i'm like i know who they are and why they're here and my dad ends up sort of Speaker 2 (14:31) He bailed me out, basically. I got bailed out. I got that loan paid off. Didn't have to deal with any of the consequences. In my mind, in that moment, I'm like, I'm never doing this again. That was petrifying. Speaker 1 (14:41) Your dad knew it was for gambling? I think so, yeah. Like one Speaker 2 (14:46) thing with my family, it was always sort of swept under the rug. Speaker 2 (14:52) Only through sheer love, and I've got no blame for my mum or dad or any of my family whatsoever, I made all this mess. But yeah, it was always sort of swept under the rug. When my mum and dad divorced when I was 12, I still remember it, I walked into the dining room and there's two couches at either end. My mum's on one end, my dad's on the other end. And I just get told to sit down, so I sit down next to my dad and they tell me my dad's leaving. And my world's crushed, my dad's my hero. And I just go, okay. I carry on eating my biscuit and I walk out. Like no tears, no pleading with them to not do it or anything like that. Like that's how... how much I just wasn't comfortable, wasn't like shown how to deal with negative emotions. So I sort of believe that's another factor as to why I gambled. Cause I just, every time I felt shit, I felt uncomfortable. I felt angry. Gambling would just help me escape those feelings. I could just focus on, on what I was looking at. And yeah, it was, it was always the same thing as most people say. It's like, I promise I'll never do this again. And I fully mean what I say when I'm like, dad, I'm not going to do this again. I promise. Help me out this time. And it's going to stop. And then like you said before, three days later, I'm like, Speaker 1 (15:58) it's Speaker 2 (16:00) until you start doing that work, which is years later for me in the story now, but until you start doing that work, it's just always there. It's always on the line. It's always going to creep back in. And every time I said to my family, I'll stop, I fully believed it, but it would never. Did they? I believe so. Speaker 1 (16:18) Yeah, Speaker 2 (16:18) I think so. Speaker 2 (16:22) Like yeah, one thing I've learned from my mom is just like unconditional love. I've passed that on to my girls now. My mum had pleaded with me to stop and... Speaker 2 (16:34) I'd give her sleepless nights and everything and it would kill me. Now when I'm doing that, because I love her so much. But gambling sold me that dream. Gambling sold me, once you get that big win, you can buy everyone's forgiveness. You can buy a holiday home for your mum in the Hamptons, is it? The Hamptons, the one just around the corner here. You can buy a holiday home for your mum. She'll forgive you for all those sleepless nights. Your family, all the sleepless nights you've given them, it won't matter anymore because you can buy them all fancy cars. The dream world of the compulsive gambler. I lived there. in my head for I don't know how many years. Speaker 2 (17:06) Just like... My behavior? Speaker 2 (17:10)