Death - Grief is a language we all speak

Miss Me?

Miquita Oliver and Jordan Stephens host a Q&A episode of Listen Bitch! centered on death, grief, and mortality. They explore personal fears

Key takeaways

• Jordan Stephens admits he isn't afraid of dying but fears sudden, irreversible moments that permanently change lives.
• Miquita Oliver shares how her mother's relentless work ethic and lack of a will highlight practical anxieties surrounding mortality.

Main topics

• Mortality and fear of death
• Grief processing and emotional confrontation

Notable quotes

"Grief is a language that we all speak."

Conclusion

The episode offers a raw, reflective space for listeners to process the

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) What does it take to push bold ideas forward? Build new ways of working. And how can businesses help solve society's biggest challenges? Take on Tomorrow is back with a brand new season. Join us as we meet innovators and experts from around the world to discover the secret to building momentum. Visit pwc.com slash take on tomorrow or wherever you listen to podcasts for season five. Speaker 3 (0:33) I don't even know what the fucking listen bitch is. What is it? Speaker 5 (0:35) Death! Speaker 3 (0:39) Damn, bro. Yes, Speaker 5 (0:41) welcome to Listen Bitch. The theme that Jordan even couldn't fucking remember is death. Why? Because it's about time we talked about it. It's about time we had a little look at it. It's something none of us can escape. It's something that unifies us all, actually. And it unifies us all in fear. Speaker 3 (1:01) We're trying something out new this week. The Miss Me Library, of course, is accessible for anybody who wants to do a backlog, but there's always been questions that we don't get to answer on the main Listen Bitch. So we're going to try extending. Yeah. So if you want to hear another addition to Listen Bitch, then jump on the Patreon. I Speaker 5 (1:18) think we can all agree that we're scared of death. I definitely am. Scared Speaker 3 (1:21) of death? What do you mean? Or scared of dying? Which one? Speaker 5 (1:24) Bit of both. Speaker 3 (1:25) I'm not scared of dying. Speaker 5 (1:26) How do you think you'll die? Speaker 3 (1:28) I'm afraid of how I could possibly die. Speaker 5 (1:30) How would you like to die? Speaker 3 (1:31) Just like straight up. Bullet to the head. Just straight up. Speaker 5 (1:36) Really? You need it brutal? Speaker 3 (1:39) That's not brutal. It's quick. Speaker 5 (1:40) Bullet to the head. No, because there's that moment before where the gun's in your face. I think that would be quite brutal. Speaker 3 (1:48) The fear of dying. You're scared of death. Okay, so why I separate the two is because death. Obviously, I'm scared of other people dying. Massively. But the idea that my life could end, like, I don't think I have as much of that as other people. But then I, but how, if it can end painfully, like, I don't want to, like, drown or something, you know? Speaker 5 (2:07) Oh, babes, I don't want you to drown either. Speaker 3 (2:09) But, like, in a plane, I'm not stressed. I'm like, dude, if this shit happens, it's going to be quick. Speaker 5 (2:13) That's one of my worst. That's one of my worst. Dying in plane crash. Because it's the anticipation of death which scares me. Yeah, Speaker 3 (2:22) yeah, yeah. Let's Speaker 5 (2:22) cry, let's laugh, let's jump together. Let's dive in. Fucking Speaker 3 (2:25) everyone this one, isn't it? Jesus. Speaker 5 (2:27) That's not a fast question. The theme is death. Speaker 4 (2:30) Hi, Makita and Jordan. It's Sarah from Dorset. Love the pod. I was just wondering how frequently you think about dying. I don't know if I've got phobia or if I'm normal, but I think about... And I fear dying maybe every day, more than once a day. Do you? Careful, babe. Speaker 3 (2:52) I love the way she delivered that. The do you was so out there. It was like jazz. That question was like jazz. I think about every day. Do you? Boom, gone. Do you? Do Speaker 6 (3:05) you? Speaker 3 (3:07) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every day. Yeah. Speaker 6 (3:09) I Speaker 3 (3:10) feel like actually that's one of the biggest shifts in my life is I feel super mortal. Speaker 5 (3:14) Yes. Speaker 3 (3:15) As much work as I've done on myself, I do think we're all falling foul slightly to what's pushed on us on these other dimensional things on our phones. And I just have this acute awareness of all these plans and stories that we're told that involve longevity. I'm like, is that arrogant to sit here and go, yeah. you know when I retire like do you know how much convincing it took me to open a pension like literally took me like Speaker 5 (3:43) I Speaker 3 (3:43) was like you think this bank's gonna be in operation in 30 years what the fuck is happening right Speaker 5 (3:49) because when I had to talk about even mortgages there's a lot of life talk in that because it's like well you know you'll be it'll be paid off in 30 years life insurance this age did it did it and i was like what age yeah fuck yeah yeah i've done that Speaker 3 (4:05) i've just put away this cash i can't even get this stuff out till i'm like 70 so Speaker 5 (4:09) you've just got a pension oh Speaker 3 (4:10) yeah well i had to open one eventually because it was just like silly tonight and also i don't know that's what you're supposed to do but i just i can i can say that like i just it was a weird thing i'm like how how do i know like i keep messaging my like um finance guy being like how what happens if shit goes down? Does that just go? Speaker 5 (4:28) Yeah. Like, well, you mean the money you've earned? Speaker 3 (4:31) Yeah, I don't know. It's just like somewhere, isn't it? It's locked away in this thing. Yeah, Speaker 5 (4:33) true say. I don't have a will. Speaker 3 (4:35) But you should have a will. No, Speaker 5 (4:36) I know. And you know who doesn't have a pension or a will? My parents. Uh Speaker 3 (4:39) -huh. Speaker 5 (4:39) Uh-uh. No, that's like shocking. They're in their 60s. My mum's been earning good money for nearly 10 years. Speaker 3 (4:46) Yeah, but that, for your mum, that doesn't make that much difference because the whole point of a pension, I think, is to accumulate interest over the years that you've had it sat there. She's... balling out in in pensionville like your mom is your mom is about like she's Speaker 5 (5:00) in oap Speaker 3 (5:01) town just balling bruv Speaker 5 (5:02) she's out here like what do you mean Speaker 3 (5:05) stop working boss i'm at my peak Speaker 5 (5:07) yeah the fuck she's cute that woman doesn't stop she's currently doing three months how Speaker 3 (5:12) old's Speaker 5 (5:12) your mom even for the 63 and she's out there doing that. Right, so three years and she Speaker 3 (5:17) gets her pension. Speaker 5 (5:17) Yeah, and she's out there doing the 750th series of Great British Menu and she does, you know, 12 hour days, 5am starts, five days a week. Like she doesn't stop. It's just, my mum's unstoppable. The thing is, the reason I brought up her and Garfield aren't married though, right? So it's like, there needs to be some things put in place here, guys. Like, if the worst should ever happen. And I guess that's what that lady's talking about from Dorset. Sarah, was it? Sarah's saying, like, do you think about death? Yeah, I used to think about my painful death and I can't believe I have to die. But now I think more about, like, right, what's happening if something awful happens, like my mum dies. Like, I can't even imagine. But what happens if that happens? I don't just mean the money. I mean life. Like, I just always thought I was an age where my mum would never die. Now I'm 42. I'm not an age where my mum wouldn't just... Speaker 3 (6:11) Oh, mate. It's Speaker 5 (6:12) just fucking scary, Jordan. Yeah. Losing my mum, I just can't imagine. And I work with someone who lost their mum three years ago, very suddenly, through a lot of doctor complications. And she's still in that grief and I feel it every day. And she's 34. And it's just a hardcore reality that Phoebe lives in. Not Phoebe Oliver, my assistant Phoebe. Anyway, so yes, the answer is yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Speaker 3 (6:39) Yeah. Oh, Speaker 5 (6:40) one thing I want to say, my love. In your 20s, right, because I was thinking you said you've only just started to think about being mortal or something. There was a shift. And I thought, well, isn't it interesting? We live differently when we remember that we're mortal. How do we live when we think we're immortal? 20s Speaker 4 (6:57) because Speaker 5 (6:57) I didn't think I'd die in my 20s ever never mind getting up to what I was getting up to so I think that is why we need to know we're mortal because otherwise your whole life would look like your 20s but Speaker 3 (7:10) there's also another I don't mean to get I mean maybe this is like a bit too deep but we're Speaker 5 (7:15) talking about death Speaker 3 (7:15) yeah immortal but also I think in my early 20s I just didn't care about my own life which is different yes I didn't think I was immortal, but I don't think I'd built up enough of, I didn't feel connected enough to people to think that like my life would matter either way. So I would live like, you know, in this kind of constant state. Speaker 5 (7:38) Like life didn't matter. Which Speaker 3 (7:40) is really sad because I see that a lot again with boys and men and like, you know, there's especially younger men have this kind of kamikaze approach to existence because they haven't been given enough or haven't been able to amass enough reasons to think that their life is of worth, you know, which is like wild, right? So like, yeah. And now, now what I mean by the mortality thing is I just was come out of a phase of making a lot of future plans, which is nice and comforting and warm and lovely. And by now it's like, damn, man, like I, what if I do die like if I get given in like two months or three months what would I change and what would I you know and grief often does that to people and then also the other thing is like now when I feel that it's not like I don't care about my life I actually really do I'm not afraid of dying but I do I now I'm open to the idea that my passing would affect other people and I would and if anything when I feel my lowest I live for other people rather than myself really Speaker 5 (8:41) well they say that's the right thing to do you Speaker 3 (8:43) know like I might as well do be of service because that's like a better way to live rather than think like oh fuck it you know Speaker 5 (8:51) you Speaker 5 (9:01) Let's have another question then, babe. Why don't you ask for it? Speaker 3 (9:04) Second question, please. Speaker 2 (9:05) Hi, Makita and Jordan. It's Sam from the Gold Coast in Australia here. On the topic of death, very sadly, four years ago, my mum died from cancer. And the day after she passed, her church pastor came to speak with my dad and me and my siblings. He said something that has stayed with me. He said, it's at times like these. that we must face death. I took that straight to heart by accepting that my mum was gone forever, you know, and then learned I'd actually have to face grief as well. And in so doing, face myself. Cut to lots and lots of therapy. So his advice has just transformed me for the better and I'm like super duper grateful for it. And with this in mind, I just wanted to ask, like, what advice have you received that's stayed with you at a time of death or grief or loss?