Listener Tales 112: Vacation

Morbid

A humorous and eerie collection of listener tales from a summer vacation theme, featuring falling into bogs, mysterious hotel experiences, and ghostly encounters. The hosts blend dark humor with heartfelt moments about m

Key takeaways

• Falling into a bog led to unexpected nudity and laughter

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) Hey, weirdos, I'm your dad. I'm your other dad. You have two dads. And we're on vacation. Yeah. And this is morbid. We're your dad's on vacation. Period. What up? What up? We're going to be talking about vacation listener tales. day. Duh. And this just felt right. It did. And it was comfy. The Flamingo set to me is everything. It feels real good. I look like I don't have pants on, which is probably upsetting to some. Some dads don't wear pants. Some dads don't wear pants. I got aliens on vacation. I love that. I'd probably wear this. I'd probably wear this. I just wear that on your book tour. Honestly. Maybe I will. They just this, they send like a little dress underneath that. Okay. I support that. And like some cute flats. Yeah, let's go. I like it. Oh, yeah. Hey, guys, have you seen it? Have you seen the bookmark? That's the bookmark. This is the bookmark. It's not a bookmark. It is the bookmark. This is the bookmark. Look at that. And then you can put it in your special edition of the book, which you can pre-order right now. And look, the blood continues to drip. And it drips in line. Oh, wait, you can even make three blood drips come out. That's what I did wrong. Yeah. Look at that. Leave that on your coffee table. Yeah. In this bookmark? She's hard. She's thick. She's not going to break. You're not going to lose her. No. She's shiny. Your dog probably couldn't even eat this. No. My dog eats my bookmark. So frequently. Your dog probably couldn't eat this. And if they do, you should go to the vet right away. Yeah. But if you pre-order the book, if you pre-order the butcher legacy, then you will be entered to win one of these. There's a bunch of people that are going to win some of these. And you just have to. And the link is in my bio. You just have to enter proof that you pre-ordered the Butcher Legacy. Proof it. You know, that kind of thing. You got that. And then you'll be entered automatically to win. And they're really cool. They're really cool. And this special edition is something I'm really excited about because I finally have a special edition. Personally, if you don't get a box set soon, heads will roll. I would like a box set. As far as I'm concerned. So maybe I'll get a box set. Oh, get a box set. But we got a special edition. We got some Some art Let me see You got some art here That's fun We got some art I like it We got some We got some annotated chapters In here maybe You get to see Alina's handwriting I don't want to show you too much There's lots of cool stuff in here And the sprayed edges Do you know what my favorite thing about you One of my favorite things about you You have like the bubbliest handwriting For the spookiest girl I do if you have a lot You have like girl in eighth grade passing note handwriting. Because I was a girl in eighth grade passing notes. Me too, of course. Yeah. I'm actually so mad. I used to have a box of all my notes. Me too. But I don't know. I mean. And we'd fold them in that extra special way. Yeah. You'd fold them into like triangle sometimes. Yeah. We got real fancy with it. It's true. Those were the days. They really were. I was, oh my God. I got in trouble so many times passing notes. I think we all did. Here we are. So we're going to do some, I think we got our business down, right? Yeah, it's time for the listener tales, which are brought to you, by you, for you, from you and all about you. Let's do this. I feel like we need to make, like, dad puns if we can and, like, dad jokes. Definitely some dad puns and dad jokes. John's really good at those. We should have invited him. I know. Every now and then I should call him and just tell him to give one. I'll just be like, yeah. Cool. I'll do that. I was going to be like. Yeah. I was going to. I'll do. I'll call him and I'll go. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. We've been married long enough. I don't know what that means. Fair enough. I was going to say, call him and say, we need your help. And then he would say, I'm dad. But it didn't work. Like, you know, when you're like, I'm hungry and he's like, I'm dead. I need your help. I'm dad. Ah. Oh, shit. I'm like really tired. You know, we're here. It's summer. It's summer. It's almost full. It's coming. All right. Let's read this first one, shall we? Yeah, we should. Definitely. I fell in a bog. Twice. You shouldn't do that. You shouldn't even do that once. No, I shouldn't. All right, let's see. Hi, Ash, Alina. Please note, you may use my name. Thank you. I don't know it yet, but we're going to get there. Someday we'll learn. First of all, fan girl moment. Y'all are the best. You're the best. And I love the support and encouragement you all provide to women. Thank you. Yeah, hell yeah. We need to support each other. As someone who struggles with MDD, major depressive disorder, I'm sorry. Thank you for all the times. I'm going to take my class off because I can't read with them. Really? Yeah, I'm too old. for this. It's like nice. I don't like the big light and there's like a lot of lights in here. So I think this is my new solution. It's, you know, it just, it like blurred it for me. All of a sudden I was like, whoa. Yeah. Sorry about that. Thank you for all the times. Y'all have been there for me during my low points. Oh, we'll always be there. Yeah. Y'all's commentary never fails to make me laugh and feel better. Which leads me to my next thing. Sometimes y'all say that you're going to be called out or yelled at for mispronouncing or using an incorrect term. Yes. But please know your fans wouldn't do that or even bad an eye or give a fuck. Fuck the haters who complain and seem to have some sort of superiority complex. Hell yeah. Have they ever started a beyond successful podcast? Are they being forced to listen to morbid? I'm going to say no and no. Maybe they should be forced to listen to every episode until they can come to appreciate what y'all do. Period. You both are so loved and adored. We adore you right back. My goodness. Okay, on with the story. I was listening to the bog episode. And thought I should tell you about the time I fell in a bog. Did you fall on a bog body? Oh, shit. In 2023, my sister and I took a trip to Scotland for her 40th birthday. If we don't go to Scotland soon, I might humble you. Yeah, truly. Let me tell you, this trip was a doozy. We both have ADHD and traumatic childhoods. I'm sorry. Which means we strive in chaos and tend to be too common situations other may panic and find alarming. Maybe that's why I freeze. Maybe. Like I'm not like running. I'm just like, here we are. You just deer in headlights. I won't go into everything, but the trip was a doozy. Let me set the stage of our journey. Day one, our flight gets canceled after sitting on the tarmac for over two hours due to a blizzard. Yay, Minnesota weather. Day two, we successfully arrive in Glasgow, but our bags do not. Oh, that's my worst nightmare. What can you do? By this time, my sister is hangary. I only mentioned this because we went to pick up the rental car and the man asked if we both planned a drive and she wasn't too keen on answering. So I answered that I would be the sole driver. I should mention this trip was us driving the entire perimeter of the country. But the woman needed food and I couldn't falter for that. So off to Edinburgh, we drive with two fluorescent yellow bracelets on each wrist that's a left side given by the, that's actually really smart. That actually is smart. Yeah. given by the car rental place to remind me which side of the road to drive on, along with the promise of our bags to be delivered at some point in time. I didn't know they did that. That's really smart. That would fuck me up still, even with the bracelet. I know you're not good at lefts and rights. I'm not good at lefts and rights. And I just feel like I would hate it. See, I think it would help me. No, no, no. Like, I think the bracelet would help. I would just hate the fact that I had to drive on the other side. Like, I don't think I could do it. Yeah. With day two starting off with a bang, we decided to go explore the city since we didn't have luggage to drop off at the hotel. We parked the car, we packed the car, and are walking around when we notice a group of people gathered on the sidewalk. As we approach, the first thing we hear is an EMT say, yep, looks like antifreeze, ends up a woman, oh no, had died on the sidewalk after ingesting antifreeze. Now, I grew up being taught that you don't stop to watch car accidents or emergency situations because it causes getting in the way or another accident. So on we continued, passing right by the dearly deceased Jesus. It causes getting in the way. Once I got my sister fed, we headed back to our hotel where our bags had arrived. Yay. We go to our room and as we're getting settled, I look over to her and said, remember that time we saw a dead body? Both of us burst out laughing. To clarify, we were laughing at the fact that we're so fucked up from childhood that we don't know how to properly respond or react to crazy events. That's completely okay. It happens. But the deceased woman, I do sincerely hope she has now found peace. Our world is shitty, and you never know what someone has endured to lead them up to that point. Halfway through the trip, we went to the Highlands where we stayed at a wonderful cottage owned by two sisters who had just opened the day prior. One day, we decided we wanted to see the fairy pools. I want to see them. One of our sisters told us to go to a spot a few miles down the road and walk through the forest versus the place all the tourists go. That meant we would get to see the prettier pools frequented by the locals. So off we went. after surviving a one-lane road on a mountain without any railings, covered in potholes, and meant for traffic going both ways. We finally pull into a small parking area. So it was next to the forest. We get out of the car and notice many articles of clothing laying around. I make a comment about how root it is for people to leave clothing and trash instead of properly disposing of it. As we approach the forest, we noticed there is no path. We were legit going into a random, slightly dim, dense forest. I look over and happen to see a sheep. As my witchy woman nature loving self, I tell my sister, we should follow it. Since I'm convinced, it'll lead us to water. After a few yards, after a few yards in, I go to take my next step and I fall right into a motherfucking bog. I love that because you were following a sheep. He fell into a bog. That's really ash-coated, to be honest. It really is. You said that sheep will bring us somewhere. And to be fair, he did lead you to water. He just didn't tell you which water. And he didn't say what it was coming. You didn't ask. So my sister started coming for me and I yelled, don't you dare take one more step or we will die in here. Oh, God. I happened to be wearing my favorite flannel jacket and took it off and threw it at her. I then decided I would try to move forward since I was only covered in bog muck up to my collapse. Oh my God. However, as soon as I moved, I started to sink. And by sink, I meant that at this point, the bog was up to my tits. Not bog water up to your tits. Oh, my God. My sister is dying. laughter. That's a sister. Which was making me both laugh and sink even for, oh my God, you're going to drown in a bog. She then sees a broken branch and grabs it for me to hold on to as she pulls me out. What happened next, you ask? My shoes, new rothy sneakers are right out. Those are so cute. Pants and underwear decided they wanted to live in the bog. What? The bog took your underwear. Oh my God. Since bogs preserve things, I guess in the future, people, may one day discover these cool shoes and the magical thing known as yoga. They'll be like, what are these? But back to the story, we were laughing so hard as we took stock of what had been stolen from me and what we needed to do next. What do you do? You literally don't have pants around Ruzon anymore. Like, what do you do in that stitch? I guess she