Jamie and Sophie face the APOCALYPSE

NewlyParents

Jamie and Sophie reunite after Sophie's trip to New York, sharing anecdotes about encountering a snake in Times Square and meeting children

Key takeaways

• Sophie encountered a snake named Banushka while visiting Times Square in New York.
• The hosts faced a shocking £900 bill after allowing a stranger to clean their front stone.

Main topics

• New York travel stories
• Solo parenting and baby fashion

Notable quotes

A sneeze is like an orgasm every fucking time.

Conclusion

The episode provides a mix of lighthearted comedy and emotional connec

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) Can I just ask you before we start? Mm-hmm. Speaker 1 (0:02) Achoo! Whoa. Speaker 2 (0:04) What do you think the most underrated things in the world are? Speaker 1 (0:06) A sneeze is like an orgasm every fucking time. It's great. Speaker 2 (0:09) Isn't it fucking good? Speaker 1 (0:10) Mm-hmm. Speaker 2 (0:11) When it's a really big one. That's the best. Come on, give me some underrated things. What do you think they are? Speaker 1 (0:16) Okay. Is cereal underrated? Speaker 2 (0:19) Yeah, probably. I Speaker 1 (0:21) think it absolutely is. And a banana is underrated too. A banana tastes fake. If you really, really close your little eyes and eat that banana, it doesn't taste real. It tastes artificial and it's so lovely. And all of us think it's as boring as an apple because you get given a banana from day dot. Speaker 2 (0:39) Bananas are okay, fine, but hot baths, underrated. Vile. Speaker 1 (0:44) Overrated, if anything. Are you freaking kidding me? A Speaker 2 (0:47) hot Speaker 1 (0:47) bath feels like you're stewing in your own dirt and I feel anxious the minute I set foot in it. If you put me in a hot bath, that's anxiety for me. Are you Speaker 2 (0:55) serious? It's Speaker 1 (0:56) the same feeling as watching Coronation Street. What? It's just like anxious. When you watch Coronation Street, you feel anxious. Lonely. I feel lonely when I watch Coronation Street or Amidale. And baths, I feel very lonely in too. When Speaker 2 (1:10) you get into a bath, you feel lonely. How? I'm Speaker 1 (1:12) homesick. Speaker 2 (1:13) Underrated for me, I'll give it to you. Very simple. Lion bars, very underrated. And the other one is hand jobs. Extremely underrated. Listen, I tell you what, let's begin the episode and get into it. Are you ready for this? Speaker 1 (1:27) I'm ready. Are Speaker 2 (1:28) you steady for this? I'm steady. Speaker 1 (1:31) Hello, I'm Jamie Lang. And I'm Sophie Lang. And now... Julie Parrish! Oh, yeah, we are, baby. Speaker 1 (1:39) Ladies and gentlemen, Speaker 2 (1:40) welcome back to Newly Parents. Oosh, oosh, oosh. Oosh, oosh, oosh. She's back from New York. She's back from New York. I want to hear about New York because you've been there and I get it. Speaker 1 (1:51) Sing it. New York. Concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There's nothing I can't do. Now you're in Speaker 2 (2:03) New Speaker 1 (2:04) York. Speaker 1 (2:06) These streets will make you feel brand new. Speaker 2 (2:10) These lights will inspire you. Speaker 1 (2:12) So tell us, how was New York? It was unbelievable. I held a snake in the middle of New Times Square and I just put it around. New Speaker 2 (2:20) Times Speaker 1 (2:20) Square. I put it in my neck. Do you want to know the story behind it? Speaker 2 (2:23) It's not New Times Square. Speaker 1 (2:25) Times New Square? Speaker 1 (2:28) Times Square? Times Square. Where's the new in it? New York. I'm fucking out. So jet lag still. I was only there for two days. Speaker 2 (2:37) There Speaker 1 (2:37) was this man and he had like lots of parrots and monkeys and all sorts of things. And he had a snake. And I was like, oh my God, that's so funny. Like, are people paying to hold that snake? And then I saw him put this snake in a rucksack with no fucking holes. So I went over naturally and was like, I'm so sorry. Like, I appreciate you've got all of these exotic animals, but... is the snake in your rucksack? And he was like, yeah. And I said, well, how can he breathe? And so we had a bit of a fight, a little bit of a riff. Speaker 2 (3:03) Sophie, are you kidding me? And then it ended Speaker 1 (3:05) up, I said, can you show me if the snake's okay? You Speaker 2 (3:07) went up to this person in Times Square. Speaker 1 (3:09) In Times New Square, yeah. In Speaker 2 (3:11) Times New Square, who was holding a snake in a bag. He put Speaker 1 (3:14) it, packed it away into a rucksack and was about to get on the underground with, where's the snake breathing from? A rucksack? Also, like, just makes you think you never know what someone's carrying in their bag. Anyway, so we got speaking and he was like, look, I promise you the snake is such a happy snake. And I was like, are you sure? And then he was like, do you want to hold it? She's called Bobita. I'm not fucking kidding you. Or Babbitt Banushka. That's what she was called. Speaker 2 (3:43) Oh, Speaker 1 (3:43) yeah. And I was like, okay. And so I had Banushka around my neck and I honestly felt so at home. And I thought, fucking hell, I'd be in Slytherin if I was in any house. It was like talking to me. I just sat and Banushka was slithering right around me. And Speaker 2 (3:57) you didn't care? Speaker 1 (3:59) Couldn't. Like having a handbag on my shoulder. Like, I'm going to have to get Ziggy a snake one day. Speaker 2 (4:06) What did you love about the snake? Speaker 1 (4:08) Heavy weight. You know how I like a weighted blanket. It was like a weighted blanket on me. Do Speaker 2 (4:13) you know what type of snake it was? A Speaker 1 (4:14) python or something. I don't know. They're very, very dangerous. Were Speaker 2 (4:17) people Speaker 1 (4:17) taking photos Speaker 2 (4:17) of you? Speaker 1 (4:18) Well, my friends were, but no one was new to Ant Square. No one cares. There's all sorts going on there. Speaker 2 (4:25) Wait, okay. So what else happened in New York? Give it to me. Speaker 1 (4:28) Oh my God. Actually, I was in Hyde Park. I keep fucking calling it Hyde Park. I was in Central Park. I didn't realize it's like wildlife center there. They have like flamingos and turtles. Anyway, this little boy was like, everything I said, he was copying me, but in a New York accent. And I was like, oh my God, I love turtles. And he was like, I love turtles. Speaker 2 (4:47) Turtles. Speaker 1 (4:48) And he kept saying it. And then I was like. I love turtles. And he was like, I love turtles. And I was like, oh my God, he's mimicking me. And we were like fighting over these turtles together. I Speaker 2 (4:59) can't even tell you. And he Speaker 1 (4:59) fed a turtle to Pratt soon and I said, I don't think you should give that. And then he went, I don't think you should give that. And then New York asked him. Speaker 2 (5:05) And he was like, shut up, you little dick. Yeah. While you were doing that, I was at home solo parenting, just looking after Ziggy. And it was phenomenal. We absolutely nailed it. But as I said before, and I'm going to keep saying again, because of that, it absolutely wipes you. Now I know when I'm in the office and you're at home those days, you Speaker 1 (5:22) must be so done. I'm going to say, like, I do think the beginning bit was absolutely exhausting. I actually find... my time with my son, just heaven on earth now. Like, this stage is chef's kiss. Like, I don't want the days to end. Can Speaker 2 (5:40) we also just say that Ziggy, like, missed Sophie? Like, he, like, actually genuinely missed her. Speaker 1 (5:45) Don't, because it makes me really upset and guilty and I'll have to leave this podcast and get home to him right away. Speaker 2 (5:49) No, no, honey, don't get the guilt back and you're obviously fine because you're at home, it's all great, but he missed you. Like, he woke up in the morning and he saw me and you weren't there and he was a bit like, where's mummy? Speaker 1 (5:58) Yeah, big time. Like, I'm not even kidding you. Yeah, big time. Like, he really missed me. He Speaker 2 (6:04) really missed you. And now he's like a Velcro baby to Sophie. He just wants to be on Sophie. I Speaker 1 (6:09) will never leave him again until he's married. Like, that's it now. Like, I feel so upset that he missed me. That's it, I can't. I'm going to have to fly him everywhere I go. Speaker 2 (6:20) Sophie was... You're... You now know, like, the love that you have for your kids is crazy, isn't it? It's like the most wild thing. Sophie's obsessed with his bum at the moment because he has the sweetest little bum in the world. Like, Ziggy's bum is... Speaker 1 (6:34) Listen, Jay, if you don't know something about Jamie, Jamie's butt is like something I've ever... Nothing I've ever seen. It's like too... It's massive. I reckon like it weighs 10kg your ass. You think my Speaker 2 (6:48) ass weighs 10kg? I think Speaker 1 (6:49) it's hefty. And the weirdest thing is he doesn't do any squats. And guys, I'm not joking. It looks like he's squatting 50kg. I don't fucking know where that ass comes from. It's like solid. And my son has inherited his bum. And it is so cute. Like it's adorable. But he's also inherited a dimple of mine that I have in my bum. Speaker 2 (7:09) Yeah, it's very cute. But what Sophie said to me this, Sophie was like, it's so adorable. I just, we were just looking at him. He's rolling around naked, being the cutest thing in the world. Sophie was like, I'll just kiss his bum. And I was like, are you always going to kiss his bum? Sophie said, when he's 30, I'll kiss his bum. Speaker 2 (7:25) I Speaker 1 (7:25) didn't say that. You did say that. I wouldn't kiss a 30-year-old's bum. I know. I wouldn't kiss your bum, and you're my husband, and you're in your 30s. I don't want a hairy ass being on my lips. My Speaker 2 (7:35) bum's not hairy