'Let a Child Be a Child' | Trish Abreu, Head of Early Years at Alleyn's Hampstead on School Readiness, Settling-In Tears & Why Flashcards Aren't the Answer

Mum's The Word! With Georgia Jones & Kelsey Parker

Host Georgia Jones interviews Trish Abreu, Head of Early Years at Alleyn's Hampstead, regarding the transition into nursery and reception. T

Key takeaways

• School readiness should focus on personal, social, and emotional development, such as sharing and kindness, rather than just alphabet recognition.
• Parents are encouraged to 'fake it till they make it' during drop-offs to avoid projecting anxiety onto their children.

Main topics

• School readiness
• Settling-in period

Notable quotes

Let them be a child... let them discover themselves.

Conclusion

The episode offers reassuring, practical advice for parents to priorit

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) Welcome back to Mums the Word. I'm your host, Georgia Jones, and today I'm joined by the brilliant Trisha Brew, Head of Early Years at Lane's Hampstead, a school for ages 2 to 18 built around a simple idea, helping every child become all they can be. Trish is the go-to expert for navigating the early years, nursery reception and those all-important first steps into school life. It's a subject every parent of a little one wrestles with, but one that so rarely gets talked through properly. Whether you're thinking about nursery or reception for your little one, wondering when the right time to start really is, or curious about what makes school the right fit for a two-, three-, or four-year-old, Trish is here to answer the questions you've been longing to ask. So grab a cuppa. Get comfy and let's jump in to a brand new episode of Mums the Word. Welcome to the show, Trish. That's Speaker 2 (0:53) quite a mouthful saying that. Speaker 1 (0:55) So you are from Lynn's Hampstead. I am. You are and Speaker 2 (1:00) you are head of the early years. Speaker 1 (1:03) Early years. So that is what age is? Two to five. Two to five. What possessed you? Speaker 1 (1:10) Possession. I always think that teachers or headteachers or heads of need medals when they work with the younger years because I just think they're such a tricky, impressionable, emotional age. And you've got so many different types of parents bringing so many different types of children with different emotions in. It must be a lot for you guys as well. It is. But do you know what? No two days are the same. We wake up in the morning, we Speaker 2 (1:37) just don't know what we're going to face. Obviously, especially in the settling in period, you know, you walk in on day one and everybody's super happy to be there. And you're like, yes, my class is amazing. You walk in on day three and everybody's screaming. Speaker 1 (1:48) Yeah. It's like the realisation of, oh, no, I'm here again. Yeah, oh, I am being left here for longer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's Speaker 2 (1:55) not till lunchtime anymore. Now they're telling me three o'clock. Speaker 1 (1:59) Yeah, exactly. Speaker 2 (2:01) But no, honestly, it's... the most rewarding job. As well as head of early years, I'm also the Spanish teacher. Oh, are you? So I get to work with the older children. Right. And as much as I love my Spanish lessons, I can't wait to get back to my little ones. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's so lovely. Speaker 1 (2:17) I love to hear that. So we had Tom Letizia on as well. He's from Lanes Region Park. Yeah. But just a brief recap in case anybody hasn't listened to that episode. Just give us a little lowdown on Lanes. Well, just in general, really. Yeah, Speaker 2 (2:34) so Elaine's. Elaine's was originally, so our mothership, as we call her, is, or him, however you want to look at it, is over in Dulwich, south of the river. Right. And it started over 400 years ago. We are a little bit younger than that. So Elaine's Hampstead literally opened two, three weeks ago. We are a through school. We are across three campuses. So you've got the early years at Netherhall Gardens. Then they move over to Fitz Johns Avenue at Key Stage 1. up until Key Stage 2. So we go from Year 1 to Year 6 there. And then we've got our senior school over at Roslyn Hill. So they're literally making that journey up the hill in Hampstead. Speaker 1 (3:19) Right. Oh, OK. So it's all within walking distance for anyone that doesn't know the Hampstead geography. So Speaker 2 (3:25) the Early Years Building and the Key Stage 1 and 2 building is literally... five minute walk. Speaker 1 (3:30) Right. And then Speaker 2 (3:31) Rodden Hills slightly further away is about a 10 minute walk. Speaker 1 (3:34) Oh, okay. I see. That's really nice though. Yeah. Because Speaker 2 (3:37) I Speaker 1 (3:37) was wondering how that dynamic worked because it's ages two through to 18. Is that correct? It is, yeah. So I was thinking, God, that must be weird for the 18 year olds being at school with, being at school with some two year old children. No, they Speaker 2 (3:51) are. But Speaker 1 (3:51) obviously it's different campuses. Speaker 2 (3:53) Different campuses. But we also get our senior school children to come and read stories. We've launched our house. Ours is this week. There'll be house events that go through the whole school. So we are a really big and close-knit community. Speaker 1 (4:06) That's lovely. And how did you get into it? Teaching? Yeah. Speaker 2 (4:11) I was an only child until I was about seven. Oh, Speaker 1 (4:13) okay. Speaker 2 (4:15) a lot of the entertainment came from myself. And my mum always tells me this story. You'd literally come home from school and you'd have your notebook and you'd have all these names and you would do the register and you'd line up your toys. And so I think from a really young age, I kind of knew I wanted to be a teacher. Then I went through a phase of wanting to be a fire warden. Oh, did you? Speaker 1 (4:35) I think that's quite different. Yeah. And Speaker 2 (4:37) then a hairdresser at one point. And then I got to year 11. I was like, actually. I really like working with the younger children because when I got to year 11, I was sort of mentoring the younger children. I left school. Went off to college, ended up doing health and social care. And I was like, yeah, I think this is the route I'm going to take. Went to uni, did something completely different. Speaker 1 (4:57) Did Speaker 2 (4:58) media studies. Oh, Speaker 1 (4:59) OK. Right. Yeah. I still think we're constantly learning and working out what on earth we want to do with Speaker 2 (5:04) our lives. Absolutely. I don't think we ever fully know. No, exactly. And then I actually went back to the school that I went to as a child. And yeah. 13 years later, I'm still in the profession, worked up as a TA to head of early years. Speaker 1 (5:18) That's incredible. You don't look old enough to have worked your way up to being a head of anything yet. But well done you. That's amazing. Like I said before, it's a mean feat teaching very young ones. It's not for the faint hearted. Not for the faint hearted. So how is it? Because obviously, like as a parent myself, I have seen that. Speaker 1 (5:41) turmoil of mother and child and them going into school for the first time and the child's teary and the mum's quite often can be teary. Dad's occasionally. How do you guys deal with that? What are your techniques of making it a smooth transition? So what we tend Speaker 2 (5:59) to say to parents and we have these conversations. right from the beginning, and I'm talking open morning conversations, just really prepping, especially those first time parents who have no idea what they're about to face. And one of the things we say to them is, you can be anxious, you can be upset, you can be really sad, but put a smile on your face. Right. Pretend. Yeah, pretend. Fake it till you make it. Because a lot of the anxiety from children come from the parents. And of course, look. A lot of us are parents. We know what it's like on day one. But, you know, a child being upset, it's a lot of the time is because the parents are upset and they are sort of leaking that anxiety onto the child. So at Elaine's, what we say is the first day you guys can come in. It's a two hour sort of. It can change from year to year, but this year we did a two-hour settling-in period where the parents were welcome to stay. They don't have to stay for the full two hours, but it's just so the child can get used to a setting. You know, we're greeting children from the age of two. They are really, really young. And some of these children have never been with childminders. They only know mum and dad, and that's it. So it's just about, you know, the child seeing that. close relationship with the parents and the teacher so they're like oh if mummy trusts them then I can trust them and it's always having those open-ended conversations with the child you know being brutally honest with them and saying you know this is where you're going to be but you're going to have so much fun look at all the wonderful things here look at all your new friends and your teachers so as I said you can feel and it's absolutely normal to feel upset feel anxious yeah but just smile And then cry as soon as you Speaker 1 (7:40) drop them off. Come and cry to us on the gate. Speaker 2 (7:42) We're there to support. Speaker 1 (7:44) I think I had a little cry when I left you for the first time, definitely. Even today, I took him in this morning and he just looked like such a big boy walking off. I felt really emotional. Because he kind of, I'd pulled the car up and I stood outside of the car and just watched and made sure he went in. Speaker 2 (8:02) And Speaker 1 (8:02) I was just watching him walking by himself and it just seemed like such a... grown-up thing to do and I just felt very Speaker 2 (8:08) emotional well I was on the gate this morning and our reception children go up on their own and a little boy turned around so his mum was like you stay here I can walk up on my own and mum just a little silent tear and I was like Speaker 1 (8:21) he's ready Speaker 2 (8:22) mum Speaker 1 (8:23) he's ready he's ready he's got this he's fine so you know and the children can start from two. Can they also start from later on? Yes. Yeah, okay. Is there like a cut-off point where they can't start any later than... Speaker 2 (8:36) So we are a two-form entry. Oh, okay. We do have the two... We call it a two-plus. It's not a two-plus. It's just the entry point of two-plus, but they can come in at three, they can come in at four, they can come in at five. Speaker 1 (8:47) Every Speaker 2 (8:48) academic year, there is an entry point. I see. But because, you know, our nursery does start from two, chances are... that our classes are filled. Speaker 1 (8:58) Yes. Speaker 2 (8:59) So if you want to come in, Speaker 1 (9:00) get in early. I think it's really nice as well what you were saying about the parents being able to come in for those two hours because actually it's quite nice to watch your children. I often think I'd love to be a flower in the wall and watch Cooper in his natural habitat in Speaker 2 (9:17) the Speaker 1 (9:17) classroom with his friends and see what he's actually like. He came home the other day and he accidentally mentioned that him and his friend had been separated in class and I was like... hang on, why have you been moved? And he went, well, we were just talking a bit too much. I was like, oh, you did not tell me that, Cooper Jones. I was like, you slipped up there, didn't you? You weren't going to tell me that. No, exactly. Oh, but it did tickle me because you could tell he was like, oh no. Speaker 2 (9:45) Oh no, I've opened a Speaker 1 (9:46) can of Speaker 2 (9:46) worms. I Speaker 1 (9:47) really Speaker 2 (9:47) dropped myself in there. I was like, you've only Speaker 1 (9:49) been there less than two weeks. You've already had to move seats. Terrible behaviour. So you have got, I'm going to read this off here so I don't get it wrong. A line that you use, which is becoming all we can be at your school. So what does that actually mean? What do you mean by that? So it's Speaker 2 (10:07) basically, you know, allowing a child to be what they want to be. I think parents have this stigma or this idea that they want their child to be a doctor or they want their child to be a scientist. And it's actually like, well, a lot of you. did have the opportunity to pick your path it's now time for you to let your child pick their path yeah Speaker 1 (10:28) you Speaker 2 (10:28) know we've got parents who come in at the age of two their children are two years old and they're already thinking about what university they want them to go to and Speaker 1 (10:37) it's Speaker 2 (10:37) like well we don't even know if your child wants to go to university let them be a child yeah let them discover themselves um so and i think the early years is such a beautiful time i think it's one of the most amazing uh, years of, of any school year, because we do look at the areas of learning and we look at the child holistically, you know, they're not, they're not being forced to do maths. They're not being forced to do literacy. We Speaker 1 (11:00) have those things like out for them. Yeah. That is the curricula, standard curricula. Exactly. Yeah. And it's, Speaker 2 (11:06) you know, if they're showing interest in that, then yeah, let's push it. But if they're not particularly wanting to do maths, that's not to say they're not going to do maths. They will still do it. Yeah. But there are. other times in the day where they can go and explore and do things for themselves. Which Speaker 1 (11:19) I think is so important because I remember growing up, and I'm not sure how old you are, but I don't know whether you were the same, is that it was very heavy, the main subjects, maths, English, science. Yeah. And it did feel very much like if you weren't good at those, then you were kind of like... just floating about and nobody really nurtured anything. I remember it was the same with my husband. He's a musician and his music teacher didn't even know he played the guitar. That was how poor the extracurricular subjects were managed, which I think is definitely changing. And it's great that you guys at your school are noticing that and making those changes and nurturing. The more creative children as opposed to the more academic children. Yeah, absolutely. You know, as I was saying, we look at a child Speaker 2 (12:12) holistically. So yes, you might have a child who's brilliant at reading and writing, but you might have a child who wants to play every instrument under the sun. Yeah. Speaker 1 (12:20) And Speaker 2 (12:20) one great thing. One of