Ep 134 - (اینقدر به خودت سخت نگیر(کمال‌گرایی و معیارهای سختگیرانه - Perfectionism

Naaji /ناجـی - Pari

This episode of Show: Naaji explores the psychological impact of perfectionism, examining how high standards and self-imposed pressure can h

Key takeaways

• Perfectionism is not just about high standards—it's about the relationship one has with those standards.
• The fear of failure or imperfection often prevents people from starting projects altogether.

Main topics

• The psychological roots of perfectionism
• Impact of perfectionism on productivity and creativity

Notable quotes

If I can't do it perfectly, then I must have been defeated.

You're not enough. You could have done it much better.

Conclusion

The episode concludes with a powerful message: embracing imperfection is essential for

Transcript preview

Speaker 5 (0:00) Dorood to everyone who hears this sound. I'm Pari and you're listening to Najee podcast. In every episode of Najee podcast, we talk about a topic that helps you to know yourself better, have more effective relationships with your surroundings, and in general, your awareness of yourself and your surroundings increases. If you are watching this first episode of Najee's Podcast, remember to subscribe and join the channel so you don't miss this podcast. And it's not necessary to arrange any order for listening to the episodes, or listen to them from the first episode. If you are also looking for listening-only episodes in Najee's Podcast, I suggest you to trust yourself in episode 4 about self-respect, episode 2 about choice theory, episode 63 about negligence or laziness, and episode 20 about self-confidence. Because these episodes have the most downloads and listening. Speaker 5 (1:22) Many of us sometimes proudly say that I am very perfect. That's why my work is very good. Or I am very sensitive to the quality of my work. I have high standards. I either don't do anything or do it perfectly without any mistakes. Now the point here is whether Kamal Taleb is really a fan of... or a big headache that doesn't allow us to enjoy our lives or even reach our goals. So if you usually find everything in your life difficult and think you are in a perfect position, be with me until the end of this episode. In this episode, from the book, The Power of the Negative Beginning, written by James Clear, and I used Brené Brown's book, Mouhebat Kamed Naboudan. In this episode, besides my voice, I'm going to let some people from Najee's podcast hear their experience of the perfection of Manfi with us. Speaker 5 (2:36) Based on many researches that have been done by famous and famous doctors, having high standards is not the only imperfection. Because someone may have very high standards for everything, but at the same time be optimistic. For example, he says that I want to do this project very well, but if it is not complete, it has no problem. Because such a person can also start his work, go ahead, make mistakes, fix them, and finally complete the project. But someone who has a perfecting of the abstract usually thinks differently. He says to himself that I have to do it without a mistake. If I can't, then I must have been defeated. And if I get defeated a few times and همچنان به چیزی که میخواستم نرسیده باشم پس حتما من آدم شکست خورده ای هستم پس مسئله فقط استاندارد بالا نیست رابطه ما با اون استاندارد هاست چون حتی گاهی این استاندارد ها اونقدری سخگی رانه میشه که ما تو تله احمالکاری و به اسطلاح فلت شدن میفتیم یعنی دیگه اصلا نمیتونیم هیچ کائی رو جلو ببریم Because we are so worried about doing it without a fault that we don't even start that work. Most people think that they either have to do something great and without a fault or they don't even do it. For example, if you were going to start a YouTube channel or a work page, but it was months that you spent your time to see the best. and prepare the best and most professional scenarios, you probably never started that channel or page. But at the same time, you may have a friend who even started his work with a normal earphone. He tried it wrong, made a mistake, learned it and now he has a lot of audience. But you didn't just start your channel. Speaker 5 (4:52) but you are still worrying about not starting it. Or even many of us may be so tired of working or teaching projects that we put so much effort into it and make it hard and spend hours and hours that this makes us always tired and we don't sleep enough, we don't relax and in the end, in the face of all this hard work, It's not just about being upset and getting bored of our work or our lessons. But the complete freedom of expression doesn't end there. These hard standards can ruin our relationships. Because the one who has complete freedom of expression is not only himself, but also his wife, his son, his friend and his colleagues are waiting to be without a doubt. And these unrealistic standards cause constant shortcomings and eventually become inferior. Because people around us get tired of controlling them and try to distance themselves from us. The most familiar example is someone who constantly controls his partner's life. Why did you leave the table here? Why did you talk in front of the guests like that? Why did you give me this gift and gift it to me like this? And these behaviors cause that the husband of that person feels that he is never enough for him and he is getting away from him. Or even a mother who keeps on hitting her children never confirms and encourages them. For example, if they get number 18, the first question they ask is Speaker 5 (6:45) It's true that that mother may have a good intention and she wants her child to always get the best grades. But when you leave yourself in the place of that little boy, you will gradually reach the conclusion that whatever I do, it's not enough for mom. She never encourages me. She never accepts me the way I am. Speaker 5 (7:12) And the plot of the story is exactly the same. Most of us were exactly where that kid was one day. When we were 4 or 5 years old and we were drawing a very ordinary painting, we used to go to our parents and ask them about their opinion. But they didn't encourage us enough because they always wanted to see us in a good place. Speaker 5 (7:39) They always gave us a way to improve and improve, as if we could be better. Even sentences like, Very beautiful, but your talent is much more than these. My daughter or my son should draw much better. Listening to these simple sentences is enough for a small child to feel that it is not good enough. Speaker 5 (8:07) and for it to be a love and desire, it has to try much more. And as a result, it becomes what we are today. We are not satisfied with ourselves no matter how much we have value. Or maybe we are all the same kids who did not get approval and encouragement