437: Czech folklore: House of the Dragon

Myths and Legends - Jason Weiser, Carissa Weiser, Nextpod

A humorous take on a Czech folktale about Vytosko the Victorious, a man raised on decades of breastfeeding to become a superhero, who defeats dragons to claim a castle for his mother. The story twists classic hero tropes with absurdity and dark irony.

Key takeaways

• Breastfeeding for 21 years is a mythological superpower
• Heroism is earned through impossible trials
• The mother's true identity is revealed as a dragon

Transcript preview

This week on myths and legends, it's the story of Vytosko the victorious and you'll learn how to turn your child into a superhero. Turns out you have to get started very early and you might have already disqualified them. Sorry, but if you manage to, I hope you enjoy your free, formerly dragon-infested castle. The creature this time is an ape man who may or may not have inspired a Soviet mad scientist. This is a myth's and legends episode 437 House of the Dragon. This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore. Some are incredibly popular tales you might think you know but with surprising origins and others are stories that might be new to you but are definitely worth a listen. Today's story comes to us from the cultures of the Slovak and Czech peoples. The area that makes up the modern day day. Czech Republic in Slovakia was, at the time of this story was put down to paper, part of Austria-Hungary, an empire famous for sparking World War I and then also not existing after it. After World War I, the country of Czechoslovakia was created and then fell under Soviet control after World War II. After that empire fell, Czechoslovakia re-emerged and, after the velvet divorce, a bloodless dissolution, we have the modern day nations of Slovakia and the Czech Republic. That's a lot, and while I might be interested in the nuances of Slobach and Czech culture, the 1910's translation is not. It's possible that there could be some elements from either culture or both, but the American writer just calls everything check. Anyway, we'll jump in with V. Tusk, the hero of today's story, and his very reasonable request. Hey mom, Vitasco, the victorious said after dinner. Yes, dear, the mother said, buttoning up her shirt. All right, here goes. I think it's time for me to stop breastfeeding. Vitasco said. What was he saying? Why, his mother didn't understand? Well, I'm 21 years old. Vitasco replied. What was he saying? Why, his mother didn't understand? Well, I'm 21 years old. Vitasco replied. true, his mother had been breastfeeding him for 21 years. Being her only son, Vytasco had a lot of expectations placed upon him. When she looked on her baby boy, she had reportedly whispered to herself, he shall be a hero, and his name shall be Vytasco the victorious. The gateway to heroism was, apparently, breastfeeding. A lot of breastfeeding. One of my previous professional lives was in pediatric hospital. medicine as a researcher and breastfeeding is really good for babies. If you choose to go that route, places like the CDC and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend breastfeeding at least until the age of two. There appear to be a lot of different opinions about what age to stop, but I think we can all agree that the age of 14 is too long. When Vitasko was 14, his mother took him out to the woods to an old beach tree and pointing told him to pull it up. Tuskau looked around. He guessed he could go back to the house and get a shovel into pickaxe. It would probably take him a little while, but sure. Okay. No, his mother had said. With your bare hands. There's a quote attributed to Henry Ford that says, whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. A little known second part of that quote goes, unless the question is whether or not you can pull up a beach tree by the root. as a 14-year-old, with your only training being a lifetime of breastfeeding? Then the answer is that you definitely can't. But Henry Ford was also a Nazi sympathizer, so maybe he was wrong about this too. Vytasco, to his credit, did try. And failed, because he was a 14-year-old trying to pull up a beach tree by its roots. Like Puxatani Phil, seeing his shadow and subjecting the world to six more weeks of winter, Vyt. Vytosco failing to pull meant seven more years of breastfeeding. I just feel like maybe this is not healthy, Vitasko said. Most of my friends don't even remember when they stopped breastfeeding because they were so young and yes that is an awkward conversation to have with your friends. I think you might be under some sort of delusion that breastfeeding is going to give me superpowers. His mother's eyes widened. It was his 21st birthday that meant cut to them standing in front of the beach tree. If I don't, if I don't pull this, up, Vitasko trailed off. We both know the answer to that. Another seven years of breastfeeding, the mother smiled. Maybe thinking he should give it his all to make mom proud. Maybe Vitasko did not want to be breastfeeding when he was pushing 30 years old. The young man knelt down to lift with his legs and stood. At first he thought he lost his grip. It was so easy to stand, but opening his eyes from the strain, he saw that he was was done. He had done it. Vytusco had lifted a tree up by its roots. Turning, his slack, all stricken jaw didn't match his mother's. She was smiling. He tossed the tree to the side and asked how. How had she known that would happen? She put her hand on his shoulder. Now, my son, you are strong enough, the mother said. Now you are worthy of your name. Vytasco. forget not the mother who has suckled you for thrice seven years, but now that you are grown, take care of her. Oh, yes, oh my gosh, yes, Vitasko said. I will never doubt you again and I see now how that would be difficult for you too, you know, doing this. So I'm very glad it's over. What should I do now? Go out into the world, my son, and get me a house. The mother said. Oh, but Vitasco looked back to the cottage, we have, we have a house, Son, the mother said, you don't help your child become an epic hero and then stay in the same house. I always knew that. Upon nursing my kid for decades and turning him into a super soldier, I would leave whatever house I'm living in and get a better one. That's the dream of turning your kid into a super soldier. V. Tuskow wondered if there was like a forum she was going on. How does she even know this stuff? But he shook his head. He did. Oh, her, sure. Did. Did. Did she have a place in mind? She did. There was a nice castle she had heard tales of. And I make enough money on my adventures doing good in order for you to purchase this castle from its current owners? Vytasco hoped. But he knew better. I think the Beach Tree would make a fine club for you, the mother pointed. Besides, the castle's current owners are dragons, so you would be doing everyone a service by clearing them out. Looking at the tree, Vitas goes said, okay, sure. Great, thanks. Let me know when I can move in. Don't be too long. I don't know how much time I have left on account of spending over two decades giving you superpowers, she said and went to pack. sleeping on the ground magically better, which was a bummer for Vytasco, because there was a lot of that. Like most of us, he had never been adventuring. So there was a lot of on-the-job training. He learned after the first night that he should probably learn how to make a fire. The first time it rained he thought that a tent might be nice. The upside of adventuring was that he didn't need to go find a bathroom. And that came in handy when he kept eating the wrong berries and mushrooms. But like his mother, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was persistent, he was persistent, he was persistent, he was persistent, he was, he was persistent, he was persistent, he was, he was, he was By the time the parapets grew in the distance, he was finally getting the hang of this adventuring thing. Life is such that once you learn the rules, the rules seem to change. Whether it's raising kids, finding a new career or fighting a castle full of dragons, adaptability is critical to survival. I am personally grateful that I've only ever had to deal with the first two of those. As he walked up to the castle, Vytasco was maybe hoping he could have spent another week or ten. on the road because those dragons are no joke. I was tempted at first to think calling them dragons might have been a dysphamism which is the opposite of the word euphemism and a word I definitely have known for years and didn't just fine when I looked up antonym for euphemism. A euphemism as we talked about a few weeks back is a sort of a nice less harsh substitute for something bad, like calling layoffs downsizing or calling the Cincinnati dish of chili on spaghetti a culinary a culinary abomination that shouldn't The opposite of euphemism is apparently dysphymism, using a derogatory term instead of a neutral one, like maybe dragon instead of lord or barren, like maybe dragon instead of lord or barren. But for reasons we will see later, it's not a dysphamism. The castle is infested with actual dragons. I don't think they're game of throne sized dragons. They're more like Arthurian dragons, like the type of vain fought in the second episode where they're reasonably sized a lion could defeat them. How do you attack a castle, let alone a castle full of dragons? Well, you nullify the castle part by getting them to underestimate you. Then you do that by, well, going and knocking on their front door, because no one would be foolish enough to go knock on the front door of a castle they know is full of dragons. Hi, Vutasco called out through the thick wooden door. I'm here because I would like your house, preferably with you not in it. How that happens is really up to you, but I imagine the door opened and Vitasko paused. I would imagine seven dragons probably have access to more castles than this one. Vitasko said to the seven dragons in the entryway. They dropped to the ground and charged the young man, hungry eyes and hooked claws trailing after salivating mouths full of teeth. There were nine dragons to fight. Two of them were off in their rooms and only arrived after the first few were batting practice for Vitasko and his beach slugger. Each of them ended up as a spray of varying viscosity when Vitasko went room to room to find them. When it was all done, Vitasko tossed down his tree club and looked on the house, the castle. after a lot of scrubbing it would be in good shape. Hello? Brothers! Vytosko heard from somewhere deep in the house. In the farthest room of the deepest hallway, an iron door called out to him. It wasn't locked. The dragons obviously didn't fear what was inside, and V. Tosko had just killed all of them, so the latch on the door creaked. And Vitosko opened it. Inside, in the filth and darkness, a tenth of darkness, a tenth. dragon hung on chains attached to his wrists. What are you doing here? Vytasco asked. The reptilian eyes contracted as the dragon looked at the young man. Oh, him, not doing much of anything, obviously. His brother has imprisoned him, but it sounds like he no longer needs to worry about them. Unchain me, victorious one, and I will reward you richly, the dragon smiled. Vytasco reached for his club. But then he remembered he left it upstairs and that was a walk Also it felt extra wrong to kill a bound creature even a dragon But if he unchained the monster it might attack him or take off And he did just kill all the things family Vytosko stepped back and began closing the door What are you doing the dragon's face the shaft of light growing more and more narrow on it looked panicked I'm just gonna let things keep going the way? were for you, Vitasko explained. Besides if you were so bad your own brothers had to chain you up, I'm not going to get involved in that. But that doesn't make sense, the dragon pleaded. They were evil dragons. For all you know they chained me up for empathy or something. But it was too late. The thick door muffled any further please. And Vitasko made the mental note to get a lock for that thing. Okay now, where did these dragons keep the buck? pockets. Here, my mother, is the dwelling I have won for you. Vytasco opened his arms before the walls. It was a little difficult to get some villagers from town to come work in the castle. There was a bit of a language barrier, and they didn't seem to understand completely that Vytasco had defeated this. It was a little difficult to get some villagers from town to come work in the castle. There was a bit of a language barrier, and they didn't seem to understand completely that that Vytasco had dragons and liberated them. Vytosko wasn't sure that they didn't believe he had put a curse on them if they didn't work there, but he got people. They met Vytosko and his mother taking their horses to the stables and their bags from the carriage. So three carriage garage, Butler's pantry, ten bedrooms, no full baths because that's not a thing yet. And we have a lot of weird torture rooms in the basement that if we can get the ghosts to go away and those walls aren't load-bearing, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe turn that Vitasko said as they found themselves in the basement. What's that one? The mother asked. Pointing at the big iron door. That's nothing. Don't worry about that. Also don't go in there. Why not? she asked, inching toward it. Why do you care so much? Vytasco stepped in between her and the door. You gave me this castle so it's my room and you're acting weird. The mom crossed her arms. Amendment. Vyt in the air, I give the whole castle to you except for this room. In fact, see to it that this door is never opened. If it is opened, an evil fate will overtake you. Both faces wore a scowl until one broke into a grin. All right, with the tour over, I'm immediately going hunting, Vitasko said. I'm going to take my beeching club and I'll be gone for hours. Probably not all night, but maybe. If you want food, the people in the kitchens can help, I think, I'll of us, and I'm not encouraging frightful superstition, but they will work faster if you glare and hiss at them. Love you, bye! But Tarsko made straight for the door, his horse and the gate. In minutes he was completely gone, and the mother was still alone, in the basement, in front of the iron door. Was it riches? Was it power? After all she had given him and done for him, spending decades, getting him superpowers,