Am I a bad Mum?" Sara Pascoe's very honest parenting fail
No Parental Guidance
In this episode of No Parental Guidance, hosts Louise and Hannah are joined by comedian and author Sara Pascoe to discuss the unglamorous realities
Key takeaways
- Sara Pascoe shares a lateral thinking parenting hack involving pouring raspberry slime down the toilet by framing it as 'doing a poo' to avoid bedtime resistance.
- Pascoe discusses her IVF journey at age 40, noting how medical advice on sperm freshness and motility directly influenced their conception strategy.
Main topics
- Toddler tantrums and gentle parenting
- IVF and advanced maternal age pregnancy
Notable quotes
"I think if my husband goes out nude, my youngest thinks he can too."
Conclusion
The episode offers a grounded, humorous look at the compromises and cr
Transcript preview
Speaker 1 (0:00) Coming up... Shall we have a drum roll? Sarah Popkin! He keeps saying he can go out nude. Is he your husband or you? Yeah, sorry. I think if my husband goes out nude, my youngest thinks he can too. I can't pull an all-nighter anymore. I don't Speaker 3 (0:13) think Speaker 1 (0:13) I'll ever be able to pull an all-nighter ever again. By 40, I was just like, I'm just like a corpse pregnancy or something. Speaker 3 (0:26) Oh, one, two, one, do one. Sorry. If anyone said, hey, I watch your mobile numbers, do you want to give it to me? I'd be like, yeah, it's all one, two, one, do one. Speaker 3 (0:38) never heard of that before that's because you grew up somewhere proper louise you Speaker 2 (0:43) didn't grow up in yorkshire i remember giving um a fake phone number the same fake phone number to boys every single time because it's like a landline number your best mate's house number and i remember once calling it and asking for my name and this person was like who is this louise she doesn't live here I was like, okay, so the boys are actually calling me then. How easy was it back in the day, though, to just, like, give a fake phone number out? Speaker 3 (1:08) Yeah. And Speaker 2 (1:09) then that was, like, the old school ghosting. There was no, like, finding you online. Or you'd be like, Speaker 3 (1:15) mum, someone's going to ring. Or dad, like, there's a boy who's going to ring. Will you just say that I don't live here? Speaker 2 (1:19) Yeah. And he'd be like, hello. It's like, hiya, is Hannah there? It's like, who? You got the wrong number. Yeah. And then they just put the phone down. I remember this guy called me all the time and I didn't like him at all. His name was Darren. And he just really liked me and I didn't have the heart to say, it's not going to happen, Darren. Speaker 1 (1:38) So Speaker 2 (1:38) I got my sister to pretend she was me. And she was like, Darren, stop calling me. I'm not interested. Donk. And I was like, thank you. Meanwhile, you're listening on the other line. Yeah, but yeah, so that's the joy of having, yeah, being old school. Or Speaker 3 (1:55) you'd leave a message on the answering machine. Speaker 2 (1:58) I Speaker 3 (1:58) remember once I got the phone, you know that song that's like, somebody answer the phone. I phoned a boy that I was going out with and he didn't answer the phone. So I phoned back and played that song over the voicemail because I thought it was hilarious. And he dumped me. Did he? Yeah, he dumped me. Oh, well, his loss, babe. His mum said I was a dick. Speaker 3 (2:20) So he dumped me. Do you remember you'd leave voice, you could have the voicemail on your phone. I know you can still do it now. And you'd just be like, oh, hey. This is Hannah. Guess what? I'm not, oh, there'd be those absolute knobs that would have the, hey, you okay? And you'd be like, hiya, I'm fine. And then they'd say, what are you up to? And Speaker 2 (2:40) you'd Speaker 3 (2:40) be like, well, actually at the moment it's like, it's not really me. Yeah, I've been Speaker 2 (2:44) caught out with it a few times actually. So much. I love annoying. Does anyone leave you a voicemail anymore? Speaker 3 (2:49) I've had two from the school while we've been sat here, Louise. Have you? Speaker 2 (2:53) Yeah. Oh, school. School. We're right in the middle of it now, aren't we? Any, You go first. I've always kind of played this little game with Inka in the swimming changing rooms. It's a very small changing room. It's very safe and it's small and you can see everything. But we've always played this game where she hides in a locker. Speaker 3 (3:15) Yeah. Speaker 2 (3:16) And I pretend that I don't know where she is. And, you know, it's a game that we've always played. I always know where she is. Yeah. Speaker 1 (3:25) And Speaker 3 (3:25) then... Speaker 1 (3:28) We went to IKEA. Speaker 2 (3:29) Oh, shit. Yeah. Speaker 2 (3:34) And all of a sudden, ink has gone missing. And the panic, because it's packed. I don't even know why I'm even thinking about taking a child to Ikea anyway. Like, it's chaos. And I'm like, I don't know where ink has gone. I feel sweaty. I Speaker 1 (3:51) know, Speaker 2 (3:51) I know. I am sweating. I'm wearing a jumper for the first time in months and I'm sweating at this story. So she's gone missing. And I'm calling her name. And I'm thinking she couldn't have gone that far because she was just here. And then your mind goes, someone's taken her. Someone's taken her. She can't hear me. And then I'm like, she's fucking hiding somewhere, isn't she? I know she is. And so, you know, when you kind of walk through like the yellow brick road of Ikea. Yeah. And there's like, you know. a mock-up room. I had other people searching for her. She found it hilarious. She was hiding in a cupboard in a pretend bedroom in Ikea. Speaker 2 (4:29) It's like a 55-bedroomed house in Ikea, isn't it? She could have been in anyone. So we don't play that game anymore. No. And they wonder why mothers drink wine. Speaker 3 (4:38) Yeah. What's in that cup, Louise? Is that coffee or wine? Speaker 2 (4:44) How about your film? Speaker 3 (4:45) Well, it made me remember I took the boys, the last time I took the boys to JD Sports. Yeah. Like, that's the worst place for hide-and-seek, isn't it? I'm not finding them. Like the one in Loughborough is like the size of a football pitch. Oh God. With like... stuff everywhere. And they're like, I want some new trainers. I need new trainers. I'm like, you don't, I'm not buying you new trainers. Get them on Vinted. Get them online. Like you are not getting new shoes. Bradley's already lost Speaker 2 (5:17) a school shoe. Oh, standard. How many weeks have you Speaker 3 (5:20) been Speaker 2 (5:20) back at school? Not even a month, Louise. Have you lost a water bottle? I think we've gone through about five. Oh, Speaker 3 (5:25) Logan likes to chew them. And I know that they're his because one side is really chewed and the other isn't because his top teeth haven't come through yet. Oh, bless. It's like rubble from Paw Patrol. Speaker 3 (5:36) Chewing everything. But yeah, it's like water bottles, pencil cases, shoes, everything Speaker 2 (5:42) gone. Do you know what drives me mad? Is that there's a lot of this talk online how today's parenting doesn't add up with work. And then there are people, I guess like my mum, for example, Speaker 3 (5:54) would Speaker 2 (5:54) be like, well, you know, my day, we just got on with it. I'm like, in your day, you didn't have to survive on two incomes. Speaker 3 (5:59) Although Speaker 2 (6:00) that's a lie. My mum totally did because she was a single mother. So I take that back. Speaker 3 (6:04) She literally slapped you across the face if she heard you say that. Shut Speaker 2 (6:07) up. We just got on with it. But also, you know, back in my day, my kids find it mad how I talk about... how my childhood was like no phones there was no gps there was nothing like if you got lost in the car on the motorway of the car broke down you just dealt with it yeah Speaker 1 (6:27) they're Speaker 2 (6:27) like how how but Speaker 1 (6:30) like my um my Speaker 2 (6:32) eldest son's gone into year 10 so he's right in the thick of like starting his gcses and all of that and he's like mum you did all this without google yeah Without chat GBT. And I'm like, yeah, we had to actually think. Use our brains. Yeah. And he's like, oh, yeah. I'm like, I'm really smart, actually. And he's like, yeah, you must be. Now I'm thinking shit and I can't remember anything. Well, it's because you've had kids. None of us have, yeah. Speaker 3 (7:02) None Speaker 2 (7:02) of us know what we're doing after Speaker 3 (7:03) kids. It just Speaker 2 (7:04) reduces your brain. Actually, on the way here this morning, I got to Waterloo and I was suddenly like. How do I get to the studio? Where am I going? I was literally, I had to take a moment to go. Right. Where am I going? And we're here every week. Like, it's scary. Speaker 3 (7:27) I don't think there's anybody in this country that doesn't know our next guest. Actress, author, incredible comedian. Shall we have a drum roll? Oh! Speaker 3 (7:39) Thank you for coming on. I'm Speaker 1 (7:41) so Speaker 3 (7:41) happy you're here. Speaker 2 (7:41) I'm a huge fan. I will be girl crushing. No, I'll be girl crushing. You are brilliant. So pleased to have you on. Speaker 1 (7:48) You're glamorous, mums. Speaker 2 (7:50) Mate, look, I've just sewn you my shoe. I know, but Speaker 1 (7:52) that's why I love that you did that because you're both so well presented and then you've had a disaster on the tube. Yeah, so Speaker 2 (7:59) for those of you watching, I was on the tube, on the escalators and the heel got stuck. And I kept walking, had a Cinderella moment where I realised I was walking with bare feet on the tube. Gross. And my shoe was stuck there at the bottom of the escalator. And everyone was kind of like trying to avoid it. And there's me trying to rip it out. And then, yes, the thing's broken. Are you that lady from the internet? That's me. Speaker 1 (8:22) I Speaker 2 (8:22) love Speaker 1 (8:22) that Speaker 2 (8:23) you think that we're glam moms, but we're not really. You Speaker 1 (8:24) are glam moms. We're not. Speaker 2 (8:27) You're in the trenches, right? Speaker 1 (8:28) Yeah, I am in the trenches. Mine are four and... Nearly three. My little one's going to be three next month. And I really, really struggle with two, they're age two. And so I'm hoping that we're turning a corner in a minute. Oh, two's are hard. Toddlers are twats. Well, it's the stubbornness and then the hurting themselves. It's the insistence of doing a thing and then creating their own downfall. And then that you, oh, so I'm supposed to make you feel better about this, am I? Speaker 2 (8:55) What are you like when your kids have like a meltdown in public? Because you're like a public figure, do you get that kind of like, oh, shit, or are you just like crack on? Well, Speaker 1 (9:05) I realised because we've just been at Chessington for two days. I think I'm fine for like the first seven or eight. It's the ninth one. It's the one where it becomes you've got nothing left to give. And I'm trying so hard with the little one not to use words like naughty and bad. I've read all the stuff I know. He's got this impulsivity problem at the moment. And I know, don't call him a bad boy. Don't call him a naughty boy. So accidentally, twat will slip out. And I think, okay. The gentle parenting goes out. Not to call him a twat in public. Speaker 2 (9:38) And no one else knows. Do you find that your youngest Speaker 1 (9:42) has turned a corner now that he's three? So yeah, he's just had his birthday. So I'm waiting for him to become slightly more reasonable. Speaker 2 (9:49) Okay. I hate to say this. You may be waiting a little bit longer. My Speaker 1 (9:53) four-year-old got so much better once he was three. We could reason with him a little bit. Speaker 2 (10:00) Yes. Is your eldest at school yet? He's just started. Oh, Speaker 1 (10:05) really? Oh, my